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RE: Married Men Seeking Assertive discreet play - 9/16/2009 1:37:22 AM

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From: SW London (UK)
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OP you're 50, have a bride, i.e. new marriage and you're looking to cheat on your new wife?

I don't think it's an idea you really need here, it's more like a clue.

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RE: Married Men Seeking Assertive discreet play - 9/16/2009 4:49:59 AM

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just wanted to add that women cheat on their mates also ..probable as much as men cheat on women ...and no that doesnt make it right to do so in my book

now if your swingers and both decided to see other partners thats totally different because both people know whats going on ...and they approve in seeing other players to add spice to their sex life ..without either knowing about the cheating it is wrong to do so ...mal

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RE: Married Men Seeking Assertive discreet play - 9/16/2009 5:02:52 AM

Posts: 4470
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From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
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Greetings

I am not here to judge. But let me ask you this, is BDSM play really worth loosing your marriage over? I mean dirty little secrets, like a BDSM partner have a nasty tendency to come out sooner or later. And are you then willing to risk your bride leaving you over it?

And if the answer to this is yes, BDSM play is so important to you that you are willing to risk your marriage, then why did you marry a vanilla woman. If your love is not strong enough for you to stay faithful and something mean more to you then your bride, why are you her husband.

And third, if you love a woman enough to marry her, will you really want to risk hurting her to get some sexual satisfaction yourself. And if the answer to this is yes, then perhaps you do not love her as much as you think and should annul the marriage while there is still time to do so. It is better to be honest and say that she is not that important to you, then it is to lie and let her find out a few years down the road.

Now off course it may be that you are narcissistic, that you want to have the cake and eat it to. It is nice to have a wife, nice to have a playmate and you do not really care who get hurt in the process. If this is you then fair enough. I will not judge you over it. But if you do love your wife and think that you can just satisfy your BDSM cravings over places and she will never know. Then think again, the chances she will find out and be really hurt are huge. Or perhaps you are just playing at being a loving husband, but in truth BDSM means allot more to you than your wife, in which case she deserves to be told.

Or to sum this up.

IF YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE. DO NOT CHEAT PERIOD!!!

I wish you well

< Message edited by nephandi -- 9/16/2009 5:03:34 AM >

(in reply to threepointplay13)

RE: Married Men Seeking Assertive discreet play - 9/16/2009 6:36:03 AM

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Assertively discreet? Is that like hollering baby, I'm shooting a wad in your mouth at a whisper?

FuckedUpDom

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RE: Married Men Seeking Assertive discreet play - 9/16/2009 7:06:35 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: threepointplay13

Guess this was the wrong place to ask this question.

Translation, you thought that everyone here would condone it, encourage it and tell you how to do it.

So, basically, you stood up in front of family, friends and most likely God and made a vow to this woman. You're willing to lie to this woman and break your own promise to get your rocks off. Gee, I understand how a woman could find that irresistible.

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RE: Married Men Seeking Assertive discreet play - 9/16/2009 8:24:50 AM

SouthernSpankin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: threepointplay13

it wasn't like that originally. I developed this desire well into our relationship. I have talked and asked her, but she is very vanilla. Guess this was the wrong place to ask this question.

1) Yeah, I feel you, you developed this desire well into your marriage (after all, your profile, which you now deleted, said you were like 50). But what if, well into your marriage, you developed this health condition where you were no longer able to please your wife sexually? Would that be cool of her to just go around looking for someone else to satisfy her sexual needs without discussing it with you first?

2) Just because you talked to your wife about your desire and she's not into it doesn't mean she really isn't into it. She might have thought you weren't serious, which is not surprising, being that you developed this desire late in your life. But I know plenty of married male subs in your shoes (married for many years, developed their desire late in their lives) that got their wife interested in fulfilling their interests. And yeah, it most often took some work, like having the spouse read websites, articles, books on your interests (and they have many specific books, etc out there on the subject of one spouse introducing their BDSM interests to the other spouse)... and most often, even after the spouse agreed to it, it was awkward at first, but after time (often after just three or so attempts at it), it "clicked" for them. Really, your first question here should not be "how do I cheat on my wife" -- but "how do I introduce my wife to the idea of fulfilling my new sexual desires?"

< Message edited by SouthernSpankin -- 9/16/2009 8:41:49 AM >

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RE: Married Men Seeking Assertive discreet play - 9/16/2009 8:39:22 AM

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Yeah. Honesty. Why would you marry a woman who is not compatible with your desires?

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RE: Married Men Seeking Assertive discreet play - 9/16/2009 8:48:36 AM

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Fast reply to the OP:

Yay. Another lying cheater.

I hope you get what you deserve, rather than what you want.

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RE: Married Men Seeking Assertive discreet play - 9/16/2009 9:05:52 AM

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From: Chico, Nor-Cali
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In addition to what was pointed out about how the posters were laying out what the options are as much as they were offering advice & opinions, I find it worth clarifying that not all pros will take on cheating marrieds.

Money can not buy everything, there are plenty of pros who'll turn away a married cheater, cuz the potential for drama & problems way outweighs the cash to be made. (I believe there are still states where the injured spouse in divorce proceedings can sue other parties who interfered with the marriage & contributed, thru infidelity, to its demise . . . . & that's just a formal method of retribution; I shudder to think of the imaginative ways that jilted spouses have taken less formal revenge upon discovering betrayal. Revenge taken on not just the spouse but the offending adulterer too . . . . . I think it's important to keep in mind that these are some of the risk parameters being requested of potential extra-marital partners, amateur or professional . .. . . )

There are marrieds who do the right thing & honestly communicate their stuff to their spouses & do all the hard work to earn the right to see a pro with their spouses' knowledge & permission, enough that plenty of pros can be discriminating on this particular . . . . .

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready

I hope this isn't too much of a diversion, but I find it curious that responses seem to suggest a majority opinion that cheating is bad, but seeing a pro is ok, for the same act. Money makes it all ok, huh?

That said, honesty is generally the best policy, but then again I'm one of those lying cheating deceiving married illegitmiates...

As to the OP, yep, the heart & soul of what many out-&-organized kinksters do is honest & forthright communication in the context of lasting relationships, rather than the activities that are the focus of much of the public depictions of BDSM (porn, & etc) . . . . For a significant chunk of the kinky 'community' (such as it is), the various activities are gravy, but the meat that sustains is the trust generated thru fairly intense levels of truth-telling over the course of long-term relationship . .. .

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RE: Married Men Seeking Assertive discreet play - 9/16/2009 12:22:47 PM

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**red flags fly, sirens blare, red lights flash and caution tape is bound around the OP as the smell of something fishy permiates the air!!**

Magik

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RE: Married Men Seeking Assertive discreet play - 9/16/2009 12:36:03 PM

SomethingCatchy

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Silly people. Don't you realize that he's too lazy to give a shit about anyone but himself and will just use the woman he cheats on his wife with just like he's using his wife? It's so much easier to be a lying bastard who has no morals or conscience than it is to be a real man who a woman can respect and admire.

A real man would never seriously consider lying to someone he's claimed to love for so long. Only a spineless male has to resort to that kind of crap.

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RE: Married Men Seeking Assertive discreet play - 9/16/2009 12:38:03 PM

ModeratorEleven

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That's enough, folks.

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RE: Married Men Seeking Assertive discreet play - 9/16/2009 7:14:49 PM

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Joined: 5/18/2009
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Muhahaha
this should be goood

I'll give it two months before she hacks the profile(cause It'll still be on his computer at some point)and the online flamming will be'gn

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RE: Married Men Seeking Assertive discreet play - 9/16/2009 7:54:04 PM

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Joined: 10/17/2008
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Actually, most feel that cheating and using a pro are not ok, and that both are cheating.

I think that cheating is sometimes a necessary evil, given that some needs aren't being met, and could easily be met by another, without forming a relationship

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready

I hope this isn't too much of a diversion, but I find it curious that responses seem to suggest a majority opinion that cheating is bad, but seeing a pro is ok, for the same act. Money makes it all ok, huh?

That said, honesty is generally the best policy, but then again I'm one of those lying cheating deceiving married illegitmiates...

(in reply to Whenready)

RE: Married Men Seeking Assertive discreet play - 9/16/2009 8:47:44 PM

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Cheating is not a necessary evil. I don't care what spin you put on it, tales of critically ill spouses, etc. Cheating is a choice that people make to fulfill a want. My personal opinion is that sex, including kinky sex, is a want, not a need.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lostkitten3

Actually, most feel that cheating and using a pro are not ok, and that both are cheating.

I think that cheating is sometimes a necessary evil, given that some needs aren't being met, and could easily be met by another, without forming a relationship

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whenready

I hope this isn't too much of a diversion, but I find it curious that responses seem to suggest a majority opinion that cheating is bad, but seeing a pro is ok, for the same act. Money makes it all ok, huh?

That said, honesty is generally the best policy, but then again I'm one of those lying cheating deceiving married illegitmiates...

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RE: Married Men Seeking Assertive discreet play - 9/17/2009 1:28:34 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Saying that she's hopelessly vanilla might be the truth, but the women I've known have been open minded as long as they trust and care for the man they're with.

Heh, interesting point. I would've said that I was hopelessly vanilla. As it turns out, nothing like have a woman who loves me give herself to me to get some serious corruption going on. It never would've worked though had I not trusted her a great deal.

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RE: Married Men Seeking Assertive discreet play - 9/17/2009 12:10:14 PM

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I was married to someone who is hopelessly vanilla. If I couldn't 'un-vanilla' him, I don't believe anyone could.
Cheating, however, is always unacceptable.
Davan

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