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RE: Kinksters & Their Body Size, Diet, & Fitness - 11/8/2009 7:10:06 AM   
barelynangel


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Hi LaTigresse, i love that "trick" so to speak, it is many times the getting started that is always hard because i focus on my knees hurting or heels hurting.  I do so love that trick. 

Oh geesh guilt is my middle name, I have been working on that as well as the fear.  I have yoyoed so much that i have realized that something is stopping me from achieving and maintaining the goal, which not to sound weird i can do easily as my body loves exercise and eating right (unlike some people whose body fights it) i have and can reach i just self sabotage myself and then spend time beating myself up and get to the what does it matter syndrome and the cycle starts all over.  Its exhausting lol.

Its great what you have accomplished btw!!  I love hearing success stories.  Tony Robins has a quote called Constant and neverending improvement.   It seems you have that in mind.  Congrats!

angel

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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


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RE: Kinksters & Their Body Size, Diet, & Fitness - 11/8/2009 7:11:42 AM   
purepleasure


Posts: 6941
Joined: 4/9/2004
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
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_____________________________

Patience, grasshopper.

Your stupidity does not impress me.

blame it on your hormones!!! - beerbug aka ydd

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: Kinksters & Their Body Size, Diet, & Fitness - 11/8/2009 8:20:21 AM   
Lucienne


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Joined: 9/5/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
All I have to say to those younger than I.........please, work VERY hard to keep or get these things under control pre hormonal hell because there comes a point where it is MUCH more difficult. If I had done everything I have been doing this last year, in my twenties, I would have looked like a ANA victim.


Completely agree. I had a thyroid issue pop up, seemingly out of nowhere when I was 25. It took meds to get that under control - no amount of diet or exercise seemed to effect it. Then when I turned 35, it was like my metabolism shut down overnight. I started gaining weight without any change in my habits. Until I started to outgrow my clothes. I'm cheap and hate shopping, so I had to accept that I just don't need to eat as much as I used to. I did an allergy restriction diet that took about six weeks to get an idea of how much of which foods I needed to feel good. Also, 35 is the magic number for - if you don't already, you need to start doing weight bearing exercises to maintain muscle mass and protect your bones. I absolutely loathe working with weights. But I hate the idea of being unnecessarily feeble in the years to come because I didn't take the necessary steps today.

quote:

As for how anything relates to all of this BDSM stuff, I simply feel that, if I cannot discipline and control the important aspects of my life, I have zero business trying to control another's life.


I understand why people say this, but I know so many over weight people who are in control of many of the important aspects of their lives. I don't have an overweight partner because I find it aesthetically displeasing, not because I doubt an overweight person's ability to dominate me. I think it's kind of awesome that bdsm is full of fatties (I use the term with affection). One shouldn't have to be in good shape to be happy.

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RE: Kinksters & Their Body Size, Diet, & Fitness - 11/8/2009 8:33:06 AM   
impishlilhellcat


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I played sports as soon as I could all the way through high school. I was never thin, but I was always well toned.

I'm amazed at 28 what my body is doing now. I'm of course building muscle nicely and in a short amount of time and slowly, ever so slowly I'm beginning to lose what's hanging on around my middle while everything else is diminishing.

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RE: Kinksters & Their Body Size, Diet, & Fitness - 11/8/2009 8:44:11 AM   
barelynangel


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I am headed to Walmart to do some good food shopping and well okay i am getting new dishes and mixing bowls and containers, a new cooler lunch box and well a couple other fun stuff to capitulate me into getting back on track, i am then heading to the Y to resign up now that my ugh contract with Golds is FINALLY over so i can do the pool and have more places closer to where i work and home.   I am so disgusted with myself because my mom said if i lost what i wanted to and kept it off for the next year, she would have paid for me to go back to Jamaica!  And i have not done it, but more so haven't even tried -- growls.  I am such a dork. 

I do a lot of the low carb stuff -- i use to do really well on atkins, but does this make any sense -- i know it so well i am bored with it so it no longer inspires me?  I need something i can become obsessed with lol and focus on and so i think i am going south beach and learn what that is different from my knowledge already because it incorporates more dairy earlier on and the concept of lower fat, which Atkins advocates full fat. 

I admire those people who are speaking all the work out lingo lol somaybe i will also turn to focusing on that, i may be able to lose enough and show mom i am doing it by the time she books the trip next year where she says okay she will send me back lol.

Anyway, i do have a question because i don't knw much about kink or bdsm and i have wanted to ask this for a while, many people here speak of issues with their bodies. many are overweight, doesn't this effect your play or make it harmful to abuse your body?  I am not sure how to explain it or ask it, so i hope this makes sense why this would seem to be something that would be an issue -- if your body isn't healthy hw do you do bdsm safely?  If this should be a separate thread outside this thread topic let me know.

angel

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


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RE: Kinksters & Their Body Size, Diet, & Fitness - 11/8/2009 9:05:31 AM   
purepleasure


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it's not the excess weight that has a direct bearing on my participation in BDSM. It's the diabetes, from not taking better care of myself and allowing the excess weight gain to happen. Many diabetics heal slower than if they did not have diabetes, whether it's bruising or from edgier forms of play, such as cutting and branding.

_____________________________

Patience, grasshopper.

Your stupidity does not impress me.

blame it on your hormones!!! - beerbug aka ydd

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RE: Kinksters & Their Body Size, Diet, & Fitness - 11/8/2009 9:36:30 AM   
CalifChick


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I was sitting in a restaurant, across the table from a dom, who was probably three times heavier than what most people would consider to be a "normal" weight for someone of his height.  Maybe four times as heavy.  I listened to him loudly proclaim that losing weight was easy and he could do it whenever he wanted.  He didn't see the thirty heads behind him swivel quickly in his direction.  He didn't have my view, of food falling out of his mouth and landing all over his shirt. 

When I think of the word "denial", I think of that day.  And it has inspired me to deal more thoroughly with my own issues.  I am having to find ways to work around physical limitations that have nothing to do with weight, but old injuries (I joke about old football injuries, but it's actually old soccer injuries from high school plus breaking each kneecap at different points in my life).

Cali


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RE: Kinksters & Their Body Size, Diet, & Fitness - 11/8/2009 9:40:01 AM   
impishlilhellcat


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quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

I am headed to Walmart to do some good food shopping and well okay i am getting new dishes and mixing bowls and containers, a new cooler lunch box and well a couple other fun stuff to capitulate me into getting back on track, i am then heading to the Y to resign up now that my ugh contract with Golds is FINALLY over so i can do the pool and have more places closer to where i work and home.   I am so disgusted with myself because my mom said if i lost what i wanted to and kept it off for the next year, she would have paid for me to go back to Jamaica!  And i have not done it, but more so haven't even tried -- growls.  I am such a dork. 

I do a lot of the low carb stuff -- i use to do really well on atkins, but does this make any sense -- i know it so well i am bored with it so it no longer inspires me?  I need something i can become obsessed with lol and focus on and so i think i am going south beach and learn what that is different from my knowledge already because it incorporates more dairy earlier on and the concept of lower fat, which Atkins advocates full fat. 

I admire those people who are speaking all the work out lingo lol somaybe i will also turn to focusing on that, i may be able to lose enough and show mom i am doing it by the time she books the trip next year where she says okay she will send me back lol.

Anyway, i do have a question because i don't knw much about kink or bdsm and i have wanted to ask this for a while, many people here speak of issues with their bodies. many are overweight, doesn't this effect your play or make it harmful to abuse your body?  I am not sure how to explain it or ask it, so i hope this makes sense why this would seem to be something that would be an issue -- if your body isn't healthy hw do you do bdsm safely?  If this should be a separate thread outside this thread topic let me know.

angel



I never could have done it on my own. I literally had to hire a personal trainer. Otherwise I would have had a gym membership that I never used. Or I would have been doing the wrong exercises to lose weight. So I get where you are. I've been at it for about four weeks now and now it's easier to do it on my own alone. I'm still not at a stand alone point though.

I get what you mean when you say you get bored. Me too! I've been trying really hard to spice up the limited diet that I'm on mainly because I have a peanut allergy and it's been really hard to meet the requirements I need to meet. I also get really bored with workout routines. They personal trainer has been a great help with that as far as varying my workout routine.

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RE: Kinksters & Their Body Size, Diet, & Fitness - 11/8/2009 9:52:31 AM   
ghitaPVH


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I tried very hard to get my Sir to use our D/s realtionship to help me loose weight...I mean hell...he had been putting recruits though PT for years...why the hell cant he yell at me to do a few push ups too.....but he refused...said to him I looked fine and if I wanted to change it had to be for myself, and not because he was yelling at me at 4am every morning....

So instead, he bought me a gym membership. Two years later, I now work there. I love it...what I hate still, is how stubborn my body is. I can eat perfectly and keep to 1200 calories a day, and unless I spend at least 2 hours a day working out rather strenuously, I dont see a single result. If I take more than three days off in a week, I typically gain about 5 pounds back like nothing. But it will take me another full month to loose the 5 pounds again...But I love being IN the gym. I work all the hours they will let me, and I stay late and go in early, because as long as Im there...Im not tempted to stray from my diet. Its the healthiest environment Ive ever surrounded myself with....


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RE: Kinksters & Their Body Size, Diet, & Fitness - 11/8/2009 10:04:18 AM   
barelynangel


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HI ghita, i will say this your new pics are awesome!!  And you look great and healthy and vibrant.  So congrats on your successes over the past couple years.   I would love someone to get my ass outta bed at 5 am to get to the gym, but not many people are willing to do that lol.   I want to become a Personal Trainer on a part time basis becuase i know if i am a trainer, i will feel obligated to maintain a healthy lifestyle and not be a do as i say not as i do person. 

So i am focusing on that --  but need to start with myself first and if i can dedicate to that then i can dedcate to helping others help themselves.  I am going to be 40 a year from now and i want to be in the best shape of my life or well on my way for same. 

Are you a trainer at your gym or do you do something else?

angel

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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


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RE: Kinksters & Their Body Size, Diet, & Fitness - 11/8/2009 10:45:32 AM   
sirsholly


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quote:

I am going to be 40 a year from now and i want to be in the best shape of my life or well on my way for same.


Sometimes it is the little things that sabotage us. Angel...perhaps changing the "best shape of my life" to "the best shape i can possibly be" will still get you where you want to be, but eliminate that small margin of failure?

I know it sounds like semantics to some...


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RE: Kinksters & Their Body Size, Diet, & Fitness - 11/8/2009 11:02:25 AM   
barelynangel


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Hi Holly, it makes sense but for me allowing even that LITTLE margin for excuses (i.e., when i stall or plateau or don't see results, i would possibly shrug and say oh okay i am the best i can be), where you are seeing it as a little margin to fail.  I am too given over to making excuses when it comes to myself rather than going the extra mile or working just a little bit harder unless having something to push through -- and so in my head the best shape of my life means i will go that extra mile because i don't have to guess at what the i am the best i can possibly be. 

As you say it is semantics, but sometimes for me if something isn't as forcefully worded and clear as can be, it leaves too much room for manuevering back into old habits of excuses and saying okay well that's enough i guess.    In all honesty, i don't want to be the best i can possibly be, i want to be the best i CAN be.  A person can always do better than what they feel their limitations are, for people like me, i can't see the "more" or what can come next so i settle instead of striving on further.

To me, most people underestimate what their possible best they can be is.  There is no reason i can't be in the best shape of my life other than by my own limitations.  It also allows me to work to achieve beyond what i feel my limitations are due to my knees and asthma and all that other fun stuff and strive forward and always have something actively to work for.  The word possibly simply leaves me to much wiggle room and interpretation lol.

Not sure if that makes sense.  I think we both are looking at the results to be the same.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 11/8/2009 11:04:09 AM >


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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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RE: Kinksters & Their Body Size, Diet, & Fitness - 11/8/2009 12:58:41 PM   
thornhappy


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damn, feel like I got a whole month's worth of mold spores...

* koff koff sniiiiiiiiifff! *

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RE: Kinksters & Their Body Size, Diet, & Fitness - 11/8/2009 1:35:20 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


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My nature is one of resistance, chaos, and rebellion. I have always valued those aspects of myself, while taking full responsibility (I thought) for the consequences of that chosen path -- but earlier this year, I realized that my battle against a long-standing nemesis was doing -me- more damage than the now-deceased nemesis.

You see, my mother was a model, and preferred that her daughter follow in her footsteps. She was adamant about my diet, what I was allowed, and what I was forbidden, and coercive about compelling my activity, threatening the things I adored the most with violent destruction unless I did my hours of calisthenics (her greatest threat was to take my current favorite book and tell me that she would throw it in the fireplace unless I could -prove- that I'd completed my exercise regimen.... which meant doing it -again- in front of her, even if I'd already done it on my own in an attempt to thwart the passage.) As I got older, I became as obsessive about own issues, to the point of anorexia, bulimia, and obsessive exercise.

Once I was out of my mother's immediate grasp, though, and went through some therapy when my ANA/MIA issues caused me to have a heart attack at 17 years old, I had a partial 'healing', and my obstructionist, chaotic nature awoke fully (I'd always been a little passive-aggressive, but kept my desire to rebel well checked while my mother had access to my library and could destroy my beloved books at will), and the distance led me to rebel, and skip my exercise and eat what I chose. It was most satisfying for a time, but it wasn't -healthy-. You see, every time someone told me that I was gaining a bit of weight, or perhaps I should be careful about what I was eating, or maybe I might enjoy a little workout, I heard my mother's heavy-handed nagging and her discouraging comments about how I would never be loved, and was doomed, without constant attention, to become a "frump".

It took me until just recently to realize that I'd fought my now-15-years-deceased mother so long and so hard that I'd made her words a self-fulfilling prophecy. She knew about my health issues... I was diagnosed at 2 weeks old, so it wasn't like everyone didn't know that I would lose mobility, suffer damage to my organs, and probably die young... and I know, now, that she was probably scared out of her mind that I'd get fat and dumpy and lose even -more- years of my life through not learning to be super-careful about my diet, and not being ever vigilant about moving my body and learning to use my body even through sometimes severe discomfort (I save the word "pain" for non-constructive pain, not the sensations of extreme effort channeled through my less-than-perfect physical form). I laid my demons to rest earlier this year, when I realized that I'd been fighting so long that I wasn't fighting -her- any more... I was fighting myself... and winning, if you could call it that. And, in "winning", I was losing my chance to have the life that I dreamed and planned for.

Now, I have what I believe to be a -healthy- obsession about my weight and fitness. It is a part of the routine around here, along with shifts in the household flow that allow me to get sufficient sleep on a schedule that maximizes my ability to care for my family and myself. I am writing again (no more TV for me), working with my writing mentor, reading again (as crucial for a writer as writing), and the little voices, while still there, have become an occasional mosquito buzz. I've found healthy outlets for my chaos and rebellion, and have shaped protocol and structure into my home and my life in ways that are, I believe, healthy for everyone involved.

I like to think that I've been learning all along -- but for the first time in most of my life, I feel like the most intimate aspects of my life are under -my- control, rather than under the control of dead tapes playing in my head.

Dame Calla

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RE: Kinksters & Their Body Size, Diet, & Fitness - 11/8/2009 1:37:16 PM   
purepleasure


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thorny, if you were here, I'd hand you the leash to one of the dogs and say let's go! Not too far, but far enough to get our hearts pumping and far enough to wear out the terrors (2 jack russell terriers) for awhile.

Speaking of which...
time for me to walk. laters!

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Patience, grasshopper.

Your stupidity does not impress me.

blame it on your hormones!!! - beerbug aka ydd

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RE: Kinksters & Their Body Size, Diet, & Fitness - 11/8/2009 7:33:49 PM   
thornhappy


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I did a loop of a little over 3 miles.  The terriers would've had a good time!  All sorts of downed wood to explore.

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RE: Kinksters & Their Body Size, Diet, & Fitness - 11/8/2009 7:37:05 PM   
purepleasure


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way to go thorny! and yes, they would have had a ball exploring the woods. (there's no skunks there, right?)

_____________________________

Patience, grasshopper.

Your stupidity does not impress me.

blame it on your hormones!!! - beerbug aka ydd

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RE: Kinksters & Their Body Size, Diet, & Fitness - 11/8/2009 7:43:27 PM   
thornhappy


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Not that I smelled...heard mostly birds.

The info for the geocache that I found says that deer and coyotes are common in the park.

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RE: Kinksters & Their Body Size, Diet, & Fitness - 11/8/2009 7:44:49 PM   
littlewonder


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While I've never been overweight, I always had a little pit of a pudge. A few years ago I lost a ton of weight by counting calories, exercise, eating better and smaller portions. Unfortunately over the past year my life has been extremely stressful and I gained the majority of it back and now I'm having a very rough time getting rid of it again and I just don't seem to have the motivation or energy to work at it again like I used to. Most days I'm just extremely tired and just make something quick to eat instead of taking the time to make something healthy...and then I look in the mirror and I keep telling myself..."tomorrow". 

I know I really need to get on the ball again before it gets even harder.

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RE: Kinksters & Their Body Size, Diet, & Fitness - 11/8/2009 9:11:31 PM   
Kalista07


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This is a very interesting thread for me... And I can clearly draw the correlation between BDSM, D/s, whatever you want to call it and this issue.. Because for me the reality is sometimes it's very difficult for me to be obedient, to be willing, to be completely focused, to be who I desire and long to be when I'm thinking about how I look naked... when I am feeling insecure because of my my looks, my body size, my body image.....

Here's my deal... I truly believed I've always been this fat....Sometime last year I went out to my mothers house because she had wanted me to go out and go through all these boxes of stuff...Well the first box of stuff I went through had pictures of when I was growing up in it...So, I picked up the pictures.... I will never forget the feeling of absolute shock and confusion as I sent through those pictures... I felt like there had been someone messing with the pictures... I started going through them faster and faster....I was so confused that I just set them down, got up went upstairs and left......
A few months later I called my sister and I said to her, "So, you remember when I was growing up and I was fat?" and she almost laughed...She said, "Uhm..What?" So, I repeated the question and she said, "No...Actually I don't." So, I asked her to clarify why I would have believed I was fat all those years and she just kept trying to use facts against it......
The reality was, my dad had convinced my I was fat...
The reality was, I may have been a little "pudgy" but I definitely wasn't fat... I for sure wasn't obese.... Then about 12 years ago, I developed some health problems... And I was told if  I did not allow them to remove all of my thyroid I would die...So I allowed them to.. I continued to ask them what kind of implications this would have on me, but no one would really tell me...Or perhaps I was not sane enough to retain the information....At any rate no one put me on any medication until I had gained 165 pounds...
Since that time I've developed lovely skills like....not eating...My sister is not very helpful because when I would call her and tell her my therapist or my doctor tried to tell me I have an eating disorder she would tell me I did not... I would say really.. She would oh so helpfully say, "Sure.. You have a non-eating disorder". So, according to all the people who know stuff about bodies and metabolism I've screwed mine up...I've lived here for what will be two years in February...For the first 10 months It was the first time since my thyroid had been removed that I actually consumed three meals a day...I, of course gained about another 20 or 30 pounds.... I'm ashamed to say, that I'm back to about one meal a day. Sometimes one meal and maybe a snack..I know it's not good, but I get sooo overwhelmed when I think about eating... It's so overwhelming when trying to make the decision about what kind of food to eat...Plus I do not like food..I don't enjoy it... There's nothing enjoyable about it...
So many times it feels like a hopeless cycle... No matter what  I do or do not eat I gain weight... No matter what I do or do not exercise I gain weight......
Although, recently through some miracle of God I've lost ten pounds.....
I'm open for suggestions.....
Kali


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~~Sweedish Proverb


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