RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops were called.

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RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops... - 11/9/2009 7:59:06 PM

Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline

The thing I highlighted, below, that's it. You are saying you are absolutely in control of your behavior, & you choose to allow yourself to misbehave under certain conditions. You give yourself permission with James, for instance.

It's a continuing choice & you may change your mind about anything, at any time. That's almost a form of magic, being able to change your mind & make different choices . . . . . . .

Much of the rest is rationalizations-justifications-explanations-excuses. I try to be rather sparing about those things, myself . . .. .

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

estah, yeah, I know the signs, and I tell people , and maybe because it's my bf, but I don't loose control on strangers, mostly because they don't do stupid shit to me, and also because I stay home a lot and have no real outside interaction. you also kind of forget about not loosing your cool since they're so close to the surface, and you forget sometimes you have to be rational even with them.

I think we'll be better once we can get into therapy, I have intensive out patient, and I can always ask him to leave now if he's being a doofus and following me after I told him I am walking away.

< Message edited by DemonKia -- 11/9/2009 8:00:00 PM >

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops... - 11/10/2009 7:09:52 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

We're working on our relationship and making it healthy and I am finding we can disagree and do argue a bit and not blow it up out of proportion.

(in reply to DemonKia)

RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops... - 11/10/2009 8:11:41 AM

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Joined: 10/15/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

We're working on our relationship and making it healthy and I am finding we can disagree and do argue a bit and not blow it up out of proportion.

You can not be healthy as a couple until you are healthy as individuals.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops... - 11/10/2009 8:14:34 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
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That's true, but he's supporting me in getting help, he spent all day yesterday with me doing dr appointments and when I was sick in the waiting room from the lights and my now normal bouts of nausea from meds, I covered my head with my coat, ok well his coat I am borrowing, and he stood watch while I self cared for my need for pure dark, and calm.

I am working on me he's working on him and we come to the middle to work on us.

quote:

ORIGINAL: devilishpixie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

We're working on our relationship and making it healthy and I am finding we can disagree and do argue a bit and not blow it up out of proportion.

You can not be healthy as a couple until you are healthy as individuals.

(in reply to devilishpixie)

RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops... - 11/10/2009 8:21:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

That's true, but he's supporting me in getting help, he spent all day yesterday with me doing dr appointments and when I was sick in the waiting room from the lights and my now normal bouts of nausea from meds, I covered my head with my coat, ok well his coat I am borrowing, and he stood watch while I self cared for my need for pure dark, and calm.

I am working on me he's working on him and we come to the middle to work on us.
quote:

ORIGINAL: devilishpixie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

We're working on our relationship and making it healthy and I am finding we can disagree and do argue a bit and not blow it up out of proportion.

You can not be healthy as a couple until you are healthy as individuals.

Sighs ... you simply don't get and I am not sure if you want to or ever will.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops... - 11/10/2009 8:29:33 AM

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
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*sighs alongside pixie because it's better than banging my head into a wall*

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Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to devilishpixie)

RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops... - 11/10/2009 8:30:45 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
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I'm not leaving him or him leaving me if that's what you mean. and I am not going to listen to people who tell me I have to or I should or I'd be better of leaving him, no, if that's also what you mean.

I am working on myself and my health and he don't need to leave to do it in our opinions, and the opinions of my dr, who has met him and we've discussed problems with as long as we can behave ourselves, and continue to and we have been.

quote:

ORIGINAL: devilishpixie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

That's true, but he's supporting me in getting help, he spent all day yesterday with me doing dr appointments and when I was sick in the waiting room from the lights and my now normal bouts of nausea from meds, I covered my head with my coat, ok well his coat I am borrowing, and he stood watch while I self cared for my need for pure dark, and calm.

I am working on me he's working on him and we come to the middle to work on us.
quote:

ORIGINAL: devilishpixie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

We're working on our relationship and making it healthy and I am finding we can disagree and do argue a bit and not blow it up out of proportion.

You can not be healthy as a couple until you are healthy as individuals.

Sighs ... you simply don't get and I am not sure if you want to or ever will.

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 11/10/2009 8:41:53 AM >

(in reply to devilishpixie)

RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops... - 11/10/2009 8:48:50 AM

Posts: 1044
Joined: 10/15/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

I'm not leaving him or him leaving me if that's what you mean. and I am not going to listen to people who tell me I have to or I should or I'd be better of leaving him, no, if that's also what you mean.

I am working on myself and my health and he don't need to leave to do it in our opinions, and the opinions of my dr, who has met him and we've discussed problems with as long as we can behave ourselves, and continue to and we have been.
quote:

ORIGINAL: devilishpixie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

That's true, but he's supporting me in getting help, he spent all day yesterday with me doing dr appointments and when I was sick in the waiting room from the lights and my now normal bouts of nausea from meds, I covered my head with my coat, ok well his coat I am borrowing, and he stood watch while I self cared for my need for pure dark, and calm.

I am working on me he's working on him and we come to the middle to work on us.
quote:

ORIGINAL: devilishpixie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

We're working on our relationship and making it healthy and I am finding we can disagree and do argue a bit and not blow it up out of proportion.

You can not be healthy as a couple until you are healthy as individuals.

Sighs ... you simply don't get and I am not sure if you want to or ever will.

You don't listen to people period unless they are simply patting you on your head and listening incoherently to you venting. I tried to do that then I realized that wasn't showing you love or true friendship. Plus in all honesty it is toxic to the person being vented on after awhile. I want to help you b/c I have been where you are. I loved someone so much I didn't see how unhealthy our relationship was for me, for him, for everyone around us. It nearly killed me. I don't want anyone, especially you to have to walk down that path. I am not talking about him nearly killing me but the reality was he triggered my sysmptoms ALOT more than he helped them.

I wont lie, I don't think your relationship is healthy for either of you. I think you both feed of each other and that you both are violent and angry and very emotional people. I know you are going to hate me for saying this but damn it... You need to take some perosnal responsibility and if he was worth his grain of salt as a dominant / daddy he would take responsibility as well. - sighs - I'm not saying you have to leave each other, but I do think things seriously need to change within each of you and as a couple.

< Message edited by devilishpixie -- 11/10/2009 9:01:58 AM >

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops... - 11/10/2009 8:50:13 AM

Posts: 6941
Joined: 4/9/2004
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

The progress you've seem to have made in the past 2 days is unbelievably amazing. Are the meds helping?

_____________________________

Patience, grasshopper.

Your stupidity does not impress me.

blame it on your hormones!!! - beerbug aka ydd

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops... - 11/10/2009 9:05:42 AM

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

I'm not leaving him or him leaving me if that's what you mean. and I am not going to listen to people who tell me I have to or I should or I'd be better of leaving him, no, if that's also what you mean.

I am working on myself and my health and he don't need to leave to do it in our opinions, and the opinions of my dr, who has met him and we've discussed problems with as long as we can behave ourselves, and continue to and we have been.

Is this the same doctor who called the police?

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops... - 11/10/2009 9:16:43 AM

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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Does a co-dependant relationship ever work if there are mental issues involved?

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops... - 11/10/2009 9:26:20 AM

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Joined: 9/6/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

zeph, not to good he over reacted a couple of nights ago while I was having a medical emergency and knowing full well I was in a rage thumped me with his head band and I punched him for it.

I told him time and time again STAY AWAY FROM ME WHEN I AM ANGRY, OR PANICKED and he never listens so then things get violent but after this last episode where I ended up in a pych ward because of him making it unsafe for me to be at home, because he won't control his temper, he says he's very very sorry and he'll listen to me and not trigger me any more.
quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

Ah okay, thank you Topping. Slight miscalculation, huh? How are things going with managing you tempers?

Let's just say that anger has absolutely no place in a relationship.

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops... - 11/10/2009 9:48:43 AM

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

I told him time and time again STAY AWAY FROM ME WHEN I AM ANGRY, OR PANICKED and he never listens so then things get violent but after this last episode where I ended up in a pych ward because of him making it unsafe for me to be at home, because he won't control his temper

-it is not his fault that you were admitted to a psych ward.
-it is not up to you to dictate his behavior. If you need to be alone when you are angry, then remove yourself from the home.
-it is not his temper that was out of control...you admitted several times you cannot control yourself.
-you are blaming him for being your "trigger". You are responsible for your temper, lack of self control, and responses to any given situation. Not him.

I personally hold out very little hope that this will ever happen...but you need to stop whining about how unfairly others are treating you and take responsibility for yourself and your actions.

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(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops... - 11/10/2009 9:50:28 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

zeph, not to good he over reacted a couple of nights ago while I was having a medical emergency and knowing full well I was in a rage thumped me with his head band and I punched him for it.

I told him time and time again STAY AWAY FROM ME WHEN I AM ANGRY, OR PANICKED and he never listens so then things get violent but after this last episode where I ended up in a pych ward because of him making it unsafe for me to be at home, because he won't control his temper, he says he's very very sorry and he'll listen to me and not trigger me any more.
quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

Ah okay, thank you Topping. Slight miscalculation, huh? How are things going with managing you tempers?

Let's just say that anger has absolutely no place in a relationship.

Nahhhh...Anger is just an emotion, it is how it is expressed that can be so toxic. I can get angry over something even within my relationship, but the moment I turn to violence instead of conducting myself in a controlled and productive manner is when I've crossed the line. This is not a distinction OP is at all interested in.

lovingpet

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If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)

RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops... - 11/10/2009 9:53:34 AM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

I personally hold out very little hope that this will ever happen...but you need to stop whining about how unfairly others are treating you and take responsibility for yourself and your actions.

But that is HARD! And it takes a lot of hard work.

Plant Your Own Garden

After a while you learn the difference,
Subtle difference,
Between holding a hand and
Chaining a soul.

You learn that love
Doesn't mean leaning and
Company doesn't mean security.

You begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts and
Presents aren't promises.

You begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of an adult,
Not the grief of a child.

You learn to build
All your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground
Is too uncertain for plans.

After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns
If you get too much.

So you plant your own garden and
Decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers.

You learn
That you really can endure.
That you really are strong.
You really do have worth.

Author Unknown

_____________________________

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I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops... - 11/10/2009 9:58:11 AM

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

.Anger is just an emotion, it is how it is expressed that can be so toxic. I can get angry over something even within my relationship, but the moment I turn to violence instead of conducting myself in a controlled and productive manner is when I've crossed the line. This is not a distinction OP is at all interested in.

controlling ones temper takes effort.. Why should the op put forth that effort when she has repeatedly warned others and they fail to baby her and accept her verbal, emotional and physical abuse? They deserve what they get!!!!!

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RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops... - 11/10/2009 10:03:57 AM

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If that is so, Holly, then does the OP have to accept the consequences of HER actions too, or is that a rule just for other people? That truly isn't as snide as it sounds.

lovingpet

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(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops... - 11/10/2009 10:09:35 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

If that is so, Holly, then does the OP have to accept the consequences of HER actions too, or is that a rule just for other people? That truly isn't as snide as it sounds.

lovingpet

Sadly, from reading her posts, i am of the opinion the op accepts no responsibility for her behavior, LovingPet. And whereas there may be consequences resulting from her actions, she considers herself blameless and the victim of whoever is imposing the consequences.

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RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops... - 11/10/2009 10:58:57 AM

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I am aware. Just the more times it is restated the better. I don't know exactly what it is going to take for a wake up call.

lovingpet

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If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.

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RE: The dr reported my problems with DAddy and the cops... - 11/10/2009 11:11:09 AM

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I believe it will take an arrest.

_____________________________

Patience, grasshopper.

Your stupidity does not impress me.

blame it on your hormones!!! - beerbug aka ydd

(in reply to lovingpet)

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