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a question from a Mistress to an intelligent and polite... - 11/14/2009 11:53:56 AM

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
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as stated in the subject, i'm a mistress and, dispite my age, have been in the BDSM scene for quite a few years. to make absolutely sure i was a domme, even though i have been dominate since i could interact with others, i tried to play submissive in a relationship. it didn't last long since i was lying to myself about my role in a relationship. i haven't looked back since.

anyway, lately,(or since i joined collarme last year) i have been approached in some of the most disgusting, degrading, and overall foul ways that i could imagine by male doms. even though it says DOMINATE in my profile, all of us have encountered fakes and liars, so i don't completely fault them. but when i tell these doms “i'm happy in my position, so i have to say no to us getting together in that way, but thanks for your interest and good luck!”, i am disrespected and bitched at by those trying to “help” me realized my true self. i have even had to block certain people and had to go so far as to report them for threats and harassment.

i dont think all of you are evil (lol), but i'm not really understanding whats going on here. can somebody shed some thoughtful and helpful insight?

seriously, those of you who are legit are getting a bad rep because of these people.

RE: a question from a Mistress to an intelligent and po... - 11/14/2009 11:57:45 AM

zephyroftheNorth

Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline

Part of the problem may be in your having the word "dominate" in your profile. Dominate is a verb so they may be thinking you want to be dominated. Just a suggestion....YMMV

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The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

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(in reply to MissAsylum)

RE: a question from a Mistress to an intelligent and po... - 11/14/2009 11:59:15 AM

Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
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i have been approached in some of the most disgusting, degrading, and overall foul ways that i could imagine by male doms. even though it says DOMINATE in my profile, all of us have encountered fakes and liars, so i don't completely fault them. but when i tell these doms “i'm happy in my position, so i have to say no to us getting together in that way, but thanks for your interest and good luck!”, i am disrespected and bitched at by those trying to “help” me realized my true self. i have even had to block certain people and had to go so far as to report them for threats and harassment. (the OP)

We have all been approached in ways we don't like by people who do not read our profile. I would not take it too personally. When you respond back to those who approach you in this way, you are just looking for more abuse.

Block, delete, move on works just fine.

_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?

(in reply to MissAsylum)

RE: a question from a Mistress to an intelligent and po... - 11/14/2009 12:07:56 PM

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

Yes, I'm sure most Dommes have been approached by 'do-me' doms who are NOT used to the word 'no' and then feel it's OK to lash out with speed, force and threats. I don't imagine twue doms can do anything about their prick brethren, or being lumped together under the same moniker.
As above, cock-block, delete, report, next msg. And don't forget to laugh at their msgs. They HATE it!

(in reply to daintydimples)

RE: a question from a Mistress to an intelligent and po... - 11/14/2009 12:18:46 PM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

Part of the problem may be in your having the word "dominate" in your profile. Dominate is a verb so they may be thinking you want to be dominated. Just a suggestion....YMMV

I'm thinking the mileage is pretty good on that one.

_____________________________

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to zephyroftheNorth)

RE: a question from a Mistress to an intelligent and po... - 11/14/2009 12:27:32 PM

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Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

i have been approached in some of the most disgusting, degrading, and overall foul ways that i could imagine

Believe me, OP, You are not the only female, or Domme even, on this site to be approached that way. It happens to subs all the time. Also, and this always amazes me, male do-me subs will cmail me wanting me to Dominate them when my profile states I'm all sub myself. Go figure.

_____________________________

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to MissAsylum)

RE: a question from a Mistress to an intelligent and po... - 11/14/2009 12:27:44 PM

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Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

I usually respond, allow for some kind of epiphany, don't see it in the next message, then block and delete. Then again, I am of exceptional patience.

It is a pretty common thing for dominant men to try to "convert" dominant women to her "true" nature. Oddly enough, in some cases these men are right on the money. For the most part, however, it is just chasing any tail they can find. This should merely be amusing to you if you happen to be secure in your orientation as you claim to be. If it gets under your skin, you may want to unearth the reason for it. I could be more than simple annoyance at someone's "poor" or "desperate" maneuvers.

It has been pointed out, but I will do so again. To dominate is a verb. Dominant is an adjective. Please correct this as it makes me batty in the bad way. All my best in your search!

lovingpet

_____________________________

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(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: a question from a Mistress to an intelligent and po... - 11/14/2009 12:40:45 PM

Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth
Part of the problem may be in your having the word "dominate" in your profile.

Yeah, I agree. Understanding the most basic of lingo is important to show that you have at least a moderate level of intellect, and have a working understanding of yourself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples
We have all been approached in ways we don't like by people who do not read our profile. Block, delete, move on.

Agree here also.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu
block, delete, report.

Report? That would be abuse of the CM system. Reporting of messages is reserved for specific offenses like mention of illegal activities, making direct threats, etc. Unwanted messages aren't reportable. You could get your account closed for abuse of the report system.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu
And don't forget to laugh at their msgs. They HATE it!

a) Retaliation is even lower and stupider than the original "offense".
b) If you blocked and deleted the message without replying, how are they going to know you laughed at them, in order to "HATE it"?

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet
This should merely be amusing to you if you happen to be secure in your orientation as you claim to be. If it gets under your skin, you may want to unearth the reason for it.

Bingo! The OP comes off as very unsure of herself, imo. She appears flustered and unnecessarily offended that she was approached by a dominant person and offered a submissive role in a relationship. Personally I'd be flattered and amused, but would decline as it wouldn't be a satisfying situation for me. To get bent out of shape seems fruitless. She mentions, in a very defensive way, that she used to be submissive. Sounds like there's a bit more to this story than we've heard. :)

EDIT: typo

< Message edited by NormalOutside -- 11/14/2009 12:42:10 PM >

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RE: a question from a Mistress to an intelligent and po... - 11/14/2009 12:52:22 PM

zephyroftheNorth

Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline

quote:

Bingo! The OP comes off as very unsure of herself, imo. She appears flustered and unnecessarily offended that she was approached by a dominant person and offered a submissive role in a relationship. Personally I'd be flattered and amused, but would decline as it wouldn't be a satisfying situation for me. To get bent out of shape seems fruitless. She mentions, in a very defensive way, that she used to be submissive. Sounds like there's a bit more to this story than we've heard. :)

Look at her age, NO, she's a 19-year-old who, despite her claims to experience is still learning and growing. A thicker skin (hopefully) comes with age and experience. I agree, it's more amusing than anything else to get those "kneel bitch" messages, and I laugh even as I delete and block.

Edited for missing words

< Message edited by zephyroftheNorth -- 11/14/2009 12:53:12 PM >

_____________________________

And there's a smile when the pain comes
The pain gonna make ev'rything alright ~ Black Crows

Team Troll Trollop
Member: Cocksuckers For World Peace
Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags
Member: Subbie Mafia
Member: Hibbie's Hotties

(in reply to NormalOutside)

RE: a question from a Mistress to an intelligent and po... - 11/14/2009 1:37:36 PM

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Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

If you think the men are bad... lol read the forums, you will find a lot of women have the viewpoint that we all should know our proper place.
It's a people thing.

(in reply to zephyroftheNorth)

RE: a question from a Mistress to an intelligent and po... - 11/14/2009 2:03:19 PM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu
block, delete, report.

Report? That would be abuse of the CM system. Reporting of messages is reserved for specific offenses like mention of illegal activities, making direct threats, etc. Unwanted messages aren't reportable. You could get your account closed for abuse of the report system.

No. If the messages are "verbally" abusive she has the right to report them. She also mentioned threats and harrassment. These are reportable as well.

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu
And don't forget to laugh at their msgs. They HATE it!

a) Retaliation is even lower and stupider than the original "offense".
b) If you blocked and deleted the message without replying, how are they going to know you laughed at them, in order to "HATE it"?

A. No response IS a response. This is NOT retaliation, it is simply ignoring them. Furthermore if you behave like an idiot in front of me and I shake my head and laugh AT you, this is not retaliation. It is simply my opinion that you and your behaviour are only worth a tiny moments amusement and then I continue on with my existance.
B. How are they going to "hate" it? Simply they will not be receiving the attention that they so desperatly crave. People who lash out at relative strangers tend to not care for it when they are ignored and no emotional response is given. It messes up the "script" in their heads.

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(in reply to NormalOutside)

RE: a question from a Mistress to an intelligent and po... - 11/14/2009 2:28:57 PM

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline

i apologize- i might not have written this as clear as i could have. i was simply wondering if there was some sort of weird reason why some doms insist on acting like spoiled children who don't get their way. it was totally over my head in that sense. it has nothing to do with my age or insecurities that i may or may not have about my role as a domme. i frequently go to live BDSM events and its rare when a dom behaves like this in person, unless he is being a drunken idiot. but thanks for all the advice and input!

(in reply to Aylee)

RE: a question from a Mistress to an intelligent and po... - 11/14/2009 2:36:49 PM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I'm a sub and I get male subs writing me, calling me mistress. If I turn them down I get vitriol, "You're too fat to fuck" being the most common.

Don't respond. If you respond in any way they think they've hooked you and will do anything to keep a dialogue going.

Just block and delete.

Men frequently don't read profiles, they just email every new female in hopes they can find someone who isn't too jaded to talk to them. If a man reads profiles, sends out carefully thought out emails he won't get any responses. If he sends out copies and pastes he won't get any responses. So why should they bother being well behaved when the results are the same?

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(in reply to MissAsylum)

RE: a question from a Mistress to an intelligent and po... - 11/14/2009 2:43:09 PM

Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline

the reporting manner is serious. i dont make any habit of getting the police involved, but it came to a point that one male dom somehow got my cell phone number[which i no longer have btw] and was leaving pervy/threatening messages from a blocked number- until he screwed up and didnt block his LAND LINE phone number. aparently he had a history of similar stuff so there is a restraining order against him, along with his serving out a jail sentance. so if that was the “more to the story” that you were hinting at- there it is!

(in reply to NormalOutside)

RE: a question from a Mistress to an intelligent and po... - 11/14/2009 3:06:38 PM

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Joined: 11/13/2009
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It's reading stuff like this that makes me want to apologize based on my gender. Some guys can be such dumbasses when it comes to women it's not even funny.

(in reply to MissAsylum)

RE: a question from a Mistress to an intelligent and po... - 11/14/2009 6:15:56 PM

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

i apologize- i might not have written this as clear as i could have. i was simply wondering if there was some sort of weird reason why some doms insist on acting like spoiled children who don't get their way. it was totally over my head in that sense. it has nothing to do with my age or insecurities that i may or may not have about my role as a domme. i frequently go to live BDSM events and its rare when a dom behaves like this in person, unless he is being a drunken idiot. but thanks for all the advice and input!

This is the internet and there are assholes here. Your young and have some really hot pics on your profile, so your probably going to attract more than your share. Unfortunately that is part of life, just block them and move on. They are not worth worrying about.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to MissAsylum)

RE: a question from a Mistress to an intelligent and po... - 11/14/2009 6:23:49 PM

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

On the internet, people have a buffer and are generally thinking they are not to be held accountable for their behavior. In real life, youd never see someone whip their cock out at a club as a way to say hello, but here its not uncommon for someone to send a cock photo in a first email.

Likewise you have a lot of men who fancy themselves dominant and who believe that all females are submissive to them, because they were born with a penis and we were not. I really doubt many of them could pull off that machismo face to face. But, it gets their rocks off online, especially when they can get a rise out of someone. I dont bother acknowledging people like that. They are trying to lead you into a fantasy of theirs, and by responding you are playing along.

DV

_____________________________

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10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

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RE: a question from a Mistress to an intelligent and po... - 11/14/2009 6:53:07 PM

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

as stated in the subject, i'm a mistress and, dispite my age, have been in the BDSM scene for quite a few years. to make absolutely sure i was a domme, even though i have been dominate since i could interact with others, i tried to play submissive in a relationship. it didn't last long since i was lying to myself about my role in a relationship. i haven't looked back since.

anyway, lately,(or since i joined collarme last year) i have been approached in some of the most disgusting, degrading, and overall foul ways that i could imagine by male doms. even though it says DOMINATE in my profile, all of us have encountered fakes and liars, so i don't completely fault them. but when i tell these doms “i'm happy in my position, so i have to say no to us getting together in that way, but thanks for your interest and good luck!”, i am disrespected and bitched at by those trying to “help” me realized my true self. i have even had to block certain people and had to go so far as to report them for threats and harassment.

i dont think all of you are evil (lol), but i'm not really understanding whats going on here. can somebody shed some thoughtful and helpful insight?

seriously, those of you who are legit are getting a bad rep because of these people.

OP

First off a Dom of quality would never approach one in such a manner. You are being approached by individuals who will never be Doms in anything other than their own misguided minds

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to MissAsylum)

RE: a question from a Mistress to an intelligent and po... - 11/14/2009 7:22:21 PM

Posts: 93
Joined: 10/4/2009
Status: offline

maybe it is you? never rule anything out here and we don't know you, do we? Lots of shiat goes on here...get accustomed to it and be strraight with all of us.

(in reply to Acer49)

RE: a question from a Mistress to an intelligent and po... - 11/14/2009 8:57:58 PM

Posts: 445
Joined: 11/15/2008
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
Status: offline

'the reporting manner is serious. i dont make any habit of getting the police involved, but it came to a point that one male dom somehow got my cell phone number[which i no longer have btw] and was leaving pervy/threatening messages from a blocked number- until he screwed up and didnt block his LAND LINE phone number. aparently he had a history of similar stuff so there is a restraining order against him, along with his serving out a jail sentance. so if that was the “more to the story” that you were hinting at- there it is! '

Thats odd...He got your cell number? Thats very hard to do without giving someone your real name or ISP provided email address.....

Heres a tip for everyone on this site. If you give someone your email address and that email address is used as your default contact address on other sites/accounts/communities/etc... it is very easy to use that email address to find ALL of your online activity all across the internet through a simple online-based reverse email search. My point is that you should be very careful what information you give to people around here, as that information can be used to get other information that you may not want people you just met on here to know about you.

'It's reading stuff like this that makes me want to apologize based on my gender. Some guys can be such dumbasses when it comes to women it's not even funny. '

I second that.

'First off a Dom of quality would never approach one in such a manner. You are being approached by individuals who will never be Doms in anything other than their own misguided minds '

I second that too.

'No. If the messages are "verbally" abusive she has the right to report them. She also mentioned threats and harrassment. These are reportable as well.'

I agree. But the reporting system here is a joke. Even if a scammer/perv/idiot gets their account deleted they just make a new one.

_____________________________

This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. Had this been an actual emergency you would all be dead by now. Have a nice day and remember: Friends don't let friends vote Republican.

(in reply to IBused)

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