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"submissive" behavior in children - 12/3/2009 5:26:20 PM

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A few weeks ago, my 7-year old daughter gleefully told me about a boy on the bus putting her in handcuffs and how much fun it was. Today, I went into her room and she looked like she was hiding something behind her back and she had a sly grin on her face; when I made her turn around, I saw that she had made little handcuffs out of ribbon and had them around her wrists. I just smiled and left her alone.

When I was her age, I was always coming up with games to play with my friends that would involve me being tied up.

Did you exhibit what you now see as “submissive” behavior as a child? If you have kids, do you see them doing it? Do you see any danger in allowing kids to play like this?

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/3/2009 5:29:53 PM

Thenewaccount10

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Never submissive, but I had a foot fetish when I was younger, I did everything I could do when I was young to come within contact of a girls feet. :P (I was a bad boy :P)
I would even pretend to be really confident that I could do something, then agree to kiss a girls feet if I could not, and she would need to date me if I could. It was a win-win situation for me. :P

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/3/2009 5:30:03 PM

ValyraenAndAqua

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~Fast Reply~

Yup I did and nope I don't. Children dabble with their sexuality, remember playing house? They just need to be taught that sex and sexuality are normal things but that sex should be saved till they are old enough to know what they are doing. Like playing with matches.

- Aqua

< Message edited by ValyraenAndAqua -- 12/3/2009 5:31:01 PM >

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/3/2009 5:31:32 PM

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I did a lot of things that looking back on seem to show I had tendancies since very young. My youngest UM also demonstrates some behaviors that make me wonder about him.

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/3/2009 5:37:02 PM

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I wouldn't say that demonstrates a submissive temperment though. Or even a person who will bottom generally. Those of us who are bondage freaks usually say we discovered it prior to sexuality becoming an interest. I've heard it suggested that it suggests we equate being bound with being swaddled, helplessly wrapped tight and cared for. If there's any truth there, it's an interesting line of thought.

But yeah, I was fascinated by Dudley Do-Right cartoons. I wanted to be tied up by Snidley Whiplash and rescued by Horse. Like most little girls, I wanted a pony. Since we lived in NYC that never happened.

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/3/2009 5:41:37 PM

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I don't know about submissive, but I didn't like to be in trouble and I liked doing things that made people happy. My general interactions have always leaned toward the accommodating, than confrontation.

In play, my kiddos seem to split the switch. The older one is very pliable toward others in every day things, but can really become highly controlling and enjoys doing mean things to the younger one. The younger one is very strong willed in every day interactions, but is constantly doing things like tying himself up or having his brother do it, going around on our pets' leashes and such. He also likes to spank himself. Yeah, I have my concerns. I don't think it is harmful, but it crossed my personal threshold out of my own children when the younger one decided the litter box could be a community pot. That I wasn't ready for! LOL

lovingpet

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/3/2009 6:01:17 PM

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Everytime I see these types of discussions I think I'm the only one who has never once had such fantasies or inclinations as a kid.

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/3/2009 6:13:08 PM

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Looking back, i can see i had masochistic tendencies when i was young.

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/3/2009 6:14:06 PM

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Some behavior is influenced by genetics, while other behavior is learned. While a child can learn to behave contrary to their tendencies, it will be stressful for them and can cause them problems later in life. On the other hand, it is also natural for children to ridicule whatever they see as different or strange, so the possible danger I see is a child being ridiculed or picked on simply because the others do not understand their behavior. Of course, I never picked on other kids when I was little, or at least I'll never admit to it

.

I don't have any kids of my own, but I believe the job of a parent is simply to be there for the child. A parent must let a child make their own mistakes and learn from them, but must also be let their child understand that others may not approve of certain behaviors.

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/3/2009 6:29:12 PM

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My cousin and I used to play "princess in the castle." I was the princess and he was the evil sorcerer. I would lay down on the reclining lawn chair and he would push my jump rope through the holes and tie me down. Then he would leave and come back as the prince to free me. We were in 4th grade. I once walked into my bedroom and found that same cousin dressed in my cheer leading outfit jumping on the bed with my pom poms. He ended up attending school at AMDA in Manhattan. Right after graduating, he got a role in the touring company of Cabaret, and then stayed in the cast when it opened on Broadway. I went to visit him and we went out to a club to dance, where he confided in me; "I have something to tell you Dee, I'M GAY!!!" I was like "yeah Em, I know." Then we both started cracking up.

< Message edited by Hierodule -- 12/3/2009 6:37:39 PM >

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/3/2009 6:35:19 PM

Erosa

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As a child, I apparently exhibited a lot of Dominant behavior. Bossing other kids around on the playground. Taking off my belt and spanking them if they didn't comply. One day my mother came home to find my favorite teddy bear bound at the wrists and ankles, as well as blind folded and gagged. I think I was 7 at the time? I almost wonder if it is genetic. My mother was a professional Domme, and my father lived a 24/7 Master/slave life with his girlfriend. Of course I didn't learn any of this till I was about 16.

I think it's perfectly healthy though. Psychologically, sexual development begins at a young age. Yesterday my 19 month old was dancing around in my boots to South Pacific and trying to curl his hair with my unplugged curling iron. I simply laughed and took lots of pictures for his future girlfriends/boyfriends. =)

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/3/2009 6:53:56 PM

elleX

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Some Childrens will show submissive traits from a young age ,,,, i am not talking here about the power game they play among themselve but most important is their desire to please peers
As parents we have to be sensitive to it
this article was written by a psychiatrist about the impact of the environment with these childrens
http://www.enslavement.org.uk/troubled
i find it very intersting , any comment will be apreciate , thanks

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/3/2009 7:03:04 PM

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I had no fantasies of a sexual nature as a child at all. However, I do remember playing a game we called "prison" when I was six years old, which, when looked at with adult eyes, seems enormously kinky...

The game consisted of alternating roles of jail keepers and prisoners, where in we were lead to the "prison" - the side of a porch fence - in toy handcuffs, tied to the railings with skipping ropes, soaked with a hose, made to eat mud, and had to kiss the behinds of the prison "guards". Everyone alternated, so I suppose we were a bevy of baby switches!

I really have no idea what the point of this bizarre little game was, but I do remember it being oddly fun.

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/3/2009 7:19:48 PM

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I was obsessed with being tied up as a child.

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/3/2009 7:21:22 PM

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I hope you all know that this thread is so doomed.
definition of a doomed language: a language no children speak.
defintion of a doomed CM thread : a thread in which children are spoken of.

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/3/2009 7:27:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy
my 7-year old daughter

Just make sure you double-check the rules. In the past they've been incredibly strict on anyone mentioning sex/BDSM/kink and children in the same post. Same thread or forum, even. Actually, I believe you weren't even allowed to refer to children at all. Maybe they've relaxed a bit, not sure.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy
Today, I went into her room and she looked like she was hiding something behind her back and she had a sly grin on her face; when I made her turn around, I saw that she had made little handcuffs out of ribbon and had them around her wrists.

First of all, handcuffs aren't always kinky. Sometimes they're part of "cops and robbers". As much as we may forget this sometimes, handcuffs come from the vanilla world and were perverted into the BDSM world. She might be a slave at heart, but I don't think playing with pretend handcuffs is evidence either way.

Secondly, handcuffs (and other items used in bondage) aren't really a core component to submission imo. Submission is more of a longing to serve someone else. Handcuffs (and other bondage stuff) is about kinky sex. Some submissives enjoy bondage, and some don't. Some bondage fanatics submit, some don't.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy
Do you see any danger in allowing kids to play like this?

Definitely not! Unless she finds your porn stash and starts trying it out with others from the neighborhood!
I think we should let kids do whatever they want to do as long as it's not harming anyone. Kids are people like everyone else. They have sexual ideations often from an early age, and that's normal and healthy (as long as it's not a byproduct of abuse or something). In fact, almost every aspect of personality begins to emerge from a young age.

Looking back, some of my dominant traits were emerging when I was little, but I was in my mid 20s before they really solidified.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet
In play, my kiddos seem to split the switch. The older one is very pliable toward others in every day things, but can really become highly controlling and enjoys doing mean things to the younger one. The younger one is very strong willed in every day interactions, but is constantly doing things like tying himself up or having his brother do it, going around on our pets' leashes and such. He also likes to spank himself. Yeah, I have my concerns.

They sound like children, as opposed to tiny masters and tiny slaves. Sometimes I think we project our own thinking onto everything we see. I mean, your dog wears a leash too, does that make her a slave?

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/3/2009 7:42:23 PM

elleX

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... in a lighter way than my previous post
as a kid i love to play role of prisoner , force to marry and so on
i remember that first time on Tv ,, where that princess ( in very light clothes please )was kneeling in front of that * Monster* the King who kept her as a prisonner,,, she was so powerless,,,, and there was alos the baladi dancer so feminine ,,,It was too much for me,, so much emotion in my heart and stomack that i turned the tv off ,, and ran to my mom and told her about it,, she smile at me,,
i was 8

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RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/3/2009 9:11:18 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hierodule

My cousin and I used to play "princess in the castle." I was the princess and he was the evil sorcerer. I would lay down on the reclining lawn chair and he would push my jump rope through the holes and tie me down. Then he would leave and come back as the prince to free me. We were in 4th grade. I once walked into my bedroom and found that same cousin dressed in my cheer leading outfit jumping on the bed with my pom poms. He ended up attending school at AMDA in Manhattan. Right after graduating, he got a role in the touring company of Cabaret, and then stayed in the cast when it opened on Broadway. I went to visit him and we went out to a club to dance, where he confided in me; "I have something to tell you Dee, I'M GAY!!!" I was like "yeah Em, I know." Then we both started cracking up.

This is hilarious!

Ah, jump ropes. I hardly ever actually used them for their intended purposes.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to Hierodule)

RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/3/2009 9:24:28 PM

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Sorry if I offended anyone with this thread. I checked the TOS and I don't think this thread violates any of the terms, but of course, the moderators have the final word. If anyone is truly offended, I'll happily delete the thread.

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“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to lucylucy)

RE: "submissive" behavior in children - 12/4/2009 12:06:34 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

A few weeks ago, my 7-year old daughter gleefully told me about a boy on the bus putting her in handcuffs and how much fun it was. Today, I went into her room and she looked like she was hiding something behind her back and she had a sly grin on her face; when I made her turn around, I saw that she had made little handcuffs out of ribbon and had them around her wrists. I just smiled and left her alone.

When I was her age, I was always coming up with games to play with my friends that would involve me being tied up.

Did you exhibit what you now see as “submissive” behavior as a child? If you have kids, do you see them doing it? Do you see any danger in allowing kids to play like this?

I would not worry about it, there are many things that will shape an individuals life. This may have nothing to do with submissive nature, but with her interest in the 7 year old little boy

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