DommeMae
Posts: 37
Joined: 12/18/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
No one is saying the methods different people use to protect their children is the same. There are, however, "standard" methods that most people ascribe to.
Define "standard" method. A home with one mother and two boyfriends? Is that raising a kid in a "standard" way? For one who is a part of a very "unstandard" lifestyle comparatively with the rest of the population, it's ironic that you would speak as an oracle for all things "normal".
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
I have already stated that when the children are exposed to that situation in an appropriate manner (such as described by GypsyMambo), it is just as healthy as a male/female household, a single parent household, or a same sex household.
You forgot female-led household which, by all accounts, can be a healthy household too. Also, you use the word "appropriate" as if it's a universal term for each household and each situation. Mind you, it may not be "appropriate" for children to be raised in a household where they know their mom is sharing the bed with two men.
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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
As for the concept that a poly household would potentially lead them to be promiscuous, it is just as ridiculous as saying that children raised by gay parents will grow up to be gay.
As for the concept that a female-led household would potentially lead them to be lazy, dependent man haters, it is just as ridiculous as saying that children raised by a mother with two boyfriends will grow up promiscuous or prejudiced against pair bonding.
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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
There is a huge difference between a child growing up seeing the adults in their household in loving relationships and seeing their parents as being overly sexually active.
No one is disagreeing. But what's overly sexual activities in your perspective? A quick peck to a woman's foot? One bed shared between one woman and two men?
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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
The "typical" successful polyamorous homes that I have seen discussed here are of the type where the members are not continuously changing, but steady and stable.
Good, but that can't be said for all poly homes. Can they expect a visit from your secret police?
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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
No I don't know what your stance is regarding the best interests of children.
Well, how very generous of you. You've gone from these:
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
The problem with your "oh we just don't know" foolishness is that you don't understand the reality that when it comes to the best interest of children, people need to err on the side of caution.
I can say with complete confidence and authority that your "viewpoint" is either already damaging to any children you have, or because you don't have any, you are simply clueless.
to:
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
No I don't know what your stance is regarding the best interests of children.
I'm glad you finally stopped telling me what I thought after I've stated this already:
I see harm in their witnessing/hearing physical abuse and seeing a man eat off the floor in a referenced "slave" bowl.
We still don't have any evidence they heard actual beatings. If they did, again I don't condone that.
having him eat off the floor in a bowl designated as a slave bowl. I wouldn't condone that, which is altogether different from saying authoritatively that it is not right for all, period.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
However, your need to continually look for "another side" to this story is disturbing at best.
You're saying it's disturbing because you don't like hearing about another likely explanation, which is evidence of how close-minded you are and how little you care about reality. I don't defend anyone, I'm trying to get you to stop dismissing the possibilities which are out there.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
As I have repeatedly said, both society and the law err on the side of caution when it comes to the best interest of the children.
As it should be. And they should do this by looking at all the facts, rather than existing preconceptions, bias, speculations and assumptions. God forbid someone goes into a poly home and takes the kids away because they think the Mother is teaching her kids to be sluts and whores, or is exposing them to sex since so much sex MUST be happening in a kinky home with two men on one woman.
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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Since you seem to want to present a defense for this woman, let me assure you, your comments would not allow her to keep custody of her children.
Aside from broaching the possibility of additional explanations, exactly how am I defending her? Did I not say beating a person within their ear shot, making a human being eat off the floor in front of kids is harmful? You're wrong to say I'm defending her. I merely broached the possibility that it's possible there's more to the story and that the OP's very vague on several key statements.
Discipline. What sort of discipline did they hear? Beatings or scolding? Was the scolding loud and abusive or was it mild and controlled? Is it possible she reserved his severe beatings to when they weren't home? It's possible. When you mention custody of children, you are speaking of a legal environment which would parse these facts carefully and weigh all available evidence WITHOUT speculation.
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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
The point is that the only reason to create "possible" scenarios would be to defend this woman's actions.
That's a cheap way of writing off my comment. So how does one tell you that your interpretations of the facts are lacking in evidence? Does that have to amount to defending her? Are you kidding? I could just as easily say you're here to hang her, and I have more evidence here based on what you said to support that notion.
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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
There isn't a need to try to present "her side" of things.
May God have mercy on the defendant whose trial has you on the jury seat. Regardless, it's not about "her side" of things. It's about what's really happening in the home.
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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
As I mentioned, there isn't a reason to try to defend this poor woman from vilification here.
No, I wouldn't defend anyone until I had enough facts. But you would convict someone without having all the facts. That's just the difference between you and me. You call me defending her is your way of saying you can't stand hearing about any other possible explanation for a presentation of sketchy, limited facts.
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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Even in that case, the opinions asked for were "what do you think of *this* situation. That negates the need to try to present other possibilities.
He didn't give enough facts to make an assessment. That's the whole problem. Do you know what sort of discipline they kids heard? No you don't. Neither do I. How can I judge that issue without first knowing what sort of discipline they heard. Maybe he considers a pointed finger and a mild: "Tsk Tsk" as "discipline". If I know they heard her hitting him than I would say immediately and without reservation that that was wrong.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Again, given the situation posed by the OP coupled with the other post, why should anyone doubt the OP's statements or try to *read* more into it? That is akin to taking a post by someone who is claiming their SO is beating them, and saying that maybe it isn't exactly as the OP says.
He said discipline. Discipline has many forms, from mild scolding to bodily harm. He needs to be more specific. And you need to stop thinking you can judge the depth and nature of an entire relationship based on five paltry posts on a message board.
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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Yea, what part of "chores are non existent to them is unclear?
You have such a lovely way with words. Simply because they do not perform chores does not mean they are not being raised to take care of themselves and be responsible adults. Again, you assume much.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Since he is doing all the work around the house, how would she be teaching them to do anything?
Well you can first start by asking privileged kids what their experience was like growing up in a home with a butler. Can they wash a plate and vacuum? Most likely. It's very immature of you to think kids that don't grow up doing housework are going to grow up dependent, incapable and damaged.
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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
If he is doing all the cleaning, which by the way, I don't have a problem with at all, and chores are non existent to them, there is no logical way for them to be being taught how to do it.
Did you really just write that? You actually believe that if a child grows up with a butler doing all their chores, there's no way for them to be taught to do them themselves? That statement isn't even worth the words. Uh, so 1950 boys who grew up with mommy doing all the house work, logically were not able to learn how to do it themselves??
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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
I'm sure for that though, you will say how we don't know what she is telling the kids. You're right we don't, other than men should be "harnessed for a woman's advancement."
And I've been saying 'we don't have the full story as to what she's doing, telling or teaching the kids. Though your crystal ball seems to know. By the way, that men should be harnessed for a woman's advancement is nothing new. Men have been protectors and providers since we can remember. That most women openly look for men who are good protectors and providers is tacitly understood, but somehow when you put it in words it changes?
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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
They learn by example. She isn't setting a good example
You need more facts before you can say that. Further, you need more clarification on what facts were already given too, before you can say that.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Both these people have selfishly let their "lifestyle" come before the kids.
He said they saw no kink. What lifestyle activities are they engaging in? Foot kissing doesn't have to be kink. Neither does having a special plate, unless it's expressed as a "slave" plate. Housework doesn't have to be kink either. The philosophy that men should be harnessed for her advancement doesn't have to be "evil kink".
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Actually, I'm not making assumptions or speculating on anything.
Yes you are:
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Some of us did a little research and make the likely conclusion that this woman is putting her kinky desires ahead of her role as a parent with little thought to the effect it would cause those children.
Your thought that she is calling it a "special bowl for a special man" is so far reaching that it doesn't even make any sense.
I will condemn any parent male or female who conducts their private life in front of their children.
She isn't setting a good example..
I can say with complete confidence and authority that your "viewpoint" is either already damaging to any children you have, or because you don't have any, you are simply clueless.
These girls will not be in a position to "choose" what they want to believe in, they have only seen one way.
When you actively tell your kids that a certain group of people, whether it be a gender or a race, are on this earth only for the purpose of advancing others, when you allow children to hear beatings being given or watch a person eat off of the floor, you need someone to come in and teach you proper parenting skills.
For the record, you don't know if he ate off the floor because the OP was vague. It's possible he didn't.
You also don't know what else she told them about men making women happy. It is possible, I know, this is hard for you, that she did tell them it's that way for her but not every woman or man ascribes to that.
You also don't know if this woman actually beat him within their ear shot. Until the OP gets more specific, your assumptions are just that - assumptions.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Not a stab in the dark at all. Female dominant is in charge of a relationship, ergo, female is leading the relationship, i.e. female led. If the female dominant household is not a female led household, please explain to me what it is?
It is a stab in the dark when your original comment stated:
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Actually the mere fact that you are hear as a domme is indicative of you preferring female led relationships.
Again, your deductive logic isn't correct when you insinuate I'm in a female led relationship. Dominant Tops don't have to lead anyone. But keep on stabbing in the dark.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
But you see nothing wrong with them "hearing" verbal discipline that isn't "gentle scolding" which based on the history that was given in this situation is unlikely to ever happen.
It's possible she gently scolds him in front of the kids and reserves harsher discipline for when they're not home. It's possible. We need to find out from the OP.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Again speculating that the situation is different than the OP's statements and assuming she is into Goddess worship, matriarchal philosophies, doesn't call it a slave dish in front of the children is just reaching for ways to defend her.
Until we hear from the OP, all we can do is speculate the POSSIBILITIES. Speculation is just that—speculation. As opposed to what you do, which is assume, and rather judgmentally, if I say so myself.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
It is making the assumption that the OP came up with the term "slave dish" while the nice, gentle, motherly dominant tells her children he just as a "special dish."
We don't have all the facts yet. He could be using a term we here all know, though while at home that plate is described as something else.
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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Well, the OP states they hear it, so I'm not sure why you seem to feel the need to negate that it is heard.
I'm not negating they didn't hear anything. I said we need facts about what exactly they heard. All the OP said was they heard discipline. Until he defines what sort of discipline they heard, because discipline takes many forms, from mild scolding to physical brutality, we won't know. What do they hear exactly? Is it damaging them? What if it's mild scolding discipline. It's possible they don't hear severe beatings. We need more facts.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Why would he make reference to him just having a particular dish he eats from on the table? Does this make ANY sense?
So what. It's possible for him to eat out of his special plate on the table. We don't know until he specifies.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Hmmm, let's see, chores are NON-EXISTENT to them, so exactly how would she be teaching them about chores?
Hmmm, let's see many children grow up in wealthy homes where they don't do any chores EITHER. Are you also applying this restricted view to the parents of said children, and say they couldn't possibly be teaching them?
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Men should be harnessed and used for their ADVANCEMENT in life",
Don't pretend this motto hasn't been around, just called something else or described in different terms. lol. Seriously. Have you ever heard of "women and children first"? Ladies first? Even though the idea is antiquated in our age, "finding a man to support you" wasn't all that uncommon of a mission statement for most women seeking marriage. You may not like that idea, but it is an example of how women have benefitted from the status and work of men in society.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
someone (a male) is in the house doing all the cooking and cleaning,
So? It's possible she teaches them to not depend on others for this, but rather, see it as a privilege and convenience. It is possible.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
She beats the guy with a bat, and bites him so hard the bleeding doesn't stop for an hour. What part of that is exercising care, compassion or consideration?
Why don't you ask the sadists out there (or on this very forum who have healthy relationships in households with children) to answer this question.
For the record, he may have asked for this.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
But I am going to reiterate the fact that saying "men should be harnessed for her advancement" isn't teaching them men are valuable or helpful and it also isn't indicative of saying there are many ways to live.
In your very limited narrow one track mind, this message can't, but in my eyes, having a man work for my happiness would be very valuable and I would do everything I can to keep him inspired to continue this for me. No doubt. Hell, I would be honored.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Chores: non existent, slave dish, "hearing" discipline and saying that men need to be harnessed for the advancement of a woman. Not speculation, those are the OP's statements. Yes, they are damaging to the children.
So what, doesn't mean they aren't taught how to do them themselves. You need to ask him for the rest of the story if there is one. It's possible there is more to it.
Slave dish. What do the kids know it by? It is on the floor or table? You need to ask because if they answer if different from your negative assumptions, there is no damage to the kids, i.e. they know it by another name, and it's placed on the table.
Men should work for the happiness of women. Nothing hateful about that. But what else did she say? We don't know if she elaborated on the positives of this and told them that that's her own personal take and others may differ. We need more info from the op.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
In a language we all would understand? Or maybe he wants us to be inflamed by his situation? Realistically, he wouldn't bring it up if it were a "special dish" for a "special man" that was placed on the table.
You don't know that for sure.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
While you might be correct in that we don't definitively know, your speculation makes no sense at all.
They make no sense to *you because you can't bear to face the reality of other alternative explanations, or the need for more facts before one judges. In short, I remain a skeptic. A skeptic demands to be convinced with sound evidence, and will only make speculations, not absolute judgments, as you seem to be making. Speculation is the only intellectually honest route here at this point; we don't have enough data.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Actually, you are inviting people to disregard the OP's own statements and think that in all likelihood, it just isn't as bad as he states.
We don't have enough facts from him to draw a conclusion. What was the plate called and where was it placed? What discipline did they hear? You don't-have these answers yet you already say she's damaging the kids. You need more facts.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
There are cases where people use the bible as a reason for not seeking medical treatment as well. Not because the bible says so, but because that is their interpretation. I'm sure that there are many who use Goddess worship/matriarchal philosophies as a part of their D/s practice. It doesn't mean that either of those philosophies support the connection.
So what?
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RE: Is it right for daughters - 
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