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RE: wiitwd - 12/24/2009 7:37:54 AM   
osf


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quote:

I don't know if you can take every "no limits", "3 holes to be used", "expect no pleasure or enjoyment", "your toy 24/7" profile as genuine. There are a lot of scams, fake ads and just plain false profiles out there - plus (I think) a leavening of inexperienced types who don't really understand what a 24/7 TPE relationship would be like and have their own sort of fantasy version in their head that they're pursuing.


i keep falling for the nigerians

(in reply to InvisibleBlack)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: wiitwd - 12/24/2009 8:43:08 AM   
CaringandReal


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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf
wiitwd is understood more or less, the question i have is why do we do what we do, specifically regarding submissives.


I do it because I need to. It feels like the only right and fulfilling thing to do. Some day I expect I'll be so old or preoccupied with pain/disease that this need won't take priority anymore, but until that time comes, it's like any genuine vocation: I just feel I was meant to do it, I live for it.

quote:


part two is what keeps you going during those periods when you just don't fucking feel like it. i know true subbies never have those periods but have yet to meet that kind of true subbie


Haha, yeah.

Two things. The answer for me varies depending on the circumstances.

If the dominant cannot provide a lot in the way of external motivation (as they can't when they are remote, for instance), the answer is Duty: an internal feeling that I have to do it because it's required.

In person, the feeling of duty does not go away but I do not have to rely upon it as heavily, as external motivation (or its threat) is usually present, and that is, at least in the situations I tend to find myself in, more than enough.

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: wiitwd - 12/24/2009 9:30:10 AM   
osf


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quote:

If the dominant cannot provide a lot in the way of external motivation (as they can't when they are remote, for instance), the answer is Duty: an internal feeling that I have to do it because it's required.


i liken it to a calling much as a nun answers her calling

btw, this goes for both, he is not exempt

(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: wiitwd - 12/24/2009 9:31:38 AM   
CaringandReal


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quote:

i realize the submissive mind works differently but still has anyone ever thought about why they should be submissive when the mood may not be there and what was your thinking?


Now that's an interesting question. I'm not sure if I am an appropriate person to answer it because I _am_ one of those submissives who sometimes "doesn't fucking feel like it," particularly when faced with "challenging" requirements. (Challenging to me isn't complex or difficult stuff--those things are what I define as "fun"--no, challenging is doing the same routine things, facing the same unpleasant realities, day in and day out and not wavering from the the drudgery or repetition or unpleasant feelings they cause to arise.) So I put to use other traits, such as a sense of duty, to overcome or outtrick the "I don't fucking' feel like it" blues. ;)

I think a person can feel submissive and still not want to do something they've been ordered to do. It's the feeling of submission, in fact, that often motivates the person to do the thing anyway. You feel you should or must obey even if you don't feel like obeying. Were you refering to directly sexual acts, or just being submissive in general? (I know, the two can be hard to separate--for me at least, there is a sexual element to all submissive acts whether they involve sex or not.)

It's easy to feel submissive all the time if you are not challenged, not made to do anything too hard or face any ordeals too trying. I have expereinced that before. I need challenge, though, much as I often dislike it, and I tend to be attracted to/attract those who offer/demand that.

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: wiitwd - 12/24/2009 9:40:09 AM   
osf


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quote:

I think a person can feel submissive and still not want to do something they've been ordered to do. It's the feeling of submission, in fact, that often motivates the person to do the thing anyway. You feel you should or must obey even if you don't feel like obeying. Were you refering to directly sexual acts, or just being submissive in general? (I know, the two can be hard to separate--for me at least, there is a sexual element to all submissive acts whether they involve sex or not.)


submission isn't always about how you feel but it's always about what you do

i can enjoy the non feeling submissive periods but i'm warped that way

< Message edited by osf -- 12/24/2009 9:41:17 AM >

(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: wiitwd - 12/24/2009 9:48:16 AM   
sexyred1


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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

When I didn't feel like doing certain things I did them anyway, for a variety of reasons - love, because I am submissive, because I wanted to make him happy, to avoid punishment, to avoid losing a good thing, etc etc.


that is what the question is about, why do you carry on, what motivates you?


Honestly OP, what part of these answers do you NOT understand?? Everyone is articulating very clearly that what drives subs to "carry on" is a amalgam of love, commitment, service, and desire to be in that particular relationship.

What magic words are you seeking? Everyone who has posted has explained that motivation, ad infinitum.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: wiitwd - 12/24/2009 10:06:14 AM   
osf


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

When I didn't feel like doing certain things I did them anyway, for a variety of reasons - love, because I am submissive, because I wanted to make him happy, to avoid punishment, to avoid losing a good thing, etc etc.


that is what the question is about, why do you carry on, what motivates you?


Honestly OP, what part of these answers do you NOT understand?? Everyone is articulating very clearly that what drives subs to "carry on" is a amalgam of love, commitment, service, and desire to be in that particular relationship.

What magic words are you seeking? Everyone who has posted has explained that motivation, ad infinitum.


the post seems to have been misunderstood, it was meant as an acknowledgement of the answer

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: wiitwd - 12/24/2009 10:07:02 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		My submission to Master is not a role i play it is who and what i am

Therer are thing that i don't fell like doing all the time but since my submission is a part of me and it thrills me to make him haooy. I never not fell like subitting to or loving him.

Mattt's littleone

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: wiitwd - 12/24/2009 10:11:56 AM   
CaringandReal


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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

submission isn't always about how you feel but it's always about what you do


Agree.

quote:


i can enjoy the non feeling submissive periods but i'm warped that way


No! Really? I can't imagine that! :p

(For those who are contexutally impaired, I'm talking about the first half of his sentence, not the second. Although, come to think of it, everyone I've known who would say the first half would also add that second part. ;) )

_____________________________

"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo

"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: wiitwd - 12/24/2009 10:21:08 AM   
osf


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quote:

No! Really? I can't imagine that! :p



YES REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: wiitwd - 12/24/2009 11:44:48 AM   
sweetsub1957


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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

I don't know if you can take every "no limits", "3 holes to be used", "expect no pleasure or enjoyment", "your toy 24/7" profile as genuine. There are a lot of scams, fake ads and just plain false profiles out there - plus (I think) a leavening of inexperienced types who don't really understand what a 24/7 TPE relationship would be like and have their own sort of fantasy version in their head that they're pursuing.


when it's accompanied with a pic of less than the ideal female form, i tend to think it's from a real person expressing real desires

now whether those desires are from experience or fantasy is another matter


Of course, whether a prticular female form is less than ideal or not is a purely subjective judgment call too, according to the preferences of the viewer.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: wiitwd - 12/24/2009 12:06:32 PM   
osf


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

I don't know if you can take every "no limits", "3 holes to be used", "expect no pleasure or enjoyment", "your toy 24/7" profile as genuine. There are a lot of scams, fake ads and just plain false profiles out there - plus (I think) a leavening of inexperienced types who don't really understand what a 24/7 TPE relationship would be like and have their own sort of fantasy version in their head that they're pursuing.


when it's accompanied with a pic of less than the ideal female form, i tend to think it's from a real person expressing real desires

now whether those desires are from experience or fantasy is another matter


Of course, whether a prticular female form is less than ideal or not is a purely subjective judgment call too, according to the preferences of the viewer.



i'm speaking about what a spammer would show

(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: wiitwd - 12/24/2009 2:27:00 PM   
NihilusZero


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

There really IS no "I don't feel like it".  The day I don't feel like submitting to him is the day I should rethink being in this relationship.

50 points.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

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CM Sex God du Jour
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(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: wiitwd - 12/24/2009 3:23:21 PM   
lally2


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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

the problem i see in what we do is not what is done but that what is wanted is hidden in the beginning phases and sprung as a surprise

.

maybe im tired, but really finding this hard to answer!

i have had surprises sprung on me. ive either risen to the occasion or asked for time. sometimes spontenaety kicks in and you just run with it because youre M is in charge.

i think when you put up a thought like this it fails to encorporate the history/bond/trust that has already been developed.

i can only see this being a problem if you dont know the M sufficiently well to feel safe or its a hard limit that has been discussed and the M is overstepping on the trust thing. beyond those two possibles, being 'challenged' to stretch youre comfort zone does happen and in some relationships it happens quite a lot.

for myself i like to be pushed and surprised.

one of the great things about this lifestyle is that there is so much to explore and experience - sometimes that does mean that the surprise element is encorporated and thats when the trust thing melds with the bond thing and takes off.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: wiitwd - 12/24/2009 3:30:51 PM   
osf


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2


quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

the problem i see in what we do is not what is done but that what is wanted is hidden in the beginning phases and sprung as a surprise

.

maybe im tired, but really finding this hard to answer!

i have had surprises sprung on me. ive either risen to the occasion or asked for time. sometimes spontenaety kicks in and you just run with it because youre M is in charge.

i think when you put up a thought like this it fails to encorporate the history/bond/trust that has already been developed.

i can only see this being a problem if you dont know the M sufficiently well to feel safe or its a hard limit that has been discussed and the M is overstepping on the trust thing. beyond those two possibles, being 'challenged' to stretch youre comfort zone does happen and in some relationships it happens quite a lot.

for myself i like to be pushed and surprised.

one of the great things about this lifestyle is that there is so much to explore and experience - sometimes that does mean that the surprise element is encorporated and thats when the trust thing melds with the bond thing and takes off.


this is a case in which he presents himself as being and wanting things, that prove not to be true after the relationship is underway

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: wiitwd - 12/24/2009 4:07:37 PM   
lally2


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ok.

i was in a relationship that i thought was an exclusive Ms relationship. there had never been any discussion about it being poly. suddenly one day it was poly.

that was quite a big surprise.

because it was Ms and arguably i had no right to be informed and because i liked the slave he'd chosen i absorbed the change.

it isnt always doom and gloom just because something suddenly alters and changes. but it hugely depends on the dynamic youre in.



_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: wiitwd - 12/24/2009 4:13:18 PM   
osf


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Joined: 10/19/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2


ok.

i was in a relationship that i thought was an exclusive Ms relationship. there had never been any discussion about it being poly. suddenly one day it was poly.

that was quite a big surprise.

because it was Ms and arguably i had no right to be informed and because i liked the slave he'd chosen i absorbed the change.

it isnt always doom and gloom just because something suddenly alters and changes. but it hugely depends on the dynamic youre in.





that's a big question, i can see incremental changes, but major relationship changes well.........

but then it,s all about how he presented himself and his expectations

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: wiitwd - 12/24/2009 4:19:54 PM   
lally2


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incremental changes are, i think, part and parcel of Ds and Ms on the whole, but not for every relationship.

i have to go and do Toms stocking now.

hope you and everyone around tonight have a really happy christmas.

love and hugs. xx

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to osf)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: wiitwd - 12/24/2009 5:05:33 PM   
sunshinemiss


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quote:

incremental changes are, i think, part and parcel of LIFE on the whole,


fixed that for you lally  *wink
Happy holidays!


_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 119
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