RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman

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RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman - 1/4/2010 10:19:39 AM

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LA - I have to agree with LafayetteLady in some regards. In your profile you ask to be addressed as LadyAngelika and nothing else, you present the Domme Lady, but where's the rest? Do you feel in some ways you may be fetishizing yourself? Perhaps this is what some posters are getting at in regards to your avatar and profile contradicting your statements and beliefs.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman - 1/4/2010 10:23:54 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: spankyslut

LA - I have to agree with LafayetteLady in some regards. In your profile you ask to be addressed as LadyAngelika and nothing else, you present the Domme Lady, but where's the rest? Do you feel in some ways you may be fetishizing yourself? Perhaps this is what some posters are getting at in regards to your avatar and profile contradicting your statements and beliefs.

This thread was never intended to be a criticism of my profile. I was trying to address a larger issue. Many people who I know, trust and respect have told me that I have a well balanced profile.

I'll repeat to you what I wrote to her as it seems some are so quick to judge that they don't take time to read. If you read the thread, then you'll see there has already been quite a bit of discussion about my avatar. I particularly like this commentary by Panda and this commentary by Elan, two men who have earned over time the reputation for being mature, well-balanced and strong submissive men.

Thank you for the advice, but it is unsollicited :-)

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 1/4/2010 10:26:52 AM >

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman - 1/4/2010 10:40:25 AM

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It seems to me that dommes tend to be the most affected group of folks on CM.

So many of their profiles tend to hold the exact same crap. Stern looks, pictures of shoes combined with shots of some sort of flogger or whip. The classic pic is the one of the domme in that silly lil' motorcycle cap. Love that shit. Eat that shit up!!!

Dom's can be total douches as well. Between the cock shots, poses of "The Thinker" and the ever menacing glare straight into the camera. I can only imagine how wet all of the lil' subbies must get when perusing such a profile.

You supply wank and redundant material in your profile then don't be surprised when you attract the wankers the boring and the predictable.

Dommes definitely tend to lean towards being more of a caricature of what they perceive that they should be. They take from what they see and have often been told.

This is not far off the path as to how women have kind of been a brainwashed into following the trends of fashion. It has little to do with what actually looks good, is remotely practical, or even begins to take into account of complimenting your own personal tastes and style. You buy the shit because it is fashion. Nothin more nothing less.

Dommes, far too often, seem to pursue the same course of action.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 1/4/2010 10:46:57 AM >

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RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman - 1/4/2010 11:39:50 AM

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LA - you said "deep down may have a great deal of potential and a lot to give but is confused".

You can't dig deep down and realize their potential, you can't bring them out of confusion into clarity. The only way they will better themselves and begin to humanize people is if they see the benefit in evolving to that way of thinking. If all they are truly interested in is the kink that you can provide them, and not building healthy well balanced relationships, then they aren't likely to evolve to a level of thinking beyond that. Personally I'm still not sure I'd invest enough time and energy to help them see the error of their ways. Perhaps a qualified professional would, but they get paid 150 bucks an hour.

Some things you can do to prevent yourself from being objectified and some things you can't change, by respecting your own boundaries, and demanding a level of respect that no one of this mind-frame could ever provide, you are respecting yourself first, and that's where it begins.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman - 1/4/2010 11:47:18 AM

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LA - I apologize if it seemed I was giving you advice regarding your profile, I thought you were just discussing with LafayetteLady about how the image you portray may affect how others view you, I was trying to agree with some of that theory. I agree, your profile comes across as well balanced and attractive to genuinely submissive and well balanced partners, but there are some aspects that could appeal to the overly-fetishistic/objectifying type sub. Just like respect, you have to treat yourself first, as you would wish to be treated.

Okay, so Panda and Elan made some good points, but I know not of their reputations nor is it applicable. I just see a bunch of type on a message board, who knows what they are like in real life?

< Message edited by spankyslut -- 1/4/2010 11:51:18 AM >

(in reply to spankyslut)

RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman - 1/4/2010 11:52:50 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: spankyslut

LA - you said "deep down may have a great deal of potential and a lot to give but is confused".

You can't dig deep down and realize their potential, you can't bring them out of confusion into clarity. The only way they will better themselves and begin to humanize people is if they see the benefit in evolving to that way of thinking. If all they are truly interested in is the kink that you can provide them, and not building healthy well balanced relationships, then they aren't likely to evolve to a level of thinking beyond that. Personally I'm still not sure I'd invest enough time and energy to help them see the error of their ways. Perhaps a qualified professional would, but they get paid 150 bucks an hour.

Some things you can do to prevent yourself from being objectified and some things you can't change, by respecting your own boundaries, and demanding a level of respect that no one of this mind-frame could ever provide, you are respecting yourself first, and that's where it begins.

Thank you very much for your insights and this thoughtful reply :-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to spankyslut)

RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman - 1/4/2010 11:55:25 AM

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domiguy - those are some pretty broad statements. I would have to say they don't reflect on all Dommes, just some who may be dealing with issues of insecurity. The same phenomenon is known to be present in some Dom men, who puff out at the chest and and give the "What did you just say to me?" look. Oh wait, same with some sub boys too, who present themselves as overly servile whenever in the presence of fine Ladies.

Perhaps it's a human thing, and not one specific to Female Dominants.

(in reply to spankyslut)

RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman - 1/4/2010 11:57:40 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: spankyslut

domiguy - those are some pretty broad statements. I would have to say they don't reflect on all Dommes, just some who may be dealing with issues of insecurity. The same phenomenon is known to be present in some Dom men, who puff out at the chest and and give the "What did you just say to me?" look. Oh wait, same with some sub boys too, who present themselves as overly servile whenever in the presence of fine Ladies.

Perhaps it's a human thing, and not one specific to Female Dominants.

In defense to Domiguy (and you won't see me doing that too often), that is pretty much what he said. He simply said it seems to affect Dominant women more, and to a degree he is right.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to spankyslut)

RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman - 1/4/2010 12:04:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

LadyAngelika,

You talk about the "images" that promote such "over-fetishization" of dominant women, but you play right into it with your own avatar. I find it odd that you are concerned about male submissives seeking the type of dominant they see in the media, but you present them with that same type of image in your avatar.

LafayetteLady, again, if you read the thread, then you'll see there has already been quite a bit of discussion about my avatar. I particularly like this commentary by Panda and this commentary by Elan, two men who have earned over time the reputation for being mature, well-balanced and strong submissive men.

That said, you, like many, take a picture out of context.

Lafayette is taking something out of context? What a surprise.

LadyAngelika, I usually don't make it a point to go around critiquing profiles, but for the sake of this thread turning on critiquing yours, i can say its very well written. The Sardax artwork is in good taste, too.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman - 1/4/2010 12:13:08 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: spankyslut
Okay, so Panda and Elan made some good points, but I know not of their reputations nor is it applicable. I just see a bunch of type on a message board, who knows what they are like in real life?

Why do people seem to think that no one on this site ever knows anyone in real life? I'm not intending to hijack the thread, but is it so difficult to think that some of us may just know each other away from the screen?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to spankyslut)

RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman - 1/4/2010 12:14:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyIsaac
LadyAngelika, I usually don't make it a point to go around critiquing profiles, but for the sake of this thread turning on critiquing yours, i can say its very well written. The Sardax artwork is in good taste, too.

Thank you for the kind words :-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SimplyIsaac)

RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman - 1/4/2010 12:15:51 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: spankyslut
Okay, so Panda and Elan made some good points, but I know not of their reputations nor is it applicable. I just see a bunch of type on a message board, who knows what they are like in real life?

Why do people seem to think that no one on this site ever knows anyone in real life? I'm not intending to hijack the thread, but is it so difficult to think that some of us may just know each other away from the screen?

Actually LadyPact, you aren't hijacking the thread at all. It is because we might just know these people in real life or have exchanged with them off these boards that mutual respect has been earned between us and that perhaps we have learned that there are real people behind the images here.

More and more I think you came up with some of the best advice. Meet people involved in WIITWD in real life and realise they are real people, multifacited with much more than kink on the brain, whether it be through one on one safe meetings with genuine people here or at events as YMMV.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 1/4/2010 12:18:21 PM >

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman - 1/4/2010 12:35:41 PM

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I am not one for looking at Profiles of respondents on the Boards for some reason I cannot explain. Perhaps I wish to take their words written here at face value. Having said that, I confess to reading through your Profile, Lady A, just now for the first time. It is a splendid Profile and your requirements are more than clear. Quite high in the quality of submissive you seek. I wonder if there are many submissives on CM who could live up to the standards you set. No criticism intended there. Truly a wonderful Profile.

Having sucked up to you so shamelessly

permit me to say a word or ten thousand about the fetishsized Domme. Speaking for myself and I would guess many submissive boys, I acquired early on in my fantasy life the image of the archetype Domme with leather attire and whip. Not having the real thing except those delicious teenage girls who loved to tease and deny, it was natural for me to wank at my idealised fantasy. The wanking reinforced the fetishsized Domme and images of the fetishsized Domme reinforced my wanker fantasies. It was a vortex of reinforcement that carried into adulthood. It is still spun about by the images that appear on bdsm websites, on CM, and more so now in the popular media.

What to do about it? On the mass scale I think it is impossible to alter and that may not be a bad thing, because it serves the purpose of advertising.

On the personal scale when a relationship is to begin (which is when it really counts) I suppose there are a number of ways to deal with it, or not. Some dommes may enjoy playing to the idealized image. The way my Mistress dealt with it was to say simply, "I am not that type of Domme." So, it was incumbent upon me to learn Her ways and to conform to them, to reconcile my fantasy with Her reality. It is a process not without setbacks but She is teaching and I am learning.

It is a very real issue for a very real reason rooted in the adolescent development of the submissive. (I think that was already implied or outright stated in some previous posts)

There is nothing to be done about the existence of the Archetype. The Bitch is here and will not be driven away. What is to be done successfully is to be done between the members of each D/s couple in their own way, as they wish to define themselves as human beings or in whatever way they wish to be defined. If the individuals in a couple fail to define their own humanity the relationship is DOOMED.

I still think the Sardax is HOT and ROMANTIC as well.

_____________________________

vML

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. ~ MLK Jr.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman - 1/4/2010 1:00:05 PM

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quote:

I wonder if there are many submissives on CM who could live up to the standards you set.

Absolutely!! :-) They are scattered all over this blue earth, many too far for me to grab hold of unfortunately.

There is also potential here in Montreal. It is just a question of finding the right match for me.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to vincentML)

RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman - 1/4/2010 1:41:51 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
Actually LadyPact, you aren't hijacking the thread at all. It is because we might just know these people in real life or have exchanged with them off these boards that mutual respect has been earned between us and that perhaps we have learned that there are real people behind the images here.

More and more I think you came up with some of the best advice. Meet people involved in WIITWD in real life and realise they are real people, multifacited with much more than kink on the brain, whether it be through one on one safe meetings with genuine people here or at events as YMMV.

- LA

Thank you. I'm going to take that as a compliment. It also might reveal part of the answer.

I tend to see this site and the net as a tool. Like any other tool, it's supposed to make the job easier. It doesn't work by itself and you can't put it on autopilot. In order for you to use it for your intended use, you have to use it in such a way that helps to realize your goal. Something like you can't expect your microwave or your washing machine to do jobs they weren't designed to do. No tool works if we don't use the right one for the right job.

While not completely universal, I tend to think that a lot of people out there see more than a chick in a corset when My avatar comes up on the left. Sure, it's a nice corset and all, but I tend to think most people around these forums don't just see that. More often than not, they see the picture, remember My name, and something that I've said at one time or another that reached them. I could take that picture down today and it wouldn't necessarily change that.

The thing about that is, that process takes a while. It's part of the getting to know someone time investment that I alluded to earlier in the thread. If you're dealing with someone who is only able to see the face value that they want to see, it's going to be harder for them to realize there's more than whatever it is that you (general you) is putting up there. How willing a person is to see the whole picture, rather than just a picture or what is stereotypical in their mind is hard to say unless you know them. In a sense, that works on both sides of the kneel.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman - 1/4/2010 4:44:17 PM

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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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quote:

ORIGINAL: spankyslut

Perhaps it's a human thing, and not one specific to Female Dominants.

Mmm hmm, agreed.

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I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
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(in reply to spankyslut)

RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman - 1/4/2010 6:47:29 PM

seekingOwnertoo

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LOL ... W/we should all give a round of appreciation to Lady A ... for Her intellectual thought ... as well as Her regular caring and feeding of this thread, over the world wide vacation time.

It was far and away the most popular ... during New Years Week ... but unfortunately ... now that the New Years work year has started ... will fade away .... as W/we all get back to reality. :(

That said, Lady Angelika ... You are a highly intelligent Lady ... and i must say ... when i read Your words .... i wish my grandfather had NOT immigrated from Canada ... LOL

You are a wonderful person and a gracious, intelligent, educated Lady!

Please join me in thanking Lady Angelika ... for being Lady Angelika .... <big, huge smiles>

< Message edited by seekingOwnertoo -- 1/4/2010 6:58:00 PM >

(in reply to heartcream)

RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman - 1/4/2010 7:17:37 PM

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Thank you Lady A...

p.s. i think i should immigrate to Canada, (the health care out there is much better)... Why what did you think???

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

LOL ... W/we should all give a round of appreciation to Lady A ... for Her intellectual thought ... as well as Her regular caring and feeding of this thread, over the world wide vacation time.

It was far and away the most popular ... during New Years Week ... but unfortunately ... now that the New Years work year has started ... will fade away .... as W/we all get back to reality. :(

That said, Lady Angelika ... You are a highly intelligent Lady ... and i must say ... when i read Your words .... i wish my grandfather had NOT immigrated from Canada ... LOL

You are a wonderful person and a gracious, intelligent, educated Lady!

Please join me in thanking Lady Angelika ... for being Lady Angelika .... <big, huge smiles>

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman - 1/4/2010 7:33:03 PM

seekingOwnertoo

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marshalp .... you crack me up ... ROFL ... love your post ... ROFL

And thanks again ... Lady A

(in reply to marshalp)

RE: The Over-Fetishization of the Dominant Woman - 1/4/2010 9:32:47 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: marshalp

Thank you Lady A...

p.s. i think i should immigrate to Canada, (the health care out there is much better)... Why what did you think???

I agree!! All of the wonderful submissive men should move to Canada. I'd suggest Saskatchewan as it is the province with the most going on right now. Specifically, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada as they have a thriving BDSM scene and are close enough to all the northern jobs to making commuting a viable option. (*wink, wink*)

Wickad

(in reply to marshalp)

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