LadyPact
Posts: 32566
Status: offline
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There are a lot of good opinions on this thread, so please take the time to think about them. I'd also like to commend the OP in attempting to look for potential solutions. Whenever someone comes to these boards speaking of an incompatibility in this area (usually the kinkier person hoping to get the less kinky person to be more kinky) I think the best piece of advice that I give on the subject is to read what your SO is reading or what you'd like them to read. When you were deployed, OP, your spouse was sending you the written information on what interested her in all of this. What appeals to her in what she's reading now? You might find some stuff in there that you are more comfortable with. Also, what angle is she looking at all of this from? Is it just things in the bedroom or overall D/s type structure? Does she want you to be in charge? Ron's right. With your military background, you know more about protocol, ritual, hierarchy, and power structures than most people who are inexperienced in BDSM. Use what you've got. Look at her wants and compare them to your wants. Where do they overlap? Work in that area and see how you assess the situation. If they're not matching up, what other options are available to you? Would you be willing to work with another Dom? How about public BDSM play? Last but not least, I do want to tell you that, in My opinion, it really is ok if you're just a vanilla kind of guy. It's ok to be yourself and still attempt to find ways that everyone's wants will be met and you continue having a loving relationship. Let's make it a goal for both of you to be content and see how we achieve that goal. By the way, I happen to have a non submissive spouse. We've found some solutions that work for us and I'll be glad to try to help you with your situation. That's either here on the forums or on the other side in mail.
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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie. Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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