RE: harrassment on the threads (Full Version)

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persephonee -> RE: harrassment on the threads (1/7/2010 9:18:53 AM)

Using perse is acceptable....save the "sweetheart" for someone else.

i dont recall asking you for your resume.

i do recall posts from you talking about how you are not currently active in your local community....and some vague reasons why. The specifics are there to search, if i were so inclined. Its not the specifics of your reasons that gave me pause, but the sentiment you consistently express in very nearly all of your posts.

For a brief moment in the beginning, you started to interact with the members of this discussion board, as opposed to poking sticks at them....but then, for whatever reason, started up again.

im fuzzy on the concept of "sub women like you" since we have never met.

i will do my part to not "harangue" you....but i would argue that im posting on the forum posts that i wish to, just as you are. You just dont like what i have to say.....right backatcha.







CalifChick -> RE: harrassment on the threads (1/7/2010 9:20:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i dont want your attention ( very unnarcissistic, please no attention) and i don't want any advice



Your actions of starting numerous new threads with whatever happens to pop into your brain contradicts your statement.  If you didn't want attention, you would put it in your journal where the audience is smaller; but you don't, you put it here.

Cali




osf -> RE: harrassment on the threads (1/7/2010 9:23:20 AM)

quote:

i will do my part to not "harangue" you....but i would argue that im posting on the forum posts that i wish to, just as you are. You just dont like what i have to say.....right backatcha.


i honestly don't mind that

i enjoy an argument on the merits, love it

just not the personal attacks

i'd rather argue with someone that disagrees with me over someone that agrees with me any day as long as it's civil




LadyPact -> RE: harrassment on the threads (1/7/2010 9:28:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

LP... I don't care for the local community. I have been to a few events. I stopped going. That doesn't make me dangerous.

So I suppose it works both ways. If someone insists on involvement in the community, it would disqualify her as well as me.

On the other hand..... I may be a dick, but I am a non threatening dick..:)


Jeff

While you may not care for the local community (which is somewhat debatable), there's a difference in not being interested in public BDSM and being anti social.  I'm looking at it from the perspective of and from do people look at a person's skills (or lack of) in the ability to have and maintain friendships.  I tend to think that how a person conducts themselves in their interactions with others tells a great deal about them.

Someone who can not establish or maintain good friendships is often a warning sign for potential issues.  I don't see that in you.  Correct Me if I am wrong, but didn't I very recently notice that you had a post on the upcoming events section specifically about getting together and having a drink with some folks?  That's a lot different than anti-social behavior.




camille65 -> RE: harrassment on the threads (1/7/2010 9:31:12 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i don't know you nor did i mention names

well i've said enough for now

i'll wait to see if there are others

enjoy



OP you are quite alone.

~camille




osf -> RE: harrassment on the threads (1/7/2010 9:36:40 AM)

i really don't mind being alone, just stop the attacks




LaTigresse -> RE: harrassment on the threads (1/7/2010 9:37:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

LP... I don't care for the local community. I have been to a few events. I stopped going. That doesn't make me dangerous.

So I suppose it works both ways. If someone insists on involvement in the community, it would disqualify her as well as me.

On the other hand..... I may be a dick, but I am a non threatening dick..:)


Jeff

While you may not care for the local community (which is somewhat debatable), there's a difference in not being interested in public BDSM and being anti social.  I'm looking at it from the perspective of and from do people look at a person's skills (or lack of) in the ability to have and maintain friendships.  I tend to think that how a person conducts themselves in their interactions with others tells a great deal about them.

Someone who can not establish or maintain good friendships is often a warning sign for potential issues.  I don't see that in you.  Correct Me if I am wrong, but didn't I very recently notice that you had a post on the upcoming events section specifically about getting together and having a drink with some folks?  That's a lot different than anti-social behavior.



Yeahhhhhhhhhh Ward. I am the anti-social one here!!




LaTigresse -> RE: harrassment on the threads (1/7/2010 9:39:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i really don't mind being alone, just stop the attacks


Then stop looking for them.............voila!!!!!!!!!




girlivy -> RE: harrassment on the threads (1/7/2010 9:40:32 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

has any one been harrased by other members of cm in threads they have started or contributed too

tos, As with the rest of the Forum, it is asked that participants refrain from insults, flames, and generally offensive behavior.


Will you define please those actions and what they mean to you? I see forplay, :) Perhaps a lesson in acceptance in situations may help, reguardless of situations/answers being to your liking or not.. This is a public forum which entitles anyone to answer how they see fit, if it goes against the TOS then take care of it.. easy peasy




osf -> RE: harrassment on the threads (1/7/2010 9:45:53 AM)

i've said what i have to say now i'm done here




Jeffff -> RE: harrassment on the threads (1/7/2010 9:48:56 AM)

Can't we both be anti-social?


Ward




LadyPact -> RE: harrassment on the threads (1/7/2010 9:50:48 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

The community seems to be able to self police on its own....ive seen men who talk like he does end up being frozen out of whatever club, simply because everyone found him to be not a viable candidate for friendship or relationship. im fairly certain that this is what may have happened to him in his local community and now hes bitter and typing away at home....c'est la vie.





I was thinking this very same thing.  I wonder how many s types ever look at this particular trait, the evidence of not being active in the local community, and see it as a potential reason to have additional thoughts regarding safety.



idk, LP...i was kind of "born" in a dungeon, so i tend to see public play as a hobby and use the community as a vehicle to making friends. i feel like i have to look you in the eye in order to get a read on whether or not i trust you enough to let you hit me (you, in the generic....You can hit me tomorrow and ill supply the toys[;)])

However, back home, i had one partner who simply refused to circulate within the public community and continues to play privately to this day...he has his reasons and to him, they make sense. Hes got more subs than time and is a reliable session...great guy all around. i highly recommend him to this day with the caveat that if im ever in town, whoever it is thats with him at the moment needs to step off so i can hop on....hes a peach.

But hes really the only one ive met who is sincerely just not interested in the "community"....and not just harping cuz he wasnt successful in the community.

He never complained about my involvement in munches or my groups, simply declined to accompany me.

It did, however, take me a long time comparitively to decide that i could trust him, as he wasnt known by my other friends or acquaintances. He did have stellar references which he provided immediatly and those girls were very happy to recommend him, and in person, as i am today. If i couldnt vet him, i wouldnt have played with him.

He just happened to use the internet as his vehicle to create relationships, as opposed to the community.

In answer to your point, i dont think everyone necessarily "needs" to participate in order to be vetted....but the underlying reason they dont participate needs to be looked at.....

For new people....especially women, i strongly recommend becoming involved with people who are active in the community....i know what my gut instincts tell me for myself, but i have seen far too many women hurt by not being able to read their own or ignoring it.




I did address part of this in My answer to Jefff.  It isn't so much the play I'm thinking of in this train of thought.  Granted, I do tend to think that one of the best ways to see how someone plays is to watch them play with someone else.  Are they a good top?  Are they ensuring the bottom's safety?  How is their accuracy?  There's a lot you can base on the 'see for yourself' theory before it happens to be your body that is the one finding out.

Yes, there are some fabulous tops out there who have no desire to be out there playing publicly.  At the same time, you also mentioned the fact that your friend had good references.  I think that's something different than not having social interactions in life where nobody can recommend someone.  I'd definitely be concerned if dealing with someone who couldn't even produce some character references.  Then again, I'm more the type that realizes that some folks just really are abusive types and use the flag of BDSM to justify their patterns.  They always seem to be the ones that don't want to 'put their past dynamics' out there.  Sometimes, that's just code for no past D or s would have anything good to say about them.

Oh, and don't worry about bringing the toys, other than those that are single person use.  I promise that I have quite the inventory of floggers, tails, and darn near anything else you can dream of.  [:D]




sexyred1 -> RE: harrassment on the threads (1/7/2010 9:57:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i've said what i have to say now i'm done here


OF COURSE YOU ARE. ONTO THE NEXT THREAD THAT LEADS NOWHERE.

THAT IS THE ESSENTIAL PROBLEM. YOU SAY WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT, YOU ASK A MYRIAD OF QUESTIONS, PRODUCE SENTENCE FRAGMENTS AND NON SEQUITURS, BUT YOU DON'T LISTEN.

NO ONE CAN TEACH AN ADULT TO LISTEN, YOUR MOTHER SHOULD HAVE TAUGHT YOU THAT EARLY ON. I WILL NEVER AGAIN ATTEMPT TO REASON WITH YOU.

I WILL HOWEVER, POST WHEREVER AND HOWEVER, I WANT.

**yes I mean to be yelling ,but he won't hear it.




stef -> RE: harrassment on the threads (1/7/2010 11:12:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

No. I have never felt harassed at all. If indeed I did feel that way, I would know that I had more than likely done something to bring it on and rectify my own behaviour. OR..........I would do what any sane, intelligent person would do and turn the fuckin computer OFF.

Please don't attempt to bring common sense into this.  This is about being butthurt on the intarwebs, not taking responsibility for your own actions.

~stef




persephonee -> RE: harrassment on the threads (1/7/2010 11:22:52 AM)

[sm=writing.gif]Pencils in the illustrious LP....perhaps she could travel east and hit Thunder this summer??....




thornhappy -> RE: harrassment on the threads (1/7/2010 12:06:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

[
While you may not care for the local community (which is somewhat debatable), there's a difference in not being interested in public BDSM and being anti social.  I'm looking at it from the perspective of and from do people look at a person's skills (or lack of) in the ability to have and maintain friendships.  I tend to think that how a person conducts themselves in their interactions with others tells a great deal about them.

Someone who can not establish or maintain good friendships is often a warning sign for potential issues. 


I've never been into the local scene, have played publicly once twice and I'm figuring it's just not my thing.  The most social thing I've done around BDSM was attending a CaliBirthday.  That doesn't mean I'm anti-social and unable to maintain relationships.




pahunkboy -> RE: harrassment on the threads (1/7/2010 12:29:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

i really don't mind being alone, just stop the attacks


Then stop looking for them.............voila!!!!!!!!!




LAT, watcha wearing?




AquaticSub -> RE: harrassment on the threads (1/7/2010 3:14:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf
i'm not especially thin skinned but there comes a point when it's no longer welcome

i have been called everything from too old by a woman in her 50's to dangerous, you just have to look in this thread to see that

after awhile you'd think adults would tire of such juvenile behavior

just my 2 cents




So report the bad behavior. The moderators will look at the posts and decide who needs to be modsmacked. If you aren't willing to do anything about it, you lose your right to complain about it and have anyone care.




LadyPact -> RE: harrassment on the threads (1/7/2010 4:21:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

[sm=writing.gif]Pencils in the illustrious LP....perhaps she could travel east and hit Thunder this summer??....

It may very well be a possibility. 




LadyPact -> RE: harrassment on the threads (1/7/2010 4:23:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thornhappy
I've never been into the local scene, have played publicly once twice and I'm figuring it's just not my thing.  The most social thing I've done around BDSM was attending a CaliBirthday.  That doesn't mean I'm anti-social and unable to maintain relationships.


Exactly the point.  You know how to build and maintain friendships.  Those who can not show more founded reasons for suspicions in their interactions with others.




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