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accepting limits - 1/10/2010 8:01:32 AM

osf

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what are you thought on what and how many limits you will cave into for a relationship

my concept is of a fixed volume in which you both exist the greater volume taken by her limits the les volume you have in which to exercise authority

your thoughts?

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RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 8:09:08 AM

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I have limits. We all do..mine are anything that will destroy me physically, mentally or physically. I found someone who matched them.

Anything else is his choice.

I've never once felt like I had to cave in or give in to my limits. I'm not dead yet and I'm not in a psych ward yet, don't look for either one of them to happen.

(in reply to osf)

RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 8:16:18 AM

SirJohnMandevill

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To us, limits are something my submissive love and I arrive at jointly. She accepts gladly that I try to gently expand those limits with new or harder play.

Now, I suppose you could get into a philosophical discussion of whether a "limit" is truly a "limit" if it can be expanded, but I'll leave that for others. We're both very happy with the way we do things.

Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink

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RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 8:18:49 AM

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I'm a Dom. As such, I feel no pressure to "cave", as you put it. My needs are simple - if she won't take a spanking, for example, it's not going to work.

My needs are simple enough that if one prospective has one or more as hard limits, I'll move on and find another.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 8:19:39 AM

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From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

what are you thought on what and how many limits you will cave into for a relationship

my hard limits are not negotiable. If a Dom pushed me to cave, i would have pushed him to the curb.

quote:

my concept is of a fixed volume in which you both exist the greater volume taken by her limits the les volume you have in which to exercise authority

Bullshit. A Dom has authority only as long as he has my respect. Should he attempt to "fix a volume" (and i assume this means set a limit on how many limits are acceptable) the relationship will end just as fast as i can tell him to get the fuck out. Disrespect my limits and i disrespect the Dom. Once that happens, it is time to admit we are not suited for each other.

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 1/10/2010 8:21:19 AM >

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(in reply to osf)

RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 8:22:52 AM

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I always had certain hard limits and then some limits that I did not necessarily feel like doing. In my last relationship I went farther in expanding my limits than ever before.

It was only when one specific limit was not accepted that things went too far in disrespect. When I say no, really NO, it should be accepted. Especially since I said yes to so many other things.

That is one reason we are no longer together; it was a biggie obviously.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 8:23:40 AM

osf

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quote:

Bullshit. A Dom has authority only as long as he has my respect. Should he attempt to "fix a volume" (and i assume this means set a limit on how many limits are acceptable) the relationship will end just as fast as i can tell him to get the fuck out. Disrespect my limits and i disrespect the Dom. Once that happens, it is time to admit we are not suited for each other.

and this relates to the question how?

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 8:29:59 AM

Level

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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

what are you thought on what and how many limits you will cave into for a relationship

my concept is of a fixed volume in which you both exist the greater volume taken by her limits the les volume you have in which to exercise authority

your thoughts?

For a d/s relationship to work for me, there can't be very many limits. If I get involved with someone, and they start adding or changing limits, or moving the goalposts, then it's very likely the d/s will be removed from the relationship, and possibly the relationship will end.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
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(in reply to osf)

RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 8:32:22 AM

Level

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

Bullshit. A Dom has authority only as long as he has my respect. Should he attempt to "fix a volume" (and i assume this means set a limit on how many limits are acceptable) the relationship will end just as fast as i can tell him to get the fuck out. Disrespect my limits and i disrespect the Dom. Once that happens, it is time to admit we are not suited for each other.

and this relates to the question how?

Maybe I'm being dense, but how does it NOT relate to it?

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
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(in reply to osf)

RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 8:36:28 AM

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From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

quote:

Bullshit. A Dom has authority only as long as he has my respect. Should he attempt to "fix a volume" (and i assume this means set a limit on how many limits are acceptable) the relationship will end just as fast as i can tell him to get the fuck out. Disrespect my limits and i disrespect the Dom. Once that happens, it is time to admit we are not suited for each other.

and this relates to the question how?

Maybe I'm being dense, but how does it NOT relate to it?

I thought it did too, Level. But, what do we know?

Come, we will don our Dense Caps together...

aww..ferget it, damn Dense Cap doesn't fit over my freakin' halo

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RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 8:43:43 AM

osf

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all it says is a fixed volume nothing about respect, love or any other emotional feeling

it simply means he can't exercise authority in areas in which you set your limits

that and nothing else

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all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 8:44:17 AM

Level

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Yeah, and the lack of hair makes mine slip and slide off

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 8:46:22 AM

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in any relationship there is trust and communication. if these are lacking then all else is pointless. for my i don't have many limits as i like to try new things. the limits i have are for reasons. bull whips the cracker is too close to the pop of a round being fired and i cant get close to subspace i have served for over 20 years in the army and with 4 deployments to combat it is simply not something that i can do. i have communicated this to my Mistress and She understands its not a matter of fear but harsh experience. i trust Her not to expose me to something that will undermine it. in each dynamic it will be different your limits may be soft allowing them to be pushed or they may be hard like mine on bull whips but that will be for the B/both of Y/you to discuss. i wish you well on your journey in the lifestyle

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RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 8:51:08 AM

osf

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

in any relationship there is trust and communication. if these are lacking then all else is pointless. for my i don't have many limits as i like to try new things. the limits i have are for reasons. bull whips the cracker is too close to the pop of a round being fired and i cant get close to subspace i have served for over 20 years in the army and with 4 deployments to combat it is simply not something that i can do. i have communicated this to my Mistress and She understands its not a matter of fear but harsh experience. i trust Her not to expose me to something that will undermine it. in each dynamic it will be different your limits may be soft allowing them to be pushed or they may be hard like mine on bull whips but that will be for the B/both of Y/you to discuss. i wish you well on your journey in the lifestyle

for whatever reason and they may be perfectly good reasons, limits restrict her authority, that is all the op says, it wasn't a judgement call

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 8:53:47 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Yeah, and the lack of hair makes mine slip and slide off

i was going to say that, but i do not want to earn a reputation for picking on those with dysfunctional hair follicles.

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RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 8:54:58 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

all it says is a fixed volume nothing about respect, love or any other emotional feeling

it simply means he can't exercise authority in areas in which you set your limits

that and nothing else

you asked.

i answered.

deal with it.

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RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 9:00:30 AM

osf

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

all it says is a fixed volume nothing about respect, love or any other emotional feeling

it simply means he can't exercise authority in areas in which you set your limits

that and nothing else

you asked.

i answered.

deal with it.

i can deal with the fact your answer didn't relate the question with no problem whatsoever

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 9:07:05 AM

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~fr~

I have a few hard limits that are non-negotiable, and they are there for good reason.

I have other 'soft' limits that can be played with and pushed as the relationship and trust between Dom and sub grows.

As we try new things, new limits might be added (hard and soft), but they will be discussed and agreed between us.

I don't see how the volume of hard limits can decrease the level of his authority...they tend to be there for a reason, and any decent human being will respect that. And any decent Dom will be able to exercise ample authority and garner increased respect and trust from his sub if he respects those hard limits.

I'm with sirsholly on this one - if you can't respect my hard limits, then you're not the person for me.

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RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 9:14:00 AM

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~FR~

So if I'm understanding this correctly, you're picturing the authority dynamic as a scaled line, numbered from 0 to 100 (because describing it in 2 dimensions is easier for me than describing it in 3 dimensions). The marker on the line is how much authority you have.

0----------------------------75----------------100

So in this case, with numerous hard limits, you only have 75% authority in the relationship. With even more hard limits, it would look something like this:

0--------------------50------------------------100

Except that I, and I believe many others, don't see it that way. The hard limits, in the healthy relationships that I know, are arrived at jointly... they aren't decided by the sub. The dom has full authority to decide, "this activity will never happen". And most of the hard limits that people talk about are so ridiculous that it would never come up in real life. Do we really have to put "death" as a hard limit? Do we really have to put "children" as a hard limit? No. The hard limits that people have, that I personally know, are things like what clip mentioned above. They are unique to that person due to circumstances. I have broken kneecaps. Some things never heal correctly. I cannot kneel. It's not an "I won't do it", it's a "I can't do it". Do I have to say that kneeling is a hard limit? No, I merely have to explain the physical issue. This does not mean that I retain authority or control over kneeling. It means that he would accept that I have physical limitations that are out of my control.

So I would say that you cannot quantify authority in the way you're describing. It's the same way that feelings work. There is not a limit to the amount of feelings you can have. If you have a child and your heart is filled with love for that child, having another child does not diminish the amount of love you have for the first.

Cali

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(in reply to sirsholly)

RE: accepting limits - 1/10/2010 9:14:49 AM

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There though is a thing with respect and trust in the Dom you choose to serve/. To serve with limits or not is one thing, but first trust and respect must come.

sirholly's way of viewing your question, was viewed the same way by me. If i met a dom who was interested in me, and perhaps i was with them, and they started to say you can have x amount of limits, without getting to know me, i would think them nuts to be honest. Some submissives might find that to be great, but it is not for me. Good thing Sir is the type that would not see that as a primary focus, but see other areas of being my Dominant more important. So perhaps there is truth to there is a Dom for every sub and vice versa.

I do know your question was asked to Doms and i am finding their answers educational.

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