Wheldrake
Posts: 477
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika A devoted gentleman is well mannered and considerate. He opens doors for his Lady, walk on the outside side of the sidewalk and behind her up the stairs. He offers her his arm, helps her with her coat, pulls out her chair for her, stands when she, or any other Lady, excuses herself from the table. A devoted gentleman ensures his Lady's safety and comfort in a strong, confident way. Gallantry is also of high importance, lending her his jacket when she's cold, carrying an umbrella over her when it rains. However, a gentleman is much more than a devoted man who treats his Lady well. A true gentleman behaves in an exemplary fashion, always. He is polite and courteous with others, doesn't interrupt conversations. When he contributes, he stays on topic, avoids cursing or speaking loudly. He keeps his temper in check. During moments of tension, he will keep his cool and be the bigger man. He is polite, discreet and well groomed, hair and nails well trimmed. He has impeccable manners and knows proper wine service etiquette. He greets people with a firm handshake, makes eye contact with others when he is speaking to them and is capable of discussing a variety of subjects. He is discreet about his income, assets and in general does not discuss money in public situations. To me this sounds like a very specific type of masculine behaviour, and one that frankly strikes me as a bit formal and stilted. Proper wine service etiquette? Surely if one wants to consume wine, the suitable procedure is to pour it in a glass and drink it. I actually am fairly discreet about discussing money, but a few years of living in Asia has basically convinced me that this is a senseless Western inhibition I would be better off without. Although I make a point of opening doors for Mistress, and trying to make her comfortable in other small ways, I see this as a function of power exchange rather than gender roles. If she were my slave, instead of vice-versa, I'd probably expect her to open doors for me. If Mistress suddenly decided she wanted to make me into a gentleman in the sense you're describing, I think I'd find the process somewhere between uncomfortable and maddening. It would feel less like developing my masculinity than like learning to conform to a set of arbitrary rules and standards - which would also be my reaction, I suspect, if she suddenly decided to feminise me. Either one would test my ability to submit to an unfamiliar regimen, but beyond that I don't think there would be too much emotional impact (well, I'd find it humiliating to be paraded in public in feminine clothing, but that would have more to do with the likely reactions of other people - given that I'm sure I couldn't "pass" - than with the feminisation itself). I suppose traditional notions of how men and women should dress and behave just don't have too much resonance for me. Most of the qualities I try to cultivate in myself, including some of the ones you mentioned (courtesy, control of temper), are also qualities that I admire in women. Your mileage obviously varies, which is fine. The world would be a boring place if we all thought the same way, and I hope you find yourself a proper gentleman or at least someone you can gentlemanise (if that's a word). However, I do think you're trying to cultivate something more specific than what I would consider to be masculinity. It's an interesting project, especially since it seems to me that a lot of the formal deference to women that an old-school gentleman was supposed to display (holding umbrellas, and so on) was basically superficial and combined with an expectation of wielding authority over the womenfolk. A submissive gentleman, of course, would be free of this hypocrisy, which is something I like about your approach.
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