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The Hypocritical Domme - 1/27/2010 2:17:55 PM

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Now, this does not apply to everyone. But I think some of the lifestyle submissives will understand this as truth. When we write to a Lady on CM, we often have a particular writing style. I like to show in my letters, that I read a Lady's profile and journal(s). If any pictures are present, I wonder why they choosed that image from other possibilities. So in writing, I do not come out with 'one sentence' mailings, or even 'bulk' mailings. Each one, tailored specifically to a Lady.

Now, if I get a reply back, I count myself lucky. Given the flow of thousands of idiot males with not a brain between the collection of them; I can understand why I dont get replies from everyone. Except for a few noted writers on these forums (you know who you are!). The length of the reply is usually a sentence or less.

The hypocricsy comes, when on these individual's own profiles and journals, it says they dont like one sentence replies. And yet, they do it themselves! Makes me wonder of some Dommes. I like the ones that can think and give intelligent replies. They dont have to agree with me, for me to like them.

Again, this isn't a slash at some of the Ladies here. Just food for thought.

RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 1/27/2010 2:20:13 PM

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Do you really want a woman to write you a book as to why she feels you are incompatible?

Seriously, I have given one word replies.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to joether)

RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 1/27/2010 2:29:16 PM

MissBeautiful2U

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If a boy writes what appears to be a cut and paste, I may give short answers. If it seems well thought out and tailored to my profile, I will take the time to write back a sincere reply consisting of at least a paragraph... all depends on how compatible he seems... may be even longer than his original message. :) Thing is, I am on here to make friends as well as to find My own slave.
Miss Robin

(in reply to joether)

RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 1/27/2010 2:41:33 PM

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Most recently I have had someone writing very long emails to me and I have sent off one or two sentence replies, mostly questions. I do not wish to address anything else said in the emails because something has concerned me and I need an answer to that before I will proceed. I did explain myself in one email because I was trying to be fair, but I was seeing things that red flagged me and wanted to make sure I got the information I wanted.

I have had other emails where they wrote a decent email or even what I thought might be a cut and paste copy sent to many, but there was something they failed to pay attention to in my profile. Like age or distance and they might only get a one or two sentence response.

If I have no interest, I can thank them and say why I am not interested in short order.

I don't expect a long email from someone, but I do expect more than... Mistress... I really liked your pictures and read your profile and want to serve you. So on an introductory email... don't spend a lot of time, just say something decent and make your approach without getting upset if you don't get much back if anything at all. Once you see the response maybe you can go into more.

I have had books sent to me about their whole life and experience and whether I am interested or not, that doesn't require me to return the same type of response. I engage when I wish to and not out of expectations from a stranger to engage how he decides I should. I try to be nice and fair but sometimes I am not and I have reasons for it when I don't, I just may not wish to get into it all with someone I might have to go back and forth with in many emails discussing it.

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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 1/27/2010 4:48:25 PM

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Honestly, I think it is more a matter of improper wording to say they don't like short "replies." It seems that most of all, what no one wants is that short initial email of "hello, may I serve you?" or some other such nonsense. Also when correspondence begins and some questions are asked, then to receive those one or two word answers is frustrating. Those first emails are to initiate "conversation" and get to know one another. I realize that not everyone is great at writing letters, but if I feel like getting them to talk about anything is like pulling teeth, I just don't have the energy to continue.

(in reply to joether)

RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 1/27/2010 5:30:51 PM

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The length of my reply depends on how many things I can comment on in the message.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 1/27/2010 5:31:04 PM

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It was your decision to put that kind of effort into your emails. The Dommes that you write to did not ask you to do it. Therefore, it was a gift.

If it was a gift that they did not want...

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 1/27/2010 5:58:29 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: joether

The hypocricsy comes, when on these individual's own profiles and journals, it says they dont like one sentence replies. And yet, they do it themselves! Makes me wonder of some Dommes. I like the ones that can think and give intelligent replies. They dont have to agree with me, for me to like them.

In my journal I mention I would like a man to be creative with his emails to me. I don't feel that's too much to ask for but, given the exchange I'm engaged in as we speak (or type, as the case may be) it would appear it is too much.
I make to point to send emails that have some thought, effort and, yes, creativity in them. Rarely do I recieve anything of the like in return. There are those few but they're few and far between. My reasons for writing as I do have nothing to do with "lifestyle" or being a certain label...dom/me, sub/slave/switch...I write like I talk.

When a man takes the time to send me an email that has some thought and shows he took more than a brief glance at my profile/journal then I'll generally take the time to respond in kind...even if it's to say thank you but no thank you after viewing his profile and not seeing anything of interest. Again...this is me, my style of courtesy and not something I can expect of anyone else. As DarkSteven said, what you choose to write to a woman is a gift...whether or not they choose to appreciate it is another thing.

Being bitter, or giving the impression, isn't necessarily the answer. All you're left with is a very bad taste in your mouth and a sour expression. Why not just smile and accept that you've done your part to bring bit of cheer to someone who may or may not want or need it. Smile and gracefully move on.

Just something to think about.

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 1/27/2010 6:03:58 PM >

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(in reply to joether)

RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 1/27/2010 6:05:35 PM

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I would call that an irony, not a hypocrisy. It is kind of funny, tho.

(in reply to joether)

RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 1/27/2010 7:07:55 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MargueriteV

The length of my reply depends on how many things I can comment on in the message.

Wisely said. When I get an email which is 200 words of praise on my profile, the only thing that comes to mind is *thank you*.

Oh, did you want to engage me? Then engage me! Ask me questions! If I'm interested, I often use the first few emails to ask questions. If they don't ask me any in return, I can comment on the questions asked, but that's pretty much it.

And to be honest, a man that doesn't show me that he's inquisitive by asking questions is a turn off. A man that asks too many questions is overwhelming. I'd say 1-3 questions per email in a well thought out email is a good balance to get a nice conversation going.

- LA

_____________________________

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(in reply to MargueriteV)

RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 1/27/2010 8:37:15 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MargueriteV

The length of my reply depends on how many things I can comment on in the message.

This, a million times this! I get plenty of emails that force me to scroll down to read the whole thing. And more than half of those contain nothing to comment on, other than a list of what they like, and want to do. Given my profile, I'm sure you can understand that the only response to that is "That's nice. Good luck." And that's if I'm feeling charitable.

It's not the length, it's the girth... wait. I mean content. Give us a hook, for Pete's sake.

(in reply to MargueriteV)

RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 1/27/2010 9:51:52 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: MargueriteV

The length of my reply depends on how many things I can comment on in the message.

Wisely said. When I get an email which is 200 words of praise on my profile, the only thing that comes to mind is *thank you*.

Oh, did you want to engage me? Then engage me! Ask me questions! If I'm interested, I often use the first few emails to ask questions. If they don't ask me any in return, I can comment on the questions asked, but that's pretty much it.

And to be honest, a man that doesn't show me that he's inquisitive by asking questions is a turn off. A man that asks too many questions is overwhelming. I'd say 1-3 questions per email in a well thought out email is a good balance to get a nice conversation going.

- LA

Agreed. My advice on this always is, if you want to spark a conversation, you have to put forward something that encourages a response. Within the content of the email, add a question that entices an answer. Something better than just yes or no. For example, if you see on a person's profile that they participate in munches, ask their opinion of that local munch or what type of demos the group has sponsored recently. It's only two way communication if both persons are contributing, which sounds like the type of response you would like to get.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

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Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 1/27/2010 9:53:58 PM

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I like this thread, plenty of good advice all around from the ladies. Thank you.

I have also had similar experiences to joether and always chalked it up to the Domme not being very interested. After reading this thread, I realize there's also the possibility that the content of my emails probably leaves something to be desired. I'm usually pretty good at writing emails, and on vanilla dating sites usually find a way to be witty yet brief in the initial email - as LafayetteLady said: to write something that will initiate a conversation. I liken it to how in a real world setting the best opening lines for a meeting a girl are usually brief, funny, open-ended, and invite a response back from the girl. And most importantly you WAIT for that response. You don't launch into a tirade about what you admire about her or try to analyze her in any serious way.

The negative thing about CM compared to the other dating sites is that there's usually more profile fodder for me to go on in those initial emails to keep things interesting. A lot of profiles I have read (Domme and sub, and unfortunately probably myself included) are way too serious and focused on topics that are not appropriate for initial conversations. In other words, it's much easier to start a conversation with someone I don't know if we both have an anomalous affinity for the Smashing Pumpkins than by discussing the sexual preferences we have listed on the profile. Sorry, but most people aren't that comfortable with strangers!

This is not our fault per se, because we take our cues in profile writing from the other members and the fields provided to us by the website - it just seems natural to list that kind of stuff in a profile and probably makes finding the right match easier. When you find that match though, how do you begin talking to them?

(in reply to Miyani)

RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 1/27/2010 10:11:53 PM

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I would guess if you don't get the response you're looking for, then you aren't compatible. Move on to the next possibility. I get several emails each day, most of which are of little interest. If a sincere effort is made, but I don't have the time, I'll make a mental note to write back in the next day or so. Honestly, I know there have been some very nice men who have written sincere letters and because of what was going on in my life at the time, I didn't send them an answer. I feel a little bad, but I wasn't a good match for them anyway , at that time.

The reality is, you don't know what's going on at the other end. You don't know what distractions are currently taking precedence in other people's lives.

The title of your email suggests you'd like some companionship in your frustration, or you would just like to vent. (albeit politely)

If you want some constructive feedback or you have any question as to your approach, you're welcome to give us a few sample letters. There are many opinions here.

Otherwise, find the next 'toad to kiss' and keep looking.

_____________________________

Sthrn
Honorably served by OttersSwim

'The sign of a developed mind is one in which two opposing ideas can coexist' - Oscar Wilde.

(in reply to twisted999)

RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 1/27/2010 10:15:31 PM

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From: Kalamazoo, MI
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As funny as it sounds, when I had my original profile up as a Domme I actually got sick of being told I was beautiful. I never would have guessed in a million years that I would tire of hearing that, but I used to feel like even if I was butt ugly that since I had a profile up that the men wanting my attention would have called me beautiful.

I am sure that some meant is as a sincere compliment, but I would much rather hear that someone liked something specific in my profile or journal and added their own thoughts than to feel that I was just wank material. joether, your question is a very good one and I typically responded (if I was interested) with more than one sentence to well written emails, but it got so that if the email started with "you are so beautiful" it just turned my stomach. Just my viewpoint....

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RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 1/28/2010 1:13:45 AM

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I think twisted has got it about right!

When I was single I got hundreds of emails that were all the same. 'Your beautiful and I would love to serve you bla bla bla!' None stood out from the rest and they just cried of desperation.
The emails that were witty or a common vanilla interest that had been picked up on were the profiles that made me smile and want to reply.
I needed to know the personality type before anything else.
I can go to a club and play all night long with strangers. I don't take them home with me and they don't become anything more than submissive players because they don't offer me their personality, they only offer me an over exaggerated submission and if I can't see beyond that then my interest is never triggered.
I think submissives often offer themselves up as how they think you want to see them and to be honest that is rarely going to workout because its all guess work A submissive who initiates a conversation in a more or less vanilla way is (to me) far more likely to catch my eye.

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(in reply to chamberqueen)

RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 1/28/2010 4:10:49 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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I never mind a one or two line REPLY if it is in reply to a specific question. What I don't like is a one or two line INITIAL email. I think that may be part of your confusion.

When a person writes me for the very first time and says, "I kneel to you Mistress". Pfft, I don't care and I'm not going to reply at all.

Some write short notes like, "I see you are into brewing. Do you have any information that would help me learn how to brew?" Okay, that's a two-liner, but I'll generally answer that because at least they read my profile and they were polite. They also asked a question about something that interests me and I have an answer. However, I'm only going to respond to the brewing part, I'm not going to bring up kink or them becoming my submissive. If that leads to a conversation other than brewing, I'm open to discussing whatever; provided they remain polite.

Now, I've seen plenty of one to two paragraph initial emails, that all sound polite, but there is nothing really to say in return. They often come across as statements, polite statements, but statements. Nowhere in the message was something that I disagreed with, but nothing actually engaged me either.

EFT

< Message edited by Domin8tingUrDrmz -- 1/28/2010 4:13:05 AM >

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(in reply to joether)

RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 1/28/2010 7:08:32 AM

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My approach is to send an email that says: "You look hot, could you send me a few bucks so I can come visit you?" Next I attach a long and detailed list of the things I expect them to do and what they should be wearing when they do it (I give them a link to some pictures to help them prepare). Finally, I attach a photograph of myself with my trousers down to my ankles (no face, who needs it anyway). You would be absolutely amazed at some of the responses I get. In fact, just leaf through the profiles and you'll see me mentioned frequently. I'm kind of a legend on collarme.

Seriously, its kind of like sending out job applications. You spend an hour prepping your resume and thoughtfully writing out a cover letter, then agonize over what kind of paper to print it on and make sure that it looks perfect. The employer scans it in two seconds to see if it contains two or three catch-words and if they aren't present, it goes in the circular file. It isn't that the employer is a jerk, it's that the employer gets fifty applications a day and has his own way of trying to separate the wheat from the chaff. In my case, I am reluctant to have my photograph circulating about the internet from a sex-related site, so I probably get tossed in the circular file faster than most. Just be patient. Truthfully, I believe you are far better off spending time making your profile as detailed as possible about who you are and what you seek. I have found that I get a lot of emails from dominant women who seek the same things I do (unfortunately, none of them are close to me), simply because of my journal entries and profile. I rarely send out introductory emails (and when I do its usually just to point out my admiration for something someone has said or a photo that strikes me in a certain way or some journal post that gave me a unique perspective on something).

(in reply to joether)

RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 1/28/2010 7:16:59 AM

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Oh... one other thing, a good follow up is always a good idea too. If they don't respond within, say, an hour or two, I always send a follow up letting them know that I am on to their little scam and that I know they are a fake domme and probably fat, stupid old and ugly. That is always sure to impress.

(in reply to joether)

RE: The Hypocritical Domme - 1/28/2010 7:20:39 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: notinferior

Oh... one other thing, a good follow up is always a good idea too. If they don't respond within, say, an hour or two, I always send a follow up letting them know that I am on to their little scam and that I know they are a fake domme and probably fat, stupid old and ugly. That is always sure to impress.

Yes, that ALWAYS works with me!

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