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Can a Pro Domme ever really be a lifestyle Domme? - 2/12/2010 4:14:05 AM

EagerSlave1

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I am pretty new to all the BDSM terminology. I understand that Pro Dommes get paid to do what they do. That being said, I am sure many of them enjoy it alot and not just for the money. But I am asking, if the main motivation for participating in the BDSM scene is cash, is it REAL? Is it just an act that is turned off and on? I may sound like a complete dummy when it comes to this and that is why I am asking. I was told that lifestyle Dommes do this because it is a part of who they are and they like it, and Pro Dommes do it for the money. It seems like a Pro Domme would be more inclined to cater to the whim of her paying customers, where as a lifestyle Domme would be more interested in being served by her slaves. Is this a fair assessment?

Post #: 1

RE: Can a Pro Domme ever really be a lifestyle Domme? - 2/12/2010 4:21:08 AM

LadyAngelika

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Think of it this way - every woman is different, ergo every Pro Domme will be different. Some have only clients, some have clients and personal play partners.

The moment you stop trying to fit everyone into neat little categories here, things will get much easier to understand ;-)

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: Can a Pro Domme ever really be a lifestyle Domme? - 2/12/2010 4:28:48 AM

RumpusParable

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Wht she ^ said.

Some pro-dommes are not in the lifestyle other than as a job. Some are lifestyle dommes that also choose to do pro work (such as myself). The reasons for each vary by the person.

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RE: Can a Pro Domme ever really be a lifestyle Domme? - 2/12/2010 4:38:48 AM

SolangeRichards

Posts: 170
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EagerSlave1

I am pretty new to all the BDSM terminology. I understand that Pro Dommes get paid to do what they do. That being said, I am sure many of them enjoy it alot and not just for the money. But I am asking, if the main motivation for participating in the BDSM scene is cash, is it REAL? Is it just an act that is turned off and on? I may sound like a complete dummy when it comes to this and that is why I am asking. I was told that lifestyle Dommes do this because it is a part of who they are and they like it, and Pro Dommes do it for the money. It seems like a Pro Domme would be more inclined to cater to the whim of her paying customers, where as a lifestyle Domme would be more interested in being served by her slaves. Is this a fair assessment?

Fair assessment? Probably not.....

Can a used car salesman be a lifestyle dom? Could a hairdresser be a lifestyle Domme? Sure they can, and so too can a Pro-Domme be a lifestyler.

There's no "one size fits all" dynamic in any part of life, same with this.

While the Pro-Domme may only be scening with "Person X" because they are a client it does not preclude the Domme from enjoying the scene I should think.

I also think most Pros have areas of expertise, as do all professionals. There are things some are more oriented toward than others, and sort of like doctors they specialize to a degree. One may be more inclined toward heavy impact play and steer clear of feminization for instance. I don't believe they do anything you want because you have money.

Something you neglect in your question is the "other side of the coin", the client.

Would he be there for free if every aspect of the scene was structured to reflect solely the interest, tastes and desires of the the Pro-Domme and none of his?

He's there, and paying, to get what he wants. Would he really be interested in the Lady if he wasn't getting what he wanted when he wanted it?

You know, you find a Pro. You discuss with her what you have in mind. You come to an agreement on the scene. You pay her, and you get your scene.

Why clog up things wondering about her private life?

< Message edited by SolangeRichards -- 2/12/2010 4:40:24 AM >

(in reply to EagerSlave1)

Post #: 4

RE: Can a Pro Domme ever really be a lifestyle Domme? - 2/12/2010 4:43:21 AM

CherokeeRose2

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I really love my job. LOVE it. But I sure as heck wouldn't do it unless they paid me. The bottom line is that if I need to earn a living, (and as an adult, that's something I have to do) I cannot spend 50 hours plus a week working that job without financial compensation. I'd have to find some other way to make my living, and I'd have a lot less time and energy to focus on doing those things that I love doing in my current job.

No. I'm not a prodomme, and my job has nothing to do with BDSM. But it's a fair comparison - a lifestyle domme has to do something for a living - MOST do things non-kink related, but some DO work as a prodomme.

Or don't you think that they should be allowed to have that option if that is what said Domme wants to do? Interestingly, dommes who are both pro & lifestyle are also frequently the ones out there organizing munches, writing articles and books meant to educate about the lifestyle, doing demos and organizing BDSM events, and out there advocating to make sure that our legal rights as people who engage in BDSM activities are protected. Thoughtless, selfish bitches, eh?

Seeing a prodomme on occasion for play is NOT the same experience as being in a relationship with a lifestyle domme - I don't believe anyone has ever argued that it IS the same experience. A prodomme experience is controlled kink within a finite parameter, including activities, time, etc. If a client is paying $300 per hour to the prodomme, then yes, he needs to get his fantasy needs met within the parameters that the prodomme has set. If he didn't - why would he go to one? That said, he has to be able to articulate his needs, be reasonably about them, and invest some time in finding a prodomme that is a good fit for his needs. As for the prodomme, she needs to set her own parameters based on her comfort zone and abilities and screen clients to make sure that they are a good fit. It's not dial-a-domme where the client gets to demand and the prodomme has to do.

As a lifestyle domme of MANY years, I can tell you that the vast majority of kinky men out there DO NOT WANT A RELATIONSHIP with a lifestyle domme. Not really. They just want an outlet for their kink desires on occasion for whatever reason. They may even find a lifestyle domme willing to give them that - but most will not, simply because there's a lot more of them than there are lifestyle dommes, and only so many lifestyle dommes willing to engage in non-relationship-based kink-on-demand.

And these kinky men have NO problem saying they are submissive, and demanding that a lifestyle domme give them what they want...and as good little lifestyle dommes, we're supposed to service them "for the love of kink".

Many will whine and moan that they can't find a lifestyle domme to service them. Shocking. Some will recognize that what they want is a service and pony up to see a prodomme. Because of this, there's a thriving prodomme industry. If there weren't the clients out there - there wouldn't be the prodommes. The laws of SUPPLY and DEMAND are at it again.

If you don't want to go to a prodomme, then you don't have to. If you want a lifestyle domme, then you have to dig a LOT deeper than your wallet.

BTW - Eager? Since this is your third thread that you started - all dealing with financial issues - what would a potential domme seeing that think? I hope you are not one of these guys who spend more time complaining about why some dommes charge than they do developing those relationship skills that they need so they CAN be in a relationship with a lifestyle domme.

< Message edited by CherokeeRose2 -- 2/12/2010 4:52:49 AM >

(in reply to EagerSlave1)

Post #: 5

RE: Can a Pro Domme ever really be a lifestyle Domme? - 2/12/2010 4:55:55 AM

EagerSlave1

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I appreciate all the answers to my question. I guess it does make sense that every woman is different. I have personally never been to a Pro Domme but have nothing against them, and I am sure many are very good at what they do. I know how I am though. I don't think I would enjoy a "session" where everything went according to a script. Does that make sense? I am sure some are alright with that and it is fine for them if they don't want a relationship. I feel like it would almost seem like an act. I understand that many Pro Dommes also can be lifestylers and are simply get paid for doing something they enjoy. That makes alot of sense. I wonder if there are any Pro Slaves? Lol, I doubt it.

(in reply to CherokeeRose2)

Post #: 6

RE: Can a Pro Domme ever really be a lifestyle Domme? - 2/12/2010 4:57:55 AM

MsHValentine

Posts: 80
Joined: 1/6/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EagerSlave1

I am pretty new to all the BDSM terminology. I understand that Pro Dommes get paid to do what they do. That being said, I am sure many of them enjoy it alot and not just for the money. But I am asking, if the main motivation for participating in the BDSM scene is cash, is it REAL? Is it just an act that is turned off and on? I may sound like a complete dummy when it comes to this and that is why I am asking. I was told that lifestyle Dommes do this because it is a part of who they are and they like it, and Pro Dommes do it for the money. It seems like a Pro Domme would be more inclined to cater to the whim of her paying customers, where as a lifestyle Domme would be more interested in being served by her slaves. Is this a fair assessment?

Does a Pro golfer enjoy golf?
Does a Pro football player enjoy playing football?

Dommes play a top for their slaves enjoyment.

(in reply to EagerSlave1)

Post #: 7

RE: Can a Pro Domme ever really be a lifestyle Domme? - 2/12/2010 5:01:34 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EagerSlave1

I appreciate all the answers to my question. I guess it does make sense that every woman is different. I have personally never been to a Pro Domme but have nothing against them, and I am sure many are very good at what they do. I know how I am though. I don't think I would enjoy a "session" where everything went according to a script. Does that make sense? I am sure some are alright with that and it is fine for them if they don't want a relationship. I feel like it would almost seem like an act. I understand that many Pro Dommes also can be lifestylers and are simply get paid for doing something they enjoy. That makes alot of sense. I wonder if there are any Pro Slaves? Lol, I doubt it.

I'm not a Pro Domme, but I've had conversations with a few to find out what they do. I can assure you that the better ones do not follow any script. Again, stop with the assumptions and focus on getting to know people.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: Can a Pro Domme ever really be a lifestyle Domme? - 2/12/2010 5:23:34 AM

RumpusParable

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Again agreeing with LadyAngelika... Personally, I always turned down the clients that wanted a set script. Ideas and desires were great -and needful, since I often just met the person- but script? NO. Too dull and while I enjoy service topping -both for fun and for work- I don't like feeling controlled or like I'm faking a role.

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RE: Can a Pro Domme ever really be a lifestyle Domme? - 2/12/2010 5:55:30 AM

marshalp

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What Ms. CherokeeRose2 wrote makes a lot of sense to me. Also from (a bit of) personal experience with both (pro & lifestyle dommes) , i believe there is a big difference in the exprience you get from each. I see being with a lifestyle domme as being in a relationship, there is a lot more going on than just a kinky session. In many ways being with a pro-domme is less demanding than being with a lifestyle domme. It is true many people (i'd hate limiting to just males, but i guess it is true) do not want to invenst enough to be with a lifestyle domme & chose instead a pro-domme. Heck, it is convenient, you get your fix without bothering with all the extra trappings of a relation. But in the same vein, (IMHO) you rarely, if ever, get that deep connection with a pro-domme as with a lifestyle.
So, while a person can be both lifestyle & a pro domme, the roles are way different and the expriences and the investment you have to make are different too.
I hear the law of demand and supply, though i really don't like it, i have to agree with it (wish there was a concept of a pro-malesub... scary actually.... but i digress from the topic).

< Message edited by marshalp -- 2/12/2010 6:01:37 AM >

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RE: Can a Pro Domme ever really be a lifestyle Domme? - 2/12/2010 6:06:30 AM

RumpusParable

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From: NYC now!
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Brought to thought by this thread and a recent discussion with a friend about my pro-ing experiences:

Funny little irony... most of the clients I talked to wanted a relationship with me beyond just getting their kinks met, while most lifestyle subs I meet just want a scene to get themselves off and no relationship. I had to turn down clients because of wanting relationships and lifestyle subs because they don't want them!

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Post #: 11

RE: Can a Pro Domme ever really be a lifestyle Domme? - 2/12/2010 6:42:54 AM

cloudboy

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It might be better to concentrate on the Saints Super Bowl victory instead.

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RE: Can a Pro Domme ever really be a lifestyle Domme? - 2/12/2010 6:44:12 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
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From: Washington, DC area
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hmmm.. ever heard of enjoying your work?
getting paid for what you love to do?

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RE: Can a Pro Domme ever really be a lifestyle Domme? - 2/12/2010 6:46:14 AM

DesFIP

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There are female pro subs whose clients are male tops. But I don't know of any male pro subs, I do know of some male pro doms who service the gay community however.

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RE: Can a Pro Domme ever really be a lifestyle Domme? - 2/12/2010 7:30:14 AM

EagerSlave1

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CherokeeRose- I am by no means a cheapskate and would have NO problem spoiling my owner but I am just trying to understand the difference between a Pro Domme experience and a lifestyle experience. I know in the Pro experience you are paying for it directly and the lifestyle experience can be a relationship or just casual BDSM play. I just want to maybe understand the female dominant a little better. I have posted things about the financial nature because in my limited experience that seems to be the biggest issue for some. It is not, however, an issue for me.

(in reply to DesFIP)

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RE: Can a Pro Domme ever really be a lifestyle Domme? - 2/12/2010 8:05:00 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

There are female pro subs whose clients are male tops. But I don't know of any male pro subs, I do know of some male pro doms who service the gay community however.

I actually spoke with a male pro sub. He was here looking for a personal relationship, but he did bottom for women and men for a fee as well. Since he was the first and only pro male sub I came across I had to ask him a bunch of questions...lol. He was actually a pleasant guy and would bottom to some edgier things that some Dom/mes had a hard time finding a bottom for. Of course, being a pro he had a rigid screening process and he didn't just bottom for anyone.

So yeah, there are pro subs both male and female. Though I do believe they are less common than pro Dommes.

I've only spoke with a handful of pro Dommes and not one of them took on just any client and followed a script. Each one of them would only take on clients who were looking for a scene that they actually enjoyed performing. They also would listen to their clients wishes but usually deviated from the request a fair bit to fit their own unique style. That way their client was happy (he ultimately got his scene) and she was happy because she did the scene her way.

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RE: Can a Pro Domme ever really be a lifestyle Domme? - 2/12/2010 8:22:55 AM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EagerSlave1

I appreciate all the answers to my question. I guess it does make sense that every woman is different. I have personally never been to a Pro Domme but have nothing against them, and I am sure many are very good at what they do. I know how I am though. I don't think I would enjoy a "session" where everything went according to a script. Does that make sense? I am sure some are alright with that and it is fine for them if they don't want a relationship. I feel like it would almost seem like an act. I understand that many Pro Dommes also can be lifestylers and are simply get paid for doing something they enjoy. That makes alot of sense. I wonder if there are any Pro Slaves? Lol, I doubt it.

Ok, I am going to give you my thoughts on this. Bare in mind that I don't speak on behalf of anyone else, just me!

Before becoming a pro Domme I was a lifestyle Domme. I became a pro Domme because I could do something I enjoyed and earn lots of money doing it.
The problem with pro domming is you don't get to choose who you hang off your ceiling for a couple of hours. Well not if you want to earn some serious money you don't. You work hard, vet your clients as much as possible but don't turn them away just because they don't do it for you. You also end up doing thing to people that doesn't necessarily do anything for you and you very often don't get the desired reaction you would be looking for when scening with a choice. You take the rough with the smooth. Sometimes its great fun and sometimes its as boring as fuck.
You get some clients coming in with a script that they want you to follow to the letter and others that want you to put your own personality into a scene.
A majority of clients fall in love with you and become pests. Others you really fancy but you can't go there because they are probably married or in a relationship.
When I had earned enough money I stopped doing it professionally because it was a lot of hard work and it pulled me too far away from the lifestyle I was previously accustomed to.

Male slaves happily do this for free but female slaves want paying!
Edited to say that in all the time I have been doing this I have never once heard or come across a pro male sub but then Im in the UK!

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 2/12/2010 8:27:04 AM >

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RE: Can a Pro Domme ever really be a lifestyle Domme? - 2/12/2010 8:35:38 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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As I said above, the ladies who were pro that I spoke with wouldn't take on a client whose fantasy wasn't something the lady was interested in.

I haven't spoke with a lot of pros so I'm sure that isn't the full picture. But can I ask you, allthatjaz, while you were pro, would you have taken on a client whose preferred scene was something you did not enjoy at all? Let me use an example, if you hard-limited scat would you have taken on a client whose fantasy scene involved scat? Or would you have turned that client down in favor of another client who didn't need scat involved in his fantasy scene?

I'm asking purely out of curiousity only because you've made some points that I've not encountered amongst those pro's that I've spoken with.

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RE: Can a Pro Domme ever really be a lifestyle Domme? - 2/12/2010 9:07:38 AM

AAkasha

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Here's something for you to consider. If a young woman is passionately interested in S&M, playing all the time, going to parties, comparing her kinky nightlife to the bore of her office day job or mounting college debts or whatever, how could a woman ever *not* consider, just for a moment, what it would be like to be a professional dominatrix "for a living."? She sees the "glamorous job" and flexibility, freedom, the "make your own hours" schedule, the access to amazing TOYS and gear, the fact that all those expensive outfits are now "paid for" by work, she sees the travel that the higher end pro femdoms do-- it's like being a model, an actress, a self-made business woman all rolled into one!

For *any* woman who enjoys kink and has managed to dominate "a guy" who maybe she wasn't that into (chemistry didn't flow, but she was already well into it and it was worth it to just keep going rather than bum him out) and realizes she can pull of a great S&M "scene" despite not having deep affection or lust, the idea of being a pro femdom has to be attractive if she's looking for any kind of escape from her current life path. If she knows she can make a scene fun, exciting and rewarding - in and of itself, despite not lusting for the guy - and get a rush out of it - she may think, 'why not?'

Whether or not she sticks it out for the long haul, or if it matches her expectations - well, that's another story. But I have to think it's an attractive lifestyle for a kinky woman who is burnt out or disillusioned with the real world challenges of a 9 to 5 job. I know I seriously considered it around age 26 - 27 when I was at the peak of my "S&M PARTYING" days, when the corporate job ladder seemed very discouraging, when I was being overworked and underpaid and had very little flexibility. Back then, though, the idea of being self employed in any field was a little less common (compared to now), so it was especially attractive.

I think you have to consider that a fairly common trait (in my opinion) for femdoms is ambition, desire for self sufficiency, desire for creative control in our lives and desire to take on something and really own it (not just a man). When you have all that, combined with seemingly endless amounts of energy and lust for S&M, the idea of being a pro femdom in a dungeon is a young kinky girl's fairy tale.

Akasha

< Message edited by AAkasha -- 2/12/2010 9:08:51 AM >

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RE: Can a Pro Domme ever really be a lifestyle Domme? - 2/12/2010 9:15:15 AM

mnottertail

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Isn't this whole thing rather like asking:

can a professional athlete be a lifestyle athlete?

maybe it's just me.

Ron(ne)

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Post #: 20

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