BLoved
Posts: 642
Joined: 8/5/2009 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sirsholly quote:
that casual players do not concern themselves with the well-being of anyone but themselves. hey Bob....the "casual player" is also the one you are deeming to be the victim. Indeed. This is from an essay in my profile: Living with Trauma: Cycles of Self-Destruction As was described in the previous section, past abuse can predispose a submissive to accept more abuse. This is not inevitable. Love has a healing quality when it comes to abuse. Whether the love of one person can heal the abuse suffered by another very much depends on the individuals and the degree to which Love and Fear motivates them. But there is no cure for abuse but Love. Love helps to restore self-respect. Love provides a solid foundation from which one can determine what is real, what is flattery, and what is delusion. Love does not deceive. But for those who do not find love, and for those combinations of people where the love of one was insufficient to overcome the fears of the abused, there continues this diminished sense of self-respect. In their need for relief, they seek solace in the arms of others. But in allowing themselves to be used for the sake of the illusion of being desired they further undermine their self-respect. Some, convinced they are not doing enough to be desirable, seek to go further, casting off limits if need be, ignoring safety concerns and pushing themselves to the brink of extinction, emotionally if not physically as well. It is a vicious cycle which, if not stopped, eventually leaves the submissive incapable of accepting love, pushing away anything that looks like love. After so much abuse, she simply no longer believes in it, or no longer believes herself worthy of it. She may well go to the extreme of only seeking out situations where there is no chance of Love entering her world. Jaded and calloused, she may even join in the abuse of others. After so much abuse, the ability to relate to the feelings of others grows numb. Just as it does for the domly types who abuse others.
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When your bdsm paradigm makes love essential, expect some flack from those for whom love is anathema.
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