A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2

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A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/21/2010 9:51:06 AM

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About five years ago, I had started a thread on Domme's sexuality.

The question I was awkwardly trying to ask back then was do you think that being a dominant woman has made you more in touch with and active about your sexuality?

The thread ended up revolving around whether or not dominant women were seen as loose or not. Also, it addressed issues of dominant women and penetration (which was also discussed in this thread: Dommes & penetration which I think is actually the first thread I ever started on CM).

One thing that inspired me to start this topic back up is that I realised from the thread naiveguy started today that there are still a lot of misconceptions about a dominant woman's sexuality.

So what to you are some of the misconceptions you encounter regularly about dominant women and their sexuality?

It is time to debunk some myths, ladies (and gentlemen)!

- LA

Side note: I was about 5 years younger then, still trying to figure out what being a Domina meant to me -- not that I've found ALL the answers yet and there is much fun in discovering -- and I just found my questions kind of naive in a cute way. I was also thinking of the kind of advice I'd give myself today.

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RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/21/2010 10:19:04 AM

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I know I'm in the minority on these boards, because I'm neither in, nor actively looking to be in, a committed femdom relationship at the moment.

I do play casually (go on Bob, strike me down!). I'm comfortable and happy doing that, but I'm not comfortable or happy sleeping with those I play with casually; that's not because I think it's wrong or immoral or anything-it just feels like a big part of myself to give to someone I don't know that well.

Looking back at the previous thread, a lot of things said there ring true with me-I'm sexually assertive, I can (and do) articulate clearly what I want in bed, and I'm not afraid of showing my enjoyment.

As to how that's going to pan out in a D/s relationship, when I get there? Ask me in five years, Lady A; I'm sure I'll have more to add.

eta: Gah, dammit! I pressed 'ok' without actually adding the bit which answers the question! D:

As for misconceptions: I get an awful lot of mails on this site either calling me frigid or assuming that I'm kidding about the 'no sex' part of the equation. The main misconception I have encounter, I suppose, is subs assuming that it's impossible to be sexy or sexual without fucking them;

I know that is probably going to be a different answer to most of the replies you'll get, LA, but I'm coming from a different angle than most of the lovely ladies here...

< Message edited by VaguelyCurious -- 2/21/2010 10:23:10 AM >

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RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/21/2010 10:29:34 AM

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The misconceptions that we have run into are more about other factors than the fact that we are Dominant.

People assume because we are kinky that we are sluts/easy/tramps/whores/whatever lable they want to slap on us.

A lot of male submissives also assume that because we are bisexual that we *have* to like forced fem/crossdressing.

A lot of female submissives assume that because we are bisexual that we automatically want to have fem-subs.

We get messages from a lot of couples because we're bi, so obviously, we should want both ...

As for the assumptions associated with us being Dominant - well, we obviously have to be sadistic and strict and cruel; of course we wear leather at least every other day; we wear heels around the house; we don't want anything to do with our boys sexually because we're 'superior' and they need to be kept locked up when they aren't 'in use' .... I'm sure there are others, but I can't think of any right now.

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(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/21/2010 10:51:31 AM

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VC - When I first started out and was discovering, I wasn't into having sex with many the boys and girls I played with for the exact same reasons as you. The ones I was actually dating was a whole other story. So I totally understand.

Karen (SD) - I get a few requests from women, but really not that much (also in looking at the profiles of the women who address me, I'm pretty sure they are fake/male). My profile does state that I am bisexual but it is pretty clear about seeking a male partner.

I know we get a lot of mail from wankers and I'm not so concerned about their misconceptions. I'm more concerned with the misconceptions that emerging submissives might have.

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/21/2010 12:33:59 PM

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Oh, that's easy - those are the ones who think they will be caged when not "in use" and who think that we really do wear leather/latex and heels every day. They get their view from the porn industry and run with it.

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Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/21/2010 12:41:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

Oh, that's easy - those are the ones who think they will be caged when not "in use" and who think that we really do wear leather/latex and heels every day.

Right. Well they don't always has such extreme misconceptions.

I guess that because I'm an educator by profession, I look for opportunities where I can help people learn about female domination.

quote:

They get their view from the porn industry and run with it.

I'll be the first to admit that when I first started exploring BDSM, I too was bombarded by porno pics. I'm glad there were resources for me to learn another image.

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/21/2010 12:52:05 PM

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Funny, I was just talking to a friend about this the other night.

The two that drive me crazy are

1) Assuming all I want or that I want to receive oral attentions. I don't. I'm one of those rare creatures who just doesn't care for it much. I like being the aggressor, even in vanilla sex. Laying there on the receiving end of anything just bores me. I realize a lot of women do like it and that's wonderful but I prefer being in charge of the action.*

and

2) Assuming a Dominant woman never gives oral either, that somehow it's an inherently submissive act. This is the one that really makes me pull my hair out. I love having a man in my mouth. Not in the standard pornographic on the knees him grabbing the back of my head style, but being over him, taunting, teasing, pushing right up to the peak and then backing off. He's so helpless, so vulnerable at those times and you could do just about anything you wanted to. It's downright exhilarating.

Ms. Betty

*Yes, there have been very few, very rare exceptions, but the quality that made them work is very elusive, I have yet to find a way to describe it.

< Message edited by ourmsbetty -- 2/21/2010 12:55:06 PM >

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/21/2010 1:55:08 PM

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Common myths:

a. That being sexually Dominant is just temporary and like all women I'm really a switch or submissive in 'real life'.
b. That I'm bisexual
c. That being a Domme means I'll do anything a bottom fetishist dreams of.
d. That being a Domme means I'll do anything a john will pay for.
e. That cockshots are the best ever first-contact pics for a Domme.

Truth:
1. I'm sexually Dominant and do not and never will switch or submit.
2. I'm straight
3. I'm a straight Domme, and I knows what I likes, including OSODD.
4. I'm a straight lifestyle Domme, and all I do I do in a relationship for pleasure +/- a haiku
5. The best profile pics are nekkid torsos or forearms

and above all:
#6: When in doubt, see Truth #3.

(in reply to ourmsbetty)

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/21/2010 5:33:48 PM

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Ms Betty, you are right. There is a misconception that we all like the same thing.

And as far as performing oral on a man, I remember one man saying to me something along the lines that he could never let his Mistress do that to him. I asked him how on earth he though he had a choice in the matter ;-)

- LA

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RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/21/2010 5:57:55 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Ms Betty, you are right. There is a misconception that we all like the same thing.

And as far as performing oral on a man, I remember one man saying to me something along the lines that he could never let his Mistress do that to him. I asked him how on earth he though he had a choice in the matter ;-)

- LA

LOL. Beautiful point! I had one boyfriend that was very uncomfortable with it so I didn't in his case but yes, I think you about summed it up. :)

Did you ask him why?

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/21/2010 6:00:02 PM

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He thought a woman peforming oral on a man was a submissive act. So I made sure to hogtie him for first so that he not get too much of a dominant feeling while I was doing it. ;-)

- LA

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RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/21/2010 6:03:27 PM

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That kind of statement gives me the worst urge to beat some sense into a boy.

Perfect solution. Hard for any man to feel even slightly in charge when he's bound and helpless.

Did he shift his paradigm appropriately?

< Message edited by ourmsbetty -- 2/21/2010 6:04:01 PM >

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/21/2010 6:05:52 PM

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It was a little more than a shift... let's call it a thrust!

- LA

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RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/21/2010 6:13:34 PM

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You know, I've never understood how any act, in and of itself, could be dominant or submissive ... however, when it involves sensitive appendages with my teeth against them? I'm fairly certain that none of our boys will ever make the mistake of saying that me performing oral is a submissive act ... lol

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Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

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(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/21/2010 6:14:21 PM

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:)

Mine couldn't get past certain hang ups of his upbringing, he'd actually lose his erection if I even suggested it.

Funny, he never had a problem with being beaten.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/21/2010 6:18:32 PM

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Karen, so true. And Betty, interesting contraction.

I'm very surprised that none of the boys have chimed in... ;-)

- LA

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RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/21/2010 6:31:04 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

You know, I've never understood how any act, in and of itself, could be dominant or submissive ... however, when it involves sensitive appendages with my teeth against them? I'm fairly certain that none of our boys will ever make the mistake of saying that me performing oral is a submissive act ... lol

Exactly!

I've always considered acts neutral, too.

I think this may be one more place where porn has colored the issue for some. They see it only it that context and don't think past that.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/21/2010 6:33:03 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Karen, so true. And Betty, interesting contraction.

I'm very surprised that none of the boys have chimed in... ;-)

- LA

Maybe they are afraid if they start talking we'll stop?

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/21/2010 6:39:23 PM

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Maybe...

*Leaves a few cookies for boys who reply leave a reply*

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to ourmsbetty)

RE: A Domme's Sexuality, Take 2 - 2/21/2010 6:58:52 PM

velt

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What about boys who are only permitted to engage in oral sex with themselves, and only when ordered to do so? Would be a submissive act for boys like that...

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

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