LafayetteLady
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Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:
ORIGINAL: NiteOwl1971
I am going to suggest something that probably won't make sense at first, but, as one with ADHD, I can tell you that the whole reward/punishment thing doesn't work as well on those with ADHD and asperger's as those without those conditions would like to think.
There are only 2 timeframes that are coded into us. It's NOW, and NOT-NOW, but that is another topic, but is still worth noting.
What is common with ADHD and aspergers is that they are "big picture thinkers," which means that we are not content with our own little corner, but want to know how our own little corner fits in with the grand scheme.
The other thing worth noting, and this is something that I hadn't realized until I was tested, and it became apparent that there was one way and only one I could complete the task, was that I do better working backwards. That task was I was given 3 or 4 flash cards with pictures on them, and had to put them in order so that a story was told.
I could NOT start at the first picture and go from there. I HAD to start at the last one, and work my way to the beginning.
What I'm saying, is that, perhaps, your son would do better by both of you sitting down and setting the goals for the morning for him. Ok, we want to be at this point at this time, and this, this, and this need to be done by then.
If he works it out himself on the schedule, it will stick with him better, because he's working at it from an angle that makes sense to him. (oh, and just to make sure that you have enough time to be distracted a few times, multiply the estimated time by 3.)
All of the suggestions that I read, and I admit, I didn't read all of them, seemed to go from the perspective of "this makes sense to me that doesn't have either of these conditions," but that perspective also plays directly into your sons weaknesses, which is not only frusterating to you, but even more so to him.
I know that when I put something down and immediately lose it, I get very very very very frusterated. Imagine having that each and every day.
Sometimes, all it takes is to have the agreed upon goals put up noticably.
Like a big sign with "AM GOALS" with the list below it can help, but ONLY IF he has a hand in designing it, as shapes, and colors, and textures can be very significant. I get bored with dull black and white, I like yellows, and purples, and greens, and reds, and oranges. And there are more times than I care to count, where I have keyed on colors rather than words, especially if I'm in a hurry, and under stress, and fighing my brain shutting down all the while trying to resolve the difficulty that originally caused the stress.
You need to come up with a system that he not only WANTS to use but is also EXCITED about using, and then it will not only work, but also be easier for him to maintain, regardless of how complicated you want to think that it is.
HTH
I realize that you have been diagnosed yourself, but your statements are not true of all Attention Deficits. Like anything else, there is some individuality involved. Many attention deficits are pretty self absorbed and that "big picture" doesn't mean a whole lot. In fact, the "big picture" will cause information overload and backfire.
It is important to note that there is a HUGE difference between adult attention deficit learning techniques and adolescents. With adults, they more than likely have had the condition all their lives and need to learn new habits to be productive in society. With adolescents, the goal is to teach them those organizational habits before they start compensating to get by.
Lockit, with all the respect you deserve for everything you have accomplished with your son and his injuries, an asperger child will better be able to learn those techniques over the long haul, even though many days will seem like backsliding.
NiteOwl1971, while you are correct that positive/negative consequences with special needs children may not work the same as with unafflicted children, studies have shown that for the most part, learning consequences are especially necessary. While I hate to use the Pavlov's dog comparison, that is pretty much how it works.
One of the most important things kids need to learn from their parents is responsibility/accountability. Children with attention deficit or asperger''s need to know that they can't fall back on "I can't because I have ______." That's one of my son's favorite ploys (even though he can't grasp after all these years it doesn't work on me).
I have found along with all the other reminders, notes and nudges, one of the best things to do is when you give an instruction, have the child repeat it back to you. Not only does this help with accountability, it also fires different parts of the brain and helps to reinforce the instruction into memory. My son will often use this technique on himself when trying to remember something like a phone number. He will repeat it out loud to himself. Part of this is because we use different parts of our brain for speech than for reading something silently. When you have any special needs child, repetition is the "name of the game."
ETA: The main rule of that game is that mom (or dad) can't nudge them along no matter how frustrated they become.
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