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RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/22/2010 9:51:21 PM

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Sure, I talked on the phone at least a couple of times first, and e-mailed a few times, before we met. E-mail and phone are great for screening people who are incompatible out (like guys who want me to not wear panties on the first date), and establishing that he's interesting to have a conversation with. I can't know whether or not I'm actually attracted to someone until we meet face to face, and I can't know whether or not I can submit to him until he's at least pulled my hair.

Since I was only interested in guys who were local, it was pretty easy to meet as soon as we'd established those basics. I do have some friends who I've known only online to start with, but I can't connect romantically or on a D/s level long-distance. I'm not submissive in general, or to everyone. I'm a switch, so what dynamic I would be capable of depends on how I interact with the other person - it's not automatic. I still wouldn't have any problem with bringing chocolate, or gatorade, or painting my nails, or wearing a specific color, or styling my hair a particular way for a first date. I just had bad experiences with the "no panties" guys, so I tend to think poorly of the character of anyone who asks for that. I suppose you can just consider it a pet peeve.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 3/22/2010 9:54:41 PM >

(in reply to lucylucy)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/22/2010 10:08:15 PM

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quote:

A first date isn't a first contact. I'm assuming there would be a connection of some sort to warrant the date.

That is the premise I have been working from. I think it is an important point of view, again not for everyone, but for some.

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What a man sees depends on what he looks at and what his previous experience has taught him to see.
Thomas Kuhn (1922-1996)

(in reply to lucylucy)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/22/2010 10:23:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsHValentine

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I like to be able to get a degree of control, even at the first meeting. Of course, if she complies, she will feel more submissive toward me.

And there is just something hot about a woman with no underwear.

As you allude, there is also the wank factor.

I like to be able to get a degree of control, even before the first meeting. Of course, if he complies, he will feel more submissive toward me. And there is just something hot about a man with a fat wallet.

As you allude, there is also the tribute factor. LOL

I will not meet a woman that doesn't have a big fat pussy and pocket book.

I demand tribute....ass,cash and gash no one rides the DomiDong for free. I also have a snake.

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(in reply to MsHValentine)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/22/2010 10:38:08 PM

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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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I think the first date ideally is not sexually based. If a guy told me to come with no undergarments on I would think he is moving too fast, first things first. Let me meet him face to face, see how I feel about him. Have a coffee and if there is no vibe buh bye and if there is well...

To me if a guy requested this of me I would think he was lame and immature, that is moi. Sure there are no absolutes but by and large it would not be a good sign to me if he made any sort of sexual demands on me before I even saw his face. To me requesting I forget the underwear is a sexual thing.

I would decide how I dress. C'est moi

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat

(in reply to domiguy)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/22/2010 10:41:31 PM

osf

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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartcream

I think the first date ideally is not sexually based. If a guy told me to come with no undergarments on I would think he is moving too fast, first things first. Let me meet him face to face, see how I feel about him. Have a coffee and if there is no vibe buh bye and if there is well...

To me if a guy requested this of me I would think he was lame and immature, that is moi. Sure there are no absolutes but by and large it would not be a good sign to me if he made any sort of sexual demands on me before I even saw his face. To me requesting I forget the underwear is a sexual thing.

I would decide how I dress. C'est moi

I have had the experience that she was in much more of a rush than i was, it can work both ways

_____________________________

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i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to heartcream)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/22/2010 10:50:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
The problem with following such an order on a first meet is that it sets up expectations for the man that he's going to get laid no matter what. Which, if you don't do, can easily lead to him being verbally abusive. And who needs that?

A first meet is to establish any basic chemistry, not to have mismatched expectations.

If the woman is definitely not going to have sex on the first date, she can easily say to the man, "I am happy to not wear a bra or panties when we meet, but it's important to me that you respect the fact that I am not going to have sex with you until or unless we establish a relationship."

Showing up without bra and panties doesn't set up an expectation that has already been discussed.

You women folk and your silly lil' notions. You would show up not wearing panties or a bra but would forget the butt plug? What ever happened to etiquette? What ever became of protocol?

Why would any of you do one single thing beyond meeting? Do you not realize how douchy the majority of these fuckers are?

I try and keep conversations to a minimum before meeting. Face to face is where the rubber meets the ho. You women are willing to invest all of this meaningless time. You place all of this excitement and desires ahead of yourselves, the horse and the whole cart o' apples and what are you going to do when the dude shows up and he's seven inches short and a hundred pounds over? He's married. A Republican? What if he admires Sarah Palin?

Then you and your floppy tits have been duped. You will soon enough be out here making some sort of a pathetic post why all guys are fakers and losers.

Keep on your damn bras and panties. If things go well I am confident the dude your meeting will be more than happy to relieve you of such nonsensical clothing.

_____________________________

(in reply to lucylucy)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/22/2010 11:56:17 PM

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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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Being someone who prefers comfort above mostly anything else, (unless I am going out somewhere special and then want to wear heels and the like) I find bras and panties more sensical than not. I love cotton panties for comfort and warmth. I like bras because it gives me some visual privacy and probably looks better too, loads of structure and shape they put in them.

I dont love how a bra feels for the most part and whip it off the second I get in the door usually, but I like undergarments. Going with barely any clothes is perfect in the summer. A dress, some panties, and sandals is often just great.

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat

(in reply to domiguy)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 3:25:41 AM

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quote:

Do Dom Ladies order sub boys to show up commando ?

At a first meeting? No I would not. At that first meeting I am there to see if there is any chemistry between us and to discuss "things". I wouldn't be there to fantasize about if he was wearing his underwear or not. I guess perhaps I would just have different priorities.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to swaybackgirl)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 5:49:22 AM

osf

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

quote:

Do Dom Ladies order sub boys to show up commando ?

At a first meeting? No I would not. At that first meeting I am there to see if there is any chemistry between us and to discuss "things". I wouldn't be there to fantasize about if he was wearing his underwear or not. I guess perhaps I would just have different priorities.

~Lashra

anyone with a big cat avatar would have different priorities than someone with a gosling avatar

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to Lashra)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 5:54:34 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: swaybackgirl

Why does it seem that the majority of dom's make the "1st meeting "
with a sub girl and want her to show up with no bra, no panties?
I sense red flags when I hear this,

Do Dom Ladies order sub boys to show up commando ?

Do You ? Would you require it ? please explain, Why ?

my Mistress doesn't ask that of me

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your living nightmare

(in reply to swaybackgirl)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 7:02:33 AM

sweetboundesire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I will not meet a woman that doesn't have a big fat pussy and pocket book.

I demand tribute....ass,cash and gash no one rides the DomiDong for free. I also have a snake.

i was in it for the snake...its lovely. DG was okay but i think the snake & i are gonna be soulmates

_____________________________

and every broken line seems to have a particular design~
and the universe can only expand.
gotta pocket full of dreams and cash in my hand.
and i know, money ain't real...

(in reply to domiguy)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 7:18:20 AM

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quote:

anyone with a big cat avatar would have different priorities than someone with a gosling avatar

Without a doubt.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to osf)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 11:12:54 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

I don't understand what the big deal is about being asked to not wear a bra or panties. If you're going on a date with a man, it means you're interested or at least curious. He's interested or at least curious. It's not like a business meeting, it's a date, for crying out loud. What's wrong with being a little sexy? What's "red flaggy" about a dominant man being a little dominant on a first date and a submissive woman being a little submissive on a first date?

There isn't anything wrong with it. The issue is receiving orders from someone who doesn't own me yet and who I haven't even seen face-to-face. I'd have the same issue if he ordered me to wear a specific color t-shirt.

Personally, I usually try to look a little sexy on dates. Actually, I usually try to look sexy just about every day. I love looking sexy.

At the same time... What's wrong with him seeing what my idea of dressing sexy is since he doesn't own me yet? What's wrong with showing him who I am and my sense of style, which is fairly unique, so that he knows what he is getting if we continue?

quote:

With the exception of those who are very well-endowed on top, how could not wearing a bra or panties be dangerous or harmful? By skipping underwear, I don't forfeit my responsibility to say no to anything that is dangerous or illegal. If he takes my not wearing underwear as evidence that I will do anything he wants, well, he has the right to think that, and he may be wrong, and he has the right to be wrong, just as if I show up without underwear and get the creeps when I meet him, I have the right to cut the date short and take my pantyless cunt home and masturbate. No harm, no foul.

I agree it's not dangerous. I do think it can be friggin' rude though. I have some skirts and dresses where, when I sit, the only thing keeping my vulva from touching the chair are my panties. The nice folks at Starbucks don't need to clean up after me that much...

For me, Aqua, I frequently skip panties cause I don't particularly enjoy wearing them. I don't really get what is so sexy about not wearing them. I know it arouses some guys so, even if I don't get it, when I'm involved with one I make some teases about it. But again, they aren't giving orders before they have a right to.

I do think that if I show up, having allowed them to control my underwear, that the chance is good I'm sending a definate signal. While a self-confessed slut, I still don't allow people who don't have access to the goods to control my underwear. For me and mine, it would be extremely strange to submit to demands from someone who doesn't own me regarding my underwear if I'm not going to let them check things out.

quote:

A first date isn't a first contact. I'm assuming there would be a connection of some sort to warrant the date.

Perhaps there is the difference in approach. We don't spend a lot of time chatting - Val and I want to meet people fairly quickly. I have no interest whatsoever in getting attached to a person over the phone and Internet before meeting them face-to-face and finding out what chemistry we have. I've been emotionally burned that way several times before. Whatever experience others may have with this, it's entirely possible for me to feel a definate connection on the phone or on the net and have nothing when it comes to the face-to-face.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 3/23/2010 11:13:53 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to lucylucy)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 11:29:27 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: swaybackgirl

Why does it seem that the majority of dom's make the "1st meeting "
with a sub girl and want her to show up with no bra, no panties?
I sense red flags when I hear this,

Do Dom Ladies order sub boys to show up commando ?

Do You ? Would you require it ? please explain, Why ?

You ought to be looking for someone you can submit to, rather than someone who will Dom you. (if you want LTR) Priority all fucked up, especially if you've had enough first meets to create this conclusion. If you're just looking for a Dom, hell ya, show up in just bra and panties.

(in reply to swaybackgirl)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 12:23:14 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy
I don't understand what the big deal is about being asked to not wear a bra or panties. If you're going on a date with a man, it means you're interested or at least curious. He's interested or at least curious. It's not like a business meeting, it's a date, for crying out loud. What's wrong with being a little sexy? What's "red flaggy" about a dominant man being a little dominant on a first date and a submissive woman being a little submissive on a first date?

There isn't anything wrong with it. The issue is receiving orders from someone who doesn't own me yet and who I haven't even seen face-to-face. I'd have the same issue if he ordered me to wear a specific color t-shirt . . . I do think that if I show up, having allowed them to control my underwear, that the chance is good I'm sending a definate signal. While a self-confessed slut, I still don't allow people who don't have access to the goods to control my underwear. For me and mine, it would be extremely strange to submit to demands from someone who doesn't own me regarding my underwear if I'm not going to let them check things out.

Fair enough. It wouldn't bother me to receive what I perceive as a minor order, but I see why it would bother you.

quote:

I have some skirts and dresses where, when I sit, the only thing keeping my vulva from touching the chair are my panties. The nice folks at Starbucks don't need to clean up after me that much...

Umm, maybe those skirts and dresses should not be chosen when going sans panties, then.

quote:

quote:

A first date isn't a first contact. I'm assuming there would be a connection of some sort to warrant the date.

Perhaps there is the difference in approach. We don't spend a lot of time chatting - Val and I want to meet people fairly quickly. I have no interest whatsoever in getting attached to a person over the phone and Internet before meeting them face-to-face and finding out what chemistry we have. I've been emotionally burned that way several times before. Whatever experience others may have with this, it's entirely possible for me to feel a definate connection on the phone or on the net and have nothing when it comes to the face-to-face.

Yes, our approaches are quite different. As a single mother with an intense career, when I was dating, I didn't want to bother with arranging and paying for babysitting unless I already felt some sort of connection to a man.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 12:46:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

quote:

anyone with a big cat avatar would have different priorities than someone with a gosling avatar

Without a doubt.

~Lashra

Hard to argue with that

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to Lashra)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 3:33:23 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

quote:

I have some skirts and dresses where, when I sit, the only thing keeping my vulva from touching the chair are my panties. The nice folks at Starbucks don't need to clean up after me that much...

Umm, maybe those skirts and dresses should not be chosen when going sans panties, then.

You haven't seen my closet!

In seriousness, I have skirts and dresses that wouldn't... but I also have skirts and dresses that I prefer to arrange around me so that I'm not sitting on the material. Hence why my privates touch whatever I'm sitting on unless I'm wearing panties.

quote:

Yes, our approaches are quite different. As a single mother with an intense career, when I was dating, I didn't want to bother with arranging and paying for babysitting unless I already felt some sort of connection to a man.

That's quite reasonable. In your situation, I would probably still do things my way because it's very easy for me to feel a connection with someone. It's very easy for me to care for people deeply. The trick is figuring out if I care for them as a serious partner or not and if I want them in my life like that.

I'd just have to find a way to make it work to save myself the emotional pain of getting attached and then finding out it won't work because, say, there is no physical attraction.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to lucylucy)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 4:34:12 PM

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If she doesn't wear a bra and panties......what am I going to cut off, in a very threatening manner, with My knife?

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 5:39:17 PM

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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

If she doesn't wear a bra and panties......what am I going to cut off, in a very threatening manner, with My knife?

Your penis?

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat

(in reply to Jeffff)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 5:43:57 PM

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That seems an overreaction......no?

Jeff

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to heartcream)

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