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RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 5:59:18 PM

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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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Then maybe dont do it in a very threatening manner to curb the drama somewhat.

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RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 6:06:52 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

I don't understand what the big deal is about being asked to not wear a bra or panties. If you're going on a date with a man, it means you're interested or at least curious. He's interested or at least curious. It's not like a business meeting, it's a date, for crying out loud. What's wrong with being a little sexy? What's "red flaggy" about a dominant man being a little dominant on a first date and a submissive woman being a little submissive on a first date?

There isn't anything wrong with it. The issue is receiving orders from someone who doesn't own me yet and who I haven't even seen face-to-face. I'd have the same issue if he ordered me to wear a specific color t-shirt.

Personally, I usually try to look a little sexy on dates. Actually, I usually try to look sexy just about every day. I love looking sexy.

At the same time... What's wrong with him seeing what my idea of dressing sexy is since he doesn't own me yet? What's wrong with showing him who I am and my sense of style, which is fairly unique, so that he knows what he is getting if we continue?

Exactly. And I think that accepting orders and then saying "I'm not interested" leads to confusion.

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RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 7:43:21 PM

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Aquatic, I do care about some people I know only online, but I don't think I could develop a romantic connection. Other than that, I feel the same way you do - and I think it's easy for people to fall in love with an idea they have of the other person online or over the phone, rather than the reality. For me, chemistry is very intricately linked to touch and pheremones, and I just don't respond that way without physical contact. Pretty much, I used the e-mail and phone only to make initial contact, get an idea of whether we had any obvious incompatibilities, make sure they were interesting to talk with and that we shared at least a few interests in common, and so forth, then planned to meet ASAP. I had zero fakes and zero flakes out of all the dates I've met online, both here, and on the site where I met my previous Dominant. Some of them turned out not to be compatible with me, but nobody who gave me a picture they didn't look like or otherwise obviously misrepresented themselves, and almost all of them were at least fun to talk with!

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RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 8:48:44 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartcream

I think the first date ideally is not sexually based. If a guy told me to come with no undergarments on I would think he is moving too fast, first things first. Let me meet him face to face, see how I feel about him. Have a coffee and if there is no vibe buh bye and if there is well...

To me if a guy requested this of me I would think he was lame and immature, that is moi. Sure there are no absolutes but by and large it would not be a good sign to me if he made any sort of sexual demands on me before I even saw his face. To me requesting I forget the underwear is a sexual thing.

I would decide how I dress. C'est moi

In what way are you considering this a sexual thing? Not accusing, just wanting to know where it crosses the line into sex.

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RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 9:14:01 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I think that accepting orders and then saying "I'm not interested" leads to confusion.

Well, yeah, if it's done just like that, but a woman can always clearly communicate ahead of the date something along the lines of, "I will comply with your wish that I not wear underwear when we meet, but it's important that you understand that I'm not committing to anything beyond an hour for coffee [or whatever]." If for you the date is all about guaging chemistry, then why not be honest about that to avoid any possible confusion?

Again, my point is only that being sexy and flirty on a first date is normal, and that the way some submissive women do that is by complying with a simple order, which is perfectly harmless if there is clear communication beforehand about what the man can or can't expect. Whether it's a first date or a 100th date, it seems kind of stupid to me for a woman to ever think a man can read her mind. Many (most?) men are going to hope to get laid whether you're wearing panties or not--so if that's not part of your plan, why not let the guy know that upfront?

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RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 9:19:24 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirtomypet

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartcream

I think the first date ideally is not sexually based. If a guy told me to come with no undergarments on I would think he is moving too fast, first things first. Let me meet him face to face, see how I feel about him. Have a coffee and if there is no vibe buh bye and if there is well...

To me if a guy requested this of me I would think he was lame and immature, that is moi. Sure there are no absolutes but by and large it would not be a good sign to me if he made any sort of sexual demands on me before I even saw his face. To me requesting I forget the underwear is a sexual thing.

I would decide how I dress. C'est moi

In what way are you considering this a sexual thing? Not accusing, just wanting to know where it crosses the line into sex.

Why shouldn't it be considered to be a sexual thang? why doesn't the dom ask you to place a rubber band on your finger or wear a certain color shirt.

It is sexual.

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RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 9:25:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirtomypet

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartcream

I think the first date ideally is not sexually based. If a guy told me to come with no undergarments on I would think he is moving too fast, first things first. Let me meet him face to face, see how I feel about him. Have a coffee and if there is no vibe buh bye and if there is well...

To me if a guy requested this of me I would think he was lame and immature, that is moi. Sure there are no absolutes but by and large it would not be a good sign to me if he made any sort of sexual demands on me before I even saw his face. To me requesting I forget the underwear is a sexual thing.

I would decide how I dress. C'est moi

In what way are you considering this a sexual thing? Not accusing, just wanting to know where it crosses the line into sex.

Why shouldn't it be considered to be a sexual thang? why doesn't the dom ask you to place a rubber band on your finger or wear a certain color shirt.

It is sexual.

i don't see not wearing panties as necessarily a sexual thing. Erotic and titallating, sure - especially if the potential Owner i'm "dating" knows or commanded it.

But it's really only sexual if he were to put his hand up my skirt - which is something i get to decide when and where, and for my Owner.

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(in reply to domiguy)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 9:25:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I think that accepting orders and then saying "I'm not interested" leads to confusion.

Well, yeah, if it's done just like that, but a woman can always clearly communicate ahead of the date something along the lines of, "I will comply with your wish that I not wear underwear when we meet, but it's important that you understand that I'm not committing to anything beyond an hour for coffee [or whatever]." If for you the date is all about guaging chemistry, then why not be honest about that to avoid any possible confusion?

Again, my point is only that being sexy and flirty on a first date is normal, and that the way some submissive women do that is by complying with a simple order, which is perfectly harmless if there is clear communication beforehand about what the man can or can't expect. Whether it's a first date or a 100th date, it seems kind of stupid to me for a woman to ever think a man can read her mind. Many (most?) men are going to hope to get laid whether you're wearing panties or not--so if that's not part of your plan, why not let the guy know that upfront?

Your point is that being sexy or flirty on a first date with someone that you are interested is normal. Otherwise it is fucked up behavior.

You are right you are unable to read someone's mind. Why even allow their mind to think that they have any aspect of control over someone until it is mutually agreed upon?

Subs can be kind of dumb

< Message edited by domiguy -- 3/23/2010 9:26:39 PM >

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RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 9:29:08 PM

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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Why shouldn't it be considered to be a sexual thang? why doesn't the dom ask you to place a rubber band on your finger or wear a certain color shirt.

It is sexual.

Hey thanks domiguy!

Then again a complete stranger asking me to do anything is a bit much.

Maybe if there was some decent amount of history with communication already ongoing then yeah, maybe ask to wear a certain color or something, but truth be told I dont want a complete stranger to tell me anything until I meet face to face and see if I feel like letting him tell me things like this.

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat

(in reply to domiguy)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 9:30:19 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirtomypet

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartcream

I think the first date ideally is not sexually based. If a guy told me to come with no undergarments on I would think he is moving too fast, first things first. Let me meet him face to face, see how I feel about him. Have a coffee and if there is no vibe buh bye and if there is well...

To me if a guy requested this of me I would think he was lame and immature, that is moi. Sure there are no absolutes but by and large it would not be a good sign to me if he made any sort of sexual demands on me before I even saw his face. To me requesting I forget the underwear is a sexual thing.

I would decide how I dress. C'est moi

In what way are you considering this a sexual thing? Not accusing, just wanting to know where it crosses the line into sex.

Why shouldn't it be considered to be a sexual thang? why doesn't the dom ask you to place a rubber band on your finger or wear a certain color shirt.

It is sexual.

i don't see not wearing panties as necessarily a sexual thing. Erotic and titallating, sure - especially if the potential Owner i'm "dating" knows or commanded it.

But it's really only sexual if he were to put his hand up my skirt - which is something i get to decide when and where, and for my Owner.

we are not talking about "dating." We are discussing an initial meeting.

It has nothing to do with what an "owner" commanded. It has to do with what a voice on the phone has asked you to do.

I am glad the eroticism and titillation are not components of a sexual thing.

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RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 9:42:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

When I was still meeting Doms, the minute they would mention such things I would automatically turn down the meeting. It said they only had one intention with meeting me and it wasn't to get to know me.

Upon arranging for a first date we have long since gotten to know each other...very well. Often they have asked me how they should come dressed. I tell them. They come dressed that way.

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RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 9:47:24 PM

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From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

i don't see not wearing panties as necessarily a sexual thing. Erotic and titallating, sure - especially if the potential Owner i'm "dating" knows or commanded it.

But it's really only sexual if he were to put his hand up my skirt - which is something i get to decide when and where, and for my Owner.

we are not talking about "dating." We are discussing an initial meeting.

It has nothing to do with what an "owner" commanded. It has to do with what a voice on the phone has asked you to do.

I am glad the eroticism and titillation are not components of a sexual thing.

OK, excuse my vernacular because i am only meeting potential Owners right now - this is just me.

Hence why i put "dating" in quotes - it IS actually an "initial meeting" - not a "date."

But to make it simple i will phrase it as this - if i am speaking with a self-identified-yet-unproven-in-the-skin-Dominant man and i desire to have a first meeting with him, if i am that interested in him and he asks me to not wear panties, i see it as a no brainer. There is no harm in teasing his mind a bit with something erotic and titallating, and enabling him to see me as a sexual creature, even on the first meeting - it doesn't have to mean anything.

Now if he asked me to go out to his car in the parking lot and show him the goods in person, i would say no - because that's a rule of mine.

Sooner or later that "voice on the phone" has to turn into a real person - or else it is always just a phoned-in fantasy. So yes, i choose to submit to something like not wearing panties. It's pretty simple and i can still protect myself - and it doesn't have to be sexual.

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(in reply to domiguy)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 9:48:25 PM

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I have to agree, not my first thing. If we hit it off and the chemistry is there, the mood, I might ask her to go to the bathromm and take them off and give them to me. We would both have to really feel that instant we could talk all night kind of chemistry.

(in reply to swaybackgirl)

RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 9:56:24 PM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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This topic makes me laugh. Raven, no, please don't think I'm laughing at you. This topic in general I find funny.

Personally, I rarely wear panties, so if I were a sub, and some dom requested I arrive sans panties...I'd just think, "planned on it"...lol. The no bra part, well, gravity has been unkind to the girls, so I think that would be more punishment for him than for me. I don't "LIKE" bras, but, they lift the girls and make them appear perkier and stuff. So, if he wants to see my bewbage in it's gravity stricken state...meh, fine. I'm content with my body as it is and wouldn't care - just don't ask me to jog or do jumping jacks.

Try to touch me sexually on a first meet, unless there is SERIOUS sparks (which is rare), that would end the meeting and all future contact.

Maybe I find it a silly topic because I'm not submissive, I don't know, either way every time it comes up, I chuckle

.

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RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/23/2010 9:58:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

This topic makes me laugh. Raven, no, please don't think I'm laughing at you. This topic in general I find funny.

No worries, and honestly, i'm wondering why i'm sticking with the topic myself.

Hmmmm, probably something here i need to examine, hee hee!

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RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/24/2010 1:14:16 AM

delicatelydirty

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panties /no panties *shrugs* he is probably not getting close enough to check on the first date anyways so he can ask, then he can try and check for a panty line cause that is as close as he is getting...
Braless is just not going to happen ever as someone else mentioned when they are big... braless is not a nice thing for anybody

Another thing for me is that I like looking and feeling sexy and for me knowing I have sexy underwear on can really help me feel that way... so a Dom requesting no underwear (assuming I complied) is probably not going to get a true picture of who I really am because I would likely be feeling self conscious the whole time

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RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/24/2010 5:07:24 AM

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From My perspective some of this discussion have wandered off the point.... people are focusing on whether it is sexual or not..... I don't see this as an issue having anything to do with sex.

If the Dominant mentioned that he would appreciate the girl turning up with a plug up her ass and she complied... I wouldn't consider there being anything wrong.

If the Dominant DEMANDED she wore a blue top I would consider there a problem.

The issue for Me is that the girl hasn't submitted yet therefore the Dominant isn't in a position to make DEMANDS. Making a demand before getting submission, to Me would be a red flag toward the fact that the person places little regard on the whole notion of consent.

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RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/24/2010 6:20:48 AM

osf

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If it hasn't already been made, if a dom starts demanding and she says no to something, where does that leave for the relationship to go?

Sorta a steep climb from there, so I try to be careful not to look like and empty suit

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RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/24/2010 6:37:10 AM

sweetboundesire

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i like how my first Dom described meeting anyone on a first date...he called it "an interview." Tis true. When you meet a Dom or sub online or it two females who like each other are meeting for the first time, it's all an interview sort of date. You're really just getting to know that person in real time, and that is always different than online or on the phone. I see no reason to dress a certain way for anyone on a first date. It's all my choice, the first time. They are not mine and I am not theirs. I usually just aim for looking cute and ready for fun. If not wearing panties was a deal breaker on our first meet up, then it's not gonna work in the long run obviously. Dates after are different

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RE: no bra, no panties ! - 3/24/2010 7:27:23 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I think that accepting orders and then saying "I'm not interested" leads to confusion.

Again, my point is only that being sexy and flirty on a first date is normal, and that the way some submissive women do that is by complying with a simple order, which is perfectly harmless if there is clear communication beforehand about what the man can or can't expect.

I just don't regard letting a dominant choose my underwear as being flirty. That's "I own it, it's mine, I have access to it, I control it" behavior in my head. Being flirty, to me, is leaning across the table to whisper "Guess what I'm not wearing" and seeing his eyes glow with unexpected delight in me.

I also never state upfront if he can expect sex or not because I never know myself until I get in the situation. I prefer to fly by the seat of my pants, regardless of if it's covered or not.

I see your point that it's perfectly normal to be flirty and for sub to act a bit subbly and a dom a bit domly. I just think that, for a lot of subs, issuing commands about underwear on a first date isn't just being flirty. That's incredibly subjective too - what I consider flirty, one person will consider obscene and another will consider boring.

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(in reply to lucylucy)

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