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RE: Do you think my master is being fair? - 3/31/2010 7:45:32 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: nephandi

Greetings

quote:

Now I KNOW after twenty years I turned 'nilla if my only option as a sub was to obey---'go have intercourse with that other dominant and no I have no idea if he is std free I said do it'or any other fucked up order---I'd hope to hell I had enough freaking sanity to check myself into the nearest mental ward. What I am saying is that if someone really feels that their ONLY option is to obey---no matter how sane or insane the order is---well sincerely that is pretty fucked up.

And since this is how you feel I do assume you then do not get involved with a TPE relationship. And if you took the time to read my posts instead of barking at them then perhaps you would have noticed that I several times said that in some relationships the only options the sub have is to obey or leave, there is always the option to leave. Also I always find it hilarious when pepole elevate them self to judges of how others live their lives, refering to other's lifestyle as fucked up, now that is just silly.

I wish you well

Isn't leaving actually saying nay to the order?

Just for the record---I am aware of what TPE means---and I am still a firm believer that if an order is given that will cause harm to a person whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally irregardless of the exchange that right to say no is there. If it means leaving the relationship so be it. I also believe that some would say no versus leaving. Why? Because sitting back and agreeing to something that you are not totally comfortable with 'may' lead to negative feelings that one simply may not be able to deal with. These feelings can fester for days, months, years even and that negativity is going to lead to discord in the relationship so eventually the end of the relationship will most likely happen in the end anyways. Whereas if no was stated in the beginning, perhaps it could be worked through. By voicing concern, and negotiating a couple builds trust and a strong foundation of security.

(in reply to nephandi)

RE: Do you think my master is being fair? - 3/31/2010 10:52:37 AM

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Presumably you are in a relationship with a sane person who won't give an order that will harm you. But people should always have the right to explain why they can't in good conscience fulfill an order. If they don't, then they aren't in a relationship with a trustworthy partner.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to fragilepieces)

RE: Do you think my master is being fair? - 3/31/2010 11:57:32 AM

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Thankyou to those that took the time to reply especially Alhumdulliah..so much of what you said hit home. Being a sub and one that's new to all of this is a delicious secret that I have and there is a degree of excitement. I love that my master has the control over me and his control is exercised in many ways - punishment is only a very Minor part of our life. Our relationship is more about respect for him, his rules. As for punishment, I did deserve it. Loosing stuff is just about being careless - I'm most certainly not thick and I know for certain I don't have an underlying medical problem - just I've a habit of shoving cards in bags and things and not back where they come from. It's a dreadful habit. My master has sat down with me
and discussed ways to make sure I don't do the same
again. But thankyou all for your posts and I'm enjoying reading all the different aspects of the lifestyle that I'm reading about in the replies to my post. Ultimately I wished I'd never posted on here though as I realise that it wasn't very respectful to my master as he is fair and kind and I knew I'd deserved the punishment - I was just whining and I looking for an outlet to talk about things in.

(in reply to alhamdullilah)

RE: Do you think my master is being fair? - 3/31/2010 11:59:34 AM

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At least you know that he cares enough about you to try to help you to improve-losing id cards and such is a VERY big issue in times like these-when we are so dependent on them.

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to mastersslut69)

RE: Do you think my master is being fair? - 3/31/2010 12:56:31 PM

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Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mastersslut69

Thankyou to those that took the time to reply especially Alhumdulliah..so much of what you said hit home. Being a sub and one that's new to all of this is a delicious secret that I have and there is a degree of excitement. I love that my master has the control over me and his control is exercised in many ways - punishment is only a very Minor part of our life. Our relationship is more about respect for him, his rules. As for punishment, I did deserve it. Loosing stuff is just about being careless - I'm most certainly not thick and I know for certain I don't have an underlying medical problem - just I've a habit of shoving cards in bags and things and not back where they come from. It's a dreadful habit. My master has sat down with me
and discussed ways to make sure I don't do the same
again. But thankyou all for your posts and I'm enjoying reading all the different aspects of the lifestyle that I'm reading about in the replies to my post. Ultimately I wished I'd never posted on here though as I realise that it wasn't very respectful to my master as he is fair and kind and I knew I'd deserved the punishment - I was just whining and I looking for an outlet to talk about things in.

If it's mostly cards you're losing, then this is exactly what I was referring to in my original post about how your master can get involved in a positive way rather than simply getting pissed and thinking 'punishment'.

If I were him, I'd initiate a scene of formal Master/slave headspace then give you a cardholder that I'd purchased myself which you were to carry ALL your cards in. Since it's MY cardholder, technically all within it belongs to me (just as she does) so the cardholder is to remain in her handbag at all times they're not needed and is only to be removed for use then replaced immediately you're done. And just to reinforce that I am taking this serioiusly, I'd occasionally wanna inspect your handbag and cardholder. Any cards missing or loose in your handbag would then become a HUGE issue with me....

I don't care how careless my sub/slave is as a person; once I make something about *me*, they tend to try harder and focus a whole lot better. And for good measure, you have a personal example of D/s or M/s at work in the public's gaze that no-one but us will ever know about....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to mastersslut69)

RE: Do you think my master is being fair? - 3/31/2010 1:56:10 PM

Posts: 4470
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From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
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Greetings

quote:

Isn't leaving actually saying nay to the order?

It is, however saying nay to the order to come at the cost of the relationship and the commitment made to it.

quote:

Just for the record---I am aware of what TPE means---and I am still a firm believer that if an order is given that will cause harm to a person whether it be physically, mentally or emotionally irregardless of the exchange that right to say no is there. If it means leaving the relationship so be it.

By all means it would be up to the individual if they would like to leave the relationship.

quote:

I also believe that some would say no versus leaving. Why? Because sitting back and agreeing to something that you are not totally comfortable with 'may' lead to negative feelings that one simply may not be able to deal with.

Every relationship is different. I am just saying that in many D/s relationships the option to say no is not there, not as long as there is a relationship, no matter if the sub is comfortable with the order or not. But off course not everyone is in a relationship where that is the arrangement. And also yes plenty of pepole have left a relationship rather than do something they absolutely do not want to do, and there is nothing wrong with that.

I wish you well

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to fragilepieces)

RE: Do you think my master is being fair? - 3/31/2010 2:01:16 PM

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
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Greetings

quote:

Presumably you are in a relationship with a sane person who won't give an order that will harm you. But people should always have the right to explain why they can't in good conscience fulfill an order. If they don't, then they aren't in a relationship with a trustworthy partner.

I do not agree, wanting a TPE relationship with no questions asked obedience do not mean that the Dom part of the relationship is untrustworthy, it simply mean that some pepole desires such a relationship.

I wish you well

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Do you think my master is being fair? - 3/31/2010 2:05:33 PM

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

Greetings

quote:

If I were him, I'd initiate a scene of formal Master/slave headspace then give you a cardholder that I'd purchased myself which you were to carry ALL your cards in. Since it's MY cardholder, technically all within it belongs to me (just as she does) so the cardholder is to remain in her handbag at all times they're not needed and is only to be removed for use then replaced immediately you're done. And just to reinforce that I am taking this serioiusly, I'd occasionally wanna inspect your handbag and cardholder. Any cards missing or loose in your handbag would then become a HUGE issue with me....

This is actually a brilliant idea. The cardholder would be one more symbol of the relationship like a collar or something like that. Great idea :D

I wish you well

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to Focus50)

RE: Do you think my master is being fair? - 3/31/2010 4:04:11 PM

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I've always wondered where people get the idea that saying NO, passive-aggressively, adamently, deliberately, bitchily, timidly etc in a TPE relationship is the equivalent of leaving. It simply means at that time the slave in question is a disobedient slave. Doesn't mean she is anything else.

People always want to use compliance and non-complaince as stay and go ultimatums, when that isn't reality of these types of relationships. Sometimes people for whatever reason have a bad day or don't like something, fear something etc and they actually say NO. They aren't saying i am leaving.

To me, making saying no an ultimatum equivalent of I am leaving is silly and destructive and a fantasy concept of what life actually consists of. All no, in no matter how its said or indicated, simply means the naysayer is being disobedient to the authority that has issued the demand. Its sad to me that many feel that no means bye, instead of working through things.

angel

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to nephandi)

RE: Do you think my master is being fair? - 3/31/2010 4:11:48 PM

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Regardless of what kind of relationship anyone has, isn't it just part of being a responsible ADULT to realize that, "hey, I lose stuff, maybe I should figure out a way to stop doing that", and then get your own card holder and use it?

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to barelynangel)

RE: Do you think my master is being fair? - 3/31/2010 7:32:41 PM

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I totally agree---it is rather easy to be in a TPE with someone you spent more than enough time with to get to know and trust---BUT that option to say no IMO must be open. I always remember to expect the unexpected and if I still practiced this lifestyle as a submissive or a slave---I would not feel I was disobedient to say no to some order that would really rain down havoc in my world! Even if I fully trusted the person I know that although I may know a person extremely well I am unable to get inside their head and would never know anyone completely. The BTK guy for example, I think he was a church elder or something, well respected and his wife was probably the most shocked to learn her husband had been a serial killer for years. My point is---expect the unexpected---the option to say no needs to be open because you never know. And I doubt anyone would think I was disobedient (if I were a slave in a TPE) if my partner told me to cut off my arm, rob a bank, have unprotected sex with some ying-yang he found on the internet, hang myself from the rafters as a form of breath play.......and I refused.

So again to the OP if it really makes you that uncomfortable----use your mouth---open it---say no. Absolutely no one can love you and take better care of you than you yourself.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Do you think my master is being fair? - 3/31/2010 7:37:40 PM

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No, he is not being fair. He's not! He's not! He's not! Tantrum, tantrum, tantrum. Foot-stomping, questioning the existence of God, major whining.

Sounds like what you signed up for, doesn't it. You don't like it? Leave!

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: Do you think my master is being fair? - 4/5/2010 2:03:22 AM

Posts: 4470
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From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
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Greetings

Like I said before Angel, I am not generally saying that in all relationships saying no equals leaving. I am saying that is some relationships it is. I have not said that such a relationship is more desirable either. I have however said that they do happen which was a point in the post where I brought it up.

I wish you well

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to barelynangel)

RE: Do you think my master is being fair? - 4/5/2010 2:06:00 AM

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
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Greetings

quote:

Regardless of what kind of relationship anyone has, isn't it just part of being a responsible ADULT to realize that, "hey, I lose stuff, maybe I should figure out a way to stop doing that", and then get your own card holder and use it?

I completely agree with this. However not everyone is responsible and most pepole are not responsible on all areas of one's life, and a little guidance both in the form of encouragements and punishments might improve on that.

I wish you well

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to windchymes)

RE: Do you think my master is being fair? - 4/5/2010 2:12:28 AM

Posts: 4470
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From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
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Greetings

Off course if someone tells you to rob a bank or cut your arm of then you say no, however would continuing in a relationship with someone who gave such an order really be desirable? Being a sub or a slave do not negate a person's right to self preservation, however there is a big difference between saying no I will not do something which will really harm me, or which brakes the law and so on and saying no, I messed up and I do not want a spanking so I am saying no to it.

However if you read more of the OP's posts and threads then she have had the punishment, she consider it to be fair and have refuted there being anything wrong with her for loosing the cards other than carelessness so that debate is really not a moot point.

I wish you well

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad

(in reply to fragilepieces)

RE: Do you think my master is being fair? - 4/5/2010 5:18:22 AM

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Nephandi i have no clue what your reply means or what you are saying or what you are even replying to. I haven't replied to you, nor do i think i have even read any of your replies to this thread.

Sorry maybe its that its monday-- but you lost me.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 4/5/2010 5:19:03 AM >

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to nephandi)

RE: Do you think my master is being fair? - 4/10/2010 12:51:13 PM

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I don't think it is a matter of fair or unfair I think the matter is are you subconsciously losing the items on purpose to get spanked? And if not, you're not learning anything by getting spanked anyway. You need to discuss with him other forms of punishment if the spanking is getting too bad. Not being able to sit for an hour as opposed to not being able to sit for days is a problem.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

RE: Do you think my master is being fair? - 4/15/2010 1:04:56 PM

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From: East Coast
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Sounds totally fair.

(in reply to mastersslut69)

RE: Do you think my master is being fair? - 4/15/2010 1:44:53 PM

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From: Forest Hills, Maryland
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Fast reply -
Does it truly matter what I or anyone else thinks if "fair" in this situation. The reality is you are in an relationship with your owner not us. Plus the word fair is based on personal perspective IMO and will vary from person to person.

The reality is you were not acting responsibily and in your actions you inconvienced your owner / dom more than once recently (according to you). A submissive / slave is there to make their owners life easier IMO and if you don't do that one shouldn't be suprised if they recieve correction, punishment, and or discipline. Then you turn around and publically question him and his authority over you. THAT IMO is the bigger issue.

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

RE: Do you think my master is being fair? - 4/15/2010 2:44:09 PM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: nephandi

Greetings

quote:

Presumably you are in a relationship with a sane person who won't give an order that will harm you. But people should always have the right to explain why they can't in good conscience fulfill an order. If they don't, then they aren't in a relationship with a trustworthy partner.

I do not agree, wanting a TPE relationship with no questions asked obedience do not mean that the Dom part of the relationship is untrustworthy, it simply mean that some pepole desires such a relationship.

I wish you well

If you have a problem and he is uninterested in hearing what the problem is, then he is not trustworthy. Because you could have come from the doctor's with a diagnosis of a health problem. By refusing to listen to why you can't do something, he's stating that he doesn't care what the cost to you is.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to nephandi)

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