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You want to collar your slave but...................... - 4/16/2010 6:07:35 AM   
VirginPotty


Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline 		Your slave has said "No thank you. I want to be your property but I have no desire to wear a collar especially in public".

What would you do?

_____________________________

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: You want to collar your slave but..................... - 4/16/2010 6:11:35 AM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		Oh God, not to get into semantics but.........

"slave" - doesn't this go against the whole premise of TPE? If my Owner is going to collar me, that measns i've given over all rights and decisions to him, including what i wear (which includes a collar).

Honestly, if i said this to any prospective Owner of mine i know it would be a dealbreaker for him - and for me too, really, as it would be a sign that i couldn't trust him.

i would say this is more of a submissive behavior.

(Sorry, not a Master )

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to VirginPotty)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: You want to collar your slave but..................... - 4/16/2010 6:16:35 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Master would ask why and listen to my concerns, then still expect me to wear the collar.
If I then again refused, I would not be his.

the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to VirginPotty)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: You want to collar your slave but..................... - 4/16/2010 6:26:02 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I always thought that "Collaring" was a commitment, with or without a collar included.

I'd collar her and give her a ring or other discreet jewelry to wear.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: You want to collar your slave but..................... - 4/16/2010 6:32:26 AM   
afkarr


Posts: 328
Joined: 1/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I always thought that "Collaring" was a commitment, with or without a collar included.

I'd collar her and give her a ring or other discreet jewelry to wear.




Discreet jewelry, tattoo, piercing, wedding license....there are numerous ways to express the spirit of a collar without an actual collar.......

p.s.- I like DS again- at least for this morning

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: You want to collar your slave but..................... - 4/16/2010 6:35:46 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VirginPotty

Your slave has said "No thank you. I want to be your property but I have no desire to wear a collar especially in public".

What would you do?



I would suggest you discuss your mutual definitions of a)Slave b)Property c) Collar. I think they may be quite different.


(in reply to VirginPotty)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: You want to collar your slave but..................... - 4/16/2010 6:38:58 AM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		i think there's a difference between a Master deciding to not have his slave wear a collar because either her, or his, personal circumstances require something more discreet and her just saying "i don't want to wear one."

Like many other things, it's all in the approach and how you handle it. i could never say "i don't want to wear one" but i might say "if i wear a collar to such and such a function, there will be such and such negative outcome" - and then my Owner would decide what to do.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: You want to collar your slave but..................... - 4/16/2010 6:40:43 AM   
VirginPotty


Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

Oh God, not to get into semantics but.........

"slave" - doesn't this go against the whole premise of TPE? If my Owner is going to collar me, that measns i've given over all rights and decisions to him, including what i wear (which includes a collar).

Honestly, if i said this to any prospective Owner of mine i know it would be a dealbreaker for him - and for me too, really, as it would be a sign that i couldn't trust him.

i would say this is more of a submissive behavior.

(Sorry, not a Master )


You're absolutely right Raven. I should have said "sub" but who really is a complete slave? Alot of self proclaimed "slaves" have ALOT of do's/don'ts expected of their owners so I was going w/the thought that wearing a collar would be one of them.

< Message edited by VirginPotty -- 4/16/2010 6:41:03 AM >

_____________________________

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: You want to collar your slave but..................... - 4/16/2010 6:46:01 AM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VirginPotty
quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

i would say this is more of a submissive behavior.


You're absolutely right Raven. I should have said "sub" but who really is a complete slave? 


Me. (Ok, ok, i couldn't resist, hee hee!) Actually i refer to myself more as "slave wired" to avoid this whole discussion. So yes, i agree.

quote:

Alot of self proclaimed "slaves" have ALOT of do's/don'ts expected of their owners so I was going w/the thought that wearing a collar would be one of them.


i agree with that as well - from looking at many "slave" contracts lately i'm really surprised at all the do's/don'ts. Seems the lines blur more every day. Now back in my day........hee hee! Oh, and hey, you kids get off my lawn!!

i just immediately say sub, not slave. As crazyml posted, there seems to be a need to revisit exactly what the definitions of the relationship are to both parties involved.



_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to VirginPotty)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: You want to collar your slave but..................... - 4/16/2010 6:47:11 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6671
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		IMHO a collar, or collaring ceremony is much like a wedding in that when you strip all the ritual and drama and blahblahblah away, it is little more than a public affirmation of a commitment that has already been made in the hearts and the minds of the participants. If that foundation is in place, whether she wears a collar, manacles, piercings, 17 inch spiked buttplug or a tattoo or anythingwhatsoeveratall is really irrelevant and, to my mind, should be treated accordingly.



< Message edited by Kana -- 4/16/2010 6:54:18 AM >

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to VirginPotty)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: You want to collar your slave but..................... - 4/16/2010 7:20:53 AM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline 		   No, thank you???

I can imagine a bottom saying no thanks, but I would never collar a bottom. 

As for a sub or slave, some apologetic pleading with good reasons also given would make me rethink this and find something else to use as a "collar."  Like a tat or something like a CB2000.   If I heard a "No thanks" it would be time for an attitude readjustment.  The second sentence was fine, I expect people to state their feelings without being disrespectful. 

With a sub, "No thanks" would be heard by me as saying this is a hard limit for them, as I have no veto power.  (Hard limit?  Over a discreet collar?) 

Hearing this from my "slave", I would know beyond any doubt that I was not in a TPE.  It would be my fault for misreading the situation so badly. 

I could understand a man required to wear suits at his job balking at the thought of wearing an obvious D/s collar at work...but seriously, how many of us would go out of our way to turn something so honorable and symbolic into...humiliation?

..............................
edited to say: 
No dangly bits here, but...I was bored and saw this pop up.

< Message edited by CynthiaWVirginia -- 4/16/2010 7:25:27 AM >

(in reply to VirginPotty)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: You want to collar your slave but..................... - 4/16/2010 8:07:28 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		When I am dating someone who wants me to commit he only has to say he does not want me seeing anyone but him, and it is done... if I accept. Generally by that point it is pretty much a done deal anyway since I am probably spending all my time with him. A symbol for me is just a security sign that says hands off. No one in my life has ever needed that sort of proof once I made a committment to them. I didn't even wear a wedding ring, nor did my husband.

I would think anyone who wanted a committment would know someone well enough to know how they felt about outward symbols of ownership. And if they do not, why the hell would they have decided that this was the person for them?



(in reply to VirginPotty)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: You want to collar your slave but..................... - 4/16/2010 8:11:35 AM   
VirginPotty


Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline 		Nice response Missokyst.
90% of the population whether they're vanilla or kinky seem to thrive on the material symbol as opposed to the emotional symbol to indicate committment.
Wedding ring in the vanilla world screams I'm taken.......(cept for Tiger Woods but that's another thread ) 
Collars in the kink world scream owned! Don't even THINK about talking to me!

_____________________________

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: You want to collar your slave but..................... - 4/16/2010 8:18:01 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		At the same time, these symbols become important to the women wearing them, whether rings, bracelets, anklets or collars.

I have seen quite a few girls tell stories of how a collar was briefly or accidentally removed, and the emotional panic reaction they experienced, logical or not. And many girls love to touch their collars, to feel its weight, and the sense of connection it gives them.

(in reply to VirginPotty)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: You want to collar your slave but..................... - 4/16/2010 8:18:15 AM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		Id want to know why they had no desire to wear a collar. When I had Angel, his reason for not wanting to wear a collar was legitimate, and so he never did except for the night he got it, and even that was a struggle. Fox loved his collar from the day it was around his neck, even when it started to eat through his skin in places when we found out he was allergic to nickel.

If I think their reason for not wanting to wear it is legit, then we can find something else. If I think they are being stubborn I remind them that while they can have their desires, what I say goes in the relationship and while they might not like it they will wear what I say when I say it. I dont mind real reasons, but if it is simply a toppy statement trying to exert some control over their side of the relationship while they get to be property but only express it how they decide then I put my foot down.


_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss



(in reply to VirginPotty)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: You want to collar your slave but..................... - 4/16/2010 8:22:14 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		First, I'd be asking why.  Second, I'd be asking if we had the same definition of the word public.

With whatever information was provided to Me by those answers, I'd have to wonder if I had made a mistake regarding our compatibility in this area.  I've got enough common sense to understand that certain types of collars are not appropriate in some work or school environments.  I have no issue with that, as people still have to earn a living and all.

Then, I'd be looking at if there is some reason that the rest of 'in public' can jeopardize the first.  I wouldn't have a problem with that, either.

However, if it's some silly thing such as the person is worried about what strangers will think about them or they want the dynamic closeted as though they are ashamed of it, we probably aren't matched very well in this area of personality.  In addition, I'd see it as they didn't trust Me very much to have enough intelligence to decide what is most appropriate given their situation.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to VirginPotty)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: You want to collar your slave but..................... - 4/16/2010 8:24:59 AM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

At the same time, these symbols become important to the women wearing them, whether rings, bracelets, anklets or collars.

I have seen quite a few girls tell stories of how a collar was briefly or accidentally removed, and the emotional panic reaction they experienced, logical or not. And many girls love to touch their collars, to feel its weight, and the sense of connection it gives them.


i feel a "phantom collar" on my neck all the time right now - it's a "skin memory" of what it used to feel like wearing one 24/7. And since i'm talking right now about being Owned again, the feeling can get quite strong.

For me, the more "marks" from my Owner the better, collar being one. It simply is a very solid physical reminder of his Ownership.

Which is why i feel so strongly about never refusing it.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to Musicmystery)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: You want to collar your slave but..................... - 4/16/2010 8:27:19 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		Yes--if a girl ever said anything like the OP to me, I suspect I'd probably stare in disbelief.

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: You want to collar your slave but..................... - 4/16/2010 8:48:27 AM   
Muirren


Posts: 79
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		A slave? Refusing to wear her Masters collar? That is no slave. I have even knelt in public when ordered to do so.

(in reply to VirginPotty)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: You want to collar your slave but..................... - 4/16/2010 9:34:24 AM   
VirginPotty


Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Muirren

A slave? Refusing to wear her Masters collar? That is no slave. I have even knelt in public when ordered to do so.


Now THAT is what I would consider  forcing your kink on others.
Granted it's very G-rated & no whips/chains are involved but still kinky in the vanilla's eyes.

_____________________________

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

(in reply to Muirren)
Profile   Post #: 20
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