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RE: A Question to Ponder - 4/6/2006 10:14:43 PM

DigitBox

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Joined: 3/18/2006
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I'm switch because it fits who I am. No one had to tell me I was.

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Post #: 41

RE: A Question to Ponder - 4/6/2006 10:47:44 PM

Dustyn

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Now, see, that is really pretty cool in my eyes. To be able to just stand up and say "HEY! I'm a switch, mutha fucka, and if you don't like it, tough titty said the kitty when the milk ran dry!"

The more I have read the last few days, the more and more I am coming to realize that I am a switch myself. Dredged up a lot of things in ym head and poured back over them and came to the shocking conclusion that I do have a desire to submit to someone. Just not sure how, truth be told.

I mean, I'm a masochist. Hell, I'm a cutter. It's cathartic to me to feel blood flowing out of my body and across my skin. It doesn't really hurt if I do it. I feel it, don't get me wrong, but it's more along the line of a release than anything else. It also tends to override confusion and doubt in my head and let's me think straight. But the idea of someone else inflicting the pain I'm not so sure about. External inflictions of pain tend to just piss me off, and the more it hurts, and the longer, the more it feeds that raging desire to obliterate whatever is causing the pain.

What I should probably do is contact the woman that taught me to be a dominant, but I'm not calling England and last I knew she still hated anything more techie than a TV remote. What I need to do, perhaps, is just talk to the people that are central in this whole shitstorm my ego has created. But instead, I'll wait.

I hate waiting. I much more prefer to just face things head on and get it done and over with, but I don't think this is the time for Bull In A China Shop if you catch my drift. LOL

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Post #: 42

RE: A Question to Ponder - 4/7/2006 8:03:05 AM

bignipples2share

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Mmmmmm cookies..wait...what kind? LOL

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Post #: 43

RE: A Question to Ponder - 4/7/2006 8:37:07 AM

bignipples2share

Posts: 611
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Every switch I know, in all honesty, has never felt completely comfortable with themselves in terms of the lifestyle.

_____________

ooo ooo ooo, I need to get better at this and I will. My meaning here was, I don't understand why you have a problem with this concept that switches can and do feel comfortable. That being said, glad you have come to terms with it.
_____________
ahhhh I see sounds

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Post #: 44

RE: A Question to Ponder - 4/7/2006 10:32:32 AM

TNstepsout

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I'm very new at this and have had minimal sub experience and no Dom experience, even so I'm beginning to lean more toward identifying myself as Switch. The reason being that I find I relate and understand the Switch mentality more than any other. It seems to me that Switches simply want to enjoy and experience whatever it is that "flips their Switch" so to speak and are less concerned with identifying with a role. In fact, the idea of a role is limiting, and Switches don't like to be limited. Switches might be more to likely to engage in scenes the blur boundaries and roles of all kinds, male/female, Dom/sub etc... and that's the part I relate to.

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Post #: 45

RE: A Question to Ponder - 4/8/2006 12:48:05 PM

Dustyn

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When I said completely comfortable, I apparently left out some of the thought that was rampaging through my head at the time. I tend to type as I think, so I probably just skipped over to the next line of thought and went on from there. It does seem a bit odd, now that I have gone back over and read it again.

The rest of that thought was meant in terms of relating to others that are either one or the other, not both in varying degrees. I have known some very strong willed switches that have told me that they don't feel equal to some Doms and some switches that prefer to submit feeling like they are not doing something right after observing some submissives and how they act in public or in private parties towards other dominants. Never particularly understood those sentiments until here recently, but that is neither here nor there.

Really wasn't trying to sound dictatorial in the least, and hell, I was starting to wonder what the hell I was getting at while I was reading my original post. LOL

Too many thoughts and questiosn and just not enough typing speed. LOL

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Post #: 46

RE: A Question to Ponder - 3/5/2007 8:39:37 PM

Mustardseed

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From: Seattle, WA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I call myself a switch because it's easier than actually explaining all my relationship dynamics.

Especially in relation to other switches.

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Post #: 47

RE: A Question to Ponder - 3/5/2007 8:57:13 PM

MsOpal

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I do not call or consider myself a switch because my inner feelings, my needs and desires and motivations never change, my feelings never switch, so I am not running back and forth becoming entangled in a mass of my own flesh and bone or whatever you were trying to say way back there. I am ALWAYS sub to Argent, no matter what else is going on, where I am, who I am with. That will never change, and I double dare you to come tell HIM we have no emotional connection - or whatever it was you were trying to say way back there.

I also LOVE the boys (and bois and girls too!!!)! I love spanking their cute little asses, I love tormenting their every bit and watching them squirm and hearing them groan and keeping on and on as they tremble ... All the while I am still s to Argent. I do not switch my feelings or my needs on and off or back and forth, I just am who or what I am and I do not accept the labels. I am totally comfortable in this skin and I love the raised eyebrows and the questioning looks whe someone who has put me into one of their labeled boxes loks up at a party and sees me doing something they did not expect. I love someone who thinks they know me telling me that I cannot "top" this or that person because that person is "too strong for me" when I have been doing it for months already!

I love it all and it exactly fills many of my hedonistic needs and the rest are taken well care of with Kahula and chocolate, and sometimes a good merlot.
MsOpal

< Message edited by MsOpal -- 3/5/2007 8:59:17 PM >

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Post #: 48

RE: A Question to Ponder - 3/6/2007 4:58:38 PM

Aine

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I've noticed that for myself...

It's the most relevant label for myself at this time...

Yet people still feel the need to ask which I "prefer" I tend to feel a little offended.

Even more so when people make the assumption to my face that I could never be happy as a switch living and loving another switch.

I personally don't consider myself one more over the other. Just less experienced.

People just seem to always assume that I'm just confused, or picky, which I'm sure most of you have gotten as well. But it's those that don't even stop to think about what they are saying to someone who identifies as a switch. As if they know what's going on in my head or what will happen down the line for me, like I'm not -always- going to BE a switch and that I'll end up swinging permanently to one side or the other.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to SimplyV)

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Post #: 49

RE: A Question to Ponder - 3/6/2007 5:09:46 PM

beltainefaerie

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I tend to submit more than dominate when I'm looking at the many, many relationships in my life. However, I choose the word switch to honor both aspects of myself. It is weird to me that there might be any stigma attached to the word, but then, I've experienced plenty of people who think us bi folks just can't make up our minds too. Really, the middle is a valid option. It isn't always OR, sometimes its AND. The label was not given to me, I took it and wear it both happily and proudly. Nothing else fits right.

(in reply to Aine)

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Post #: 50

RE: A Question to Ponder - 3/8/2007 8:23:17 AM

Aine

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Yeah, being bisexual doesn't help my case any.

People automatically assume that I'm going to cheat on whoever I'm with because I'm bi and a switch.

I prefer to date men....they aren't as crazy as the females I've known in my lifetime. I am attracted to females, absolutely. I've been with females, but I've never seriously dated one. I might one day if things don't work out in my current relationship, I might not.

I find myself extremely luck since I've found love in another switch. I get the best of both worlds on a daily basis and I get to explore every side of me with the person I trust most, and he gets the same with me. What could possibly be better than that for me? I'm not huge into multiple partners and neither is he so it works for us regardless of what other people say.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to beltainefaerie)

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Post #: 51

RE: A Question to Ponder - 3/8/2007 2:52:45 PM

Petronius

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It seems to me that the either/or, Dom/sub/switch trichotomy is really counterproductive when people want information at this depth.

I suggest instead that people adopt the same spectrum that Kinsey developed to describe the previous hetero/homo/bi range of affectional preference.

Translating the Kinsey sexual spectrum to one for the BDSM community, the scale would be:

BDSM 0: no history of submissive actions or fantasy;

BDSM 1: incidental history of submissive play or fantasy in an otherwise almost entirely dominant history;

BDSM 2: more than incidental history of submissive behavior but predominately dominant

BDSM 3: coin toss, with almost equal history of dominant and submissive play.

BDSM 4: more than incidental history of dominant behavior but predominately submissive

BDSM 5: incidental history of dominant play or fantasy in an otherwise almost entirely submissive history;

BDSM 6: no history of dominant actions or fantasy;

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Post #: 52

RE: A Question to Ponder - 3/8/2007 4:38:27 PM

Suleiman

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I HAVE the desire to be BOTH submissive AND dominant, thank you very much. I do not consider the two states of being to be mutually exclusive.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

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Post #: 53

RE: A Question to Ponder - 3/8/2007 6:20:21 PM

SilverShadows

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I am a switch because I am both a masochist and a sadist.

_____________________________

The Countess

Το αίμα είναι η ζωή
Cruor est Vita
Sînge is art.hot. Viaţă
Vér van a Élet

Come Kiss the Guillotine
Come Taste the Gasoline

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Post #: 54

RE: A Question to Ponder - 3/11/2007 3:56:08 AM

Elorin

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I accept that I am a switch. I like to Top, I like to bottom. I like to serve, I like to be served. I am a Domme, I am a sub.

I'm not confused, and there is no struggle within myself. I am His at all times, whether I am topping or bottoming. My subs/slaves belong to me at all times, whether I am serving Him or not.

I am happy and satisfied to lead one life, that being my life. I am leading a complete life, and have no problems feeling incomplete.

I do, of course, look at other Dom/mes and yearn to make it look as effortless as I do. Most of the time they have more experience than I do and I will happily ask them for pointers, and I accept that when I reach that level of experience it will look as effortless (most likely) too.

I do, of course, look at other submissives and sigh in despair because I'm NEVER going to be that graceful (klutz at heart).

I don't, however, look at anyone else and feel as though I am not their equal or that they are better than me because they choose only one role. I am the equal of anyone, and deserve as much respect as anyone else.

~E

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Post #: 55

RE: A Question to Ponder - 3/13/2007 3:35:44 AM

Shira

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If switches can be labelled "confused", then people who refuse to switch can be labelled "afraid". I believe every human being has both a dominant and a submissive side, and those who chain themselves into a single role are afraid of their full potential.
I also question whether a dominant should take the life of another person into their hands if they have not experienced the reality of submission.

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Post #: 56

RE: A Question to Ponder - 3/13/2007 8:35:29 AM

Aine

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That's like calling everyone in the world bisexual.

I'm definitely not in agreement here. You do not have to play both sides of the fence to understand the other side.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to Shira)

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Post #: 57

RE: A Question to Ponder - 3/13/2007 1:56:16 PM

Shira

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Here's a thought. Maybe everyone in the world IS bisexual. Maybe there is no black and white, but only shades of grey. Maybe the same social, cultural and environmental factors that dictate our lives also dictate our sexual choices. Maybe we are all brainwashed into limiting ourselves to gay or straight, dom or sub, and one partner at a time, because society would not function in an organised way if everyone demanded to express their full potential. Maybe people who are poly, switch or bi are more liberated and advanced than the rest of us. Oh I know suggesting this will just irk some people, hehe.

And on the second point, a dom who has never experienced submission might be able to understand it on a mental level, but true empathy is always missing.

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Post #: 58

RE: A Question to Ponder - 4/23/2007 9:30:02 AM

Kitte9

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What kind of stigma?

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I am stronger than yesterday

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Post #: 59

RE: A Question to Ponder - 4/23/2007 3:04:59 PM

SunNMoon

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dustyn
Are you a switch because it is what someone else described you as being and since you fit the generally accepted definition, you label yourself as a switch?

I picked the label myself.