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Do you really know what a Prodomme is? - 4/28/2010 2:07:00 PM

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I have seen a few posts that liken Proffesional Domination to prostitution which makes about as much sense as thinking your waitress at Denny's is your personal slave. Most of the more notable ProDommes do not offer sex of any kind as part of the menu including myself and stick to clients who are more cerebral in thier needs for an endorphin rush.
How many people know what really goes on in a session from experience not just idol speculation? I have noticed that there are some ladies who sully the reputation of this field but there are many Prodomme who do not So why keep comparing apples to oranges?

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RE: Do you really know what a Prodomme is? - 4/28/2010 2:12:56 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsAlisedeSade

I have seen a few posts that liken Proffesional Domination to prostitution which makes about as much sense as thinking your waitress at Denny's is your personal slave. Most of the more notable ProDommes do not offer sex of any kind as part of the menu including myself and stick to clients who are more cerebral in thier needs for an endorphin rush.
How many people know what really goes on in a session from experience not just idol speculation? I have noticed that there are some ladies who sully the reputation of this field but there are many Prodomme who do not So why keep comparing apples to oranges?

I've always had a feeling that if prostitutism, as a profession, hadn't been so denigrated and for such a long time, this question would hardly ever arise.

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RE: Do you really know what a Prodomme is? - 4/28/2010 2:42:13 PM

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I do not quite get what you are saying as I distinctly drew a line in the sand between the two.

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RE: Do you really know what a Prodomme is? - 4/28/2010 2:47:56 PM

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It's arguable that if prostitution hadn't been damned for so many centuries, now, that line wouldn't even exist.

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RE: Do you really know what a Prodomme is? - 4/28/2010 2:48:53 PM

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You do, yes. Some don't. I can't speak to statistics, as I don't know them.

I will say, though, that most of the places I've seen prodomming compared to prostitution was where there was significant overlap. Cunnilingus or strap-on play may have been offered, for instance. Those seem a lot like sex.

Rarely, outside of those contexts, have I seen anyone compare these apples an oranges. Unless it's a bitter boy who thinks that every Domme in the world should service him for free.

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RE: Do you really know what a Prodomme is? - 4/28/2010 3:13:49 PM

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I believe both prostitution and being a prodomme is looked down on. I have no idea why because both are offering honest service for honest pay. I respect both professions because you have to work very hard to please everyone. As a small business woman I know that is not an easy task. MsAlisedeSade, I have spoken with a prodomme who I have a mutual friend with. I do not understand all the nuances but my hat is off to you.

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RE: Do you really know what a Prodomme is? - 4/28/2010 3:28:48 PM

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Perhaps it is an arguable issue but wouldn't that be like going to dentist for a boob job? There both doctors just one works on your teeth and the other.......... I see what is meant by the serious overlap anal and oral are still sex but if you do not offer that what does that make you? I just do not like the fact that arguement seems one-sided

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

It's arguable that if prostitution hadn't been damned for so many centuries, now, that line wouldn't even exist.

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RE: Do you really know what a Prodomme is? - 4/28/2010 3:29:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsAlisedeSade
I have seen a few posts that liken Proffesional Domination to prostitution which makes about as much sense as thinking your waitress at Denny's is your personal slave.

I haven't looked at your profile, and I already know you live in the United States. Your attitude is a provincial one, and one not shared by prodommes universally.

Australian states, for example, license prodommes as sex workers -- as they SHOULD, because there's an unavoidable sexual component to 99.9999% of prodomme work. In different states, different types of contact are allowed. That is much more honest than the "no I'm nothing like a whore" BS that US prodommes have to go through in order to stay out of jail. In the vast majority of pro-client interactions, a man is paying a woman for intimate attention. The "intimacy" may not involve any nakedness or any penetration, but hell yeah it's the same general category of thing.

The more correct strategy, to my mind, is to de-demonize the notion of "being a whore." If sex workers are legitimized and protected, this will turn into a non-debate. In the meantime, I find the BDSM high horse irritating: prodommes aren't "better" than other sex workers, any more than lifestylers are "better" than prodommes. I choose to judge people based on how they treat others, not on what they do for a living.

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RE: Do you really know what a Prodomme is? - 4/28/2010 3:52:19 PM

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I think what it boils down to is this: If a pro domme were to have sex with a client, would any other prodomme, or prodomme's client, care? Would she or he have anything to say about it other than 'keep an eye out for the lawmen'? I doubt it. I certainly wouldn't care.

I don't see any important difference between prostitutes and pro-dommes. At their worst, they can provide an experience that might leave a client feeling down, degraded (in a bad way) and feeling less than he was before he visited one. At their best - they're therapists.

I wouldn't sweat the difference. I don't think it matters, except to the lawmen.

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RE: Do you really know what a Prodomme is? - 4/28/2010 4:49:49 PM

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Find it irritating as you may but let's say something shall we. Registering as a sex worker is nothing but another way for the government to collect a fee. Which they do in many states I know because I have had to retain such said "licensing". But for you to say it is a holier than thou attitude is flat out ignorant. I never said I though Pro dommes are better than anyone I said there are distinct differences between the two. Different is Different and shoud be as obvious as us being different. I highly doubt a man who wants to visit a prostitute would like to find himself tied up and getting his ass spanked.

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RE: Do you really know what a Prodomme is? - 4/28/2010 4:57:22 PM

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maybe it's just me (although, probably not, since it's already been stated) but I definitely get the feeling that you think you're better than a prostitute. Otherwise, why would you care about making the distinction?

Just as an example: I'm an RN - do I get shitty when people think I'm an LPN? No - although there is a true and real difference between the two (schooling, licensing, continuing education, etc). But we're all nurses, so it's no big deal if people get it wrong. I'll correct them if they have it wrong on official documents, but otherwise, I don't care.

So if you don't feel that you are better, then why does it matter what other people think? Or how other people classify you? As long as the other people aren't infringing on your rights and freedom, shouldn't it be your opinion that matters in things like this?

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RE: Do you really know what a Prodomme is? - 4/28/2010 5:10:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsAlisedeSade
Different is Different and shoud be as obvious as us being different.

Ms AS, I always thought I had green eyes. Some people, recently, have told me I have hazel eyes. Why would I give a rat's anus?

I genuinely feel sad when I see pro-dommes come on here being defensive. I count a particular pro-domme as one of my friends. She's a fine woman, a noble one. One of the best of all women.

Feck. Human attitudes, human prejudices. God rot them all.

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RE: Do you really know what a Prodomme is? - 4/28/2010 5:11:03 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsAlisedeSade
I highly doubt a man who wants to visit a prostitute would like to find himself tied up and getting his ass spanked.

Then why do escorts.com and eros.com have active niches for fetish and BDSM? When Mika Tan works at the Mustang Ranch, she offers any scene she's performed in any of her movies -- at varying fees -- and she does a lot of D/s scenes.

I don't mean to come down on you like a ton of bricks, but come on. If a man has money -- real money -- there are women who will do pretty much anything he wants.

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RE: Do you really know what a Prodomme is? - 4/28/2010 5:22:30 PM

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MsAlise, there are a lot of people who equate BDSM with kinky sex. It's natural that those people would consider a proDomme's work to be prostitution.

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RE: Do you really know what a Prodomme is? - 4/28/2010 5:26:25 PM

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MsAlisedeSade, You started a thread as if you were in the middle of an argument. Why do that? Yes it is a common complaint or argument around here and all over the site, but without much more in foundation than that fact, you came in ready to prove a point. What made you go there? I think that is the real point here. Addressing those that made you go there is more productive that continuing what was started elsewhere, here with us.

I know most on this thread show respect to most people no matter what. They may have opinions on something but at the moment, you are ready to argue. Why not calm down and start a conversation about said topic, rather than come at us and talk at us, as if we did something to piss you off?

(Actually, every person on this thread respect most people and what they do in this topic area.)

< Message edited by Lockit -- 4/28/2010 5:31:19 PM >

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RE: Do you really know what a Prodomme is? - 4/28/2010 5:41:36 PM

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I think some people don't know what the word different means. And I really do not care what other people think as my background has been both in adult entertainer and fighting for the rights of sexworkers. I don't need to hide what I do or who I am. What I don't like is people who think they have the right to speak down to me when they do not have the clarity that I do because you never been there. Why is it when someone tries to make a distinction between something people need to make the feeble attempt to tell them "Oh well your no better". I do not need to be told who I am or what I think because I started the thread knowing that already thanks. But I would like to hear opinions on what I asked not on how it shouldn't matter to me what other people think of me because I did not come here seeking validation from ANYONE. I just wanted answer to why when this issue comes up it is treated this exact same way lumping all sexworkers into the same category I feel is discriminatory.

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RE: Do you really know what a Prodomme is? - 4/28/2010 5:47:40 PM

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Going on how you are talking down to us... I would have thought you much younger than you are. It doesn't matter if you are correct or not, you came in to inform us and set the record straight in some argument from who knows where.

Check out that mirror. I was understanding your frustration, now.. I just think you have a rotten attitude. Sounds more like a personal problem to me.

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RE: Do you really know what a Prodomme is? - 4/28/2010 5:57:49 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsAlisedeSade
I just wanted answer to why when this issue comes up it is treated this exact same way lumping all sexworkers into the same category I feel is discriminatory.

My own answer is: I see no benefit to accepting "divide and conquer." The more solidarity there is among discriminated groups, the more likely it is to make changes.

On a personal level, I've dated one woman who was a prodomme before I met her, another woman who became a prodomme after I stopped dating her, and a third woman who was a prostitute before I met her. The main difference I saw in their career choices was that the women who chose to become prodommes were better educated and came from a background of greater privilege, whereas the woman who was a prostitute for a while felt she had to do that, or be homeless.

The vast majority of prodommes have another source of income -- their main job or a husband's -- or are graduate or returning students. Most burn out after a year, max, and making it past five years with regular paying clients is extremely rare. It's a hard way to make a buck, and it's not getting any easier. I'd estimate well under 5% become long-term sole-income professionals like BoiJen's mistress.

What I hear you saying behind your words is that people are hassling you to go beyond your own hard limits of what you will provide in a scene. Of course, they "shouldn't" do that, and I am sure it grates on you. Not everyone's limits are the same as yours, even if they call themselves "professional dominatrix."

Instead of defining yourself negatively ("I'm not like them"), why not define yourself positively ("This is who I am, and what I do")?

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RE: Do you really know what a Prodomme is? - 4/28/2010 6:00:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsAlisedeSade
I just wanted answer to why when this issue comes up it is treated this exact same way lumping all sexworkers into the same category I feel is discriminatory.

Ms AS,

So, by that, you do accept that pro-dommes are sexworkers, do you?

Hell's bells. Look, it works like this: If you don't value yourself for what you are and what you do, then you are sunk. You cannot get the recognition that you want you want from society - not even this little society, at CollarMe. It *has* to come from yourself. The nobility you want is there - you just have to take it.

Christ, what's going on in the world? I thought Americans were supposed to have true grit - even female Americans.

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RE: Do you really know what a Prodomme is? - 4/28/2010 6:44:19 PM

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OK, here's your problem.....

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
Just as an example: I'm an RN - do I get shitty when people think I'm an LPN? No - although there is a true and real difference between the two (schooling, licensing, continuing education, etc). But we're all nurses, so it's no big deal if people get it wrong. I'll correct them if they have it wrong on official documents, but otherwise, I don't care.

See, this hit the nail right on the head. To use the nurse analogy, the problem is that you only have one category. Unlike nurses, you don't have separate titles to make the distinction between what activities that you engage in or not. The pro domme who is letting her clients engage in sex with her in Australia, is the same as the pro domme who lists allowing her clients to have oral sex with her on the 'menu', is the same as the pro domme who is engaging in S/m only. It's all the same term. All of these fit the definition of pro domme (which personally, I think 'pro top' in some instances would be more correct) and as long as someone has made money from the proposition, they are justified in using it.

Granted, that doesn't help one bit with accuracy. Unfortunately, as a human race, people tend to think the worst before having all of the information. That means until some additional terms to distinguish one type of pro domme from the other becomes common knowledge, many people are going to think all pro dommes fuck their clients unless told otherwise.

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