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the sad/funny thing is when i was a new slave and new to this whole D/s way of living and thinking, i assumed that i would finally found a place where i belonged, where i would find camaraderie and kinship with others of likemind. instead, i have had far more luck finding plain old "vanilla" folk (with a more traditional philosophy on Male/female relationships) who can understand and respect the way we live than among lifestylers.

amen, sister...

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ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

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ORIGINAL: leadership527

Correct LP. This is not a case of public behavior. The only incident that actually occurred was in my living room. The rest was all theory on the part of the other person and the debate was carried out via private communications, not public ones. It was, however, "in the face" of this other person. Honestly, there'd have been no way to actually have as intimate contact as we expected without it being "in his face".

I believe it was you who said something to the effect of, "If I tell clip to get his head turned around, I expect him to obey and get it done." That is what we are discussing here -- my assertion that I can and do exert authority over Carol's thoughts, emotions, value system and fundamental world view. I've been flamed on these boards for that statement and I got a similar reaction from my ex-friend(s). This other person felt that such control was either delusional on my part... a fairly amusing case of mathematical proof that bumblebees cannot fly... or that it was so invasive that it was simply horrific.

this is the reaction my Master and i have run into again and again when attempting to meet and develop connections with people in the "lifestyle." the idea that he is really in control, that he really expects my obedience at all times, that my life really does revolve around being his property and servant...that seems to horrify most. the sad/funny thing is when i was a new slave and new to this whole D/s way of living and thinking, i assumed that i would finally found a place where i belonged, where i would find camaraderie and kinship with others of likemind. instead, i have had far more luck finding plain old "vanilla" folk (with a more traditional philosophy on Male/female relationships) who can understand and respect the way we live than among lifestylers.

i believe the problem is that BDSM and D/s are too often viewed as connected concepts when in reality they are not necessarily, or even usually. the other issue is the fact that those who are introduced to all this as a means to explore their sexuality will never really understand those who come into this seeking a fundamental way to live and love, and vice versa.

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ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
a fundamental way to live and love, and vice versa.

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha



I see way too much poor manners and selfish, self-serving sexual behavior pawned off as self expression and just chalking it up to other people being uptight or intolerant.  Your parents probably also taught you not to fart in public or talk with your mouthful or put your elbows on the table at a fine restaurant; you can ignore those social rules also, but don't whine when people don't invite you back for dinner more often.

I always take into consideration the comfort of those around me when I socialize. I thought it was only in high school that people got their jollies on knowing they are being watched and people are reacting.  Otherwise, does it kill you to leave your 'bad-kinky-self' at home, or at least measure your behavior based on the comfort of those around you? If not, then don't complain if your circle of friends shrinks.

Akasha

Akasha

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ORIGINAL: Jeffff

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha



I see way too much poor manners and selfish, self-serving sexual behavior pawned off as self expression and just chalking it up to other people being uptight or intolerant.  Your parents probably also taught you not to fart in public or talk with your mouthful or put your elbows on the table at a fine restaurant; you can ignore those social rules also, but don't whine when people don't invite you back for dinner more often.

I always take into consideration the comfort of those around me when I socialize. I thought it was only in high school that people got their jollies on knowing they are being watched and people are reacting.  Otherwise, does it kill you to leave your 'bad-kinky-self' at home, or at least measure your behavior based on the comfort of those around you? If not, then don't complain if your circle of friends shrinks.

Akasha

Akasha

This.

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ORIGINAL: VideoAdminZeta

The tone of this back-and-forth would be more appropriate in the Politics and Religion forum.  Please keep the tone a bit more elevated in General BDSM.

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha
How much of what you (in general "you", couples) feel you *must* visually demonstrate to all others in your presence (not just vanilla but yes, self proclaimed kinksters) without feeling censored?  What I feel the fine line here is when couples demonstrate a lack of tact, social etiquette in front of anyone else and just brush it off as the other person being "intolerant."

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I see way too much poor manners and selfish, self-serving sexual behavior pawned off as self expression and just chalking it up to other people being uptight or intolerant.

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Your parents probably also taught you not to fart in public or talk with your mouthful or put your elbows on the table at a fine restaurant; you can ignore those social rules also, but don't whine when people don't invite you back for dinner more often.

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I always take into consideration the comfort of those around me when I socialize.

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I thought it was only in high school that people got their jollies on knowing they are being watched and people are reacting.

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Otherwise, does it kill you to leave your 'bad-kinky-self' at home, or at least measure your behavior based on the comfort of those around you? If not, then don't complain if your circle of friends shrinks.

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ORIGINAL: brainiacsub
Be careful, Merc. I am one of the most vocal critics of those who practice the "in your face" style of kink by violating social norms and then taking the "fuck you" position when people don't agree with them.

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Jeff & Carol's desire to live opening as Master/slave in their own home?

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha



How much of what you (in general "you", couples) feel you *must* visually demonstrate to all others in your presence (not just vanilla but yes, self proclaimed kinksters) without feeling censored?  What I feel the fine line here is when couples demonstrate a lack of tact, social etiquette in front of anyone else and just brush it off as the other person being "intolerant."

If you, as a couple, are confident in your role, is it so hard to judge the circumstances you find yourself in, watch the body language of others, and make measured decisions -- and yes, sometimes withhold yourself -- in order to be a courteous guest and/or friend?  Otherwise, if you absolutely MUST exercise your BDSM-ness for all to see, in reality aren't you merely an exhibitionist, expecting your associates to be willing voyeurs?

I see way too much poor manners and selfish, self-serving sexual behavior pawned off as self expression and just chalking it up to other people being uptight or intolerant.  Your parents probably also taught you not to fart in public or talk with your mouthful or put your elbows on the table at a fine restaurant; you can ignore those social rules also, but don't whine when people don't invite you back for dinner more often.

I always take into consideration the comfort of those around me when I socialize. I thought it was only in high school that people got their jollies on knowing they are being watched and people are reacting.  Otherwise, does it kill you to leave your 'bad-kinky-self' at home, or at least measure your behavior based on the comfort of those around you? If not, then don't complain if your circle of friends shrinks.

Akasha

Akasha

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ORIGINAL: leadership527

[...]
In general, I am sensitive to the sensibilities of those around me although I have taken Carol in public on a leash once. We had a delightful time at the restaurant... as did the maitre d' and the waiter judging by the nature and tone of the lengthy conversations we had with them. This sort of thing is probably where brainiac has an issue with me (although I strongly suspect she has an issue with me mostly just because she wants to have an issue since I don't actually think any of the things she says I do).

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[...]
And yes... to both you and brainiac... that means that my circle of friends may well be smaller than it would otherwise be... or at least intimate friends. But that honestly works for me. The only tragedy in THIS situation was that all of this had been talked about at length up front. As VampiresLair said, they just didn't actually believe what I was saying. I refuse to take responsibility for someone else failing to believe the words that come out of my mouth -- especially when I stressed the fact that I was being literal. Had they elected to believe me and then stay more distant, we could've easily been friends and they would've never seen any of the detail which so horrifies them.

Even if you were to ask this person who is now horrified of me, you'd find he would not agree with your overall characterization.

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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

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ORIGINAL: VideoAdminZeta

The tone of this back-and-forth would be more appropriate in the Politics and Religion forum.  Please keep the tone a bit more elevated in General BDSM.

beth is a terrible instigator isn't she!? I'll have to punish her when I get home!

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But we all know better. We see the way she posts..."This slave this and this slave that." Really awesome shit! Captivating stuff!!! I have seen the cognitively impaired offer up more original thoughts.

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It's you. Blow hard. Unable to understand he world that surrounds him....Wants to "OUT" all of the hypocrites. People don't like you because they are hypocrites. They don't like you because they have the ability to discern the good from the CREEPY