RE: Are you the PERFECT domme?

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DiannaVesta -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/8/2006 10:50:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Real0ne From my experience they typically offer me a nice mortgage bill(my name is not on the deed), car payments (her name her car), insurance bills(both), utility bills(both), all the housework, child care(theirs), finally a little kink with here a spank there a spank once in a while or the other extreme of bdsm obsession that is so caustraphobic, limiting and depressing that i could puke. I’m sorry that you’ve had such negative experiences BUT after reading your post I wonder if YOU were ever able to give unconditionally without preconceptions. You see that is the key. I’m not saying that you’re totally at fault but that it’s possible. I give NOTHING until I feel in my heart that he/she is in it for the long haul and have made a deep commitment. In anything I make them jump through all kinds of hoops and challenges. That’s just me. I’m pretty severe in that dept, as I am sure you can guess. BUT once I have allowed someone into my inner circle they are loved and cherished for the rest of their life. Most of my relationships evolve and meet its time. Still, I can say that most of my relationships end with a deep bond and continued friendship. The dynamic stays in places, always. I expect a LOT but I also give a lot. I have a lot of experience and I feel that any sub who has walked through my door has gained many things; strength in character, better spiritual understand of him/herself, balance and good slave training that will open many doors for them. It’s not unusual for me to engage in business with subs I know. I am an entrepreneur & business woman. In fact right now I am still involved in a few investments with a slave that is no longer in my household but we’re still great friends. If I took on a 24/7 slave it would mean that I have given this a great deal of thought. I would expect them to have a backup plan should it not work out. If they are not employed then I would give them health insurance & a small allowance. I’m not going to heavily invest in someone looking for an easy ride or for me to SERVE their fantasies. Unlike TeeGo I don’t see myself professing and UNDYING love, however I am quite capable of love, respect and compassion IF it is earned. I won’t play games and it really IS MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY. A good true sub I am most generous. Still life goes on and things happen. If it isn’t working for either one of us then we need to sit down as adults and end it amicably.

Real0ne -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/8/2006 2:04:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta I wonder if YOU were ever able to give unconditionally without preconceptions. You see that is the key. If you are saying that i practice self destruction or self sabotage, or had a misguided or an unwarranted interpretation of the fundamental demands of a relationship or where i stand in it, in a word no. yes that is one of many keys i would think. If you are saying however that i seen the writing on the wall and waited to see if it would manifest into something concrete without it affecting my normal course of actions before making a final conclusion, now i would agree with that. Giving unconditionally? "Absolutely", been there done that and bought a few t-shirts, and that is all circumstantial of course. quote: ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta I give NOTHING until I feel in my heart that he/she is in it for the long haul and have made a deep commitment. In anything I make them jump through all kinds of hoops and challenges. That’s just me. I’m pretty severe in that dept, as I am sure you can guess. How does that work? How can one person make a deep commitment to another who is giving them nothing in return? quote: ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta If I took on a 24/7 slave it would mean that I have given this a great deal of thought. I would expect them to have a backup plan should it not work out. If they are not employed then I would give them health insurance & a small allowance. I’m not going to heavily invest in someone looking for an easy ride or for me to SERVE their fantasies. Unlike TeeGo I don’t see myself professing and UNDYING love, however I am quite capable of love, respect and compassion IF it is earned. The insurance is very thoughtful and considerate of you, and i agree with you in not having undying love, albeit extremely romantic can be a very dangerous blindfold to wear. you mention "earning love". i can understand earning trust and a host of other things where love may or may not follow suit, but "earning love" is a totally foreign concept to me. How is it possible for one to "earn" a spritual connection to another on the order of love?

TeeGO -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/8/2006 2:27:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta Unlike TeeGo I don’t see myself professing and UNDYING love... OK, I'm busted. un·dy·ing Pronunciation: -'dI-i[ng] Function: adjective : not dying : IMMORTAL, PERPETUAL hy·per·bo·le Pronunciation: hI-'p&r-b&-(")lE Function: noun : extravagant exaggeration (as "mile-high ice-cream cones") in·ti·mate Pronunciation: 'in-t&-m&t Function: adjective 1 a : INTRINSIC, ESSENTIAL b : belonging to or characterizing one's deepest nature 2 : marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity <intimate knowledge of the law> 3 a : marked by a warm friendship developing through long association b : suggesting informal warmth or privacy <intimate clubs> 4 : of a very personal or private nature I've been married vanilla style, now divorced. I understand the concept that things change. I went a bit overboard with hyperbole. How about a deep intimate love. There needs to be that intimacy, a deep connection. That is what I meant. I wish you all could’ve read my mind as opposed to what I had typed. Oh well.

MHOO314 -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/8/2006 2:57:55 PM)
<smiles>, I stand here strong today and tell you that I will profess to My boy an undying love--I have looked a lifetime for him, he is My soulmate and each day, My love and commitment grows deeper---the more he feels, the more he gives to Me, the more power I take--so TeeGo, the boy and I have a deep, intimate connection-- martini?

mons -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/8/2006 4:19:00 PM)
greetings to all what I have to offer a submissive or slave is me! I can sense and have sense he every need. I have the abitily to see through the look in his eyes and search out what is there. I offer my protect my love yes i believe in love with a slave or submissive, the part that he seeks to serve me and only me, none of this fansty stuff like serving several women no none of that. I am strict and firm, kind when I need to be. /dangerous when I when I am ready to be. I will reward when the slave or submssive is well behaved. Many of the submissive and slaves have a favorite treat it is given when they are at their best. There is a sense of wanting to be treat badly for some this is needed to reach that state of being under total control. My slave has this and more. I have control over myself without this I ccould not control a slave or submissive. It takes time patince to work with them to learn them, this is how i train my slave tthis strick firm words and actions. Time is important. It train for keeps and he is still with me :) mons

Lashra -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/8/2006 8:08:42 PM)
My sub thinks Im perfect, I pay my own mortgage and my own bills, he in turn pays his. We share housework because I have a big place and he doesn't. Kink? Oh yeah theres lots of that and hot sex, I wouldnt have it any other way...MY way [:D] Everyone is different, some Dommes may expect what you say, some will not. Dom's have their individual expectations for their girls, each of us Domme's have them for our boys.. Depends upon the person. ~Lashra

TeeGO -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/8/2006 9:48:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 so TeeGo, the boy and I have a deep, intimate connection-- martini? And that is a beautiful thing, I can feel the strength of that connection through your words. I'll drink to that!

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/9/2006 9:22:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TeeGO There needs to be that intimacy, a deep connection. That is what I meant. I wish you all could’ve read my mind as opposed to what I had typed. Oh well. I read it, I saw past the hyperbole (W), and I understood the emotional cycle you were describing. It is a deep connection. I liked it and felt you were dead on. Does that mean I read your mind? S

lushusboobs -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/9/2006 9:47:05 PM)
That sounds more like codependency and just downright using of you than a relationship, RealOne. I'm not really into 24/7, but if I were, I'd certainly opt for something more meaningful on multiple levels rather than a relationship of fiscal convenience (for the woman). Have you ever read the book "Codependent No More"? I've been thinking of reading that book again myself. My step-father and grandfather were alcoholics so I'm familiar with the family codependent pattern. I think there's a difference between healthy interdependance and codependency and it involves both people being of service to one another. I agree with you that a healthy relationship isn't all one sided. Both sides get something or if not, it isn't healthy. Even in part time submission there are qualities that I see of important value, i.e. friendship before submission, seeing the person before the kink, bonding, and trust. No, there's no 401K plan with my friendship. LOL. I'm not really looking at the moment anyway. I've got my hands full.

yourMissTress -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/10/2006 1:14:46 AM)
quote: From my experience they typically offer me a nice mortgage bill(my name is not on the deed), car payments (her name her car), insurance bills(both), utility bills(both), all the housework, child care(theirs), finally a little kink with here a spank there a spank once in a while or the other extreme of bdsm obsession that is so caustraphobic, limiting and depressing that i could puke. It's too bad that this is your experience. But I have to wonder, how many times did this happen to you? If it was one time, can't you understand that that woman doesn't represent all women? If it happened more than once, what is it that you are doing to attract such women? and why do you get into relationships with women that want to treat you in such a way? I am far from the perfect anything. I am human, woman, mother, girlfriend, lover, Domina, sister, employee, student and much more, and still learning how to be better at all of them. I know what I want, I know what I need, and I know what I require in a sub. When I find one that I believe suits me I ask these questions of them. If we still seem to fit, I do my best to ensure that their needs are being met on a daily basis, their wants on a reward system, and their fantasies when it suits my whim. I respect my subs and I let them know it in the way that I talk to them, treat them, and care for them. The chemistry has to be there first, affection grows quickly, and love, when it blossoms, is the perfect icing on the cake.

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/10/2006 7:29:07 AM)
I offer myself as the person I am. I also happen to be kinky and express that side of me in a dominant role. If someone can't accept me on the basic level of a caring and loving friend, first and foremost, then it will not work. Be well, Julie

Proprietrix -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/10/2006 8:09:38 AM)
quote: What is it that makes you the lifestyle domme that so many subs drool to be with. Well, I guess this question wasn't directed at me. I'm more of the group of Dommes who can't seem to find a decent sub. quote: What do you offer a sub that makes you worth their time. especially those who want slaves, tell us how you take care of them The first thing I do is make sure that the sub/slave and I are compatible in our interests. If we're not, there's really no reason to move forward and end up with one or both of us hurt. Up front I offer them honesty in what I do and don't expect and what I will and will not tolerate. Having been a submissive, I try to often reflect back to what I wanted and needed, and I try to provide that for my own subs and slaves. To mention a few: A feeling of having a special place. I try to make sure that my subs/slaves know that they are special to me. Though the relationship can be supplemented by others (because I am a poly person), they can never really be replaced. I try to let them know that their efforts are noticed, and appreciated. I stand up for them. If we are at a party and someone approaches my sub/slave, I am quite quick to pay attention, watch over them, and protect them from unwanted advances. I let them know I am proud of them and proud to have them. I have no qualms with yelling from the rooftop that so-and-so is my boy. I brag on them. ("My sub makes the best spaghetti.... My slave always puts out the warm fluffy towels for me... I'm so lucky to have such an attentive sub..." I take their well-being into consideration. (You've worked hard on dinner. Sit down and enjoy a plate full of food with me before tending to the dishes.) quote: what do they get out of it if things go bad 5? 10? 20? years up the road? financial? emotional? physical? retirement? personal? daily life? I only do one thing to plan for "if things go bad", and that is to make sure that they have a bank account to fall back on. But even that isn't necessarilly for if things go bad. That might also be for in the event of my death, or in the event of their family member's medical needs, or any other unexpected life-changing event. I tend to not plan for how to properly end a relationship. Maybe that's wrong of me, but I just prefer to think of how we're going to spend life together instead of how we're going to go our seperate ways. If I spent life planning for the end of relationships, I wouldn't feel like any of them were meaningful. A prenup is ok, but why sit around dwelling on how it's going to go bad? I'd rather invest my time and energy into making a relationship work instead of investing into how it's going to end. quote: what are your responsibilities toward your sub/slave? Pretty much the same as my responsibilities toward other humans I have an investment in. Safety, protection, appreciation, etc... Simply knowing one's manners and having a certain level of respect can cover a lot of what people call "responsibilities" in this lifestyle. quote: Every domme will tell us that they will "take care of all our needs" what do you feel those needs are. (generically speaking) I'd like to clarify that I do not say that I will take care of a submissive's needs. In fact, I am looking for quite the opposite; a sub/slave that will enjoy tending to my needs and desires. quote: So now you found the perfect sub as described in the other thread so tell us how you intend to make a perfect life together and what does the sub get out of it. If it's the perfect submissive I described in the other thread, what they will get out of it is a satisfaction in serving, good conversation, enjoyment of their hobbies, and generally speaking, all those things that make an average life satisfying. quote: From my experience they typically offer me a nice mortgage bill(my name is not on the deed), car payments (her name her car), insurance bills(both), utility bills(both), all the housework, child care(theirs), finally a little kink with here a spank there a spank once in a while or the other extreme of bdsm obsession that is so caustraphobic, limiting and depressing that i could puke. I'm sorry you've had such poor experiences with Dommes. I think that's why it's important (as I said above) for everyone to be honest in the first place about their expectations and compatibility. quote: Is that really what being a sub or slave to someone is all about? Is that really all that there is out here? No. Everyone is different. Every relationship is different. I can't stress enough how I feel it's crucial for people to be up front about "here's my definitions of the lifestyle. here's what I want and need. here's what I can offer. here's what I expect in return. here's my limits. here's my standards." If all of that is out on the table, it's pretty simple to see if folks are going to mesh or not.

TeeGO -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/10/2006 12:41:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold quote: ORIGINAL: TeeGO There needs to be that intimacy, a deep connection. That is what I meant. I wish you all could’ve read my mind as opposed to what I had typed. Oh well. I read it, I saw past the hyperbole (W), and I understood the emotional cycle you were describing. It is a deep connection. I liked it and felt you were dead on. Does that mean I read your mind? S Yes I think it does, I guess we have confirmation that you are indeed a Goddess. But we already knew this.

Real0ne -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/10/2006 1:02:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Proprietrix I tend to not plan for how to properly end a relationship. Maybe that's wrong of me, but I just prefer to think of how we're going to spend life together instead of how we're going to go our seperate ways. If I spent life planning for the end of relationships, I wouldn't feel like any of them were meaningful. A prenup is ok, but why sit around dwelling on how it's going to go bad? I'd rather invest my time and energy into making a relationship work instead of investing into how it's going to end. i did not mean that to be thought of in terms of planning for an eventual end of a relationship, it was meant as "in the event of the end" what is in place or planned for. To me this is no different than planning "in the event someone should die". i have a will to take care of those affairs. In the event that a relationship should for whatever reason terminate. To state an extreme case: i know a woman has 3 slave gurls. they work for her as unpaid employees in her company. These slave gurls have no insurance, no pension, no savings, no medical, no accounts, zippo! When i asked if she felt that was fair to them should something happen she quipped back at me, well they are slaves arent they?

TeeGO -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/10/2006 1:12:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Real0ne To state an extreme case: i know a woman has 3 slave gurls. they work for her as unpaid employees in her company. These slave gurls have no insurance, no pension, no savings, no medical, no accounts, zippo! When i asked if she felt that was fair to them should something happen she quipped back at me, well they are slaves arent they? At first glance that does seem wrong. But we do not know the details. I don't think it's our place to judge. Are the 3 girls happy? Are they all happy? That what really matters, not our perception.

LaTigresse -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/10/2006 1:51:42 PM)
Le'sigh.......it seems a question that stems more from unrealistic expectations on both sides. As a dominant I am very clear....I am not wealthy. Anyone that comes into my life absolutely MUST be financially self sufficient. They may become a time after trust has been established that I would share my home however I will not financially be able to support them 100%. Working for a paycheck has never hurt anyone. Unless the dominant is wealthy, to promise to take care of someones every need is, to me. a lie. On the flip side, for a sub/slave to expect this is also, to me, just a sign......"I want a free ride" Personally, I think the key is comunication and being realistic. As my grandmother used to say.......hope for the best and prepare for the worst.....

LoneGoddess -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/10/2006 3:38:54 PM)
Nope, far from it. To be sure. But I am probably "perfect" for someone, isn't that just the way of things? [:)] ~LG

Real0ne -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/10/2006 3:39:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TeeGO quote: ORIGINAL: Real0ne To state an extreme case: i know a woman has 3 slave gurls. they work for her as unpaid employees in her company. These slave gurls have no insurance, no pension, no savings, no medical, no accounts, zippo! When i asked if she felt that was fair to them should something happen she quipped back at me, well they are slaves arent they? At first glance that does seem wrong. But we do not know the details. I don't think it's our place to judge. Are the 3 girls happy? Are they all happy? That what really matters, not our perception. i am not sure why you would take things in this direction but i think everyone out here already knows i am not one to hide behind the "dont judge" hypocracy. The fact of the matter is that we all judge everything around us every moment of our awake lives. Anyway, yes they are happy, but so what? Of course none of them have medical check ups, none have come down with cancer, or any major medical. (YET) They do not know it but they will be homeless if this domme gets sick of them or if they get sick! So how do you judge that for yourself then? Are you willing to become someones kept slave exactly as these gurls have with no safety net? Thats really the question here for you. if not why not?

AAkasha -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/10/2006 3:55:19 PM)
The question is whether or not two people are PERFECT for each other. I think in many ways I am an "ideal" femdom for many submissives because: * I don't charge any money for those I consider personal partners * I have a normal career that has nothing to do with S&M so I am always fresh and never burnt out * My desire to dominate is primal and comes from lust -- nothing I do is make believe or pretend. I dominate men because it makes me wet. It's sincere and relentless. * I have experience starting back from when I was first dating, and have done a wide variety of things. My skill level, in most areas, is pretty solid. * For the right sub, I do not even allow him to pay for phone bills. I spoil my partners and insist on paying for everything, it's part of my dominant nature. Still, none of that matters without chemistry. I feel none of that or offer none of those "benefits" to a man I do not feel something for. In that sense, I am a pretty "low on the totem pole" femdom as far as being ideal. I'm the dream domina for men I will dominate, but a bitch/fake to those I choose not to. I can live with that. Akasha

TeeGO -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/10/2006 4:15:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Real0ne quote: ORIGINAL: TeeGO quote: ORIGINAL: Real0ne To state an extreme case: i know a woman has 3 slave gurls. they work for her as unpaid employees in her company. These slave gurls have no insurance, no pension, no savings, no medical, no accounts, zippo! When i asked if she felt that was fair to them should something happen she quipped back at me, well they are slaves arent they? At first glance that does seem wrong. But we do not know the details. I don't think it's our place to judge. Are the 3 girls happy? Are they all happy? That what really matters, not our perception. i am not sure why you would take things in this direction but i think everyone out here already knows i am not one to hide behind the "dont judge" hypocracy. The fact of the matter is that we all judge everything around us every moment of our awake lives. Anyway, yes they are happy, but so what? Of course none of them have medical check ups, none have come down with cancer, or any major medical. (YET) They do not know it but they will be homeless if this domme gets sick of them or if they get sick! So how do you judge that for yourself then? Are you willing to become someones kept slave exactly as these gurls have with no safety net? Thats really the question here for you. if not why not? What are you talking about? This isn't about me. Would I do that? No. Do I think they should be doing that? No. But that is not the point. All you want is to win an argument. You just sidestep the true point trying to win any point regardless of whether it's on point or not. What is on point is that we don't need somebody like YOU telling them, me, anyone but yourself, how they to live their lives.

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