Proprietrix -> RE: Are you the PERFECT domme? (4/10/2006 8:09:38 AM)
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What is it that makes you the lifestyle domme that so many subs drool to be with. Well, I guess this question wasn't directed at me. I'm more of the group of Dommes who can't seem to find a decent sub. quote:
What do you offer a sub that makes you worth their time. especially those who want slaves, tell us how you take care of them The first thing I do is make sure that the sub/slave and I are compatible in our interests. If we're not, there's really no reason to move forward and end up with one or both of us hurt. Up front I offer them honesty in what I do and don't expect and what I will and will not tolerate. Having been a submissive, I try to often reflect back to what I wanted and needed, and I try to provide that for my own subs and slaves. To mention a few: A feeling of having a special place. I try to make sure that my subs/slaves know that they are special to me. Though the relationship can be supplemented by others (because I am a poly person), they can never really be replaced. I try to let them know that their efforts are noticed, and appreciated. I stand up for them. If we are at a party and someone approaches my sub/slave, I am quite quick to pay attention, watch over them, and protect them from unwanted advances. I let them know I am proud of them and proud to have them. I have no qualms with yelling from the rooftop that so-and-so is my boy. I brag on them. ("My sub makes the best spaghetti.... My slave always puts out the warm fluffy towels for me... I'm so lucky to have such an attentive sub..." I take their well-being into consideration. (You've worked hard on dinner. Sit down and enjoy a plate full of food with me before tending to the dishes.) quote:
what do they get out of it if things go bad 5? 10? 20? years up the road? financial? emotional? physical? retirement? personal? daily life? I only do one thing to plan for "if things go bad", and that is to make sure that they have a bank account to fall back on. But even that isn't necessarilly for if things go bad. That might also be for in the event of my death, or in the event of their family member's medical needs, or any other unexpected life-changing event. I tend to not plan for how to properly end a relationship. Maybe that's wrong of me, but I just prefer to think of how we're going to spend life together instead of how we're going to go our seperate ways. If I spent life planning for the end of relationships, I wouldn't feel like any of them were meaningful. A prenup is ok, but why sit around dwelling on how it's going to go bad? I'd rather invest my time and energy into making a relationship work instead of investing into how it's going to end. quote:
what are your responsibilities toward your sub/slave? Pretty much the same as my responsibilities toward other humans I have an investment in. Safety, protection, appreciation, etc... Simply knowing one's manners and having a certain level of respect can cover a lot of what people call "responsibilities" in this lifestyle. quote:
Every domme will tell us that they will "take care of all our needs" what do you feel those needs are. (generically speaking) I'd like to clarify that I do not say that I will take care of a submissive's needs. In fact, I am looking for quite the opposite; a sub/slave that will enjoy tending to my needs and desires. quote:
So now you found the perfect sub as described in the other thread so tell us how you intend to make a perfect life together and what does the sub get out of it. If it's the perfect submissive I described in the other thread, what they will get out of it is a satisfaction in serving, good conversation, enjoyment of their hobbies, and generally speaking, all those things that make an average life satisfying. quote:
From my experience they typically offer me a nice mortgage bill(my name is not on the deed), car payments (her name her car), insurance bills(both), utility bills(both), all the housework, child care(theirs), finally a little kink with here a spank there a spank once in a while or the other extreme of bdsm obsession that is so caustraphobic, limiting and depressing that i could puke. I'm sorry you've had such poor experiences with Dommes. I think that's why it's important (as I said above) for everyone to be honest in the first place about their expectations and compatibility. quote:
Is that really what being a sub or slave to someone is all about? Is that really all that there is out here? No. Everyone is different. Every relationship is different. I can't stress enough how I feel it's crucial for people to be up front about "here's my definitions of the lifestyle. here's what I want and need. here's what I can offer. here's what I expect in return. here's my limits. here's my standards." If all of that is out on the table, it's pretty simple to see if folks are going to mesh or not.
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