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RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/21/2006 2:34:46 PM

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
ok i will buy your picture if you can walk into a court room and tell the judge any human is your property and have them accept it under the laws of this republic
Why would I do this? I don't walk into court and force the judge to watch my man do dirty deeds, why would what we do and how we do it at home concern the judge?

Simply put, Its illegal to own a human.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

i will agree with concentual on both ends and i will agree that you both have the priviledge of being with one another in your perspective roles but beyond that is fantasy land and that site is about 98% fantasy land imvho
No need to underline priviledge for me. I will treat any man with respect and dignity (in our respective roles), unless/until he tells me that my being with him is a priviledge, lol. Life is about fantasy, and hope, and wonder babe, as I am sure you used to know, until you stopped believing in magic. M

Well if not a priviledge then what? a right? i think not. anyone knows majik is a carefully crafted illusion. i have never believed in magic even as a small child. Hope and fantasy and wonder can be a part of life but i would not agree thats what life is or should be about.

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/21/2006 3:36:40 PM

Posts: 143
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: FLsubmalecd

I think You did a great job of listing all the things to look out for in Your search for a sub. I as a sub male agree with You and many other loving sincere Dommes that it is hard to weed through the wood pile of wankers, players and married males looking for a fling on the side. It sure does not speak highly of the gender i am one of.
It infact makes me wish i could somehow disassociate myself from them so the fine Ladies that want what i am searching for too could find each other. I won' t lie and say i don't want or need certain things from Domme. Let's face it, we all want and need something from this lifestyle or we would not be a part of it. But the difference is, that someof us are very sincere and very real about understanding who we are and what the other expects from it. I surely understand and agree, it is not about me and my wants and kinky desires. it is all about what the Lady iseek to serve wants, needs, desires, and demands. To be perfectly honest, it is all that she wants and expects that turn me on, makes me happy, and why i chose this lifestyle to begin with.. My own needs and wants come second to hers.
I also know that if i give her 100% of myself, i will get back without asking, what it is i need and want.
So to sum it up. Here is what I want and need: I want a Lady to dominate me 24/7 and expect me to serve her without question. I expect her to make me into the perfect sub/slave for her. Iexpect her to punish me for my failures and reward me with her love and shared playfulkinks should i deserve it by being allshe wants and expects. No, it is not a game. But allthis starts with mutual respect and love. Without it, i could not give her what she needs and wants. It comes down to love. That's what some of you want. That is also what iam lookng for. The rest is dependant on how well we match up in our beliefs and lifestyle choices. Maybe with a little give and take thrown in to make us a better match.
I hope ii expressed this in a way that makes sense and does not in anyway make me look like the kind of player that you described in Your post Ma'am.
Good luck in Your search.

What if you met a woman that you connected with on all levels, and she was a sincere dominant with her own host of kinks, but she had zero interest in crossdressing and really wanted you to abandon that kink or not participate in it with her. If she was perfect in all other regards, how would you address that?

This is not a swipe, it's an honest question. I gather from your nickname that CD is part of who you are, and therefore a nonnegotiable kink on your list and a 'must have.'

Akasha

Hello Ms Akasha,

I thank you for your honest question. It's a good one for me to ponder. I know this could happen. so I will try to answer it in the most honest way I can.
First, I think it's important to destinguish between a true cross dresser and those that put on woman's clothes or just some lingerie as a fetish or for the sole purpose of sexual kink Most of us that identify as a cross dresser have been one since early childhood. As young as 5 -10 years old is usually when it starts for all of us. It can start as an adolestant fetish as we go through puberty. But it grows into much more then just sexualas we mature. For most of us, it no longer is "just" for erotic pleasure and definately NOT a fetish. It is really a part of who we are. We have the urge, drive or whatever it is, as much as the need to eat and breath. As we grow older, the need in fact grows and becomes less and less of an erotic thing. It just is who we are as often as we can or as the need compells us to dress. Oddly enough, my own experience is the more in love I am, and the more I have any sex with my woman, the more I am compelled to dress.
So to answer your question...Yes, I'd try very hard to first educate my new love?Domme as to the need of that part of who and what I am. Next would be to hopefully try to make some sort of compromise. Even if that compromise was for her to never have to see me dressed that way or for me o serve her while in fem mode. I surely would not let it come between us if at all possible. But I'd be lying to you now, or to her, if I found her to say I could just give it up. The experts will tell you that is impossible. Believe me, over the years I've tried. Most of us have. Some have even committed suicide for not being able to accept it within themselves. I hear of hundreds of men that have married, raised a family and have kept it a secret from their wives. That to me is sad. it would be impossible for me to do that and would not try. I have been lucky that I have had 2 wives (one died) that fully accepted and understood the compulsion and even had some fun with it. And they were both vanilla.
So to sum it up, if we were perfect togehter or thought we would be, then I'd do everything possible to educate her about what a cross dresser really is and to let her know that it is impossible to give it up. Then I'd hope we could come to a solution that would make us both happy. Even if it was to never present myself to her while dressed. I wouldnot have a problem with that. Sure, I'd really love to be able to be her maid and serve her while in fem mode. But it is not something I could not do without. Another words, my desire to serve her and submit is not just as my fem self. My desire is to be her sub/slave in either mode.

I hope that answered the question for you Ma'am. Thank you for asking,

_____________________________

"Don't make someone a priority in your life, When you're only an option in theirs"

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/21/2006 4:03:12 PM

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren
There is a word for dominants who don't to some degree, at least, meet the needs of the submissive: alone.

I'm not saying that a sub's needs shouldn't be met. (And actually, in responding, I was thinking more about Kirei's throwing "wants" in the same context as "needs".)
I was simply stating that power exchange relationships aren't equally balanced.
When I hear words like "equal" I think 50/50, i.e. vanilla.
My relationships are not 50/50. I think we'd be mistaken to think any D/s-M/s relationship is 50/50.
If one partner holds more power, it is not an equal relationship. It is not 50/50.
That ratio may be different for different people in the lifestyle. Some may be happy with 80/20. Some may want 60/40. I think for myself, and others such as Dusty (not trying to speak for you Dusty), that percentage is just higher. And what we seek out in our slaves are people who don't have a laundry list of wants they expect us to tend to. We seek slaves who have one huge want... being a slave.
Just by default, if one is engaged in a D/s, there can't be equality. If there is equality, it's not D/s.

(in reply to JohnWarren)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/21/2006 9:09:56 PM

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Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
No need to underline priviledge for me. I will treat any man with respect and dignity (in our respective roles), unless/until he tells me that my being with him is a priviledge, lol. Life is about fantasy, and hope, and wonder babe, as I am sure you used to know, until you stopped believing in magic. M

Well if not a priviledge then what? a right? i think not. anyone knows majik is a carefully crafted illusion. i have never believed in magic even as a small child. Hope and fantasy and wonder can be a part of life but i would not agree thats what life is or should be about.

Nature's mandate on us; a natural inclination to be paired off; A need to love and be loved. His Having the hots, and feeling compelled to be at my feet (or whatever body part I choose, lmao). The inclination to discover if indeed I can love as deeply and intensely as I seem, etc. etc. I'm joking, and not...

I know that you don't think it's what life is about (and neither do I most of the time), but you make it so painfully obvious that you don't dream or believe in magical occurences, that you run off those who might want to anywhere in your vicinity.
You'd better stop replying to me here or I'm going to start thinking you're flirting with me.

M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/21/2006 11:25:28 PM

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
I know that you don't think it's what life is about (and neither do I most of the time), but you make it so painfully obvious that you don't dream or believe in magical occurences, that you run off those who might want to anywhere in your vicinity.
You'd better stop replying to me here or I'm going to start thinking you're flirting with me. M

ah so we can agree on most of the time then :)

oh now wait a sec! Who says i do not dream? being extremely pragmatic minded i just do not believe in magic, occurances or otherwise. however i do believe in sprituality and other related things.

Oh?? So what are you going to """do to me""" if you think i am flirting with you? LOLOL

i just couldnt resist that one! LOL

< Message edited by Real0ne -- 4/21/2006 11:27:30 PM >

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/22/2006 12:01:55 AM

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Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
Oh?? So what are you going to """do to me""" if you think i am flirting with you? LOLOL

Very Funny!
Who said this on another thread? Which I think is a great line by the way, LOL.

quote:

spread em bitch and enjoy the ride!!!

M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/22/2006 12:16:36 AM

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
Oh?? So what are you going to """do to me""" if you think i am flirting with you? LOLOL
Very Funny!
Who said this on another thread? Which I think is a great line by the way, LOL.
quote:

spread em bitch and enjoy the ride!!!
M

G1! i am laughing so hard i have tears in my eyes!

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/22/2006 12:54:03 PM

Posts: 73
Joined: 1/1/2005
From: Moscow, Idaho
Status: offline

quote:

And this is where we part ways. I admit I cannot put Myself in the submissive's shoes, because I have no desire to be submissive.

All I asked was for people to think outside their proverbial boxes here. Clearly I was misunderstood. I have no desire to be submissive either, but it doesn't mean I can't think as they do, as a human being and try to understand where their point of view is. I know that people who do not compromise, who don't supply whatever need or want their partner requires to be happy, no matter roles, or vanilla, or whatever, end up alone. Period.

I am not a part time Domme either, but I do take into consideration all aspects of keeping my relationships "healthy", to do otherwise would net me nothing of value in the long run. It's simple realism.

LG~

_____________________________

~*~
"Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time.
There are too many mediocre things in life, love shouldn't be one of them."~DfaI

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/22/2006 3:22:38 PM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline

I gather the original question pertained to giving up a search dealing with a dom/sub relationship? And many have voiced their ideas of what they seek and what they have found out here - good and bad.. For the most part has the interacting with others , made you feel your expectations were realistic or have you discovered that the subs/slaves you have contacted have made you want more than you thought you needed ? In other words, have any Doms learned anything from us subs that have made their lives any more enjoyable or fullfilled? Or is it that most subs really just don't get whats involved with developing and enhancing a realtionship with a Dom?

(in reply to LoneGoddess)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/22/2006 3:35:28 PM

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave
For the most part has the interacting with others , made you feel your expectations were realistic or have you discovered that the subs/slaves you have contacted have made you want more than you thought you needed ? In other words, have any Doms learned anything from us subs that have made their lives any more enjoyable or fullfilled? Or is it that most subs really just don't get whats involved with developing and enhancing a realtionship with a Dom?

My vote is the last line.
I feel like I spend a LOT of time trying to explain to submissives what I (and a lot of Dommes) are looking for & expect. I have learned virtually nothing about the male submissives here except they want sex and monogamy.
You know, I even tried going to the "ask a slave/sub" forum a few times and posting questions about what male subs want/need/expect, etc... and ironically, a bunch of female subs/slaves are the ones who responded. I got blank stares from the males.
So I just kind of quietly walked back out of that forum. I felt like I had walked in the wrong restroom or something.

(in reply to openmindedslave)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/22/2006 4:30:02 PM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
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Now MsProprietix thats is interst and sad statement concerning men and Iwhat you witnessed> I won't argue what you saw, but help me to understand something ..And please ,this is just your opionion.. Would you say that both vanilla and here have some of the same expectations in realtionships.. You would want a interesting male. Someone who is respectful and polite. Someone who would be honest with you and communicate openly with you ? Even someone who you might call a firend also?
Then what else would make up a submissive in the relationship with you other than they would understand they are submissive to your needs and wants?

(in reply to Proprietrix)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/22/2006 4:45:02 PM

Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave
Now MsProprietix thats is interst and sad statement concerning men and Iwhat you witnessed> I won't argue what you saw, but help me to understand something ..And please ,this is just your opionion.. Would you say that both vanilla and here have some of the same expectations in realtionships..

I think that here and vanilla there are some of the same expectations. Not all. Vanillas have some expectations that I don't (i.e. monogamy, equality in decision-making, etc...), and I have some expectations that vanillas don't.

quote:

You would want a interesting male. Someone who is respectful and polite. Someone who would be honest with you and communicate openly with you ? Even someone who you might call a firend also?

Yes. All of those qualities.

quote:

Then what else would make up a submissive in the relationship with you other than they would understand they are submissive to your needs and wants?

Well, that would be the key aspect. That, and them clearly knowing I'm not their fetish/sex toy.

(in reply to openmindedslave)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/22/2006 4:47:56 PM

Posts: 121
Joined: 8/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

This week I have been talking to two Mistresses who have just about given up on their search for a slave/submissive.
...They both felt let down by the quality of subs they meet...They found the subs to be in a sense doming from the bottom with what they wanted and not what the superiors were interested in.

I have also encountered all of the above.

quote:

Yes they were contacted by men outside the country wanting to move here with their help.

In my case, I often hear from foreign men who either have no intention of follow-through or have simply not seriously taken the practical matters of re-location into consideration. They immediately begin asking questions about what "our" relationship would entail without even discussing meeting first.
Relationships all depend on the chemistry between the individuals involved. A Domme can't say "Our relationship WILL be XYZ" before having even been in the same room with the person she is communicating with.
Always makes me feel like these guys are simply looking for written erotica to jerk-off over. Collecting replies from serious and sincere Dommes.

quote:

They ended up with more responses to their profile from people who never read their interest before contacting them.than those who did read their profiles completely.

This is definitely the case with me in the vast majority of the cases. The writers are far too casual in their approaches. Indicate realtionship interests that my profile clearly states are non-starters. Heck, I even make it easy for potentials by CLEARLY delineating the approach I do want - picture and proper letter of introduction - yet their initial contacts make it clear they either did not read what I wrote or simply did not care. It's not like I'm remotely vague. I took a lot of time to detail what I want and what I offer. That times does not seem to be respected by most. I wonder if male Doms experience the same thing. I hear this also happens to women on vanilla sites.

quote:

The strongest reason for their leaving , for lack of a better word. ..is the "emptyness" they felt. ...
I was just woundering how many others here have come and gone ...and maybe have come back again to find the subs/slaves that you wanted? How many also do we know have just given up and why? Thank you

I do find that "emptyness" - yes.
No substance so far.
I have not, however, really given up. I'm still here.
I just figure that what I offer is as equally unique as what I seek. One day I may find myself pleasantly surprised by the right approach from the right person/s who will be just as delighted as I am by making the connection.

Wish me luck.:)

< Message edited by MarinaBlack -- 4/22/2006 4:51:03 PM >

(in reply to openmindedslave)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/22/2006 10:06:36 PM

Posts: 31
Joined: 3/25/2006
Status: offline

i soo agreed with Kirei's response.

i don't think finding a Mistress or a sub is the problem, as has been stated over and over it has much more to do with knowing oneself. i think when one is confident and quite sure of themselves they will easily identify similar traits in others, i think after all one only has to read the profiles and realize there are a lot of people on CM who's profiles and journals only express what they want for themselves, which in my mind says little for their self awareness or appreciation for those they are looking for, i'm not looking for a "strict Mistress, who wants obedience from her slaves and has a lot of "toys." i'm looking for a Mistress who is willing to fully explore and share the intricate relationship that true submissives and Dominants require to fully realize and bring into fruition their own true nature in a deeply spiritual and bonding arena. i am not interested in a Mistress who say's it's all about Her any more than i would expect a submissive to say it's all about her. As individuals it's all about "me" but step into an agreement with another and it's all about "us" no matter who is in charge. As a submissive i want my Mistress to truly care about me and put as much into the relationship as i am going to put. i will do everything she asks of me and more with all my heart and soul as long as she truly cares and loves me, so if a Mistress does not say that is the relationship she expects to eventually achieve, i would think we would both be wasting our time.

If you are a Mistress or a sub looking to connect perhaps going much deeper would benefit the search.

(in reply to MarinaBlack)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/23/2006 9:09:55 AM

Posts: 31
Joined: 3/25/2006
Status: offline

LOL, clarifying my previous statement, the dichotomy is that on one hand i do want my Mistress to be fully aware and confident in themselves and know exactly what they expect and want as Mistress, that runs of course to being the same for a sub, she too must know exactly who she is and what she wants and finding that match on CM seems unfotrunately difficult when one would think quite the opposite; or are there just not enough Mistresses or subs on this list that are truly authentic?

slave rachel

(in reply to MsRachelxxx)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/23/2006 12:15:15 PM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline

From some of the profiles I have read, I still see many that run like a fantasy story in playboy...You will be property .You will not have any rights and only pain and control over your miserable existence. I don''t believe in safewords and you will never have sex with me. etc ...etc..etc"" I guess is that really possiable to have someone live like that on a constant bases for years to come, or is it just the continous projection of a male fantasy that now some doms hope to live out... I do see from time to time some Mistresses who have farms are seeking slaves as labor. Has any one here really experienced long term, owned slaves that lived this life long term? If this is what some are seeking , is it not an unrealistic view of domination?

(in reply to MsRachelxxx)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/23/2006 4:36:34 PM

Posts: 121
Joined: 8/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

...Because there areso many subs/slaves in comparison to doms, the numbers don't always work out to a subs/slave benefit. I must say thatI have discovered that many really do admire a intelligent sub to communicate with . Not all seek this .But the more effort you make in understanding what their looking for the more impressed they will be when your emails are compared to the countless others they are receiving . Also , remember they will set the pace also in leading to a meeting and if there is anything further after that...I do wish you the best in your search..

Hello and good day.

I keep hearing about this unfair sub/Domme ration - the inferrence that there are many more subs online than Dommes.
I don't know that this is true when one factors in truth and value.
I believe that when one weeds out the "subs/slaves" who have no intention of getting offline and into realspace, when one removes the men who are just looking to get laid, when one narrows the options down to true service-oriented subs who really mean it and prove this by approaching as directed, replying mindfully and are healthy in mind and spirit...
I believe then the numbers are far more even.

(in reply to openmindedslave)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/23/2006 8:14:26 PM

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MarinaBlack

Hello and good day.

I keep hearing about this unfair sub/Domme ration - the inferrence that there are many more subs online than Dommes.
I don't know that this is true when one factors in truth and value.
I believe that when one weeds out the "subs/slaves" who have no intention of getting offline and into realspace, when one removes the men who are just looking to get laid, when one narrows the options down to true service-oriented subs who really mean it and prove this by approaching as directed, replying mindfully and are healthy in mind and spirit...
I believe then the numbers are far more even.

Observations like this always cheer me up.

(in reply to MarinaBlack)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/23/2006 9:24:39 PM

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Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

I agree with MarinaBlack about the real ratio being more even ... however, unfortunately the problem still exists of having to sort through all the fakes, players, "on the side"ers, etc to find the wonderful ones out there that are worth it. *thinks about all the time spent doing the sorting and is VERY happy that we have our boys already*

(in reply to cloudboy)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/24/2006 8:38:44 AM

Posts: 143
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MarinaBlack

Hello and good day.

I keep hearing about this unfair sub/Domme ration - the inferrence that there are many more subs online than Dommes.
I don't know that this is true when one factors in truth and value.
I believe that when one weeds out the "subs/slaves" who have no intention of getting offline and into realspace, when one removes the men who are just looking to get laid, when one narrows the options down to true service-oriented subs who really mean it and prove this by approaching as directed, replying mindfully and are healthy in mind and spirit...
I believe then the numbers are far more even.

MarinaBlack, I don't doubt one bit what you are saying but that works two ways.
I took my state for example. If I weed out, first the pro Dommes, then eliminate the ones that say they are lifestyle but demand expensive gifts and that the sub is a successful professional ( deep pockets) Next eliminate the Dommes that only want female subs, next the ones that want to add to their collection of subs, weed out the ones that are way over weight I mean like 300 pounds, ( no offense intended, but their has to be some physical attraction), And finally, weed out those I don't fit in her choice of age range, There is a total of maybe 12 listed here. And in my town or very close, there are only two left! Now what's the odds of either of them wanting me? And either one of them may have limits or wants from above but just did not say they want a rich guy or some other requirement they did not list. lol
No Ma'am, we are still at a big disadvantage in finding a Domme

_____________________________

"Don't make someone a priority in your life, When you're only an option in theirs"

(in reply to MarinaBlack)

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