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RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/20/2006 1:25:35 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
i read the site and its entertaining at best.
It is maybe entertaining and on the extreme side, but it is my point of reference for anyone who approaches me saying "I want to be your slave, but you must beat me every day, treat me worse than an animal, and cuckold me."   I reserve the right to do all of that (though most likely would never), but as the slave you don't tell me what to do.   M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 161
RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/20/2006 1:55:08 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
"I want to be your slave, but you must beat me every day, treat me worse than an animal, and cuckold me."  


the site is eqaully unrealistic to the dom side and reserves the right to be nice so to speak.

loosely speaking, of course no one has the "right" to do anything to another in a free society. priviledge maybe.





< Message edited by Real0ne -- 4/20/2006 1:57:38 PM >


_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 162
RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/20/2006 2:08:13 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
"I want to be your slave, but you must beat me every day, treat me worse than an animal, and cuckold me."


the site is eqaully unrealistic to the dom side and reserves the right to be nice so to speak.
It's not unrealistic at all in that regard.  As the dominant in ownereship of a property, I get to treat him as I please...  Even if it is to do fun things and make him happy most of the time.  For me the site is useful for a very clear explanation of what a slave's life could be like.
quote:

loosely speaking, of course no one has the "right" to do anything to another in a free society. priviledge maybe.
In reality none of us have to put up with the other ever...  So it is always about a symbiotic consensual relationship.  He willingly decides to obey moi.  M 

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 163
RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/20/2006 2:52:49 PM   
newdombbw


Posts: 84
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline
I am within 2 seconds of giving up my search.  Yes - I feel the emptiness you mention - in fact, feeling very used by "cyber-wankers".

I'm not going to find one to love me the way I want to love in return - so will just go work a 60 hour week instead.......

(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 164
RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/20/2006 6:31:09 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
"I want to be your slave, but you must beat me every day, treat me worse than an animal, and cuckold me."


the site is eqaully unrealistic to the dom side and reserves the right to be nice so to speak.

It's not unrealistic at all in that regard.  As the dominant in ownereship of a property, I get to treat him as I please...  Even if it is to do fun things and make him happy most of the time.  For me the site is useful for a very clear explanation of what a slave's life could be like.
quote:

loosely speaking, of course no one has the "right" to do anything to another in a free society. priviledge maybe.
In reality none of us have to put up with the other ever...  So it is always about a symbiotic consensual relationship.  He willingly decides to obey moi.  M



ok i will buy your picture if you can walk into a court room and tell the judge any human is your property and have them accept it under the laws of this republic.

Now he may willlingly deside to obey, ie: offer you the "priviledge" of his service but he is not and cannot be your property in the free world including many 3rd world countries as well.

If he so much as whispers the words i do not want this any longer no mountain of paperwork and bs can hold him even with a court appointed attorney much less someone good.

i will agree with concentual on both ends and i will agree that you both have the priviledge of being with one another in your perspective roles but beyond that is fantasy land and that site is about 98% fantasy land imvho.




_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 165
RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/20/2006 6:33:23 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: newdombbw

I am within 2 seconds of giving up my search.  Yes - I feel the emptiness you mention - in fact, feeling very used by "cyber-wankers".

I'm not going to find one to love me the way I want to love in return - so will just go work a 60 hour week instead.......




ah dont give up, it does not take them to long to find their sig cyber wanker domme other and then they will be out of the suib pool.


hmm imagine how poor i type after 2 beers!  LOL





< Message edited by Real0ne -- 4/20/2006 6:35:08 PM >


_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to newdombbw)
Profile   Post #: 166
RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/20/2006 9:56:05 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
ok i will buy your picture if you can walk into a court room and tell the judge any human is your property and have them accept it under the laws of this republic
Why would I do this?  I don't walk into court and force the judge to watch my man do dirty deeds, why would what we do and how we do it at home concern the judge?

quote:

Now he may willlingly deside to obey, ie: offer you the "priviledge" of his service but he is not and cannot be your property in the free world including many 3rd world countries as well
If he is my man, and we decide we're going to call him my chair from today forward, that's our business.  No one is arguing the legality of anything.  I don't check with law books before I take him either, but thanks for alerting me.  LMAO

quote:

If he so much as whispers the words i do not want this any longer no mountain of paperwork and bs can hold him even with a court appointed attorney much less someone good
He doesn't even have to whisper it.  He simply needn't let the door hit his ass on the way out.  I'm not one to want anyone who does not want me, and thus far haven't needed anyone who hasn't needed me.

quote:

i will agree with concentual on both ends and i will agree that you both have the priviledge of being with one another in your perspective roles but beyond that is fantasy land and that site is about 98% fantasy land imvho
No need to underline priviledge for me.  I will treat any man with respect and dignity (in our respective roles), unless/until he tells me that my being with him is a priviledge, lol.  Life is about fantasy, and hope, and wonder babe, as I am sure you used to know, until you stopped believing in magic.   M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 167
RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/20/2006 10:53:58 PM   
hidemyeyes


Posts: 39
Joined: 11/29/2005
Status: offline
Loki
i am trying to read this thread purely objectively, but am finding it impossible. You merely read the last thing someone has posted in response to you, and counter it as visciously as possible, even if you contradict what you said yourself previously.

quote:

"You don't see me doing that at all. My web site is not a pay site for profit,"

So you're not a competent businessperson, so what's your point?


"it's a pay site to protect my copyright and discourage minors from accessing it."

As I said before being a pay site does neither.


"If I wanted to make money from it, I would have done it in 1998 forward."

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.


In one post you accuse Aakasha of whoring herself by managing a pay site, and in the next breath say she isnt a competent business person for not making money from her site. Does that mean you are in support of those pro-Dommes you previously labelled whores for thier business competency. Please make up your mind, and let everyone know what ur problem is.

Should someone take the time to calculate the number of times you have managed to make similar contradictions, or statements based on a total lack of logic, i'm hopeful you may at least see flaws in your reasoning, though i am positive nothing will change you opinions. Even people who agree with you on some points would surely have to find fault with your viewpoints. i would be interested in talking to you to get an idea of what your story is, if you werent so angry, merely because i am curious to see what has filled you with so much disgust.

Is anyone at all reminded of the arguement scene in Monty Python where the gentleman came in for a discussion and all he got was abuse that made absolutely no sense?

hidemyeyes
---------------------------------------------------------------

we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars
                                                 oscar wilde

(in reply to lokisgodhi)
Profile   Post #: 168
RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/21/2006 12:17:00 AM   
LoneGoddess


Posts: 73
Joined: 1/1/2005
From: Moscow, Idaho
Status: offline
Yikes!!!!!!!!!!!  What a nightmare. Ladies, I am just wondering why we didn't hand it back to the whiner.

Dommes Guide to Surfing for Submissive Males:

 
If his profile says, "I need...(add any kink activity)" or "I like...(add any kink activity)" or "I want... (add any kink activity)"
It's a good bet he's a wanker.
If his profile says, "service sub", he's expecting it to be mainly "sexual service". They never really define it do they?
If his profile says, "discreet or discretion", he's married or otherwise emotionally unavailable.
If his profile says, "looking for experiences, or looking to experiment" or anything like it, he's a player.
 
And the number one skip his profile factor for me?  His handle. If it's anything that describes his favorite kink activity it's a guarantee that activity will be the first thing he wants to talk about with you. Please keep in mind that all of the above issues with profiles are mine, they may not be yours. I don't know who or what you seek. And I won't begin to guess at it.
 
But then again, we know how to sift through these ones already. Don't we?
 
This topic has been ground down into pulp on this forum as well as others, the main conclusion?
 
If the males in question could be less motivated by the hard-on they have while looking for a Domme and more motivated by the brains in their heads, and maybe throw in a dose of heart too, we wouldn't consider giving up on them for the greener vanilla pastures, where the expectations aren't in the way of making real connections with another person.
 
And gentlemen, pay attention, this is important. The truth is that it really is far simpler to take a vanilla man and bend him to our kinky ways, than it is to have to sift through the wankers on these sites.
 
~LG

_____________________________

~*~
"Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time.
There are too many mediocre things in life, love shouldn't be one of them."~DfaI

(in reply to hidemyeyes)
Profile   Post #: 169
RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/21/2006 9:06:49 AM   
FLsubmalecd


Posts: 143
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LoneGoddess

Yikes!!!!!!!!!!!  What a nightmare. Ladies, I am just wondering why we didn't hand it back to the whiner.

Dommes Guide to Surfing for Submissive Males:

 
If his profile says, "I need...(add any kink activity)" or "I like...(add any kink activity)" or "I want... (add any kink activity)"
It's a good bet he's a wanker.
If his profile says, "service sub", he's expecting it to be mainly "sexual service". They never really define it do they?
If his profile says, "discreet or discretion", he's married or otherwise emotionally unavailable.
If his profile says, "looking for experiences, or looking to experiment" or anything like it, he's a player.
 
And the number one skip his profile factor for me?  His handle. If it's anything that describes his favorite kink activity it's a guarantee that activity will be the first thing he wants to talk about with you. Please keep in mind that all of the above issues with profiles are mine, they may not be yours. I don't know who or what you seek. And I won't begin to guess at it.
 
But then again, we know how to sift through these ones already. Don't we?
 
This topic has been ground down into pulp on this forum as well as others, the main conclusion?
 
If the males in question could be less motivated by the hard-on they have while looking for a Domme and more motivated by the brains in their heads, and maybe throw in a dose of heart too, we wouldn't consider giving up on them for the greener vanilla pastures, where the expectations aren't in the way of making real connections with another person.
 
And gentlemen, pay attention, this is important. The truth is that it really is far simpler to take a vanilla man and bend him to our kinky ways, than it is to have to sift through the wankers on these sites.
 
~LG


Hello LoneGoddess,
 
I think You did a great job of listing all the things to look out for in Your search for a sub. I as a sub male agree with You and many other loving sincere Dommes that it is hard to weed through the wood pile of wankers, players and married males looking for a fling on the side. It sure does not speak highly of the gender i am one of.
 It infact makes me wish i could somehow disassociate myself from them so the fine Ladies that  want what i am searching for too could find each other. I won' t lie and say i don't want or need certain things from  Domme. Let's face it, we all want and need something from this lifestyle or we would not be a part of it. But the difference is, that someof us are very sincere and very real about understanding who we are and what the other expects from it. I surely understand and agree, it is not about me and my wants and kinky desires. it is all about what the Lady iseek to serve wants, needs, desires, and demands. To be perfectly honest, it is all that she wants and expects that turn me on, makes me happy, and why i chose this lifestyle to begin with.. My own needs and wants come second to hers. 
 I also know that if i give her 100% of myself, i will get back without asking, what it is i need and want.
So to sum it up. Here is what I want and need: I want a Lady to dominate me 24/7 and expect me to serve her without question. I expect her to make me into the perfect sub/slave for her. Iexpect her to punish me for my failures and reward me with her love and shared playfulkinks should i deserve it by being allshe wants and expects. No, it is not a game. But allthis starts with mutual respect and love. Without it, i could not give her what she needs and wants. It comes down to love. That's what some of you want. That is also what iam lookng for. The rest is dependant on how well we match up in our beliefs and lifestyle choices.  Maybe with a little give and take thrown in to make us a better match.
I hope ii expressed this in a way that makes sense and does not in anyway make me look like the kind of player that you described in Your post Ma'am. 
Good luck in Your search.        

_____________________________

"Don't make someone a priority in your life, When you're only an option in theirs"

(in reply to LoneGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 170
RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/21/2006 9:19:11 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FLsubmalecd

I think You did a great job of listing all the things to look out for in Your search for a sub. I as a sub male agree with You and many other loving sincere Dommes that it is hard to weed through the wood pile of wankers, players and married males looking for a fling on the side. It sure does not speak highly of the gender i am one of.
 It infact makes me wish i could somehow disassociate myself from them so the fine Ladies that  want what i am searching for too could find each other. I won' t lie and say i don't want or need certain things from  Domme. Let's face it, we all want and need something from this lifestyle or we would not be a part of it. But the difference is, that someof us are very sincere and very real about understanding who we are and what the other expects from it. I surely understand and agree, it is not about me and my wants and kinky desires. it is all about what the Lady iseek to serve wants, needs, desires, and demands. To be perfectly honest, it is all that she wants and expects that turn me on, makes me happy, and why i chose this lifestyle to begin with.. My own needs and wants come second to hers. 
 I also know that if i give her 100% of myself, i will get back without asking, what it is i need and want.

So to sum it up. Here is what I want and need: I want a Lady to dominate me 24/7 and expect me to serve her without question. I expect her to make me into the perfect sub/slave for her. Iexpect her to punish me for my failures and reward me with her love and shared playfulkinks should i deserve it by being allshe wants and expects. No, it is not a game. But allthis starts with mutual respect and love. Without it, i could not give her what she needs and wants. It comes down to love. That's what some of you want. That is also what iam lookng for. The rest is dependant on how well we match up in our beliefs and lifestyle choices.  Maybe with a little give and take thrown in to make us a better match.
I hope ii expressed this in a way that makes sense and does not in anyway make me look like the kind of player that you described in Your post Ma'am. 
Good luck in Your search.        


What if you met a woman that you connected with on all levels, and she was a sincere dominant with her own host of kinks, but she had zero interest in crossdressing and really wanted you to abandon that kink or not participate in it with her.  If she was perfect in all other regards, how would you address that?

This is not a swipe, it's an honest question.  I gather from your nickname that CD is part of who you are, and therefore a nonnegotiable kink on your list and a 'must have.'

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)
Profile   Post #: 171
RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/21/2006 9:38:49 AM   
Kirei


Posts: 146
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
  Personally I think your wrong about listing of needs.  Some people have actually done a good job listing their needs.  I for one have spent a great deal of time looking at myself and trying to figure out my needs from my wants.  It was not easy nor was it fun, but it did give me a better look into myself.
While I see many female dominants that tell me its all about them.  That in and of itself is just a lot of BS and tells me she is a fake.  Why do I say that?  Because a true power exchange relationship between and dominant and submissive must be circular.  Each must desire to meet the needs of the other, each must at times see to the others wants.  It is very much a yin/yan circle. 
  The problem is no one is willing to talk on a basic level on-line anymore.  I gave up my search for a mistress, because I see it as if I was looking for the holy grail itself.  Its just not possible find, unless your lucky to come across that someone.

   How many people have asked themselves "What is the minimum I truly need to be happy"?  How many have written it down for themselves?
    In any relationship 90% of that relationship is what you will bring to it.  The 10% is the magic that keeps it going.

Koneko

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 172
RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/21/2006 9:52:25 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirei

Personally I think your wrong about listing of needs.  Some people have actually done a good job listing their needs.  I for one have spent a great deal of time looking at myself and trying to figure out my needs from my wants.  It was not easy nor was it fun, but it did give me a better look into myself.
While I see many female dominants that tell me its all about them.  That in and of itself is just a lot of BS and tells me she is a fake.  Why do I say that?  Because a true power exchange relationship between and dominant and submissive must be circular.  Each must desire to meet the needs of the other, each must at times see to the others wants.  It is very much a yin/yan circle. 
The problem is no one is willing to talk on a basic level on-line anymore.  I gave up my search for a mistress, because I see it as if I was looking for the holy grail itself.  Its just not possible find, unless your lucky to come across that someone.

  How many people have asked themselves "What is the minimum I truly need to be happy"?  How many have written it down for themselves?
   In any relationship 90% of that relationship is what you will bring to it.  The 10% is the magic that keeps it going.

Koneko


If my needs/desires are to have a man surrender his will to me in order to please me, and his needs/desires are to be fucked up the ass with a strap on a minimum of 3 times a week, how is that yin/yan?

There are a lot of women that are into power exchange not seeing it as a series of acts they are willing to participate in with a man as a give and take.  I don't see this as, "well, ok, I will fuck you in the ass begrudgingly a couple times a week as long as you indulge my pee fetish."    Just as a hot, intense sexual relationship isn't about "well, fine, I guess I will give you a blow job but that means you have to stop bugging me about fucking me in the butt."

My rush comes from seeing a man surrender and feel helpless for me; I get off on knowing he is willing to endure things for my pleasure and he faces up to fear and lets his ego get a bit bent because it makes me wet.  This is a turn on for me.  However, it pretty much loses all it's passion if all I am expected to do is carry out various acts he wants performed on him and that's where it starts and ends.

I absolutely love the idea of taking HIS fetishes and using them as tools for my pleasure.  However, if this starts to feel like a barter agreement and he really is only interested in *surrendering me* if I fulfill his fantasies and that's the bottom line, I will lose interest quickly and he's better off seeing a pro or a woman interested in his FETISH purely as a fetish.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to Kirei)
Profile   Post #: 173
RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/21/2006 12:03:21 PM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirei
While I see many female dominants that tell me its all about them.  That in and of itself is just a lot of BS and tells me she is a fake.  Why do I say that?  Because a true power exchange relationship between and dominant and submissive must be circular.  Each must desire to meet the needs of the other, each must at times see to the others wants.  It is very much a yin/yan circle. 


To me, this is an oxymoron.
The whole point of D/s - M/s power exchange is that is not a balanced relationship. It is not equal. It is not about needs and wants being met laterally. It is not about finding that happy medium. Those are great concepts for egalitarian relationships, but really has no bearing on relationships that define themselves as asymmetrical in the first place.
What you describe, I would define as either a vanilla relationship (with or without kinky play), or at most, a relationship between two Switches. But definitely not a M/s relationship.


(in reply to Kirei)
Profile   Post #: 174
RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/21/2006 12:34:22 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirei
While I see many female dominants that tell me its all about them.  That in and of itself is just a lot of BS and tells me she is a fake.  Why do I say that?  Because a true power exchange relationship between and dominant and submissive must be circular.  Each must desire to meet the needs of the other, each must at times see to the others wants.  It is very much a yin/yan circle. 


To me, this is an oxymoron.
The whole point of D/s - M/s power exchange is that is not a balanced relationship. It is not equal. It is not about needs and wants being met laterally. It is not about finding that happy medium. Those are great concepts for egalitarian relationships, but really has no bearing on relationships that define themselves as asymmetrical in the first place.
What you describe, I would define as either a vanilla relationship (with or without kinky play), or at most, a relationship between two Switches. But definitely not a M/s relationship.




Yup...
I will only add that it can and should be fair and equal in the sense that this is what the slave wanted and needed in the first place.  The slave is getting needs and wants met through his/her sevice and the lack of self-authority.  It just looks odd from the societally accepted perspective and any vanilla peeking in the window would probably say "WTF?".

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to Proprietrix)
Profile   Post #: 175
RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/21/2006 1:27:49 PM   
LoneGoddess


Posts: 73
Joined: 1/1/2005
From: Moscow, Idaho
Status: offline
I beg to differ on that point. I don't see D/s as being an asymetrical relationship format at all. One may call it so, as it would simply appear it's off balance. The roles we assume in these relationships are but roles. Even in vanilla relationships.

But the truth is, they are roles assumed within relationship to each other. And bottom line is this: If the two or more people engaged in said relationship aren't getting their needs, wants, etc met, do they stay anyway? No, people who don't get their needs met, wants met, generally vote with their feet. They walk.

So until slavery, real slavery is legal again, which I don't see happening (nor would I want to), even a slave in an M/s relationship has the option to go if he's not happy with the status quo.

I'd like to keep the illusion that it's all about me, but the truth is, it isn't. Put the shoe on the other foot, pretend for a moment you're the sub. How would you want it? Unequal always?

LG~

_____________________________

~*~
"Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of your time.
There are too many mediocre things in life, love shouldn't be one of them."~DfaI

(in reply to Proprietrix)
Profile   Post #: 176
RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/21/2006 1:47:15 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirei
While I see many female dominants that tell me its all about them.  That in and of itself is just a lot of BS and tells me she is a fake.  Why do I say that?  Because a true power exchange relationship between and dominant and submissive must be circular.  Each must desire to meet the needs of the other, each must at times see to the others wants.  It is very much a yin/yan circle. 


To me, this is an oxymoron.
The whole point of D/s - M/s power exchange is that is not a balanced relationship. It is not equal. It is not about needs and wants being met laterally. It is not about finding that happy medium. Those are great concepts for egalitarian relationships, but really has no bearing on relationships that define themselves as asymmetrical in the first place.
What you describe, I would define as either a vanilla relationship (with or without kinky play), or at most, a relationship between two Switches. But definitely not a M/s relationship.


There is a word for dominants who don't to some degree, at least, meet the needs of the submissive: alone.

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(in reply to Proprietrix)
Profile   Post #: 177
RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/21/2006 1:53:18 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LoneGoddess

I'd like to keep the illusion that it's all about me, but the truth is, it isn't. Put the shoe on the other foot, pretend for a moment you're the sub. How would you want it? Unequal always?

LG~


And this is where we part ways.  I admit I cannot put Myself in the submissive's shoes, because I have no desire to be submissive.  It doesn't mean I can't be nurturing and caring.  I does mean that I have no desire and derive no satisfaction from bending to another's will.  I strongly feel that the submissive or slave is getting his needs met if both are careful about choosing the right person.  It should be the submissive's or slave's nature to derive their fulfillment this way. 
The basis of any D/s or M/s relationship does begin with what the Dominant seeks.  In that sense, it is all about the Dominant.  It is up to both to ensure that all needs are being met, from both sides.  If the slave can't give Me what I need in My relationship, then we are not  a match.  And what I need should be what the slave happily gives.  In return, My Dominant energy is what feeds the s type.  If its' not the right energy flow on both sides, move on...No harm, no foul.  
But if I want to compromise My expectations just for the sake of being in a relationship, then I might as well marry that rich vanilla guy who has been after Me for two years.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to LoneGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 178
RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/21/2006 2:02:42 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoneGoddess

I'd like to keep the illusion that it's all about me, but the truth is, it isn't. Put the shoe on the other foot, pretend for a moment you're the sub. How would you want it? Unequal always?

LG~


And this is where we part ways.  I admit I cannot put Myself in the submissive's shoes, because I have no desire to be submissive.  It doesn't mean I can't be nurturing and caring.  I does mean that I have no desire and derive no satisfaction from bending to another's will.  I strongly feel that the submissive or slave is getting his needs met if both are careful about choosing the right person.  It should be the submissive's or slave's nature to derive their fulfillment this way. 
The basis of any D/s or M/s relationship does begin with what the Dominant seeks.  In that sense, it is all about the Dominant.  It is up to both to ensure that all needs are being met, from both sides.  If the slave can't give Me what I need in My relationship, then we are not  a match.  And what I need should be what the slave happily gives.  In return, My Dominant energy is what feeds the s type.  If its' not the right energy flow on both sides, move on...No harm, no foul.  
But if I want to compromise My expectations just for the sake of being in a relationship, then I might as well marry that rich vanilla guy who has been after Me for two years.


Additionally, if a submissive didn't really want power exchange in the first place, why not find a really accommodating vanilla woman who was awesome at roleplaying being in control?  Then he could have his fantasies any way he wanted them.

Akasha


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Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 179
RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/21/2006 2:09:29 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirei
While I see many female dominants that tell me its all about them.  That in and of itself is just a lot of BS and tells me she is a fake.  Why do I say that?  Because a true power exchange relationship between and dominant and submissive must be circular.  Each must desire to meet the needs of the other, each must at times see to the others wants.  It is very much a yin/yan circle. 


To me, this is an oxymoron.
The whole point of D/s - M/s power exchange is that is not a balanced relationship. It is not equal. It is not about needs and wants being met laterally. It is not about finding that happy medium. Those are great concepts for egalitarian relationships, but really has no bearing on relationships that define themselves as asymmetrical in the first place.
What you describe, I would define as either a vanilla relationship (with or without kinky play), or at most, a relationship between two Switches. But definitely not a M/s relationship.


There is a word for dominants who don't to some degree, at least, meet the needs of the submissive: alone.


I have seen you write this before, and I don't disagree with you John.  I don't totally disagree with Kirei, either, or Lone Goddess.  The relationship can be circular or an oval.  Just because a relationship may seem skewed to what is normally considered equal and fair does not mean it is not equal and fair to those in the D/s or M/s relationship. 
You are a D...I will assume that Libby is the "s".  And I could be very wrong.  Do you have the final say?  Have you given up anything, strictly with regards to D/s, that you adjusted in order to be with Libby?  And if so, are these gives and takes in areas that evolved over a long term relationship?  What is important to you, or what is not important to you, may be important or not important to others.  Or is it that your temperment and your style are exactly what complimented Libby's needs? And vice versa, of course.
That is the only point I am trying to make.
I am meeting the needs of a submissive or slave by being who I am.  If I have to be someone different to meet their needs, (Oh, that screams vanilla marriage to Me!) then I am not the right Dominant.  We have a lot of people who talk, "fair" and "equal".  When they do so, it is just another way of saying "vanilla" with some kink on the weekends, or when I am not too tired.  And that doesn't work for Me. I need someone who feels the same.  It can't work for them, either. 

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 180
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