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RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/10/2006 3:56:16 PM

Posts: 73
Joined: 1/1/2005
From: Moscow, Idaho
Status: offline

I've given up a couple of times. Got on with life and discovered sub types within the vanilla world, right at home. Unfortunately no real "love connections" and not willing to explore D/s at a deeper level. As for international boys, I just say no, upfront. They don't dishearten me, what disheartens me is the distances and opportunities to meet others that I am lacking here in bum fuck Idaho. Granted, I love it here but it is limiting at the time being. Where does a lady relocate to? LOL.

No, I won't give up. I know who I want to share my life with, and he'll find me someday... or I'll find him if I have to pick through every haystack out there.

~LG

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/11/2006 2:34:04 AM

Pinkpottiepants

Posts: 76
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

I agree with almost everything that you say, but I would like to revisit your statement about there being game players. I agree that there are, but the players are on both ends of the whip so to speak. As a submissive, I have been led down the garden path many times during my search for a Mistress to serve and that can't help but color how you present myself as you continue your search. I have become far more protective of my true feeling toward submission, fearing that the Mistress on the other key board has more of an agenda and is just using the Mistress pretense to get something else.

(in reply to MistressLorelei)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/11/2006 4:59:18 AM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline

Of course not all people who call themselves doms are really understanding or truly talented in their art as of yet. Thats why everyone involve should be open enought to be honest about their knowledge and experiences.

But getting back to the number of Mistresses who have left here ....Could it be that their expectations are not reasonable.If youread some profiles, you clearly see they want a fantasy world. "You must greet the mistress stripped naked when she comes home from work". "whatever you have is now hers , including bank accounts and ownership of all property." "you will have no rights" etc....
The fact is ,if this is a lifestyle a Mistress wants , then more power to them on their search.... Most Mistresses seem to want the basics of any good relationshp...To form a trust.. to have an honest relationship and one that allows for openness to explore one anothers desires and interest...

(in reply to Pinkpottiepants)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/11/2006 9:45:43 AM

luckyslaveboync

Posts: 69
Joined: 3/18/2005
Status: offline

lucky agrees with openmindedslave but wishes to add this: lucky's Owner also finds it hard to find worthy subs, but solves the problem by requiring a LONG period of email exchange prior to ever meeting. She does not meet many this way, but the few that prove persistent, honest, realistic, etc., have mostly all been satisfactory to her in real life. This method may seem tedious to some (both Dommes and subs) but it avoids the greater effort and disappointment of a large number of disappointments, no-shows, or worse. Some good subs may fall out of this process, finding it too slow or formulaic, but the simplicity that this affords lucky's Owner prevents burnout on Her part as She is searching.

(in reply to openmindedslave)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/11/2006 4:24:38 PM

MasterMMistressG

Posts: 11
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline

We have been seeking for 2 years now and to say the least ... it has been exhausting. We keep plugging away and remain hopeful. We have someone under consideration right now. she seems very appropriate to what Our family needs and desires. We shall see. My advise to you is to keep seeking. The one will turn up when you least expect it.

_____________________________

Mistress G

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more
Important than Fear.

(in reply to GoddessAlexia)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/13/2006 5:50:47 AM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline

Well, I just heard from another Mistress friend who made it official.." The crap got to her " shes leaving dues to all the hopes that have been broken by the men who have contacted her...BUT.. like alot of you have said , she is still keeping it open to her coming back at another time.. So I guess you can't get the dom out of her, but the dom does need a vacation from the search .lol

(in reply to MasterMMistressG)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/13/2006 5:59:31 AM

Tampamistres4fem

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/27/2006
Status: offline

I have found that online has been some of the biggest waste of time I have found in this lifestyle. I have found more success in everyday life making new friends and slowly introducede them to the reality...often has the same amount of success ratio as online but...without the tedious long hours of Im's and emails..only to find to find they are fake, lying, sent pictures from 30 years ago and so on...

So count me in the ratio of those who think this whole scene is a joke...and no I am not seeking your money or want the subs to hand me life possesions..all I ask is good service :)

Miss R

(in reply to openmindedslave)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/13/2006 6:54:59 AM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline

Miis R I noticed in your profile that you seek female slaves/subs...which if I may ask those who will respond..
Do female slaves or subs respond or show more respect when it comes to meeting and being honest than males do?
I understand this question really is for those who see both sexes in submission . Are the same issues common for both sexes?

(in reply to Tampamistres4fem)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/13/2006 6:59:18 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

Miis R I noticed in your profile that you seek female slaves/subs...which if I may ask those who will respond..
Do female slaves or subs respond or show more respect when it comes to meeting and being honest than males do?
I understand this question really is for those who see both sexes in submission . Are the same issues common for both sexes?

Actually, I find that there are vast differences in the issues when it comes to male and female subs. Some are similar when you break it doesn to basics (truth, honor, dedication) but they manifest themselves in different ways.

I don't meet a lot of female subs who are just looking for sceneing & sex with no ties, no disclosure about their own personal lives, no commitments.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 4/13/2006 7:06:05 AM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to openmindedslave)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/13/2006 8:12:27 AM

Tampamistres4fem

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/27/2006
Status: offline

Oh I have a ton of guys asking LOL

My Kink is with females..and no I have not seen a difference in response...same bs all around :)

Miss R

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/13/2006 1:34:09 PM

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/14/2005
Status: offline

I understand the desire to give up on subs. Having recently come back into the lifestyle after quite a long time. I find most of the subs now want to top from the bottom. Even the "service oriented" subs want to give only what they think I should have and not what I ask of them. It becomes so tiresome I'd just rather be alone or do something myself than to "teach" a sub what I want then once they get what THEY are after they are long gone. I came from a world where subs WANTED to please that's what they cherished most was my appreciation for their trying to please. I lavished praise, love and life was good...that was 20 yrs. ago fast forward. Not the same story now. Did the internet do all this????

(in reply to GoddessAlexia)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/13/2006 4:57:17 PM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline

I think the internet GoddessAlexia took this lifestyle that was featured in underground clubs and low grade magazines to a larger population. One that sees the lifestyle for more of what it has to offer than just a kinky sick perverted lifestyle that many who did not understand thought it was.The internet in the long run has opened the communication with people around the world..Yet with all the good came the rest with it.Such as the users and the ugly...If anything I would still like to believe the internet has brought more good than bad

(in reply to Echowoman)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/13/2006 5:46:42 PM

Posts: 234
Joined: 12/23/2005
Status: offline

Sometime back I was talking with an individual who claimed that they were in the lifestyle before the internet. She said there were alot of players who only wanted to get what they wanted out of the kinky interaction. Now there are more people with the internet and more players.

I think it comes down to the lack of communication resaulting in conflicting perception of, or definitions of, terminology.

(in reply to openmindedslave)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/13/2006 6:49:47 PM

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

My short answer is that the ones who get that upset and leave were probably not that committed to this being a lifestyle for them.

If their leaving the BDSM community was based on their experience on a website,
I suspect that these ladies have failed to one, actually GET involved in the community (see above) and they've failed to put into place filters; hoops that a supplicant must jump through to prove their value and basic intent. Answering every email is ridiculous and a large waste of time, especially when it's largely comprised of a pool of wankers and long distance fellows looking for online jollies. Answering the serious ones who have deliberately chosen to answer exactly what you've asked them for in the format that you desire (or close to it) is far more worthwhile and tends to get better results.

I personally have taken *time away* because of my leather title, teaching or career obligations that have prohibited me from attending to the care of a submissive and the nurturing of a relationship. There is a vast difference between that and an excuse that "there are no real slaves out there". The first question they need to be asking is, "Did I communicate my intentions clearly and effectively?" I suspect the answer might be no in most cases.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to openmindedslave)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/13/2006 7:06:33 PM

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

The failure of most relationships, whether in BDSM or not, all comes down to an inequality or misunderstanding of expectations. If we come in with two different sets of needs and desires that we expect to get out of a relationship and we don't adequately communicate and validate the other parties understanding of what we desire -- it's BOUND for failure, or at least hella rocky road ahead.

The failure of many men on this site is that they have one hand on their cock and they don't bother reading the details that we write in our profiles, or, deliberately disregard what WE want because their immediate need (kink, orgasm, satisfaction) overrides anything the woman wants. How's that for the basis of a power exchange relationship?? LOL It's downright disrespectful. There would be far less disappointment if folks just took the time to read and/or learn what the other person is out there looking for.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to openmindedslave)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/13/2006 8:18:47 PM

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora
The failure of many men on this site is that they have one hand on their cock

Oh now wait a minute here. Thats own right offensive to me. i have both my hands my cock!

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to MisPandora)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/13/2006 10:10:26 PM

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

The failure of many men on this site is that they have one hand on their cock and they don't bother reading the details that we write in our profiles, or, deliberately disregard what WE want because their immediate need (kink, orgasm, satisfaction) overrides anything the woman wants. How's that for the basis of a power exchange relationship?? LOL It's downright disrespectful. There would be far less disappointment if folks just took the time to read and/or learn what the other person is out there looking for. [emphasis mine]

*Cheering from the English teacher.*

I took a break at one time, because, as MisPandora said, I found I had to define what I really wanted from a submissive and communicate it clearly here on CM. Since then, not only did I find a wonderful real-time submissive over a year ago, but I found the *noise* level of the petitions reduced dramatically. Most of the submissives do get what I really want, and make an effort to try to show me they fit within my parameters.

Of course there are still the guys who only look at the pictures...(one of whom apologized for bothering me just before this post. lol)

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to MisPandora)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/13/2006 10:56:47 PM

Posts: 69
Status: offline

I take issue when dommes claim men don't read their ads. We most assured do.

I submit the men's guide to reading reading personal ads.

harem/stable et al = I'm incapable of making a commitment. I need to feed my ego with multiple partners. I only see my partners as trophies not people.

It's all about me = It's all about me because I have nothing to offer as a person. I work a dead end menial job, I have a poor education I'm a trashy low-life who's using being a dominant to make up for all that's lacking in my life.

Service oriented = Theft of services oriented. I'm lazy, not really in bdsm and I'm scamming men by using their sexual orientation to extract goods and services from them.

Female supremacy[ist] = I'm terrified about being judged on the content of my character. I don't have what it takes to be loved and respected because of whom I amd so I'll use an accident of birth to claim a role I can't earn on my merits.

BBW = Are nearly never beautiful. I lack self control, a major component in being dominant. I'm not secure enough with myself to admit that I'm fat.

No sex = I don't want to have a full balanced well rounded relationship. We'll make a exception if you're married to someone not in the scene or to a dominant.

Into cuckolding. = I lack moral fiber/ethical parameters.

I'm into financial servitude. = I'm a whore.

I want to be spoiled, take me shopping, et al = I'm a whore.

I'm a prodomme. = I'm a cheap and stupid whore. Last time I checked collarme is a personal ad site. If you want clients go to one of the pay sites that cater to prodommes, leave personal sites to people who are looking for relationships. If you do post on a personal site, be looking for a personal relationship not clients. DUH!

Men are not stupid. We know when we're being scammed.

I can't speak for all men but what I want from a dominant women is someone who wants to be with me because she likes[loves] me, or at least most of me, enjoys my company and wants to be my exclusive significant other. She dominates me because she believes that men need structure in their life, never outgrow needing corporal punishment and enjoys being the one who administers it. And she does it in a positive way that makes me feel good about myself, good about my relationship with her and I can always trust her and not feel like I'm being victimized or abused for her ego.

There are other things too but this is the crux.

Eric

< Message edited by lokisgodhi -- 4/13/2006 11:04:29 PM >

(in reply to Real0ne)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/14/2006 4:58:19 AM

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

Wow, did you stumble into the wrong room...

pulls up a chair for this one....

quote:

It's all about me = It's all about me because I have nothing to offer as a person. I work a dead end menial job, I have a poor education I'm a trashy low-life who's using being a dominant to make up for all that's lacking in my life.

I picked this one because it's in my profile. First off, I don't have a job at all.... I don't need one. Second, I am a MENSA candidate and third... there is NOTHING lacking in my life.

quote:

Service oriented = Theft of services oriented. I'm lazy, not really in bdsm and I'm scamming men by using their sexual orientation to extract goods and services from them.

Another one of my favorites... service oriented? Bull shit. Been there, done that. Do you really believe that it works so simply?? The first so-called "service oriented" male I had was one of the least service oriented people I've ever met, he brought nothing to this family and was particularly happy about his ability to work jigsaw puzzles. This was a man that stood nearly a foot and a half taller then me and had no qualms about taking off and going to the park while I stayed at home and hung drywall. On the other hand.. the next so-called male submissive cost us a small fortune, did virtually NOTHING as often as he could get away with and again, brought nothing financial to the relationship.

No Sex.... oh how I love this complaint..... Sorry, for whatever reason I just can't seem to compete with the ongoing affair that most submissive men I have met have with their hand.

I understand that there are a lot of people here that have met and been used by the wannabes and wankers out there, and I understand that there are a lot of people that have been jaded for all of the same reasons. But to come here and slam an entire group, no, wait, that would be two groups since you claim to speak for the male submissives as well.. sweetheart, you've opened a can of worms.

quote:

I can't speak for all men

But you just did....

quote:

I submit the men's guide to reading reading personal ads.

Having said all of this... having just come to this message board and slamming a large group of some of the most honest, straight forward, strong, compassionate, caring and real time female dominants that I personally have ever had to honor to communicate with will not win you any brownie points. Do you honestly believe that these women fit your ill thought out descriptions?? If so, why follow that long list of degradations by adding...

quote:

I can't speak for all men but what I want from a dominant women is someone who wants to be with me because she likes[loves] me, or at least most of me, enjoys my company and wants to be my exclusive significant other. She dominates me because she believes that men need structure in their life, never outgrow needing corporal punishment and enjoys being the one who administers it. And she does it in a positive way that makes me feel good about myself, good about my relationship with her and I can always trust her and not feel like I'm being victimized or abused for her ego.

What exactly was the mindset? hmmmm?

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to lokisgodhi)

RE: Mistresses giving up the search??? - 4/14/2006 4:59:51 AM

Posts: 21
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline

Your post bespeaks of a deeper understanding and I suspect is product of life experience.All to often we as males, submissive or those of us embracing slavery, allow diminishing and degrading of males in general. However, I have found those women complaining about the submissive males are for the most part the same women complaining about vanilla males and its best to just tune them out immediately. We as submissives or slaves do not have a shortage of options and the last thing we need to do is limit ourselves to those who will not be successful in their search by their own making.

(in reply to lokisgodhi)

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