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Some people need to suffer for the pleasure of their Master. It is a need... it is how they show their attachment to their Master... as property (some would say). For some people, (some of those that refer to themselves as slave)... suffering brings a sense of peace, contentment and serenity most of the time.

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Subs and new slaves play around with this need all of the time as their 'master' or 'dom' teaches them to 'suffer for him' (Slavery 101). But when a slave truly finds her real Master, the need can grow to be more deeply rooted in the life of the slave than just some temporary suffering through some type of 'play' or 'punishment' activity.
~sgs

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Maybe this makes you happy, but this is also very unhealthy for your mind and body.

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I am not allowed to knit in public (how insensitive of him!!!)

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1 - Competence in what one does. This is more than talking about self-esteem. It is a belief and opinion that what one engages in they do well. The more they believe themselves competent in what they do the higher their self-esteem grows. She may dislike and even hate the job that causes her anxiety and stress. But she hates even more when she allows her anxiety and stress to decide her life. She did that once and it almost killed her. Instead she is learning to conquer her anxiety and learning to manage stress in constructive ways. The more competent she believes herself to be in this area the stronger and healthier she has become and the last five years of her life she has excelled because of what I guide her towards. Not to say she wasn't doing well before.. she is just doing better because she has support and help.

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2 - Connectedness or Relatedness to those significant in her life. Maslow called in the need to belong. It's not so much to belong but to know one has a place in this world that is uniquely theres. No one else has that spot it's hers and hers alone. In our relationship she has found that spot and this has built incredible security for her to challenge her limitations and push herself to greater heights that continue to improve her well-being. Possessions distract her from what she needs to be connected to for her the sake of her well-being.

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3 Autonomy. This is NOT about having independence. In fact, independence in of itself can be to a detriment of number two in some situations. This is more about believing and haveing the volation that the way one is living their life is consistent with who they are as a person they self-identify as. It is without question that the more Kyra has shed herself of her independence and authority within her relationship with me the stronger her health as become. Kyra self-identifies as a person that is driven to hand all this authority to a person where she can be as transparent as one could ever hope to achieve. Her self-identification is critical and having the ability and voliation to actualize this identification is neccessary to her well-being. To inhibit herself from being her authentic self is going to and has had serious negative impacts to her well-being.

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she is happy becuase she is in the best mental state of her entire adult life and maybe even her entire life.

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ORIGINAL: Elisabella
"Ownership" is a cultural construct and while it might be fun to say you own something, even if nobody actually recognizes your right of ownership, that doesn't make it objective fact. It just makes it the term that you prefer to apply to a relationship that is objectively regarded as "marriage."

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ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

You know what - suffering is suffering and it has nothing to do with peace and serenity, let alone contentment.
You can't suffer, I mean really SUFFER and be at peace, serene and content at the same time. Logical impossibility.

When it comes to "need" to suffer, you are maybe right - but even if there is such a need, it's not very healthy need. Some people need to smoke or to do heroin, yet it is slowly killing them. Maybe there is a way to remove such need.

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ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

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Someone who will roll over on their back like some abused and terrified puppy doesn't have much to surrender

There are many ways to roll on one's back, including like a strong and wise lioness.  The fact that you only see it in this limited way is your perception, not the full reality.

I get that you need someone who is obviously and aggressively out there, stereotypically strong, bordering on difficult, the untameable filly.  You see the value in that and that's what gets you going.

But you really need to stop saying that if it's NOT all that, then it's somehow weak, worthless and not healthy.

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Ask any doctor, he'll tell you - stress is not healthy.

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2 - Connectedness or Relatedness to those significant in her life. Maslow called in the need to belong. It's not so much to belong but to know one has a place in this world that is uniquely theres. No one else has that spot it's hers and hers alone. In our relationship she has found that spot and this has built incredible security for her to challenge her limitations and push herself to greater heights that continue to improve her well-being. Possessions distract her from what she needs to be connected to for her the sake of her well-being.

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Why would possessions distract her? Most the people have some possessions, yet I don't see that they are distracted or that they aren't connected with their loved ones.
You have possessions yet you also belong to your two women. How your possessions don't prevent you from belonging to them?

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What do you think when she began identifying herself as a person who is driven to hand all her authority?

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I believe you this, but don't you think that in some different circumstances her well-being wouldn't be EVEN BETTER than it is now?

Maybe she would be even happier if she wasn't so stressed on her job.

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ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
Could you tell us about some of the things KoM has replaced the things you've listed that he's taken away? You mentioned leanring to ski-he made you learn to do something you now love. Any other examples you want to share?

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That might actually take awhile and I don't really view anything that I wrote before as being 'taken away' though I know that some would see it that way.

I now have a family of six that I adore and would do anything for. While not their mom, I cry in joy when we go to recitals or school plays. I now have two mother-in-laws and a father-in-law. Despite the fact, that his mother can drive us all batty, we love her dearly. I have learned that having an intellectual conversation within a small group feeds me more than ‘alone time’. I have learned to take advantage of the brief periods of alone time that I do get. I have learned what donairs, perogies and poutines are; some I liked and some I don’t really care for.

When I first met him, I was an insomniac. Sleeping more than a few hours at a time was quite rare for me even with prescribed sleep medication. He required that I get to a point that I did not need medication and that I actually slept most of the night. In less than six months, I no longer needed the medication and the doctor was able to wean me off of it. I now sleep 6 – 8 hours every night.

In live in an area that I absolutely love after being a ‘city girl’ for most of my life. I can sit in the living room and watch the river flow (even though it sometimes still boggles my mind to watch it flow north); I watch coyotes walk across the field and see a Bald Eagle fly through the valley. I can stand in the front yard and count the deer in the hills or watch a momma bear with her cubs as she looks for food. I also get to plant a buffet for the deer, I mean a garden. We had fresh tomatoes all last summer and if this summer goes well, we will have tomatoes, peppers, raspberries, strawberries and blueberries.

As I am writing this, it is 10:40 in the evening and it is still light outside. This is a source of irritation and amusement all at the same time. In the summer we are lucky if we have four hours of darkness and in the winter we have four hours of light. Speaking of winters... I am the only one who is entertained by the snow and we have snow around 6 months out of the year. How cool is that? We even had flurries last week.

I have a relationship that feeds my need and desire for structure and protocol. Those two things feed me at my core and provide a deep sense of contentment and security. There is such a rush when he gets that certain tone and say "Kyra, I want you to....".

I am in a relationship with two people who love me for who I am and not for what I do. I love them for who they are and not for what they do for me.

I am mentally and emotionally healthier than I have ever been. Ten years ago I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. I clawed my way out of a pit of hell and put myself on a path towards a healthy well-being. Then I met him and he showed me ways that were even more constructive to improving my well-being.

Honestly, there is very little that I would see as negative about our relationship and my life now and much that is extremely positive.

Knight's Kyra

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ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
Honestly, there is very little that I would see as negative about our relationship and my life now and much that is extremely positive.

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Ahhh, but don't you understand? You only say that because you are a poor brainwashed woman who has clearly lost her grip on reality. Don't worry though, there are a few on these boards who will happily fix you and save you from the horridly abusive relationship you've found yourself in.

Man, someone needs to invent greenpeace for slaves instead of whales. We could have a bunch of guys in a black car with a pirate flags hanging off the antennas driving around saving all the slaves.

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The guy hasn't left the boards in like 10 days, he clearly has his own issues. Someone find him a Master!