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RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you o... - 5/31/2010 1:21:58 PM   
SocratesNot


Posts: 812
Joined: 5/17/2010
Status: offline 		Of course that some people don't need to fuck. Actually no one actually needs to fuck in order to survive.
But, fucking is needed for reproduction, and fucking is needed for survival of the human species.

So, for an individual, fucking is not needed for survival, but for the human species, it is.

Anyway, even if the need for sex is not at the very base of the Maslow's pyramid, it is closer to the base than to the top.
Kink, as a form of self actuallization, is probably closer to the top of the pyramid, if not at the top itself.

http://img.search.com/thumb/5/58/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs.svg/400px-Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs.svg.png

BTW, official pyramid lists "sex" as a very basic need at the bottom of the pyramid, and "sexual intimacy"
is somewhere in the middle of the pyramid.

I don't agree fully with the official pyramid, because sex is not needed for survival of individual.


< Message edited by SocratesNot -- 5/31/2010 1:27:03 PM >

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RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you o... - 5/31/2010 1:26:35 PM   
RedMagic1


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot
Of course, there are notable exceptions, and there are people who are completely asexual, but for most of people (including me) I think this is the way it works.

How many times have you had sex today?

I just came back from lunch.  I eat lunch every day.  While I was at lunch, I breathed in and out.  Later today, I'm going to go for multiple pops and eat dinner.  In fact, I eat smallish meals maybe five times a day.

Perhaps you masturbate five times per day, and, as a result, you equate the sexual drive with a basic need.  However, that's not a need.  That's a behavior that falls somewhere in between "adolescent hormone overload" and "sexual addiction."


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you o... - 5/31/2010 1:28:41 PM   
SocratesNot


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Status: offline 		Red magic, I think my previous post explains everything:

quote:

Of course that some people don't need to fuck. Actually no one actually needs to fuck in order to survive.
But, fucking is needed for reproduction, and fucking is needed for survival of the human species.

So, for an individual, fucking is not needed for survival, but for the human species, it is.

Anyway, even if the need for sex is not at the very base of the Maslow's pyramid, it is closer to the base than to the top.
Kink, as a form of self actuallization, is probably closer to the top of the pyramid, if not at the top itself.

http://img.search.com/thumb/5/58/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs.svg/400px-Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs.svg.png

BTW, official pyramid lists "sex" as a very basic need at the bottom of the pyramid, and "sexual intimacy"
is somewhere in the middle of the pyramid.

I don't agree fully with the official pyramid, because sex is not needed for survival of individual.



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Amicus Plato, sed magis amica veritas. - Aristotle
Plato is my friend, but truth is a better friend. - Aristotle

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Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you o... - 5/31/2010 1:31:41 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		What I really want to do is roll my eyes at you but this is the internet so I can't.

My point, though you seem incapable of getting it, is that your idea of normality is not everyones, not everyone sees the world the way you do, you can pull as many theories as you like out of wherever you get them from, I assume you hope that it will belittle people? You are not the only person on this board to have a grasp of psychology or sociology, and anyone who does can see that you dress your OPINION as fact, which really isn't the case. The moment you start actually accepting that you can just put your opinion out there and take responsibility for it is the moment people will start respecting it.

The problem as we have discussed is that people amazingly don't work to a set of notes or a diagram. Stop trying to put people into boxes and open your mind a little bit, I don't expect you will and so just assume that every time you write something and I read it you will find me behind my computer rolling my eyes at you.

< Message edited by LillyoftheVally -- 5/31/2010 1:33:03 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you o... - 5/31/2010 1:32:49 PM   
SocratesNot


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quote:

Perhaps you masturbate five times per day, and, as a result, you equate the sexual drive with a basic need.  However, that's not a need.  That's a behavior that falls somewhere in between "adolescent hormone overload" and "sexual addiction."


For other genders and age groups I am not sure, but when it comes to men in their teens and 20s, I think most of them either masturbate on regular basis or they have sex on regular basis.
If neither of the two is true, the body solves the problem through wet dreams.
Which in my opinion, shows that sex (including masturbation to orgasm) is kind of need, not in absolute sense, like food or air, but still a need.

Once again - there are exceptions, for this see the following link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality


< Message edited by SocratesNot -- 5/31/2010 1:34:14 PM >

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RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you o... - 5/31/2010 1:36:57 PM   
laurell3


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Quoting studies based on averages (which most of us fall pretty far from) to prove that someone's need for a d/s dynamic makes them "asexual" isn't coming close to showing that you are listening or getting it.

The question isn't whether anyone has a healthy sex drive or is asexual. The question is whether their need for d/s and structure is greater. I haven't seen anyone here say they are anything remotely close to "asexual", they just prioritize d/s over run of the mill rutting.

This "community" isn't going to fit the textbook theories. On a bell curve, the majority of us are not going to be in the medium when it comes to our attitudes and desires for sex and/or relationships. Generalizations don't work because of it. Quoting wikipedia, maslow and all the other standard studies ignore the fact that we are unique as compared to the norm and most of the people I have talked with and read here are pretty comfortable in that fact, you should really attempt to get there too.

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When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you o... - 5/31/2010 1:40:44 PM   
RedMagic1


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

For other genders and age groups I am not sure, but when it comes to men in their teens and 20s, I think most of them either masturbate on regular basis or they have sex on regular basis.

Shockingly enough, this is because you are in that age group, and you do it, so you assume everyone must be motivated exactly the same as you.  I understand this is because you have poor social skills, so people are not likely to tell you private things about themselves.  However, some of us understand that the rest of the world is not a mirror of our inner turmoil. This is all the time I will spend on you today.  Once again, my strong suggestion to you is to do everything you can to get a date, or you will never understand any of this.

And Lilly, thank you very much for posting on this thread.  SocratesNot bewailed the "fact," the other day, that posters his age were not taken seriously.  I am very glad you are providing an example that it is not a question of age, but of world understanding, which you possess, because you've been in relationships.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you o... - 5/31/2010 1:43:43 PM   
SocratesNot


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quote:

someone's need for a d/s dynamic makes them "asexual" isn't coming close to showing that you are listening or getting it.


I never said this. I just said, that usually the need for sex is more basic need than need for D/s, because D/s has nothing to do with basic physiology, not even with the need for intimacy or friendship, but can only fall on the top of the pyramid, which is self-actualization. Kink is a form of self actualization.

However there are many people who value self-actualization more than basic needs (for example starving artists or scientists or gurus etc)
So even if someone values self-actualization more then their basic needs, this does not transform self actualization in a basic need itself.

For example, many students forget about food when they are preparing for an important exam and can lose substantial weight in the process.


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RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you o... - 5/31/2010 1:44:36 PM   
Ishtarr


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Socrates, like you noted, while "sex" is listed at the base of the pyramid (probably because the human race needs sex to survive) "sexual intimacy" is listed under "love and belonging".

What you have to realize that when we are talking about sex in this context, we are talking about the "love and belonging" part, not the "sex to ensure the survival of the species" part, therefore "sex" is not a basic need that people have.
Further I do not agree with your analysis that BDSM falls under self-actualization needs.

I think BDSM is a rather complex need that falls under all categories in one form or another, except the physiological needs.

For me, my desire to be dominated by a man is very much FIRST a "safety" need, PRIOR to it becoming an "intimacy" need.
If I cannot have faith in him as a leader in our relationship, then I will never be able to trust him, never feel like I can depend on him, never have faith in him and I will never be able to be myself with him. If our moralities don't match, again, I can never feel truly like myself with him. Look at the pyramid again, and you will see that all the things I've just listed come PRIOR to the need for sexual intimacy, and I can very much assure you that I can not have these needs satisfied by a man that does not actively seek to take the leading and controling role in our relationship.
Him just being a nice decent guy doesn't cut it to have my "safety" needs fulfilled by him.

Thus, with my "safety" level needs unsatisfied, I would  never move to the "intimacy" need level with him, and would never desire to share sexual intimacy with him.
My basic BDSM needs are to be satisfied prior to moving towards having my intimacy, esteem and self-actualization BDSM needs satisfied (all of which exists).

Further, you may claim that you don't have a problem projecting your own feelings on other people, but that is not what your posts indicate.
In this topic, you again made the statement: "BDSM is an self-actualization need" because you came to the concluding that that's what it is for YOU.
You failed to consider that this may not be the case for everybody.

In the "how to feel more submissive" topic on the Ask a sub forum, you made the statement: "because the thing that is of not so vital importance such as "feeling submissive"."
Again going from the assumption that because feeling submissive is not important to YOU, it can't be that important to anybody.

I can go on pulling up old statements and posts you've made, where you time and time again make a general assumption about everybody based on your own personal feelings about something.
It would really help you open up debates and get some more constructive answers to your questions if you would learn to stop making general statements based on personal assumptions, and instead learned to express your opinion as a subjective line of reasoning.



< Message edited by Ishtarr -- 5/31/2010 1:50:34 PM >

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Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
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Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

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RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you o... - 5/31/2010 1:46:35 PM   
LillyoftheVally


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

And Lilly, thank you very much for posting on this thread. SocratesNot bewailed the "fact," the other day, that posters his age were not taken seriously. I am very glad you are providing an example that it is not a question of age, but of world understanding, which you possess, because you've been in relationships.



I have never found that people don't take me seriously because of my age to be honest. I find that there are often generalisations made about people in certain age brackets but then when people of that age bracket start talking there are often a lot of exceptions, probably more than actually prove the rule, which fits nicely into what we are talking about on this thread. (Also thank you)

Laurell, I think you made an important point, the op could have been which is more important intimacy or sex and again you would find many people picking intimacy. It doesn't mean not wanting sex, it just means having a preference.


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'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

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RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you o... - 5/31/2010 2:00:50 PM   
SocratesNot


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quote:

I think BDSM is a rather complex need that falls under all categories in one form or another, except the physiological needs.


I agree with you on this, but I would also exclude safety needs, because you can satisfy your safety needs without your partner.
You can live alone in your house, and the state (police) will try to ensure everyone's safety. So while children need their parents to feel safe,
most adults can feel safe on their own, even when they are alone.

So, as you said, BDSM can encompass, "love and belonging", "esteem", and "self actualization".
And sex, on the other hand falls into "love and belonging" category, which in the best scenario can make it equivalent to the need for BDSM, but it would be very hard to say that it is even more important than love and belonging (which includes sex).

I also said that the subjective importance that people give to their needs has nothing to do with the position of the need in the pyramid.
So for many people, self actualization is more important than food, and they would be ready to spend weeks without food in order to achieve a goal that falls
into self actualization category. (Artists, yogis, hunger strikers, etc)

That's why, for some people, BDSM is subjectively, more important than sex, and yes, maybe even more important than food.

< Message edited by SocratesNot -- 5/31/2010 2:01:50 PM >

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RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you o... - 5/31/2010 2:01:57 PM   
laurell3


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

Kink is a form of self actualization.




Who says?

The point that once again you are missing, is you need to stop trying to fit us in these theories and LISTEN to what people say is true for THEM. THEY are the best judge of what their lives are like and what their needs are, not you or I. You don't need maslow or wikipedia (right now at this moment, set it aside for a minute), all the information you need is right here in front of you, just listen and stop reacting based on your own fears.

I believe your quest to find logic in it all is making you jump to some ridiculous and completely illogical conclusions because you aren't processing the information given because of your own feelings about yourself. I get that. We all started out somewhere, I'm sure many of us struggled too, but that doesn't mean that you can't keep your mind open to the fact that not everyone is like you without judging and pigeon holing everything. (and yes, yes you are, stop saying you aren't...so many people have told you that you are, they cannot all be wrong).

LadyPact made an excellent thread and asked people with experience what they get from it, what their most positive feelings are. Go read it, and read other threads, there are tons of them archived on why people do this and what they are looking for. Read, listen and learn.


_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you o... - 5/31/2010 2:13:46 PM   
SocratesNot


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Status: offline 		Laurell, I think that there is a distinction between the subjective importance of a certain need (how people value the need themselves) and the objective importance of a need (which determines its place in the pyramid).

In the previous post I explained that for some people self-actualization needs are more important then basic needs, and this explains why the misunderstanding between us happened at all.

I was talking about objective importance of the need, and other posters were talking about the subjective value they give to certain needs.

Many artists, yogis, poets, monks, scientists, etc, would starve themselves for weeks in order to satisfy their need for self actualization.
In the very same way, for some people BDSM is more important than food or sex.
By the way, BDSM, encompasses many needs such as love and belonging, esteem and self actualization, maybe even the need for safety as Ishtarr suggested (which I personally disagree with)

However, the subjective value the people give to a need, does not influence the objective position of the need in the hyararchy of needs.

Why? Because after some time, if basic needs aren't satisfied, consequences will happen.

An artist can starve himself for two weeks, but if he eventually does not eat, he'll die.

< Message edited by SocratesNot -- 5/31/2010 2:14:46 PM >

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Amicus Plato, sed magis amica veritas. - Aristotle
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RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you o... - 5/31/2010 2:15:14 PM   
Ishtarr


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

I agree with you on this, but I would also exclude safety needs, because you can satisfy your safety needs without your partner.
You can live alone in your house, and the state (police) will try to ensure everyone's safety. So while children need their parents to feel safe,
most adults can feel safe on their own, even when they are alone.



 
Do you not see how illogical this statement is?
You first indicate that grown-ups can assure their safety needs by choosing to live alone, and then you jump to the idea that we therefor do not need our safety needs to be satisfied by our partner.

Euhm, as soon as you have a partner, you are no longer alone, and thus, they become a part of fulfilling your safety needs.

I'm telling you: I cannot be with a partner unless he fulfilled my safety needs.
And thus, like you indicated, I would rather be alone then be with a partner that does not fulfill my safety needs.

Seeing that the way my need for safety expresses itself is directly linked with my expectation for a man to be the head of the household, the protector/provider in a traditional sense, my need for safety cannot be satisfied by a man who refuses or is incapable of taking such a role in our relationship.

Therefore, I would rather be alone then be with a man that isn't dominant.
Because being alone would fulfill my safety needs more then being with a man that I felt I couldn't depend on.

Therefore, I also could never have a desire to share sexual intimacy with a man that isn't dominant, because I would rather forsake my need for sexual intimacy then forsake my need for safety.

This really isn't that hard, perplexing, or complicated if you would actually try to listen to what people are telling you instead of assuming that what works for your works for everybody.




_____________________________


Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

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RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you o... - 5/31/2010 2:29:01 PM   
SocratesNot


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quote:

I'm telling you: I cannot be with a partner unless he fulfilled my safety needs.

Seeing that the way my need for safety expresses itself is directly linked with my expectation for a man to be the head of the household, the protector/provider in a traditional sense, my need for safety cannot be satisfied by a man who refuses or is incapable of taking such a role in our relationship.


I agree 100%.
However, he can be the head of the household, the perfect protector and provider  in traditional sense without any BDSM or kink involved.
This is what actually happens in most households.

He doesn't have to be dominant in BDSM sense in order to satisfy your need for safety.
In order to satisfy your needs for safety he only has to be reliable, self confident, strong-willed, determined , powerful, trustworthy, loving and caring etc, but indeed, BDSM isn't needed to satisfy
needs for safety.

So. maybe you need BDSM to satisfy other of your needs, such as intimacy/belonging, self-esteem, and self-actualization, but, really, BDSM isn't needed to satisfy the need for safety in a relationship.

Actually, saying that the BDSM is needed to feel safe in a relationship is ridiculous.
This is the same as if you said: "In order to feel safe with someone I need them to spank me and order me around".
If this is really true with you, then you would NEVER be able to feel safe living with your family, friends or roommates.


< Message edited by SocratesNot -- 5/31/2010 2:33:49 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you o... - 5/31/2010 2:44:01 PM   
Ishtarr


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

I agree 100%.
However, he can be the head of the household, the perfect protector and provider  in traditional sense without any BDSM or kink involved.
This is what actually happens in most households.

He doesn't have to be dominant in BDSM sense in order to satisfy your need for safety.
In order to satisfy your needs for safety he only has to be reliable, self confident, strong-willed, determined , powerful, trustworthy, loving and caring etc, but indeed, BDSM isn't needed to satisfy
needs for safety.

So. maybe you need BDSM to satisfy other of your needs, such as intimacy/belonging, self-esteem, and self-actualization, but, really, BDSM isn't needed to satisfy the need for safety in a relationship.


You're right, he doesn't need to be dominant in the BDSM sense in order to make me feel safe in a general sense, but the fact still remains that if he can't make me feel submissive towards him, I can't feel safe with him on a personal level.
I could platonically serve a man that wasn't into BDSM, but I could never share intimacy with him, especially not sexual intimacy.
That's where the higher needs come in: the way I personally, me being me, feel submissive to men is when men ARE dominant in the BDSM sense. When they do have a sadistic streak, when they do like using/humiliating a girl (not necessarily sexual), when they use physical dominance to get their way at times.
Paradoxically, those types of men are the men I feel secure with and attracted to.

A clean-cut vanilla guy who is dominant in a vanilla sense, will comand my respect and admiration, and I will probably even naturally tend to defer to his aura of authority, but I will no be attracted to him at all. The relationship would be and would stay strictly platonic, no matter how in control he is. I would, and could never grow to love a man like that, nor could I ever grow to need him (something which is crucial to me in order for me to share sexual intimacy with somebody, I cannot have sexual intimacy with somebody I do not need).



So for me to even consider sex with somebody from an intimacy instead of a purely lust/reproductive need, they not only need to be dominant, they need to be a specific kind of dominant. If he's into BDSM I could never even think about having a fulfilling sex life with him, because we would simple not be compatible on a most basic level.

< Message edited by Ishtarr -- 5/31/2010 3:03:18 PM >

_____________________________


Du blutest für mein Seelenheil
Ein kleiner Schnitt und du wirst geil
Egal, erlaubt ist, was gefällt

Ich tu' dir weh.
Tut mir nicht Leid!
Das tut dir gut.
Hör wie es schreit!

(in reply to SocratesNot)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you o... - 5/31/2010 2:51:17 PM   
SimplyMichael


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ishtarr
You're right, he doesn't need to be dominant in the BDSM sense in order to make me feel safe in a general sense, but the fact still remains that if he can't make me feel submissive towards him, I can't feel safe with him on a personal level.


The advice I give new dominants who I respect enough to bother giving advice to is find out how their women envisions/feels "safety" and create that environment. Pull that off and they will their own clothes off and if you can't manage that, you aren't ever going to get them to where you want them.

(in reply to Ishtarr)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you o... - 5/31/2010 2:52:46 PM   
SocratesNot


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Status: offline 		I'm quoting myself:
quote:

So. maybe you need BDSM to satisfy other of your needs, such as intimacy/belonging, self-esteem, and self-actualization, but, really, BDSM isn't needed to satisfy the need for safety in a relationship.


I actually changed my mind and now I turned back to my original position that the BDSM can only be counted under self-actualization category, not even intimacy/belonging and self-esteem.

Intimacy can definitely be achieved without kink. Many people inside and outside BDSM lifestyle are very intimate with people who don't share any of their kinks,
and with whom they never engage in any kind of D/s or BDSM play.
We are usually intimate with members of our family and with our friends, yet there is no BDSM involved.
Also we feel that we belong to them, to someone more to someone less, but still, we belong to our family, friends etc.

So, kink is not essential for intimacy / belonging.

When it comes to self esteem, most of people don't rely on others in order to feel self esteem. Of course that opinions of other people about us are important,
but eventually we are those who find value in ourselves and form our self esteem.
When it comes to esteem of other people, in this case we need them, but again, our family, friends, employers, can hold us in high esteem without BDSM involved,
and the same thing can happen with our sexual partners.

That's why I'm reverting to my original position that the need for BDSM falls only in self-actualization category.

But, subjectively, as I explained already, self-actualization can be for some people the most important category, and that's why BDSM is so important for some people.
In the same way scientists "live for" science, poets for poetry, composers for music, monks for religion, etc, and kinksters for BDSM.
Everything makes perfect sense.

< Message edited by SocratesNot -- 5/31/2010 3:13:17 PM >

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(in reply to SocratesNot)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you o... - 5/31/2010 3:06:54 PM   
SocratesNot


Posts: 812
Joined: 5/17/2010
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quote:

You're right, he doesn't need to be dominant in the BDSM sense in order to make me feel safe in a general sense, but the fact still remains that if he can't make me feel submissive towards him, I can't feel safe with him on a personal level.
I could platonically serve a man that wasn't into BDSM, but I could never share intimacy with him, especially not sexual intimacy.
That's where the higher needs come in: the way I personally, me being me, feel submissive to men is when men ARE dominant in the BDSM sense. When they do have a sadistic streak, when they do like using/humiliating a girl (not necessarily sexual), when they use physical dominance to get their way at times.
Paradoxically, those types of men are the men I feel secure with and attracted to.

A clean-cut vanilla guy who is dominant in a vanilla sense, will comand my respect and admiration, and I will probably even naturally tend to defer to his aura of authority, but I will no be attracted to him at all. The relationship would be and would stay strictly platonic, no matter how in control he is. I would, and could never grow to love a man like that, nor could I ever grow to need him (something which is crucial to me in order for me to share sexual intimacy with somebody, I cannot have sexual intimacy with somebody I do not need).



So for me to even consider sex with somebody, they not only need to be dominant, they need to be a specific kind of dominant. If he into BDSM I could never even think about having a fulfilling sex life with him, because we would simple not be compatible on a most basic level.


I understand this perfectly, and honestly, I am not sure in which category of needs falls the need to be dominated, used, etc, or to have a partner with sadistic streak,
but this is extremely common among girls, not only in the world of kink.

Actually, MOST of the vanilla girls have the same need, but they don't realize it, and they don't relate it to BDSM.

I have a friend who is quite dominant in a vanilla sense, but he is a nice guy. He is not very successful with girls. When he asked a friend of the girl he was attracted to "Why she isn't interested in me" - she responded - "Because you are not enough of an asshole"


< Message edited by SocratesNot -- 5/31/2010 3:08:14 PM >

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Amicus Plato, sed magis amica veritas. - Aristotle
Plato is my friend, but truth is a better friend. - Aristotle

(in reply to SocratesNot)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Does the BDSM D/s dynamic have any appeal for you o... - 5/31/2010 3:09:30 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

Intimacy [b]can definitely achieved without kink. Many people inside and outside BDSM lifestyle are very intimate with people who don't share any of their kinks,


Some people need the dynamic to feel intimacy. There is not a relationship in this world with out some form of power dynamic.

quote:


We are usually intimate with members of our family and with our friends, yet there is no BDSM involved.
Also we feel that we belong to them, to someone more to someone less, but still, we belong to our family, friends etc.


And here is where the theory falls down, is the intimacy you feel with your mum the same that you felt with your last partner?

If so it would explain some of your attitudes to sex, and maybe you should read more Freud. Most people find that there are different forms of intimacy and different forms of love, some people can live a perfectly happy life without any form of intimacy many people can't some people are happy having sex without intimacy some people aren't.

I know you have talked about inverting significance which is as with all theories proof that you can disprove it rather than accepting it as having flaws it is complicated so that actually it appears that it works for all people.




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(in reply to SocratesNot)
Profile   Post #: 120
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