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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/1/2006 2:01:00 PM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen
How can I rid myself of my messianic fantasies?

E

Get naked with BORAT.

Who will cook my dinner tonight?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/1/2006 2:36:54 PM

pinkkeith

Posts: 605
Joined: 11/26/2006
From: Illinois
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Get naked with BORAT.

Who will cook my dinner tonight?

A kid at McDonalds who dropped the food on the floor, but picked it up before ten seconds.

What is the best way to get tickets for a Broadway show?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/1/2006 4:05:29 PM

jblack

Posts: 102
Joined: 10/18/2006
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Go to a gay bar, shock the patrons with a sad and miserable rendition of the Broadway show you wish to see, and then start up a collection so that you can get "lessons" by experiecing the glory of a good musical.

How do I prepare for a job interview?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/1/2006 8:37:48 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
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From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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walk in wearing your regular comfort clothes, hair barely straightened and no make-up... show a pic of you all dolled up in some sexy lingerie... tell prospective employer that they get to see you wearing the lingerie if they hire you, but that you will sue them for forcing you to bring in sexy pictures if they do not

how do i subtly let Ma'am know that i would truly love to taste her hidden nectar without just basically diving in?

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if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/1/2006 11:30:13 PM

Mikal

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Throw honey at her. Literally. Then you can start by licking it off of all her lil' nooks and crannies...

I can't think of anything to ask... help?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/2/2006 12:21:35 PM

jblack

Posts: 102
Joined: 10/18/2006
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Use your imagination.

How do I decide which vibrator I should use tonight?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/2/2006 5:13:10 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jblack

Use your imagination.

How do I decide which vibrator I should use tonight?

Line them all up on the counter (or kitchen floor, depending on the size of your collection), turn up to full power, and use the one that shakes its way to the other end first. At the risk of moving this out of the realm of bad advice, i'll recommend washing it.

What's a good drink to lower my wife's inhibitions in hopes of getting some tonight?

...dave

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/2/2006 5:33:04 PM

SissySean

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Nyquil

How do I get a married woman to stop calling me?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/2/2006 5:48:24 PM

sailorthor

Posts: 53
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Hand your wife divorce papers and a loaded pistol.

Whats the quickest way into a sub's pants?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/3/2006 1:28:24 AM

Fitznicely

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A spreader bar and a pair of scissors.

What's the quickest way of getting into a Domme's pants?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/3/2006 1:33:14 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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One leg at a time, but make sure to ask her permission first, she might not want you borrowing her clothes.

Whats the easiest way to make sure my boy's on time for appointments?

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VampiresLair

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Post #: 2731

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/3/2006 1:43:12 AM

Fitznicely

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Leash him, take him yourself.

My girl is obsessng about christmas presents. How can I put her off buying any until the last minute?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/3/2006 2:10:47 AM

Lady Alaria

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Joined: 10/16/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

Leash him, take him yourself.

My girl is obsessng about christmas presents. How can I put her off buying any until the last minute?

Lock her in a cage in the basement until dec 24th. Then release her on the stores with all your credit cards.

How should one teach a sub how to serve them?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/3/2006 7:38:53 AM

SohCahToa

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Joined: 3/17/2006
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Ask the sub their opinion on a simple feedback sheet giving you a chance to compile a statistical analysis of how effective your tuition currently is and then revise your future teaching to suit. Then do a pie chart or something to demonstrate how the percentage of square pies has suddenly increased since 1982.

That last part was optional.

I’ve been invited to my company’s AGM again but I find the voting process a bit tedious and pointless as everyone always votes for what they are expected to. How can I avoid going without key individual who decide my future within the company looking down upon my choice not to go?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/3/2006 10:18:47 AM

petdave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SohCahToa

I’ve been invited to my company’s AGM again but I find the voting process a bit tedious and pointless as everyone always votes for what they are expected to. How can I avoid going without key individual who decide my future within the company looking down upon my choice not to go?

Fake your own death. If you have good life-insurance, this can solve a surprising number of problems both personal and professional.

One of my cats, who weighs about 13lbs, has unerring aim, and lands squarely on my testicles every time he jumps up onto my lap. How can i stop this?

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Post #: 2735

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/3/2006 10:28:03 AM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

One of my cats, who weighs about 13lbs, has unerring aim, and lands squarely on my testicles every time he jumps up onto my lap. How can i stop this?

find a latex band and tie it securely about the offending testicles, wait some time and ignore any ain as it's only incidental to your ultimate goal... in a very short time you can have a great dane jump into your lap without the worry of testicle pain

when Ma'am is beating me, i know that sometimes She wants to see tears, but i am unable to cry; how can i provide tears so She can get the release She needs?

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to petdave)

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Post #: 2736

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/3/2006 1:50:24 PM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

when Ma'am is beating me, i know that sometimes She wants to see tears, but i am unable to cry; how can i provide tears so She can get the release She needs?

Develop a fetish for having raw onions rubbed into your eyes, despite how much it hurts. You will cry, and your lady will be more than satisfied with the resultant agony. (NB, that was bad advice OK? Dont do it for real, please! Thats sulphuric acid that makes you cry from onions!)

Yet again, I am out of cigarettes, and the shop is closed. How can I get more cigarettes without incurring a criminal record?

E

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In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/3/2006 5:03:34 PM

LadySeraphina

Posts: 931
Joined: 3/28/2006
From: Calgary, Canada
Status: offline

Pay someone else to break into the store, that way they'll get the criminal record.

I want to change over my bondage equiipment to all purple leather, but it's hard to come by, and I only have a small piece. How do I decide what to make out of the leather I have?

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www.SeraphinasToybox.com.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/3/2006 5:05:51 PM

mnottertail

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Rustoleum is on sale at Walmart, it can be gotten in purple.

I can't find any cumin oil, what will work instead?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/3/2006 9:00:47 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

One of my cats, who weighs about 13lbs, has unerring aim, and lands squarely on my testicles every time he jumps up onto my lap. How can i stop this?

find a latex band and tie it securely about the offending testicles, wait some time and ignore any ain as it's only incidental to your ultimate goal... in a very short time you can have a great dane jump into your lap without the worry of testicle pain

when Ma'am is beating me, i know that sometimes She wants to see tears, but i am unable to cry; how can i provide tears so She can get the release She needs?

This should solve both of your problems.

Pour whiskey and cayenne pepper on your testicles, have somebody lop them off with a dull butter knife, then super glue the wound together.

Forego pain medication.

A synergy of two problems solved by one simple solution.

Sinergy

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