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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/6/2006 1:37:40 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiamondOrchid
Go to India and get a Tea Master. Buy all the ingredients he tells you. Then bring him home with the ingredients and threaten to lock him in the basement with your horned sand vipers (he doesn't need to know they aren't in the basement) if he doesn't make you tea whenever you want it. But only do this if he is not a sub/slave. Then, sit back and enjoy!


Silly person.  If I'm going to India, I'm getting cobras.

(in reply to DiamondOrchid)
Profile   Post #: 2761
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/6/2006 9:36:01 PM   
jblack


Posts: 102
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Well, I thought that DiamondOrchid's question made sense, even if it might not have made senese. Sorry, couldn't resist.   Anyway, here's some bad advice for DiamondOrchid's question:

Buy the biggest dildo that you can afford. Then, choose your sub based upon their reaction to seeing said dildo.

As for Christmas lights, I say you should put up black ones. Imagine how cool your lawn will look for Santa if it's illuminated with black lights.

My Dom tells me I need to be more optimistic and have more confidence. How do I increase my self-esteem while licking his boots?

(in reply to pinkkeith)
Profile   Post #: 2762
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/6/2006 10:16:31 PM   
ShreveportMaster


Posts: 899
Joined: 10/6/2004
From: Dallas, Tx
Status: offline 		notice how nice and shiny they are after you get done, and take pride in that...to be extra proud apply a final coat of kiwi black with your tongue.


my violet wand is burned out, what would make a good substitute?

_____________________________

"And to sooth the Bosk, there was found a Singing Cowboy. To soothe the Cowboy, a kajira is needed."

Riders of Gor
Book 37, Pg 298 ;-)

(in reply to jblack)
Profile   Post #: 2763
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/7/2006 1:07:03 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShreveportMaster

my violet wand is burned out, what would make a good substitute?


You really ought not replace it. You dont look or act like a fairy, so you have no business having a wand in the first place. Get a gun or something - far more manly.

I'd like to be a fairy - 2 inches high with wings and lots of magic powers you know? How do I accomplish this goal in life?

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to ShreveportMaster)
Profile   Post #: 2764
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/7/2006 2:28:02 AM   
unownedredhead


Posts: 498
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		boil water and fill a bathtub with it.... climb in with a redbull ...the hot water will shrink anything and redbull gives you...... (giggle).  Stop taking your meds and your magic powers will reapear.  ta da!

want to lose 10 inches off my waist, how do you think I should go about it?




_____________________________

Kneeling trembling at your feet

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 2765
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/7/2006 6:49:50 AM   
pinkkeith


Posts: 605
Joined: 11/26/2006
From: Illinois
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jblack

Well, I thought that DiamondOrchid's question made sense, even if it might not have made senese. Sorry, couldn't resist.   Anyway, here's some bad advice for DiamondOrchid's question:

Buy the biggest dildo that you can afford. Then, choose your sub based upon their reaction to seeing said dildo.


Yeah, I noticed that after I posted it. I rarely, if ever proof read my posts; too much work! Also, I think it made sense, but I was trying to give out really bad advice!

< Message edited by pinkkeith -- 12/7/2006 6:59:04 AM >

(in reply to jblack)
Profile   Post #: 2766
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/7/2006 6:53:39 AM   
pinkkeith


Posts: 605
Joined: 11/26/2006
From: Illinois
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unownedredhead

want to lose 10 inches off my waist, how do you think I should go about it?



Everynight get your waist wet with water and put a heating pad on it. The inches will quickly melt away over night! (I actually seen something similar to this advertised.)

I keep forgetting to water my plants. What is the best way for me to remember to water them?

(in reply to unownedredhead)
Profile   Post #: 2767
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/7/2006 6:56:58 AM   
QuietDom


Posts: 255
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkkeith
I keep forgetting to water my plants. What is the best way for me to remember to water them?


Smear yourself with the Chia-pet paste, and grow your plants right on your own body.  Then they'll be watered every time you shower.

My car is covered in ice, and the ice scraper is frozen inside the car.  How can I extract the car?

(in reply to pinkkeith)
Profile   Post #: 2768
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/7/2006 7:01:35 AM   
ShreveportMaster


Posts: 899
Joined: 10/6/2004
From: Dallas, Tx
Status: offline 		two words...flame thrower.
I want to make a flame thrower out of a garden sprayer and a book of matches, what's the best way to go about this?

_____________________________

"And to sooth the Bosk, there was found a Singing Cowboy. To soothe the Cowboy, a kajira is needed."

Riders of Gor
Book 37, Pg 298 ;-)

(in reply to QuietDom)
Profile   Post #: 2769
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/7/2006 7:13:44 AM   
pinkkeith


Posts: 605
Joined: 11/26/2006
From: Illinois
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShreveportMaster
I want to make a flame thrower out of a garden sprayer and a book of matches, what's the best way to go about this?


First, you need to watch every episode of MacGyver as you can. That way you will be able to do the same things that he is able to do. After you have mastered the ability to take simple items found around your house into weapons, you know that you should hook up the hose to a pesticide sprayer, but fill it with gasoline. When you spray out the gas in a fine mist, light your matches in front of it to make a nice flame. Just remember to wear those gardening gloves, they are also good at keeping you from getting burned.

What is the best way to keep warm while I'm outside? It seems like I can never wear enough clothes to keep the chill away.

(in reply to ShreveportMaster)
Profile   Post #: 2770
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/7/2006 7:18:40 AM   
PALittleGirl


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Get a heating pad... no, get several heating pads and wrap them around key points on your body. Never mind how long the extension cords get.

My cat keeps laying on my keyboard while I'm trying to type. Now I've got fur in between the keys. How do I get him to stop doing this?

(in reply to pinkkeith)
Profile   Post #: 2771
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/7/2006 7:41:26 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PALittleGirl

My cat keeps laying on my keyboard while I'm trying to type. Now I've got fur in between the keys. How do I get him to stop doing this?


Grooming and shaving your pussy regularly will inhibit moulting. You then need to place panty liners on a chair near your workstation, as pussies much prefer them to keyboards.

How can I prevent myself from making vulgar puns on this thread?

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to PALittleGirl)
Profile   Post #: 2772
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/7/2006 11:24:52 AM   
pinkkeith


Posts: 605
Joined: 11/26/2006
From: Illinois
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

Grooming and shaving your pussy regularly will inhibit moulting. You then need to place panty liners on a chair near your workstation, as pussies much prefer them to keyboards.

How can I prevent myself from making vulgar puns on this thread?

E


Before you post anything, make sure you have watched at least two hours of the Disney Channel. Then when you are posting something on the thread make sure you have a ten year old child next to you to read it over.

I have a craving for some chocolate, but my Domme has me chained to the bed. What is the best way for me to relieve my cravings?

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 2773
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/7/2006 3:58:57 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Beg her to cover a random body part in chocolate and let you lick it off.

My father wants to have lunch with me this weekend. I hate my father. How can I get out of this without uttering a single obscenity?


_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to pinkkeith)
Profile   Post #: 2774
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/8/2006 11:05:59 AM   
pinkkeith


Posts: 605
Joined: 11/26/2006
From: Illinois
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple
My father wants to have lunch with me this weekend. I hate my father. How can I get out of this without uttering a single obscenity?



Tell him that you would love to go but you're all tied up ... to the bed.

I belong to a book club and we are discussing a book that I haven't read and the meeting starts in an hour, what do I do? 

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 2775
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/8/2006 12:11:19 PM   
Dragonskiss72


Posts: 85
Joined: 9/30/2006
Status: offline


[/quote]


I belong to a book club and we are discussing a book that I haven't read and the meeting starts in an hour, what do I do? 
[/quote]


poke the others in random patterns in an attempt to convince them that you are communicating your ideas about the book in the media you read it in - braille

I found a large amount of smoked salmon in my freezer that's been there approx 1yr.  On defrosting it I wasnt too sure about eating it.  Husband refused outright to be the tester.  Shall I bin it or risk a garden full of toe up cats?

(in reply to pinkkeith)
Profile   Post #: 2776
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/8/2006 12:20:47 PM   
pinkkeith


Posts: 605
Joined: 11/26/2006
From: Illinois
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dragonskiss72
I found a large amount of smoked salmon in my freezer that's been there approx 1yr.  On defrosting it I wasnt too sure about eating it.  Husband refused outright to be the tester.  Shall I bin it or risk a garden full of toe up cats?

Do both, put your cats in the bin along with the salmon. That way if it is bad, you won't have to throw away the dead cats since they are already in the bin. If it is good, you can just fish them out of the bin and cook them up.

I have a million pens in many different colors, but not all of them work. I don't have the time to test them all out. What would be the best way to see if there is still ink in them without wasting a lot of time? 

(in reply to Dragonskiss72)
Profile   Post #: 2777
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/8/2006 12:54:15 PM   
Dragonskiss72


Posts: 85
Joined: 9/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkkeith


I have a million pens in many different colors, but not all of them work. I don't have the time to test them all out. What would be the best way to see if there is still ink in them without wasting a lot of time? 


Take them to a playgroup.  Small children get bored quickly with pens that dont work. 

How do I get over My cold in time for a party tmrw night?

(in reply to pinkkeith)
Profile   Post #: 2778
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/8/2006 1:40:52 PM   
pinkkeith


Posts: 605
Joined: 11/26/2006
From: Illinois
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dragonskiss72

Take them to a playgroup.  Small children get bored quickly with pens that dont work. 


Actually, that is pretty good advice! I think I'll have to take all my old pens with me to my parent's Christmas get together and have my nephews play with my pens!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dragonskiss72

How do I get over My cold in time for a party tmrw night?


Make a huge dinner and eat until you can't eat any more. ... Or is that starve a cold, feed a fever. I can't ever remember, but heck, it might work!

How can I keep track of the birthdays of my family and friends? I keep forgetting when they are.

(in reply to Dragonskiss72)
Profile   Post #: 2779
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 12/8/2006 1:47:25 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkkeith
How can I keep track of the birthdays of my family and friends? I keep forgetting when they are.

Just kill em all.  Then you won't have to remember all of those pesky dates.

I'm starting to not feel well.  What should I do?

(in reply to pinkkeith)
Profile   Post #: 2780
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