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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/8/2007 8:02:18 AM   
RobertCloud


Posts: 2959
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		Get yourself a rather small male slave, the smaller the better and stick as large a vibrating butt plug up him as you can find. Then cover him with a fur coat... that should do the trick.. oh, don't forget to neuter him or you will have that nasty annoying problem of him humping your leg.

===========================

There is a groundhog that keeps coming on my porch to bitch at my windchimes, how do I get him to stop?

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Author for Black Velvet Seductions
she melted to her knees and crawled to her master.
Toy's Story: Acquisition of a Sex Toy

(in reply to Lorelei115)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/8/2007 2:05:52 PM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RobertCloud

There is a groundhog that keeps coming on my porch to bitch at my windchimes, how do I get him to stop?


Leave the trashcan on the porch, filled with semtex and with a radio controlled detonator fitted. When the critter comes near, press button. This will resolve your groundhog problem, and also solve every other problem you have and would ever have had too. Good value or what?

The routeplanner we use to plan trucks, says that its 1540km from Runcorn to Brescia if I do it as two legs, but 1624km if I do it as a single trip. What revenge for this dastardly deception should I wreak on a certain well known French tyre manufacturer who also supply this routeplanner?

E

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In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

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Profile   Post #: 3142
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/8/2007 4:12:56 PM   
RubberWitch


Posts: 1368
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline 		Buy a batch of tires, send hem back as faulty, but heres the clever bit, wrap'em in sheepskins for the return journey, and let the french farmers union deal out the retribution.

It's midnight, C is too tired to play, and my two best subs are at leat 3 hours drive away, what do I do?

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Lets roleplay - I'll get the D20s
"Freud was...sorry if this is an over-generalisation...A coke addled kiddy-fiddler" Alan Moore
"A Lady must always remember her station in life - and be prepared to change at Acton Town"

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 3143
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/8/2007 4:16:11 PM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RubberWitch

It's midnight, C is too tired to play, and my two best subs are at leat 3 hours drive away, what do I do?


Whatever else you do, dont beat yourself up about it.

The wind is blowing like crazy here. How can I best protect myself from unwanted wind?

E

PS - what a set up LOL!

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

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Profile   Post #: 3144
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/9/2007 8:42:43 AM   
RobertCloud


Posts: 2959
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		Buy one of those walk in bank vaults and lock yourself inside of it. You won't hear the wind anymore, of course after several hours you won't have oxygen either.

=================================

Cigarettes have killed all of my grandparents with one illness or another, half of my aunts and uncles are dying of cigarette related illnesses, it drives me crazy when I see someone light up a cigarette near me especially since I am allergic to them, how do I get the message across not to smoke near me?

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Author for Black Velvet Seductions
she melted to her knees and crawled to her master.
Toy's Story: Acquisition of a Sex Toy

(in reply to LadyEllen)
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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/9/2007 12:40:20 PM   
PALittleGirl


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		Whenever you see someone light up around you, shoot them. Not only will it get rid of the smoke but it will save them from the agonizing death from lung cancer.

I'm getting very frustrated with my luck in getting a Daddy. How can I have better luck?



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Clothespins aren't just for clothes anymore.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/11/2007 6:16:03 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PALittleGirl
.
I'm getting very frustrated with my luck in getting a Daddy. How can I have better luck?



Get a sandwich board sign written with what youre offering and looking for, and walk up and down the main streets of every town in the tri-state area. You could also get hold of a loud hailer to assist in this. Wear some fairy lights in your hair too. Before long, I guarantee you will meet male authority figures.

I was recently advised to go boil my head. I have tried to do this, as it seemed like good advice, but the water is too hot. How can I accomplish this task without scalding myself?

E


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In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/11/2007 7:54:01 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Boil someone elses' head, observe the reactions so that you can effectively fake it.

I can't drink milk because of my Irritable Bowel Syndrome, but i really really love cappucinos. Ideas, anyone?


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I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 3148
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/11/2007 8:58:08 AM   
RobertCloud


Posts: 2959
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		You can use lactose free milk, but that stuff taste nasty... I have heard goat's milk helps with that too but makes me think of feta cheese cappucinos so.. toss that idea.. so... my best bet is this... make all the cappucinos you want.. using milk... just strap a toilet to your ass and forget about the problem.. when it happens it happens... at least you got to enjoy the cappucinos.

============================

I keep hearing this strange clicking on my phone whenever certain of my friends call. Once I thought I ven heard a voice say, "It's him," I wonder if I am being paranoid or is my phone tapped? Any suggestions on how to find out?

_____________________________

Author for Black Velvet Seductions
she melted to her knees and crawled to her master.
Toy's Story: Acquisition of a Sex Toy

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 3149
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/11/2007 9:02:34 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RobertCloud

I keep hearing this strange clicking on my phone whenever certain of my friends call. Once I thought I ven heard a voice say, "It's him," I wonder if I am being paranoid or is my phone tapped? Any suggestions on how to find out?


Next time you get a call, start talking about how hard it will be to get the 5 keys to the dock for tomorrow night and discussing prices in the thousands of dollars for the delivery. If your door is knocked down within the hour, youre being tapped, otherwise it could be that you are tapped.

I'm having problems getting 5 keys to the docks tomorrow night with all these DEA people hanging around, and my buyer is trying to stiff me on the price. What should I do?

E

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In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/11/2007 1:52:45 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Rat your buyer out to the DEA. It protects your ass.

Since I cut my hair, my head is very easily cold when I go outside. What can I do?


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Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 3151
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/11/2007 2:45:15 PM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline 		Wrap it in saran wrap. It will not only keep you warm, but fresh, too!

The milk in my fridge has gone bad. Are there any creative ways to get rid of it?

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A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3152
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/11/2007 7:13:18 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Leave it there for someone else to deal with, unless you live alone. In that case, pour it out in the gutter for stray animals to be curious about.

I hate taking out the trash, so the kitchen garbage is quite full. How can I will myself to take it outside?


_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 3153
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/11/2007 9:09:44 PM   
jblack


Posts: 102
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Tell yourself that pretty boys are having sex in your dumpster; that'll motivate you!

My feet are killing me, but I've heard that foot massages are considered "un-Domly." How do I convince a Dom to rub my feet?


(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3154
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/12/2007 7:16:36 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Just buy one of those massaging foot baths and brag about how it does a much better job than your Dom ever could. He'll become jealous and offer to do it himself, surely.

One of the cats likes to sleep on my head. Can I somehow stop this from happening?


_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to jblack)
Profile   Post #: 3155
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/12/2007 7:39:48 PM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline 		Sure, just before bedtime, pour a handful of catnip into your underwear and relocate kitty to your crotch.

How should i treat multiple bite and puncture wounds to my crotch (or should i just search the "health and safety" forum)?



(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3156
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/12/2007 7:41:17 PM   
goodlittlegirl28


Posts: 2108
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline 		damn, i'm slow...

slather yourself in toothpaste. it'll provide a protective layer, and prevent cavitites for the biter at the same time.

I push the pillow off the bed in my sleep. Any suggestions on how to keep it with me?

< Message edited by goodlittlegirl28 -- 1/12/2007 7:44:05 PM >

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3157
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/13/2007 12:59:40 AM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Duct tape it to your head.

I have a large bed, yet never manage to stay asleep in the middle of it, which leads to waking up while dangling off the side. What should I do?


_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to goodlittlegirl28)
Profile   Post #: 3158
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/13/2007 6:00:41 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple
I have a large bed, yet never manage to stay asleep in the middle of it, which leads to waking up while dangling off the side. What should I do?



Nothing. You'll soon drop off again.

I foolishly bought a Warhammer wargame set for my son for xmas and the rules are devilishly complex, yet as the buyer, I have the task of learning them. How can I avoid such mistakes in future?

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3159
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/13/2007 10:43:24 AM   
deeddlit


Posts: 484
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Throw them away...rules are highly overrated!!

I think I might have OCD...every night before I can fall asleep I have to orgasm no less than 12 times.  This may sound like not much of a problem but sometimes I am so exhuasted I just don't want to but no matter how hard I try, I cannot fall asleep.  What can I do??

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 3160
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