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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/6/2007 5:30:43 PM   
CH3CH2OH


Posts: 57
Joined: 12/17/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Kidnap Alton Brown for a night and let him do it for you.


My dinner isn't cooking fast enough and I'm starving. Need help!

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 3121
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/6/2007 7:41:55 PM   
HouseofBear


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline 		Pour gas on it and set it aflame, it will cook more quickly that way.

I have a bunch of stumps in the yard I need to get moved by Monday, and it keeps raining.  How shall I resolve the situation?

(in reply to CH3CH2OH)
Profile   Post #: 3122
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/6/2007 7:48:53 PM   
CH3CH2OH


Posts: 57
Joined: 12/17/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		1. Truck.
2. Really strong chain.
3. Gas pedal is on the right.
4. Well, you'll have holes in your yard, but that's not what you asked about.


I have to drive an hour and a half each way twice a week starting on Tuesday.  I hate driving.  What should I do?

(in reply to HouseofBear)
Profile   Post #: 3123
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/6/2007 8:08:12 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Find a mad scientist to invent you a teleporting device that'll get you there in the blink of an eye.

I hate my sister, but she doesn't know it. How can I break the news gently?


_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to CH3CH2OH)
Profile   Post #: 3124
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/6/2007 8:53:04 PM   
RobertCloud


Posts: 2959
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		Draw a pentagram under her bed and do a ritual of Exorcism.

============

The old lady across the street keeps staring out her window at my house every time I open the door, what should I do?

_____________________________

Author for Black Velvet Seductions
she melted to her knees and crawled to her master.
Toy's Story: Acquisition of a Sex Toy

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3125
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/6/2007 8:56:03 PM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline 		Start opening the door naked. If it doesnt get her to stop looking, at least she'll have something worth looking at!

I got a breadmaker for christmas two years ago and have only used it to make bread twice. Are there other good uses for it?

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to RobertCloud)
Profile   Post #: 3126
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/6/2007 9:15:09 PM   
RobertCloud


Posts: 2959
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		Yes.. For an evening of entertainment gather everyone around the bathtub. Plug it in and throw it into a filled tub. Watch the sparks dance. After a few minutes all the lights will go out, and don't worry it will only take a few days for the power company to get the power back on for the 10,000 people you overloaded the circuits for.

===============

A friend of mine keeps sending chocolate in the mail but every time they do the squirrels raid the package and get the chocolate. How do I stop those pesky squirrels?

_____________________________

Author for Black Velvet Seductions
she melted to her knees and crawled to her master.
Toy's Story: Acquisition of a Sex Toy

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 3127
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/6/2007 9:31:26 PM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline 		Three words, my friend. Ex. Lax. Brownies. Need I say more? Ok, so your whole yard might end up coated in squirrel poo, but the little buggers would learn their lesson, wouldnt they?

I seem to be addicted to giving really bad advice to people. How can I get over this?

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to RobertCloud)
Profile   Post #: 3128
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/6/2007 10:37:33 PM   
RobertCloud


Posts: 2959
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		Step one... Chew lots of bubblegum, so much you can't talk.
Step two... glue a piece of plywood over your keyboard.

=================================

I have a cat that can escape from any room I lock him in. He has learned to open the door by turning the door handle (this is real BTW), how can I prevent him from doing this?

_____________________________

Author for Black Velvet Seductions
she melted to her knees and crawled to her master.
Toy's Story: Acquisition of a Sex Toy

(in reply to Lorelei115)
Profile   Post #: 3129
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/6/2007 11:21:10 PM   
LaMspeach


Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline 		Try locking it .... if that doesnt work  take the door handles off so he cant open the door and use tape to keep it shut.
________________________________________________________

I had a really exciting dream last night, how can i have the same dream again tonight?


_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"



(in reply to RobertCloud)
Profile   Post #: 3130
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/7/2007 1:01:19 AM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Pray to the dream faeries *mutters apology to Morpheus for being blasphemous*

I have an addiction to LiveJournal communities that make fun of bad writers. How can it be cured?


_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to LaMspeach)
Profile   Post #: 3131
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/7/2007 1:04:48 AM   
RobertCloud


Posts: 2959
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		Become a bad writer. Then you will know how it feels and will stop instantly.

=====================

My dog barks at everything, sometimes we cannot even find what he is barking at. How can I get him to stop barking?

_____________________________

Author for Black Velvet Seductions
she melted to her knees and crawled to her master.
Toy's Story: Acquisition of a Sex Toy

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3132
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/7/2007 5:52:46 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RobertCloud

My dog barks at everything, sometimes we cannot even find what he is barking at. How can I get him to stop barking?


An AK47 is the answer to many problems in life. And dogs cant shoot back.

Given our crazy gun laws in the UK, whats the easiest way for me to get hold of an AK47 and say, 5000 rounds of ammunition for it?

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to RobertCloud)
Profile   Post #: 3133
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/7/2007 1:56:52 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Have a friend in the US buy it for you and mail it.

I am now rotting in Guantanamo Bay because the government thinks that buying an assault rifle for a British person is an act of terrorism. Can someone break me out?


_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 3134
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/7/2007 5:24:26 PM   
RobertCloud


Posts: 2959
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		I will get all your friends here at CM to send you Pound Cakes with surprises in the middle so you can bribe the guards.

=========================

Now that we have bribed the guards the President wants a bribe too, how do we raise that much money?

_____________________________

Author for Black Velvet Seductions
she melted to her knees and crawled to her master.
Toy's Story: Acquisition of a Sex Toy

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3135
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/7/2007 10:58:37 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Distract him by telling Dick Cheney is hiding oil in his pants.

Gay porn online is usually not very hot. How can I find pretty boys willing to play with each other as I watch?



_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to RobertCloud)
Profile   Post #: 3136
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/8/2007 12:33:06 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		Perhaps you should just dress more warmly.

I keep waking up at 3 a.m. even though I'm still tired. I don't want to take drugs or alcohol, so what do I do?

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3137
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/8/2007 1:13:10 AM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		Bash your head against a wall until you pass out.

I want to watch pretty boys, dammit. Can I find some to play with each other without resorting to an escort service?


_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to Musicmystery)
Profile   Post #: 3138
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/8/2007 3:22:36 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple
I want to watch pretty boys, dammit. Can I find some to play with each other without resorting to an escort service?



Yes. As long as you dont mind a conviction and a few years in gaol.

I'd like to try my hand at genocide, but I'm told this is apparently wrong. How can I get a flavour of it, without wiping out the population of a small country?

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 3139
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 1/8/2007 3:42:17 AM   
Lorelei115


Posts: 1933
Joined: 8/16/2006
From: Sin City
Status: offline 		Get an ant farm and subject them to the natural disaster of your choice. I'm told flooding and death-by-magnifying-glass are both very popular.

I miss having a cat around. Is there anything that will give me the same warm, comforting feeling as having a cat purring next to me?

_____________________________

A sucessful life is not measured by what we do
But by the realization
Of who we are.

(in reply to LadyEllen)
Profile   Post #: 3140
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