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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 2/15/2007 7:06:17 PM   
bludemonn


Posts: 2619
Joined: 9/10/2006
Status: offline 		simple commit a crime and go to the state pen...then whilst in a holding cell with mr BIG turn to him and say 'may i comment on the quality of your ass sir?'


I cant swim and would like to book lessons, where do you suggest the best place to go and who do trust?



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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 2/15/2007 7:09:08 PM   
HydroMaster


Posts: 4786
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline 		You don't need a book to learn.  Just go jump off a bridge and hope for the best.

The cruise's jello supply is running low...where do we get more out at sea?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 2/15/2007 7:22:31 PM   
bludemonn


Posts: 2619
Joined: 9/10/2006
Status: offline 		ahhh thats easy you trap a giant squid and shove it in a blender then whack in the fridge and the passengers wont be none the wiser.


I have piles how can i remove them painlessly

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A hopeless dreamer she said, eyes of cloud and feet of lead.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 2/15/2007 7:27:21 PM   
HydroMaster


Posts: 4786
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline 		With a belt sander and coarse sand paper

The cat caught on fire while chewing on power cords again...how do I get rid of the smell?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 2/15/2007 7:33:29 PM   
bludemonn


Posts: 2619
Joined: 9/10/2006
Status: offline 		Well theres only one thing for it......crimp your nostrils together with a piece of metal plate and pliers!

I have a very important client to meet for the firm next week, i need to 'wine and dine' what is the best way to 'get the deal' its worth 2.5 million to my business of which i get 5% commision!

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 2/15/2007 7:39:59 PM   
HydroMaster


Posts: 4786
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline 		Why it's elementary....take them to an S&M club.  You can't lose no matter what the income of the deal is.

I just got hit in the head by a potato travelling at high velocity...what home remedies should I try before going to the doctor?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 2/15/2007 8:01:44 PM   
bludemonn


Posts: 2619
Joined: 9/10/2006
Status: offline 		Why ofcourse my dear friend go home, go to ye olde office desk and arm yourself with a staple gun, that olde time tested remedy that dates back to the 4th century  then squeeze the potato inflicted gash together and staple away.... dont worry about anti-septic everyone knows that goblins come out form your pillow when you sleep and take away the evil skin..

There are about 12 thugs outside my house making a racket at 4 am! What should i do ring the cops?  

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 2/15/2007 8:03:59 PM   
HydroMaster


Posts: 4786
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline 		No just walk dow there naked and ask for a cup of sugar.  They'll either run away screaming or stand there in silence.  Either way they won't be making any noise. 

I've run out of milk for my lucky charms...what's a good substitute?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 2/15/2007 8:12:28 PM   
bludemonn


Posts: 2619
Joined: 9/10/2006
Status: offline 		Wait a sec, il go get some porn and pleasure myself whilst providing you with your much needed supplement! See everyones a winner!

I'm trying to make a 'home made' bomb out of nails and fertiliser, how long should the fuse be?  

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 2/15/2007 8:23:16 PM   
HydroMaster


Posts: 4786
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline 		Oh only about half an inch....that should give you plenty of time to get out of the way.

Some idiot jacked off in my cereal...what's the best way to kill him

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 2/15/2007 8:38:20 PM   
bludemonn


Posts: 2619
Joined: 9/10/2006
Status: offline 		I recommend going to your local police station and telling the desk Sergeant that you need to murder someone so would he mind letting you have his sidearm OR going out REEEALLY late at night to one of the notorious 'hoods' (wear red & blue for fuck sake!) and asking the local teen mafia if they would do a drive by, make sure to wear your best suit and all your bling to create a good impression!

Some one is trying to have me bumped off..what do i do?   

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A hopeless dreamer she said, eyes of cloud and feet of lead.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 2/15/2007 8:57:03 PM   
HydroMaster


Posts: 4786
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline 		Accept your fate and wait on your front porch....I'm sure someone will be along with a swiss army knife to do the job shortly.

I just had a guy bumped off, how do I leave the coutry without raising suspicion?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 2/15/2007 9:02:46 PM   
bludemonn


Posts: 2619
Joined: 9/10/2006
Status: offline 		Crikey thats easy, just after the murder go and buy a new set of clothes, ask for some assistance in taking off the blood stained clothes and help with destroying just say you are a butcher or something.. Make sure you cut the tips of your fingers off for fingerprinting! Ring the airport and say you need a flight to Mexico sharpish and give them your credit card number (air miles see) then feed the fish, have your neighbor drop in every day and ring a taxi, tell them its fuckin urgent you bounce!

I've just been knifed and i remember the dude who did it...whats my plan of action?   

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A hopeless dreamer she said, eyes of cloud and feet of lead.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 2/15/2007 9:53:31 PM   
HydroMaster


Posts: 4786
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline 		Oh, well you should turn his ass in seeing as how the guy that hired him has already covered his tracks and skipped the county.  Did he use the corkscrew like he was supposed to?

The airport has lost my luggage and the trail of evidence is still in there.  How should I handle the baggage check people?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 2/15/2007 10:23:57 PM   
bludemonn


Posts: 2619
Joined: 9/10/2006
Status: offline 		Easy..take these bags of white...erm TALCUM powder i have and stuff it in that dudes bag over there >>>

My mate whos a Dragon has just been arrested for drug smuggling (he he he ehHHOOOOOHAAAA) sorry.... as you can tell im worried sick, what shall i do?

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A hopeless dreamer she said, eyes of cloud and feet of lead.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 2/15/2007 10:45:56 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HydroMaster

For quick pain ask, What's that thing do?

Where can I go to vote on the quality of someone's ass?


Pelican Bay Prison.

They will be more than willing to hear your analysis of the male anatomy.

Sinergy

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"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 2/15/2007 10:48:19 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: HydroMaster

For quick pain ask, What's that thing do?

Where can I go to vote on the quality of someone's ass?


Pelican Bay Prison.

They will be more than willing to hear your analysis of the male anatomy.

Sinergy


I keep forgetting to ask for advice.  what should I do?


_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 2/16/2007 1:58:22 AM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline 		I would hold a party....a BDSM bash in honor of your friend. Then find the most "interesting" guests and talk them into being character witnesses for your friend... that should do the trick!!

I have been called for jury duty in a drug smuggling case.. what is the best course of action to get off jury duty???????

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The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 2/16/2007 4:16:01 AM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Act schitzo... and talk to the judge using your bare butt cheecks.

I have a midterm and paper due in 3.25 hours. How do I avoid handing in the paper and writing the exam without being penalized (this includes jail time). Thanks :)


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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 2/16/2007 4:18:43 AM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bludemonn
My mate whos a Dragon has just been arrested for drug smuggling (he he he ehHHOOOOOHAAAA) sorry.... as you can tell im worried sick, what shall i do?

Get out of the way. Peeved Dragons have a tendency to bbq those that annoy them... and bbq'd "talcum" powder may not be the best thing to inhale... but I could be wrong.

My midterm et al. question still stands.


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Profile   Post #: 3380
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