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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 7:30:17 PM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline 		Have your sub pee in it

The police are banging on my door...  How do I get rid of them?

_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to HydroMaster)
Profile   Post #: 3621
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 7:37:52 PM   
HydroMaster


Posts: 4786
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline 		Just tell them you have a massive cache of weapons in you house and you're not affraid to use them.  That should keep them away for a while.

I have a leak in my ceiling and don't feel like repairing the roof.  What flavor of bubble gum will be most effective at stopping the water?

_____________________________

I walk the lonely road,
the only one that I have ever known.

(in reply to quietkitten)
Profile   Post #: 3622
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 7:39:49 PM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline 		Watermelon of course.... duh!!!!!

The cops have beaten me black and blue.. how do I get them to come back next week and do it again??

_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to HydroMaster)
Profile   Post #: 3623
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 7:45:44 PM   
HydroMaster


Posts: 4786
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline 		See previous thread involving weapons cache...also taking their donuts is very effective.

I sword fell off the wall and skewered the cat...how do I get the blood out of the carpet?

_____________________________

I walk the lonely road,
the only one that I have ever known.

(in reply to quietkitten)
Profile   Post #: 3624
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 7:50:40 PM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline 		I heard that red wine is really effective........ or if it is colored carpet try bleach..... maybe acid.... Hell -- pour some of every cleaner you have onit and see what happens.

The police have blocked me from calling anymore... they say I am harassing them. What do I do now?

_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to HydroMaster)
Profile   Post #: 3625
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 7:58:27 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The police have blocked me from calling anymore... they say I am harassing them. What do I do now?


Recreate the scene from The Terminator where Arnold crashes through the front of the station and starts shooting the place up. This will not only get you beaten, it might just expose you to some nasty gun play.

My skin is dry and I do not want to smell like a French whore from some lotion with so much perfume that it would gag a maggot. How can I treat my dry skin and not smell like a tart?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to quietkitten)
Profile   Post #: 3626
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 7:59:41 PM   
HydroMaster


Posts: 4786
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline 		Geez, do I have to think of EVERYTHING.  Just use a neighbor's phone.  If they ask what you're doing tell them you're ordering a pizza...if they keep asking you may have to "silence" them.

During a ritual gone wrong demons invaded my basement.  How do I get rid of them?

_____________________________

I walk the lonely road,
the only one that I have ever known.

(in reply to quietkitten)
Profile   Post #: 3627
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 8:03:27 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline 		Call my bible thumping sister....

If only one door is locked, is it still imprisonment?

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to HydroMaster)
Profile   Post #: 3628
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 8:05:27 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline 		Not if you have the key.

My skin is dry and I do not want to smell like a French whore from some lotion with so much perfume that it would gag a maggot. How can I treat my dry skin and not smell like a tart?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to PsyVamp)
Profile   Post #: 3629
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 8:06:52 PM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline 		Gauge - cover yourself head to toe in Vaseline then wrap up in cling wrap .. keep it on for a week at least.
Hydromaster - You will have to set your house on fire.

I am getting sick and tired of the lame ass advice I keep getting...... what do I do??

_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to HydroMaster)
Profile   Post #: 3630
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 8:10:31 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I am getting sick and tired of the lame ass advice I keep getting...... what do I do??


Well... if I were you I would run out onto the nearest crowded highway and flag down a car and ask the driver what to do. Oh... this is best done at night wearing all black with black face paint.

I hate the petroleum jelly answer because I hate the way it smells too. Any other suggestions?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to quietkitten)
Profile   Post #: 3631
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 8:13:00 PM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline 		You could try steaming hot oatmeal.....

I am laying here on the highway bleeding and half conscious, how do I get back at the last guy who gave me advice??

_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 3632
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 8:17:56 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I am laying here on the highway bleeding and half conscious, how do I get back at the last guy who gave me advice??


Act like his ex-wife.


I ate the oatmeal. Now what?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to quietkitten)
Profile   Post #: 3633
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 8:21:37 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Wait for it to pass through you...

I want to colour my hair, but my housemate can't breath from the fumes. How negate the smell?


_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 3634
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 8:21:38 PM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline 		No... the oatmeal was for an enema... now go make more

I just shot this reallllly annoying person.. how do I get rid of the body?

_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 3635
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 8:22:57 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Have a bonfire and human-roast. Don't forget the special sauce...

I still have the hair colour smell problem... any advice?


_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to quietkitten)
Profile   Post #: 3636
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 8:25:08 PM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline 		Eat only cabbage and beans for three days before you color your hair... they won't notice the smell of the dye... trust me

I have severe indigestion from "something" I ate.. what do I do?

_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 3637
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 8:26:39 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I still have the hair colour smell problem... any advice?


Pour quick drying cement in your roommate's nostrils and that should teach them what it is like to REALLY not be able to breathe.


The battery in my electric shaver keeps dying. What should I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 3638
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 8:29:29 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		quietkitten - come to my apartment and 'share' your indigestion with my housemate so I can colour my hair.
Gauge - give your batteries mouth-to-terminal rescussitation (really bad spelling, I know).

I'm out of tea and I don't have a service slave to make me more. What should I do?


_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 3639
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 8:31:56 PM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline 		Send me a plane ticket... I'll make your tea <wink wink, nudge nudge>

My car broke down and I can't afford to get it fixed.. what do I do?

_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 3640
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