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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 8:34:33 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Steal another one. Just make sure it's a better model than your last.

I need money to send quietkitten a plane ticket so she can make me 'tea'... how do I get money?


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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/1/2007 10:48:38 PM   
sleazy


Posts: 781
Joined: 11/23/2006
From: UK
Status: offline 		Make it a full tea party fundraiser and sell lots of advance tickets


how do I get an invite to said fundraiser without having to dig deep for a ticket?




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Opinion is packaged by weight not volume, contents may settle during transit. Consult you medical practitioner. Do not attempt to stop moving parts by hand. Ensure all safety shields in place. Open this way up. Do not expose to temperatures exceeding 50C

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 3642
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/2/2007 5:52:46 AM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazy
how do I get an invite to said fundraiser without having to dig deep for a ticket?



Invites are for chumps. Show up in a tux, tell them you're a lobbyist from a major pharmaceutical company, spend the evening stealing drinks from anyone naive enough to set one down, then top it off my making your own "tea" in the punchbowl. Having funny stories to tell when you're older is far more important than raising money for anything other than yourself.

My fundraisers never seem to generate any funds. How can i become fabulously wealthy quickly enough to justify not getting off my ass and going to work this morning?


(in reply to sleazy)
Profile   Post #: 3643
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/2/2007 6:06:56 AM   
Taik


Posts: 307
Joined: 8/5/2005
Status: offline 		Work for the RIAA or MPAA and sue random old ladies and family with out internet, for download copyrighted Music and Videos... Then agree to settle out of court for half the money you threatened, because you know RIAA/MPAA cases are BS and the artist have enough money already and the whole point is really to get layers more money.


How do I transfer all of my DvD's and Music to digital so i can beam it to my TV on iTV with out violating a rediculus DMCA and end up at the receiving and of above mentioned lawsuits.

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Profile   Post #: 3644
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/2/2007 8:59:28 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

How do I transfer all of my DvD's and Music to digital so i can beam it to my TV on iTV with out violating a rediculus DMCA and end up at the receiving and of above mentioned lawsuits.


Call the FBI, CIA, NSA, NAACP, NFL, NHL, MLBB, NCAA and any other acronymed agency you can think of until someone tells you it's OK to do what you are doing. Then, if you get caught you have a basis for your very own lawsuit.

I think I drank too much coffee. My hands are shaking and my leg keeps bouncing up and down like it is a Mexican Jumping Bean. How can I calm myself down?

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"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

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Profile   Post #: 3645
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/2/2007 10:53:24 AM   
angeldevil


Posts: 503
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: uk
Status: offline 		Go busking....strap marracas to hands and morris dancing bells to leg, earn money without making any effort!

My dog needs a bath (been rolling in unmentionables) but he hates it...what should I do?

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Do these welts make my butt look big?

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Profile   Post #: 3646
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/2/2007 11:44:59 AM   
sleazy


Posts: 781
Joined: 11/23/2006
From: UK
Status: offline 		Strap aforementioned hound to roof of car and head for nearest carwash, if dog is very smelly go through again

WARNING the wax and blowdry options can result in unwanted side effects if your hound is an old english, long haried afghan or similar!!!!!!!


I need an excuse to give the cop who just stopped me with a sheepdog tied to the roof

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Opinion is packaged by weight not volume, contents may settle during transit. Consult you medical practitioner. Do not attempt to stop moving parts by hand. Ensure all safety shields in place. Open this way up. Do not expose to temperatures exceeding 50C

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Profile   Post #: 3647
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/2/2007 12:06:09 PM   
angeldevil


Posts: 503
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: uk
Status: offline 		Ask him if he saw which direction the sheep went in.....

My dog ran off when he heard the bath filling up, I was watching the news and there was a report of a dog sounding very similar to mine being spotted tied to a car roof alongside three sheep....what should I do?

_____________________________

Do these welts make my butt look big?

(in reply to sleazy)
Profile   Post #: 3648
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/2/2007 2:28:54 PM   
sleazy


Posts: 781
Joined: 11/23/2006
From: UK
Status: offline 		If you live in California just wait for the news helos then go stand in the street ready to throw rocks at the offending car/sheep when it enters your neighbourhood You should then be able to rescue your hound if your aim is good.

There are 20 crown vics following me back from the carwash and the helicopters are scaring my sheep, what is the best route to mexico from here?

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Opinion is packaged by weight not volume, contents may settle during transit. Consult you medical practitioner. Do not attempt to stop moving parts by hand. Ensure all safety shields in place. Open this way up. Do not expose to temperatures exceeding 50C

(in reply to angeldevil)
Profile   Post #: 3649
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/2/2007 2:57:21 PM   
angeldevil


Posts: 503
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: uk
Status: offline 		Head for Plymouth and pray for a Chitty Chitty Bang Bang miracle...swig copious amounts of tequila and swallow the worm to give you added courage for take off.

I have RSI in my wrist from spending too much damn time on here...what should I do?

_____________________________

Do these welts make my butt look big?

(in reply to sleazy)
Profile   Post #: 3650
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/2/2007 3:32:11 PM   
sleazy


Posts: 781
Joined: 11/23/2006
From: UK
Status: offline 		type using a pencil in your mouth


On the subject of typing..... whats the best way to remove cookie crumbs and dried up coffee spillages from within my keyboard so I do not have push hard enough to get a hernia on some keys and delete hundreds of repeated lettersssssssssssssssssssssssss on others?

_____________________________

Opinion is packaged by weight not volume, contents may settle during transit. Consult you medical practitioner. Do not attempt to stop moving parts by hand. Ensure all safety shields in place. Open this way up. Do not expose to temperatures exceeding 50C

(in reply to angeldevil)
Profile   Post #: 3651
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/2/2007 4:39:45 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Soak your keyboard in hot water to disolve the crumbs. If it's really nasty, use toilet bowl cleaner (or something that eats organic). For the coffee spills... get a toothbrush covered in said organic eater, and scrub away.

I have no idea what I'm doing. Help?


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You know that I am a sexy penguin.

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Profile   Post #: 3652
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/2/2007 4:46:26 PM   
Taik


Posts: 307
Joined: 8/5/2005
Status: offline 		That's ok, join a Goverment and you'll fit right in! Make sure to have lots of fund raisers and keep most of the money.

I can't find any good books to read wen the weather is bad? Help!


_____________________________

Celf proklaimd speln profesikinal.

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 3653
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/3/2007 3:12:48 PM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline 		Go hold up your local library... go directly to the perodicals section... good reading there!

I think the government is beaming signals into my skull... what do I do?





_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to Taik)
Profile   Post #: 3654
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/3/2007 3:31:20 PM   
HydroMaster


Posts: 4786
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline 		Simply drill into your skull with 1/2" bit and disable the implanted receiver by jamming a large screwdriver in and out of the hole repeatedly.

The CIA is giving me assasination orders through the television show, Survivor.  How do I make sure the show can never air again?

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I walk the lonely road,
the only one that I have ever known.

(in reply to quietkitten)
Profile   Post #: 3655
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/3/2007 5:06:26 PM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline 		Blow up every television you can find

I am bleeding profusely from a huge hole inmy skull... anddd mie typingg and manuelll decksterity are faellinng.. wut doo ey dou??

_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to HydroMaster)
Profile   Post #: 3656
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/3/2007 5:22:48 PM   
bearincuffs


Posts: 1904
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline 		Fill the hole with crazy glue and let it harden, then put a large piece of duct tape over the hole.


I got covered in blood from quietkitten fixing the hole in her head, how do I get rid of the stains?

_____________________________

property of Master Dave of the House of Gemini

An it harm none, do as thou wilt
Do what you will, so long as it harms none
An it harm none, do what thou will
That it harm none, do as thou wilt
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill

(in reply to quietkitten)
Profile   Post #: 3657
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/3/2007 6:52:38 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Bath in pure bleach. Then, for good measure, use oxyclean with ammonia.

I've been accused of being a murderer by proxy. How do I defend against this charge?


_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to bearincuffs)
Profile   Post #: 3658
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/3/2007 7:36:50 PM   
HydroMaster


Posts: 4786
Joined: 9/24/2005
Status: offline 		Proxy murder the person accusing you of proxy murder....then skip the country.

I'm being chased by the ATF for my use of explosives in detroying TV sets.  How do I disappear so my crusade against Survivor can continue?

_____________________________

I walk the lonely road,
the only one that I have ever known.

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 3659
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 3/3/2007 7:39:18 PM   
bearincuffs


Posts: 1904
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline 		Head down to Mexico

I'm being chased by a bunch of crazed nymphomaniacs, how do I get rid of them?

_____________________________

property of Master Dave of the House of Gemini

An it harm none, do as thou wilt
Do what you will, so long as it harms none
An it harm none, do what thou will
That it harm none, do as thou wilt
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill

(in reply to HydroMaster)
Profile   Post #: 3660
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