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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 11:31:36 AM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dwmstl

So, fellow Doms, am I over-reacting?

Not one bit. You told her how it is and she ignored your guidance......get rid......

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 11:54:49 AM

AQuietSimpleMan

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OP. You have mail.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 12:16:58 PM

domiguy

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OP. You don't have mail.

You asked for advice on a public forum and that is how it should be delivered.

You are 54 and she is eighteen....She is kind of doing what eighteen year olds do.

You know it. I know it. Everyone here knows it. It won't last. Take some solace in the fact that few things do.

You have to wonder what an 18 year old chick would want in a 54 year old dude? Maybe it's best not to look a gift horse in the mouth....When you know that what is lying inside is most likely to be her uncle's or her dad's cock.

Good luck to both of you.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 12:19:00 PM

AQuietSimpleMan

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Don't worry Domi, I'm not showing him pictures of you in the TuTu.... I'm just offering some personal info that isn't necessary to the thread which might derail it I am trying to remain on Topic.

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Post #: 44

RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 12:40:46 PM

jujubeeMB

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Is she really 18? Sigh. Forgive her and enjoy it while it lasts.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 12:41:52 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dwmstl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

And like so many, he doesn't enjoy the answers he is getting so he has disappeared. Perhaps they are away for the holiday weekend. Hell maybe he thought a trip to visit her family would be great and he is playing checkers on the front porch with all the old folks while she is off in the barn banging her ex.

Actually, I am still here. I expected to get responses and opinions I didn't like and some I did. That is one of the great things about this lifestyle; the diversity contained therein.

We have spent a lot of time talking with the goal of making this work. I have read every response and appreciate those who took the time to do so. Some have even been helpful.

Her ex is in another state. She is here with me. The only one banging her is also me, whether you like it or not.

To be clear, I couldn't care less who is banging her.

You also haven't answered anyone's questions. Sorry but you said she was with this guy when you met her and she left him for you. How long ago was that? Was this guy her age or your age? As others have said, you took part in her going behind HIS back, so why are you so surprised that she is now doing things behind YOUR back?

It's obvious that you believe that you will be able to reign this young girl in and get her to be an obedient, devoted partner. Do you also realize the odds are against that? You moved her away from everyone she knows, so all she has at the moment is you, so that will help for a while at least to keep her towing the line, but in time, it won't work anymore.

I'm sure that is among the advice that you don't like, but the truth isn't always something that we like.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 12:46:51 PM

DesFIP

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Are you also making her lie to her parents about who she is with now? And you've forbidden contact with them also?

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 12:56:27 PM

lally2

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she says youre everything she wanted in a daddy/dom, but are you everything she needs in all other respects. she left him for you because she had needs that werent being met, so what are you doing about hrr other needs - are you filling the space this guy left or just fulfilling her kink needs. she's swopped boyfriend for a daddy/dom, now she's missing the boyfriend element - what does she really want here.

i think maybe if you ask youreself that question you might have the answer.

< Message edited by lally2 -- 7/3/2010 12:59:52 PM >

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 12:57:39 PM

LadyPact

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Why is it that every time somebody mentions forbidding contact with one person, folks are ready to jump the gun and make it sound like they are suddenly cut off from everyone? I can't possibly be the only Dominant out there who has said in a particular person's case, I don't think this is a good idea. I just had clip block somebody not two days ago because what they were contacting him for was rather shifty in My opinion and I didn't want it to continue. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 1:27:45 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Why is it that every time somebody mentions forbidding contact with one person, folks are ready to jump the gun and make it sound like they are suddenly cut off from everyone? I can't possibly be the only Dominant out there who has said in a particular person's case, I don't think this is a good idea. I just had clip block somebody not two days ago because what they were contacting him for was rather shifty in My opinion and I didn't want it to continue. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen.

I'm not necessarily jumping to that conclusion. I agree that her having contact with her ex is totally inappropriate. My issue here is that she cheated on that ex with the OP, so she has already shown she isn't very honest (which I believe you also pointed out). He moved her to another state away from everyone she knows. She is only 18, so they couldn't have been involved all that long, unless of course she was dishonest about her age before and he was talking with her as a minor.

This whole situation just has so many unanswered questions that, in my opinion, would be pretty relevant to know to give him some worthwhile advice. Just the basics. How long have they been talking? How long was she with the ex before cheating on him? How many times had they met face to face and spent time together before he moved her in with him to another state? Does her family know what she is doing?

I have no idea what this guy's motives are with such a young girl, but I can probably guess hers, and none of them are good. I see this guy getting taken for quite a ride and it not ending good at all.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 1:53:23 PM

dwmstl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Are you also making her lie to her parents about who she is with now? And you've forbidden contact with them also?

No, I have not. I have met her mother, who is aware she is in a relationship with me.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 1:55:18 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dwmstl

There has been no more contact between them since yesterday when she sent him a text message saying there would be no more. The letter idea is one I am still considering. From her standpoint, she says it would only be saying more of what she's already said to him. I have not decided if I am going to have her do the letter or not. At this point, there is no contact and she says she wants no more. She is also aware that if I give her another chance, it will be her last one.

I find it hard to believe that you are 50 something and still have not discovered that you cannot control someone's feelings or actions. And threatening someone with a last chance; that type of ultimatum makes the person's actions based on fear, rather than desire to change.

I just shake my head at the denial that is going on here.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 2:07:17 PM

dwmstl

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quote:

My issue here is that she cheated on that ex with the OP

That's not totally correct. Yes, I knew about the relationship before we met in person. I also made it clear at the time I found out that she would have to end it if and when we met in person. The meeting was set, she broke up with the ex, and we met, in that order.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 2:07:50 PM

frazzle

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I'm thinking she'll just be more careful about deleting text mesages. or does that make me cynical

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 2:23:19 PM

dwmstl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

I'm thinking she'll just be more careful about deleting text mesages. or does that make me cynical

She could do that, except for the fact that I have a number-by-number log of every phone and text message (it's my account and I added her to it mainly so she could stay in contact with her mom, family and friends, despite those of you who have erroneously assumed I've cut her off from the civilized world) and will be able to determine if any have been deleted. She is aware that if I give her another chance, she will not be deleting anything and I will have access to see any text messages at my discretion.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 2:33:54 PM

jujubeeMB

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I find it hard to believe that you are 50 something and still have not discovered that you cannot control someone's feelings or actions. And threatening someone with a last chance; that type of ultimatum makes the person's actions based on fear, rather than desire to change.

I just shake my head at the denial that is going on here.

This is much better than anything I said, so I'd like to switch my vote to this.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 2:39:41 PM

dreamerdreaming

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dwmstl

quote:

My issue here is that she cheated on that ex with the OP

That's not totally correct. Yes, I knew about the relationship before we met in person. I also made it clear at the time I found out that she would have to end it if and when we met in person. The meeting was set, she broke up with the ex, and we met, in that order.

OP, you are culpable.

The two of you were involved in sneaking around behind the BF's back, enough to get to know each other (online and phone, presumably) and then set up a meeting to look into involving yourselves realtime. Only then did she break up with the ex.

She wasn't honest with him, so there's no reasonable expectation of honesty with you- as she's aready shown you, by being dishonest with you. Its not rocket science.

I don't care who you fuck- go right ahead. Knock yourself out. You're preying on a teenager, who's preying on you. Mutual use is fine, as long as you both agree to it and know what you're getting yourselves into. Do you both???

The more denial and dishonesty going on, the less chance of a good outcome over time, for you both. Own up to your part, in the deception.

Man up. You're no better than the mixed up baby adult you're using, who's using you.

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 7/3/2010 2:41:49 PM >

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 2:47:57 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Daddy also will lay the ban down on someone who's not good to me, or for me, but more often than not, before he does I do. So it's pretty un necessary for him to, since I do first.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Why is it that every time somebody mentions forbidding contact with one person, folks are ready to jump the gun and make it sound like they are suddenly cut off from everyone? I can't possibly be the only Dominant out there who has said in a particular person's case, I don't think this is a good idea. I just had clip block somebody not two days ago because what they were contacting him for was rather shifty in My opinion and I didn't want it to continue. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 2:56:09 PM

lally2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dwmstl

quote:

My issue here is that she cheated on that ex with the OP

That's not totally correct. Yes, I knew about the relationship before we met in person. I also made it clear at the time I found out that she would have to end it if and when we met in person. The meeting was set, she broke up with the ex, and we met, in that order.

i really hate picking at things but this i cant help - im sorry in advance - you hadnt met and yet you asked her to end it with her boyfriend before you met up in person. you see right there was an assumption you chose to make way ahead of time, way ahead of knowing if you two were going to be compatible chemistry-wise - so she made the break before meeting you. she broke up with the guy before she knew for sure you guys were going to hit it off - what if you hadnt hit it off - and what if this whole situation is just two people jumping in together blindly for separate (using) reasons, before actually getting to know the other person properly. the whole start was wrong in my opinion and the girl and she is just a girl chucked her bloke before she'd really had a chance to make up her mind what it was and who it was she really wanted to be with.

the thing is i hope you guys can enjoy each other, for however long it lasts, but YOU started it off wrong, she just did as she was told ahead of being ready to make that adjustment. YOU were in a hurry to bed an 18 year old and insisted on this. its youre mistake not hers

youre the adult in this relationship and i think you should accept that responsibility fully

< Message edited by lally2 -- 7/3/2010 2:58:20 PM >

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 3:11:15 PM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dwmstl

There has been no more contact between them since yesterday when she sent him a text message saying there would be no more. The letter idea is one I am still considering. From her standpoint, she says it would only be saying more of what she's already said to him. I have not decided if I am going to have her do the letter or not. At this point, there is no contact and she says she wants no more. She is also aware that if I give her another chance, it will be her last one.

Who wouldn't say that when they aren't going to have a place to live?

You've established that you are never going to trust her. You've set up elaborate ways to reinforce that lack of trust.

Fuck her while you can, because this relationship is doomed. It is a relationship you know? Tossing out rules without attempting to understand WHY the actions are occurring and expecting them to really have an impact is pretty foolish for someone your age. Being in a role doesn't mean that you get to ignore her as a human being.

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