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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 3:34:40 PM

Missokyst

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OMG... truly pathetic. I don't know which is worse. What I believed when I thought it was some old guy wanting young pussy, or reading this account the lengths of the insecurity.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dwmstl

She could do that, except for the fact that I have a number-by-number log of every phone and text message

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 7/3/2010 3:35:24 PM >

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 3:41:51 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dwmstl

quote:

My issue here is that she cheated on that ex with the OP

That's not totally correct. Yes, I knew about the relationship before we met in person. I also made it clear at the time I found out that she would have to end it if and when we met in person. The meeting was set, she broke up with the ex, and we met, in that order.

You aren't serious here, are you? Do you REALLY believe that she dumped the boyfriend before she met you in person? It doesn't occur to you that she just TOLD you she dumped him?

Besides that, as everyone has already said, you were talking with her and talking about meeting and all BEFORE she broke up with him. You don't see that as her being the least bit untrustworthy?

Dude, I gotta tell ya, you are going to be so busy checking that number by number log and watching everywhere she goes, who she talks to (or isn't she going to make friends while she is there, who by the way have cell phones and don't give a rat's ass about you), that you aren't going to have the energy to take her to bed!

I'm truly amazed. Where is Darling Savage? She really should see how this poor old guy is going to be victimized by the teenager!

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 3:42:01 PM

LadyPact

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I thought all cell phone logs did that.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 3:44:42 PM

dwmstl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I thought all cell phone logs did that.

They do. My point was that it's my account, so I can check usage any time.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 3:44:59 PM

LafayetteLady

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Yes they do. You can look on the bill and see who was called, texted, whatever. You obviously can't read the text, but then again, he doesn't need to, does he?

Of course she could always text him from the computer. I do that with friends all the time because I don't have texting on my cell phone. But maybe he has one of those programs that will log each keystroke as well so he can watch what she does on the computer.

Geez, I'm only 46 and I'm getting tired just thinking about all the ways he will need to spend watching her.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 4:07:51 PM

delicatelydirty

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Speaking from my own experience here, if you don't trust her now (and clearly you don't) you never ever will. Without trust you have nothing. My ex lied to me from he start, and I *forgave/overlooked/dealt with* or so I thought however I really didn't I was simply in denial because when the shit hit the fan a couple of years down the track, I realised that no matter what he said I could not see past those early lies.... once a liar always a liar. (just a side note I also found out after we broke up that he had lied constantly throughout the relationship)

However I also see her side of this, my guess is she loves him still on some level and is having second thoughts... break ups are never easy and the way this all came about she would have so many unresolved feelings zinging around inside of her. You both need to take a step back and ask yourselves if it is really worth it, lies and mistrust is no way to begin a relationship.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 4:39:20 PM

Missokyst

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Its not that they do that. It is that he feels the need to check up on her to that degree. That is just sad. If you don't trust the person then what is the purpose other than to have good reason to have yourself checked for STD's on a regular basis.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 4:56:33 PM

jujubeeMB

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Is the OP reminding anyone else of Humbert Humbert?

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 5:01:00 PM

dwmstl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

Is the OP reminding anyone else of Humbert Humbert?

I almost feel like saying thank you for that one.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 5:08:20 PM

jujubeeMB

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dwmstl

quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

Is the OP reminding anyone else of Humbert Humbert?

I almost feel like saying thank you for that one.

Lol. It's not purely an insult. Mr. Humbert was a pretty happy dude for a period of time there

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 5:13:52 PM

lally2

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this isnt me being patronising here - but i do feel i need to give you a cyber hug (o) - this cant have been easy for you to read, the guys, including me, havent been particularly gentle here - and youve taken it all really well.

i wish you well, whichever way you choose to go from here. x

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 5:18:53 PM

DaddysInkedSlut

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OP IMO you brought this on yourself. You had an emotional affair with this woman. Even though she ended the relationship prior to coming to you, she obviously needed closure. IMO she also needs to grief that relationship before she can truly move on and begin another relationship. Granted the grieving process for everyone is different.

Of course she felt uncomfy about being honest with you about needing those things. You forbid any other contact with him without considering she might need those things in order to move on. So she lied. No I am not condoning the deceipt but did you give her any other option? What would you have done if she would have come to you and said "Daddy, I need to speak to my ex because.... " Now you don't trust her. Now you are throwing out ultimatuims. Ultimatiums that will further cause her to act out of fear not devotion. As someone who is in a Daddy/girl relationship I would tell you for ME that would destory that bond. I dont want to fear my daddy. I dont want to fear being honest with him. I dont want to fear being able to show my emotions to him. EVEN the ones that may hurt him or that may make him uncomfy.

So now you are checking her cell phone. My question is this, if you have forgiven the act why not simply forgive it and move forward? IMO this isnt forgiveness that you are giving. Its something else. IMO if you can't give her forgiveness and understanding and move forward you should end it now.

< Message edited by DaddysInkedSlut -- 7/3/2010 5:19:29 PM >

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 5:23:15 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

quote:

ORIGINAL: dwmstl

quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

Is the OP reminding anyone else of Humbert Humbert?

I almost feel like saying thank you for that one.

Lol. It's not purely an insult. Mr. Humbert was a pretty happy dude for a period of time there

You don't think that is an insult? LOL.

Let's see, obsessive, delusional, compulsive, a murderer, focused on being predatory towards a preteen girl, ends up very badly for all.

Yup, a great guy all around. Nabokov would be happy he created a role model for todays man.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 7/3/2010 5:25:41 PM >

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 5:27:36 PM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dwmstl

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Are you also making her lie to her parents about who she is with now? And you've forbidden contact with them also?

No, I have not. I have met her mother, who is aware she is in a relationship with me.

I have to ask what her mothers reaction was to the age difference and you taking her daughter out of state to live with you?

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 5:29:23 PM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

I'm thinking she'll just be more careful about deleting text mesages. or does that make me cynical

Maybe, but sometimes when you back someone into a corner they have nowhere to go.

This thread reminds me of a vanilla married girlfriend. She won't let her husband look at porn for what she feels are moral and ethical reasons. He's actually a very nice guy who is incredibly devoted to her. He told me one night at a party that he knew I had told her that she was being unrealistic and he still looks at porn, feels horrible for lying to her but can't help being what he is.

If you ignore what they are and use that corner to try to make them different, you won't get good results.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 5:35:12 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysInkedSlut

OP IMO you brought this on yourself. You had an emotional affair with this woman. Even though she ended the relationship prior to coming to you, she obviously needed closure. IMO she also needs to grief that relationship before she can truly move on and begin another relationship. Granted the grieving process for everyone is different.

Of course she felt uncomfy about being honest with you about needing those things. You forbid any other contact with him without considering she might need those things in order to move on. So she lied. No I am not condoning the deceipt but did you give her any other option? What would you have done if she would have come to you and said "Daddy, I need to speak to my ex because.... " Now you don't trust her. Now you are throwing out ultimatuims. Ultimatiums that will further cause her to act out of fear not devotion. As someone who is in a Daddy/girl relationship I would tell you for ME that would destory that bond. I dont want to fear my daddy. I dont want to fear being honest with him. I dont want to fear being able to show my emotions to him. EVEN the ones that may hurt him or that may make him uncomfy.

So now you are checking her cell phone. My question is this, if you have forgiven the act why not simply forgive it and move forward? IMO this isnt forgiveness that you are giving. Its something else. IMO if you can't give her forgiveness and understanding and move forward you should end it now.

To be fair about this, I do not have the female led equivalent of a Daddy/lil girl dynamic. However, setting the obedience part of the dynamic aside, there is a huge issue here about trust and it's not coming across to Me as though there's a problem with her trusting him. The fact is, she showed him that she couldn't be trusted. In such a situation, I don't find a thing wrong with an ultimatum.

That can be spun any way that someone would like. The bottom line is, a person living in My home has to be trustworthy. I won't accept anything less. It can be called abiding by the rules out of fear rather than devotion, but if that person is motivated by the knowledge of "if you don't obey the rules of this house the result will be that you leave", I honestly don't have a problem with that.

Edited because I screwed up My own ultimatum.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 7/3/2010 5:36:20 PM >

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Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 5:42:35 PM

DaddysInkedSlut

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

To be fair about this, I do not have the female led equivalent of a Daddy/lil girl dynamic. However, setting the obedience part of the dynamic aside, there is a huge issue here about trust and it's not coming across to Me as though there's a problem with her trusting him. The fact is, she showed him that she couldn't be trusted. In such a situation, I don't find a thing wrong with an ultimatum.

And I think she needs to be able to trust that she can go to him and be honest with him about what she needs, even those needs that make him uncomfy or unhappy. He forbid all contact with the ex which IMO says he wasn't open to the fact she may need closure to move on or that she had not gone through the griefing process of that relationship. I think there are trust issues on both sides.

ETA: I also think there is a communication break down some where between the OP and his girl. One that IMO needs to be resolved if they are going to be able to move foward.

< Message edited by DaddysInkedSlut -- 7/3/2010 5:44:59 PM >

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 6:04:38 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dwmstl

quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

Is the OP reminding anyone else of Humbert Humbert?

I almost feel like saying thank you for that one.

You do realize that story was about a pedophile who wanted to molest a girl right?

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 6:09:50 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysInkedSlut

OP IMO you brought this on yourself. You had an emotional affair with this woman. Even though she ended the relationship prior to coming to you, she obviously needed closure. IMO she also needs to grief that relationship before she can truly move on and begin another relationship. Granted the grieving process for everyone is different.

Of course she felt uncomfy about being honest with you about needing those things. You forbid any other contact with him without considering she might need those things in order to move on. So she lied. No I am not condoning the deceipt but did you give her any other option? What would you have done if she would have come to you and said "Daddy, I need to speak to my ex because.... " Now you don't trust her. Now you are throwing out ultimatuims. Ultimatiums that will further cause her to act out of fear not devotion. As someone who is in a Daddy/girl relationship I would tell you for ME that would destory that bond. I dont want to fear my daddy. I dont want to fear being honest with him. I dont want to fear being able to show my emotions to him. EVEN the ones that may hurt him or that may make him uncomfy.

So now you are checking her cell phone. My question is this, if you have forgiven the act why not simply forgive it and move forward? IMO this isnt forgiveness that you are giving. Its something else. IMO if you can't give her forgiveness and understanding and move forward you should end it now.

And honestly, as an adult with much life experience the OP should have had the forethought to discuss all this with her before packing her up and moving her to his home.

You are giving this girl a whole lot of leeway here and quite frankly, I don't believe it had anything to do with closure. Call me a cynic if you will, but I don't believe she broke up with him before they met. I don't even believe that they are really broken up now. I have no doubt this girl is in it for what she can get from the guy.

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RE: Am I Over-Reacting? - 7/3/2010 6:12:51 PM

WinsomeDefiance

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She was fostering a relationship with you, while still in one with the other guy. Then she goes behind your back? And this surprises you?

Why are people who 'steal away' their partner from another, always surprised when that person shows a lack of integrity?

No, you didn't over-react. You over-reached.

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