Zevar
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB
Ok. So this is an extremely important issue to me and one that I've been avoiding/struggling with/failing directly at since I discovered I was deeply submissive. I have read many, many articles and listened to many Dan Savage podcasts and I cannot figure out how to solve it. I can't believe I haven't thought to ask all of you before, but now I have so here goes:
I am a feminist. What I mean by feminism isn't hugely important, except that I am the kind of feminist who is mad when men are misogynistic (outside of consensual BDSM contexts) and wants vanilla couples to go down on each other a roughly equal amount :) I have two moms who have always been my version of the ideal couple: completely equal, no gender roles, both talented at different things but sharing in most responsibilities. Feminism and powerful women have been an important part of my life for as long as I can remember.
What I really want to do is figure out how to reconcile (truly reconcile - not abandon) all of that with my desire to submit to a man and serve him, frequently in degrading, objectifying ways. So really truly seriously, does anyone know how to do that? Any feminists in the house? 
To begin this reply I will state an obvious factor in that the ideology of Feminism and the submission of any female to a man are contrary one to the other. I realize you know this as factual based on your identifying as a Feminist and having been exposed to powerful Feminist women throughout your life as you noted.
The fact the you appear willing to discuss this dilemma openly is an excellent beginning to arrive at some form of resolution that is acceptable for yourself. NOTE: I say appear as I only have your words to gauge what I will say in reply to your words. With that clarified I will say, the fact that you have had the opportunity to know the reality of an equally operable relationship that does not and cannot exist between a man and a woman sounds like something that has enriched your life. Keep in mind that the distinct differences between men and women excludes such from ever synthesizing as it does in same gender relating.
Further the fact that you recognize you value being reared by two moms is not something to marginalize. Not that you marginalized this fact. I simply wanted to note the awesome achievement that you were privy to in your life. Also at the same time though it sounds like you feel conflicted by your personal choices in that they do serve to contribute to your internal conflict.
The innate differences in a opposite gender relationships exclude the male brain from knowing how to function in any other manner than how it is biologically designed to operate, perceive and react to the world through the lenses of a man in response to the female brain. Similarly the female brain functions in the innate manner that excludes achieving the same outcome in mating or paring with the opposite gender in any alternate form than how the female brain naturally functions.
The solution to your dilemma of how to rectify your desire for submission to a man does not at all diminish what you have experienced regarding the compatibilities you experienced between your two moms. What the two of them achieved does not have the power to directly dictate what or how you will feel within yourself unless you allow it to.
Due to the fact that we are all individuals it is quite natural for you to have formed your individual ideologies when it pertains to the dynamics you seek between yourself and the man you choose to relate with. Just like your two moms demonstrated what brought the two of them contentment and satisfaction, you too have the right to live as you choose is right for you, even if that choice includes submission to a man. You differ from the ideology that you have been exposed to on some level due to perhaps your innate desires that you have discovered that serve toward your contentment and wholeness.
Perhaps though you might want to reconsider your position regarding the 2 opposite contexts and simply accept that differences only equate what we believe them to be. Celebrate your individuality just like it sounds your two moms do. Clearly each woman who identifies as a Feminist goes against the grain of the fabric of society and are still able to maintain a strength that has contributed to who you are today. That in IMO is worthy of embracing any differences for what they both uniquely offer. Determine to refuse to attempt to reframe either context to be anything other than what they naturally are. Dare to live as your two moms taught you. Strong and defined only by what you know is right for you even if on some level your choices are in conflict with the ideology of Feminism as you understand it.
Finally in closing, clearly I fully agree that there are no exceptions when it pertains to all weak willed misogynistic pathetic specimens of a man. Sharp rebuke them indeed. Mentally or as deemed appropriate in the moment of course. After all it is not a loss to refuse what you know to not be in your personal value system.
< Message edited by Zevar -- 7/4/2010 2:14:20 AM >
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RE: Feminism and submission - 
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