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I understand your point toxic66. And I guess to me, it does not matter if a guy has experience; as long as he has desire, and the self knowledge to learn, that is more important to me.

Frankly, I don't find the profiles who try to "prove" experience to show experience in interpersonal skills. It would be far better to say that you have always dreamed of this, you had all these feelings for years and no partner to do it with and that you were willing to learn together with someone.

I would respect that much more. The women who insist on only experienced Doms are missing out when they could be helping someone to attain that status.

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Good point. The only thing is honestly, it is *incredibly* tacky to show your porn photos, under any circumstances. It comes across as corny, pretentious, and makes you look like a big douche lacking in any sophistication or social skills. It's basically porn, and it should be private. I suppose that's sort of prudish to say on here, but I know that as simply an observer that's how it comes across to me. Why not just talk about your experience later, once you've established that the women wants to chat with you? Why rush things? That's another reason it appears tacky and douchebag-y.

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ORIGINAL: porcelaine

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ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight

!!! ExACTly. This is the part of it that's just off.... my theory is that 90% of these guys on here are douchebags ant not even real. Those pics are randomly stolen from websites. They're advertising the sub because whatever website they downloaded them from was advertising the sub.

Maybe we should add another litmus test/Acid Test sign: naked/suggestive/kinky pictures showing *only* the female sub means that the so-called Dom is really a fake. I can't really see another explanation for it.

And that's why some people ask for customized photographs to make certain you didn't nab your profile images off another website. When I see heads missing in images I wonder why. Especially if the submissive face is being shown. Sometimes it isn't that the image is false, but what his facial features might reveal that he doesn't wish to display. Yet.

Don't forget they could be staged as well. You can hire a model and get some dandy shots and you're instantly qualified with little out of pocket expense.

~porcelaine

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do

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ORIGINAL: RedStapler

I see a few themes running through this thread.  To summarize:

1. These "Doms" are using tactics that only make sense to other men.  Women find them repulsive.
2. These "Doms" may be responding to the desire of many subs for "experience".  Instead, women see a profound lack of social experience.
3. These "Doms" are douchebags, unethical and narcissistic.


MEN, not just Doms, by and large have absolutely no comprehension of how women think.  Even when explained to us, most men simply cannot do the mental gymnastics to see things from a woman's perspective.  We are wired totally differently, and have completely different ways of communicating. 

A thoughtful man knows this, and realizes that he must do what he can to avoid pissing off or scaring off any woman that he meets.  And with a little common sense, and a lot of trial and error, he eventually figures out what will piss or scare them off and avoids doing those things.  He knows that when women speak, there are subtleties behind the words and beneath the surface, even if the has no idea what those subtleties are.  In other words, women may still be mysterious, but at least we can find a way to peaceably coexist, and work to bridge the gap.  And he considers the ethical ramifications of any actions that he takes.

But many men are not thoughtful men.  Many are douchebags, and they think that being a "Dom" will give them carte blanche to be unapologetic card-carrying douchebags.  By nature, douchebags are narcissistic and unethical.  They think that "submissive" women will be more receptive to their douchebag ways, not realizing that they are WOMEN first and submissives second.  Not being thoughtful men, the douchebags don't realize that women think and communicate differently.  So they try to show off their "dominance" just as they might show off their car, their house, their bling or whatever other status symbol they may have.  When they see or hear "I want an experienced Dom," they take it to mean "I want someone who has tied many wrists, chained many ankles, squeezed many tits, and spanked or flogged lots of asses" and are only too happy to provide proof without even thinking about the ethical considerations.   They have no concept of subtlety.

And what about the small minority of men who really do have a deep understanding of how women think?  Unfortunately, most are manipulative sociopaths.  Run as fast as you can from them!

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And what about the small minority of men who really do have a deep understanding of how women think?  Unfortunately, most are manipulative sociopaths.  Run as fast as you can from them!

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Years ago I heard a speaker utter the following words:

"The game has existed before the beginning of time. You can't change the game. Your choice is to play it or get out."

You will never change a man. It doesn't matter if he's kink or not. He is. Your choice is which version you're going to deal with. And that's the real skinny. Dominant isn't better. It's merely a different shade of him.

~porcelaine

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ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight

Play or get out? I choose: get out. I did a long time ago.

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I wonder Porcelaine, what exactly do you mean by this last statement? Dominants are different from most men, only slightly? It sounds like no matter what we do, men are just pretty shitty people.......

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ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight
It sounds like no matter what we do, men are just pretty shitty people.......

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ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub


Maybe because men, at least the ones I know, don't run around taking a bunch of pictures of each other so the only decent ones of themselves that they have are with other people.

Yeah, but there's a whole bunch of guys that have series of photos of women...and he's not even in them.

For the record I've never understood why you have a picture of someone else, when you're trying to sell yourself. I also don't understand the dick shots, the pictures of all the toys, pictures of cars (bikes, houses, boats), drawing/pictures stolen from feitish websites and pictures depicting somesort of romantic poetry.

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ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight
It sounds like no matter what we do, men are just pretty shitty people.......

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Maybe it sounds like that because your perspective is too narrow. I'm sure there are lots of men who think that woman are all crazy bitches. Who's right? Better yet, how does holding the idea "men are just pretty shitty people" affect your life? What is life like when, at minimum, half the people on the planet are "shitty people?" What might be a better idea?

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ORIGINAL: porcelaine

Betterment is a choice and she's already chosen to live in deference to him. Why bother changing what the other person will gladly accept in the name of submission? Dominance affords certain privileges. He needn't be fair nor right. On top of this he benefits from the constant wrangling among submissives/slaves and the intentional belittlement that is directed toward those that question, complain, or abdicate their role. The continual mind fucking from both sides is damnable. Somehow submission turned into taking whatever is thrown at me in a spirit of grace because I belong to him. And we debate that as well.

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The game exists and thrives because of our ignorance. Knowledge is power. You needn't quit. Just choose the one worth owning you. Not the other way around.

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ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight

Yes, there most certainly is the room for abuse of power in this dynamic...that's part of what gives the subs their power, because we get to be ultra picky in what we let in and allow power over us. Hence the constant attacks directed towards us on this website.

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I swear you should be the Log Lady here Cryptic and wise words as usual- what exactly did you mean by "the one worth owning you?" You mean the one who is the best fit for who *we* are, rather than choosing the one we'd want to fit oursevles to? Or did you mean, know your worth?

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ORIGINAL: porcelaine

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ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight

Yes, there most certainly is the room for abuse of power in this dynamic...that's part of what gives the subs their power, because we get to be ultra picky in what we let in and allow power over us. Hence the constant attacks directed towards us on this website.

Most submissives are not as picky as you might imagine. They buy the car before taking it out for a test drive.

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I swear you should be the Log Lady here Cryptic and wise words as usual- what exactly did you mean by "the one worth owning you?" You mean the one who is the best fit for who *we* are, rather than choosing the one we'd want to fit oursevles to? Or did you mean, know your worth?

I'll never lay it out completely.

You've already grasped what I'm saying in your last comment. "We give up and take ourselves out of the whole game. It's rigged from the getgo."

Of course it is! Now, how do you circumvent that to get your piece of the pie?

~porcelaine

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ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight

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ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight
It sounds like no matter what we do, men are just pretty shitty people.......

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Maybe it sounds like that because your perspective is too narrow. I'm sure there are lots of men who think that woman are all crazy bitches. Who's right? Better yet, how does holding the idea "men are just pretty shitty people" affect your life? What is life like when, at minimum, half the people on the planet are "shitty people?" What might be a better idea?

How does shitty equate with crazy? Crazy does no harm.
As for how men being shitty people affect my life, well How would it affect your life if you thought that women were pretty shitty people overall?  How do you think it affects us? In ways that all sorts of women respond.
We give up and take ourselves out of the whole game. It's rigged from the getgo.

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ORIGINAL: realwhiteknight

It'd be soooo awesome to be a man. Is that anti-feminist to say? I don't care. I hate being a woman. Luckily, I've stopped dating and went celibate.

It sounds like no matter what we do, men are just pretty shitty people.......

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A thoughtful man knows this, and realizes that he must do what he can to avoid pissing off or scaring off any woman that he meets.

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I also don't understand the dick shots, the pictures of all the toys, pictures of cars (bikes, houses, boats), drawing/pictures stolen from feitish websites and pictures depicting somesort of romantic poetry.