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RE: Why do Doms...???? - 7/31/2010 7:49:11 PM

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Since we are discussing pictures people send I would like to throw this one out there and see what the groups response on it is. Just this week at this site I had a new person to the site for 3 days send me his picture, It was a side pose and you really couldn't see much of what he looked like but you could clearly see the faces of the children in the picture. He states it was a picture of him at work. I told him even though I am in the lifestyle if the children in the picture were mine I would be very upset about him sending their picture on the net at a BDSM site. Just my two cents but I would welcome others comments. I just browsed the posting and didn't read all the replies, sorry if this topic was covered by anyone else.

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RE: Why do Doms...???? - 7/31/2010 8:57:52 PM

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quote:

about knowing what you want?

This is the part in question.

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RE: Why do Doms...???? - 7/31/2010 9:29:52 PM

sweetgirlserves

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: texangael

quote:

The one that settles instead of going after what they really want.

People know what they really want?

Quaint thought. Wrong, of course, but quaint. A delightful fantasy to be sure.

And this folks, is why, back when I was looking I insisted on a man who had been through therapy. So he had done the hardest work you can ever do, to find out what you need and what you can't handle in order to be happy with yourself and others.

You say that like there is a static answer to that question. I would think that for most people, what you need and what you can't handle, etc, is probably something that changes as one grows and evolves.

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RE: Why do Doms...???? - 8/1/2010 10:32:19 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

quote:

about knowing what you want?

This is the part in question.

Are you suggesting that knowledge is absent for all or merely in relation to the OP? Just trying to follow your line of thought on this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetgirlserves

You say that like there is a static answer to that question. I would think that for most people, what you need and what you can't handle, etc, is probably something that changes as one grows and evolves.

It's a little hard to determine the change if you never took time to find the answer. We're basically talking about a philosophy that's proactively oriented rather than reactive instead.

~porcelaine

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RE: Why do Doms...???? - 8/1/2010 11:21:03 AM

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Most people have very little idea about what they really want. It's why they have such a hard time finding it. Instead, they react to the moment, thinking they're steering their course, but truly just riding the whims of circumstance.

Years ago, a study on Yale graduates found that only 3% of them had clear goals (to the point of written, specific goals). In a follow up years later, that 3% reported being more successful, happier, more fulfilled, and with realized goals.

Focus is difficult, because it takes rigorous self-honesty. Naturally we all advocate for ourselves, but we also do it to ourselves, spinning data in our favor. That's fine for feeling better in the moment, but it's also justification that prevents real growth and purposeful change.

I understand that you disagree--after all the point was raised to disagree with the previous point, so obviously. It's OK. But I can't agree.

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RE: Why do Doms...???? - 8/1/2010 11:35:36 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

Most people have very little idea about what they really want. It's why they have such a hard time finding it. Instead, they react to the moment, thinking they're steering their course, but truly just riding the whims of circumstance.

Years ago, a study on Yale graduates found that only 3% of them had clear goals (to the point of written, specific goals). In a follow up years later, that 3% reported being more successful, happier, more fulfilled, and with realized goals.

Focus is difficult, because it takes rigorous self-honesty. Naturally we all advocate for ourselves, but we also do it to ourselves, spinning data in our favor. That's fine for feeling better in the moment, but it's also justification that prevents real growth and purposeful change.

I understand that you disagree--after all the point was raised to disagree with the previous point, so obviously. It's OK. But I can't agree.

Thank you for the explanation. I can only speak for myself and the methods I employ to bring my desires into fruition. I believe it takes a great degree of self control, discipline, and denial on some level. Particularly when you encounter situations and/or persons that fall outside of the ideas outlined. In the end people are apt to respond to whatever resonates loudest internally. For some the necessity to have a partner is far greater than having a person that falls within the parameters they've designated. I have no interest in the former but I understand that isn't true for everyone.

~porcelaine

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RE: Why do Doms...???? - 8/1/2010 12:07:54 PM

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What you're missing, porcelaine, is that we aren't talking about the same thing.

You're working from an assumption I can't share, one so ingrained you aren't seeing it.

IF your assumption were true, that would be one thing. But it's not your cause/effect that's at issue, just its applicability.

With perfect self-knowledge, there would be no hangups. Psychiatry could sunset (psychology would remain). But alas.

< Message edited by Musicmystery -- 8/1/2010 12:12:32 PM >

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RE: Why do Doms...???? - 8/1/2010 12:19:26 PM

ranja

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i blame Madonna with her 'don't go for second best'... she has a lot to answer for, and as irony has it she still has not found her ideal man either...

sooner or later (if it was not apparent from the start) you will find out that your partner is actually second (or even third or fourth) best... as the perfect mate does simply not exist... there would be no challenge; it would be too boring.

i think nowadays men are much more realistic about this than females are

i have no problem with other females in pictures, i like looking at them
i do wonder sometimes if they have given permission for these pictures to be shown, that makes it a bit tricky though.

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RE: Why do Doms...???? - 8/1/2010 12:39:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

IF your assumption were true, that would be one thing. But it's not your cause/effect that's at issue, just its applicability.

With perfect self-knowledge, there would be no hangups. Psychiatry could sunset (psychology would remain). But alas.

I never suggested there was perfect self knowledge, but rather awareness of who I am and what I seek. You don't need to agree at all. What matters most is that I get it and the individual I'm dealing with understands my perspective. Anything outside of that is moot. Your disagreement doesn't invalidate my truth. It's merely an opinion.

~porcelaine

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RE: Why do Doms...???? - 8/1/2010 3:03:19 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedStapler
1. These "Doms" are using tactics that only make sense to other men. Women find them repulsive.

I realize I'm a bit late to this thread, but this is going to continue to amaze me my entire life. Women are constantly adopting methods of attracting men that men find attractive, so why don't men ever adopt methods of attracting women that women find attractive? Whatever happened to seduction? Whatever happened to wooing? I'm no traditionalist, but those concepts seem to have been completely lost in the "here is my dick - wanna suck it?" era.

The girls in photos thing makes me block profiles. I mean, if the picture is particularly beautiful or hot maybe I'll save it for my personal collection, but I'm sure not pursuing that guy. And if anyone ever takes a picture of me while we're in a relationship and then posts it on CM later, I'm going to ask him to please remove it or I'm sending an email to his mother.

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RE: Why do Doms...???? - 8/1/2010 3:12:43 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

but those concepts seem to have been completely lost in the "here is my dick - wanna suck it?" era.

That diminishes the privilege that the opportunity presents. Surely she wants to. I mean, how could she not?

~porcelaine

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RE: Why do Doms...???? - 8/1/2010 3:22:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedStapler
1. These "Doms" are using tactics that only make sense to other men. Women find them repulsive.

I realize I'm a bit late to this thread, but this is going to continue to amaze me my entire life. Women are constantly adopting methods of attracting men that men find attractive, so why don't men ever adopt methods of attracting women that women find attractive? Whatever happened to seduction? Whatever happened to wooing? I'm no traditionalist, but those concepts seem to have been completely lost in the "here is my dick - wanna suck it?" era.

Ha! I pretty much say this on a daily basis given the bluntness of the types of conversations I hear. I will NEVER understand how men, on kink and vanilla sites, think this is the way to go.

I realize that some women like that upfront, suck my dick now attitude, but many of us, actually remember when guys took the time to get to know a woman and the anticipation that the slow flirting and seduction generated made it that much more delicious when you finally got there.

It is funny, my dad who is in his 70's and knows of my dating issues always says,
"what is wrong with men today? don't they realize that you women want sex just as much as they do? if they waited, just a bit, they might get farther than asking about it right after, hello, my name is...."

He is right. And this goes right into the photos in profiles, dick shots, etc. discussion.

I miss finesse. And yes, you can still have finesse and be on a site like this. One is not mutually exclusive of the other.

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RE: Why do Doms...???? - 8/1/2010 4:03:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB
but those concepts seem to have been completely lost in the "here is my dick - wanna suck it?" era.

That diminishes the privilege that the opportunity presents. Surely she wants to. I mean, how could she not?

Excellent point. Those dicks are awfully special...

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
"what is wrong with men today? don't they realize that you women want sex just as much as they do? if they waited, just a bit, they might get farther than asking about it right after, hello, my name is...."

Seriously. There is nothing sexier than a man who realizes this. You would think that knowledge would have spread by now.

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RE: Why do Doms...???? - 8/1/2010 5:29:57 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I realize that some women like that upfront, suck my dick now attitude, but many of us, actually remember when guys took the time to get to know a woman and the anticipation that the slow flirting and seduction generated made it that much more delicious when you finally got there.

Lumping people into the same barrel always leads to problems. I really don't want to hear about his penis and there's nothing that makes me say next quicker than this. If I wanted a toy I'd pursue that angle.

quote:

It is funny, my dad who is in his 70's and knows of my dating issues always says,
"what is wrong with men today? don't they realize that you women want sex just as much as they do? if they waited, just a bit, they might get farther than asking about it right after, hello, my name is...."

I don't think it's an issue of delayed gratification, but truthfully his belief that he doesn't have to wait or the person doesn't compel him to alter his tactics.

quote:

I miss finesse. And yes, you can still have finesse and be on a site like this. One is not mutually exclusive of the other.

I concur. Polish is far from the norm.

~porcelaine

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RE: Why do Doms...???? - 8/1/2010 8:18:23 PM

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quote:

Your disagreement doesn't invalidate my truth. It's merely an opinion.

Something we all should be aware of when bringing up "issues" with another persons ideas.

< Message edited by Icarys -- 8/1/2010 8:19:09 PM >

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RE: Why do Doms...???? - 8/1/2010 8:26:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

Your disagreement doesn't invalidate my truth. It's merely an opinion.

Something we all should be aware of when bringing up "issues" with another persons ideas.

Everyone shares opinions in this space. Some need their ideas validated by others. And the rest could give a crap either way.

~porcelaine

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RE: Why do Doms...???? - 8/1/2010 9:10:13 PM

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Pretty much no one gives a crap either way. Why should they?

People are convinced they hold truth and all others simply opinions. It's why the discussions rarely go anywhere beyond posturing.

Why the obvious point is repeated so often is a puzzle. Perhaps they simply need to convince themselves they really don't care.

I don't know. A puzzle.

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RE: Why do Doms...???? - 8/1/2010 9:28:26 PM

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[wrong thread

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 8/1/2010 9:32:19 PM >

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RE: Why do Doms...???? - 8/1/2010 10:16:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

People are convinced they hold truth and all others simply opinions. It's why the discussions rarely go anywhere beyond posturing.

Why the obvious point is repeated so often is a puzzle. Perhaps they simply need to convince themselves they really don't care.

I don't know. A puzzle.

I think most people are aware that outside opinions have little impact unless they're open to what's being stated.

A lot of obvious things are repeated on here. Sometimes it isn't the words but how they're stated that's telling. I leave people to their puzzles and trust they have the keys to unlocking them.

~porcelaine

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RE: Why do Doms...???? - 8/1/2010 10:30:07 PM

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most likey do to that subs seem to like Dom who know what there doing so.. here what I dune!!

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