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RE: When being smart can be a curse. - 8/7/2010 4:49:22 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: reynardfox

I love smart women. Pity they scare stupid people.

Smart women are wonderful..especially when they're sweet natured..When they're ill tempered and nasty inside..Well that isn't good for anyone much less themselves.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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(in reply to reynardfox)

RE: When being smart can be a curse. - 8/7/2010 5:09:36 PM

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My old Master told me i thought too much. He told me to stop thinking, stop overanalyzing. He told me my job was to obey without questioning. But sometimes it was necessary to question in order to obey; for example, when His directions were unclear, it was necessary to ask for clarification. i was not trying to challenge or criticise Him, although He sometimes took it that way. i just didn't want to make a mistake and displease Him. Looking back, i think He would have preferred me to make the mistake rather than to imply that there was anything wrong with the directions.

i think that being a smart sub is only a curse when the Dom is insecure. Having said that, i am only attracted to intelligent people, and i prefer for my Dom to be more intelligent than me. It's just sexier that way.

P.S.- Sorry, i know i'm not a "Master"
pam

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 8/7/2010 5:17:14 PM >

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: When being smart can be a curse. - 8/7/2010 5:17:01 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

My old Master told me i thought too much. He told me to stop thinking, stop overanalyzing. He told me my job was to obey without questioning. But sometimes it was necessary to question in order to obey; for example, when His directions were unclear, it was necessary to ask for clarification. i was not trying to challenge or criticise Him, although He sometimes took it that way. i just didn't want to make a mistake and displease Him. Looking back, i think He would have preferred me to make the mistake rather than to imply that there was anything wrong with the directions.

i think that being a smart sub is only a curse when the Dom is insecure. Having said that, i am only attracted to intelligent people, and i prefer for my Dom to be more intelligent than me. It's just sexier that way.

pam

You of course are correct about the possibility of the Dom being insecure but it's also just as likely that a person can overthink things to the detriment of the relationship.

Your also correct when you say you have to think when a command is given..Not a single person alive doesn't have to do that with every thing they intend to do..When I asked Bita earlier about just putting thought away so to speak and doing..

What I meant was being able to suspend the over analysis for a brief moment to get something done or maybe getting to a point of trust where the thoughts are less consciously realized. The point at which submission becomes natural and automatic ,seemingly anyway.

Please don't apologize..It was an open question to anyone who wanted to debate about "it". I appreciate your input.

< Message edited by Icarys -- 8/7/2010 5:19:01 PM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
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(in reply to gungadin09)

RE: When being smart can be a curse. - 8/7/2010 5:19:16 PM

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My tendency to overanalyze things comes from a lack of trust. Most definitely.

pam

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: When being smart can be a curse. - 8/7/2010 5:24:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

My tendency to overanalyze things comes from a lack of trust. Most definitely.

pam

I'd say we're in the same boat at least part of the way..the other half of the over thinking is just natural everyday stuff.

I drive my friends crazy..going from one thought to the next trying to work things out

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to gungadin09)

RE: When being smart can be a curse. - 8/7/2010 5:26:17 PM

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I don't over think. I reason with precisely the amount of energy it takes to come to a conclusion. When I was younger many people thought this was being uppity. It took me a while to find peace with the way my mind works. Over time I learned to balance what I learn with how I express myself. I no longer hang around with people who are intimidated by intelligence... lol or if it does make them nervous I seem to find the ones who are afraid to express that fear by trying humiliation tactics to get me to change my ways.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 8/7/2010 5:27:26 PM >

(in reply to gungadin09)

RE: When being smart can be a curse. - 8/7/2010 5:30:16 PM

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i think it depends on the situation. At work, the fact that i'm so detail oriented and overthink everything is mostly an asset. It allows me to avoid making costly mistakes. But i can see how in a relationship, it could be a problem, if it means that i'm taking control away from the other person, or not trusting them enough.

pam

(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: When being smart can be a curse. - 8/7/2010 5:33:27 PM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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For one, I am not a slave, so I do not know if my voice is at all desired here... but I have been labelled as "smart" more than once, and especially in my relationships with dominant men.

In my experience they tended to think it had more of an upside for them, as that is what they reported.

The downside for me, if someone does not stimulate my mind OFTEN I get bored. I can keep myself fairly entertained most of the time, and I have much intellectual diversion in my life.

Another potential downside, I question a lot. It was not welcomed in my first dynamic, but in my second dynamic my questioning was not looked down on him. He didn't feel challenged by that and knew from whence my questions came, which was from an innate desire to "know" stuff. It was not challenging his dominance.

Third possible downside, if I believe I am right about something, I won't stop believing I am just because a dominant says he is. He can trump me and say he has the final say, etc, but if he is wrong and I am right and it happens often that this is the case, I will begin to think he isn't suitable to me...this is not so much an issue, i like compatible intelligent men that do not feel threatened by my opinion...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: When being smart can be a curse. - 8/7/2010 5:45:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

For one, I am not a slave, so I do not know if my voice is at all desired here... but I have been labelled as "smart" more than once, and especially in my relationships with dominant men.

In my experience they tended to think it had more of an upside for them, as that is what they reported.

The downside for me, if someone does not stimulate my mind OFTEN I get bored. I can keep myself fairly entertained most of the time, and I have much intellectual diversion in my life.

Another potential downside, I question a lot. It was not welcomed in my first dynamic, but in my second dynamic my questioning was not looked down on him. He didn't feel challenged by that and knew from whence my questions came, which was from an innate desire to "know" stuff. It was not challenging his dominance.

Third possible downside, if I believe I am right about something, I won't stop believing I am just because a dominant says he is. He can trump me and say he has the final say, etc, but if he is wrong and I am right and it happens often that this is the case, I will begin to think he isn't suitable to me...this is not so much an issue, i like compatible intelligent men that do not feel threatened by my opinion...

Out of all of the relationships I've been in, I've enjoyed the ones most that were with highly intelligent women..Truth be told I wondered why at least two of them on occasion were attracted to me..They were obviously more intelligent than I was on several fronts lol.

For me the potential positives far outweigh the negatives but it was something I began thinking about when i read someones journal about this very thing we're talking about.

Humans are very complex as you know and some more so than others..It isn't as black and white to pass off someone making a claim that "you over think things" as him or her being insecure although it is a possibility..I mean a person could simply have misread a situation..It does happen..I've been told I over analyze things and I know this to be true about myself..I don't believe I've ever taken offense to it.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: When being smart can be a curse. - 8/7/2010 5:53:24 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Wonderfully written. I'd like to highlight one of these lines because it hits on one of the things I was pondering.

This would be the second guessing of sorts I was referring to. If you've submitted to him and have come to the point of trust do you not ever lay down your thoughts and just do without working out if his reasoning is good..or have you not worked out that as a whole to the man beforehand?

Sure I do. That sort of comes with the job. :) That said, I do so when he tells me too but I can't turn off my brain. It's going to ponder, think things through etc. and the thing that I am more sure of than anything else in this world is that he's simply human. He is going to make mistakes, errors in judgement etc. He will get it wrong sometimes and if I can provide a different perspective so we can avoid mistakes that may have a large price tag attached to them, then I will do so.. just the same way he does for me. When push comes to shove, the way it works for us is that he makes a decision.. I may point out facts or information which he doesn't have which may cause him to alter a course or keeping on plowing through and when he decides to keep on plowing through, then I pick up the hoe and help with it.

There are times that he makes decisions which go against my *better* judgement and while they are few and far between, it happens. Sometimes we ride those mistakes out together.. sometimes I just have to suck it up and keep my mouth shut and sometimes (gasp) I am actually wrong myself. He's human, I'm human and it really isn't all peaches and cream but I do have permission to speak my piece on pretty much any given subject then I'm to let it go and see what happens. Keeps life interesting but in the end, I do let it go. I am his to command and I take that seriously and I accept him flaws and all as he accepts me.. flaws and all. :D

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: When being smart can be a curse. - 8/7/2010 6:09:14 PM

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You have flaws? Get out! Would you mind telling us what that one flaw is?

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to BitaTruble)

RE: When being smart can be a curse. - 8/7/2010 7:56:05 PM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

There are times that he makes decisions which go against my *better* judgement and while they are few and far between, it happens. Sometimes we ride those mistakes out together.. sometimes I just have to suck it up and keep my mouth shut and sometimes (gasp) I am actually wrong myself. He's human, I'm human and it really isn't all peaches and cream but I do have permission to speak my piece on pretty much any given subject then I'm to let it go and see what happens. Keeps life interesting but in the end, I do let it go. I am his to command and I take that seriously and I accept him flaws and all as he accepts me.. flaws and all. :D

Ha ha, I love this celeste... it reflects my own thoughts when I am right and he was wrong... there is no "domly" way to admit that your S-type had better judgment. I always loved it when he had enough belief in himself that he could admit when I was right. It actually impressed me when he could.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to BitaTruble)

RE: When being smart can be a curse. - 8/7/2010 8:28:22 PM

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From: Kalamazoo, MI
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In my relationship I am the Alpha. My Master and I sometimes compare ourselves to the King and his counselor. He trusts my discretion on when to give advice and when to stay silent. He expects me to be ready to make wise decisions on a moment's notice, and has told me to never hide my intelligence. It works out very well for us

I have been in relationships where the man has felt uncomfortable with my intelligence. It taught me that it takes a man who is truly comfortable with himself to fully embrace a woman of intelligence. (And believe me, being intelligent is not synonymous with never make stupid mistakes!)

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(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: When being smart can be a curse. - 8/7/2010 8:50:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

In my relationship I am the Alpha. My Master and I sometimes compare ourselves to the King and his counselor. He trusts my discretion on when to give advice and when to stay silent. He expects me to be ready to make wise decisions on a moment's notice, and has told me to never hide my intelligence. It works out very well for us

I have been in relationships where the man has felt uncomfortable with my intelligence. It taught me that it takes a man who is truly comfortable with himself to fully embrace a woman of intelligence. (And believe me, being intelligent is not synonymous with never make stupid mistakes!)

I'll agree
I've known more than a few really intelligent people that have done some really stupid crap, much like all of us have.

I've also known some that could rattle your brain in wiz kid style when it came to books and a number of other things but didn't have the sense of a gnat when it came to the simplest of things.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to chamberqueen)

RE: When being smart can be a curse. - 8/7/2010 10:49:27 PM

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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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Big brains, big boobs and big butts are very attractive . I don't see a down side to any of those. Undisciplined intellect, unappealing chaos.

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-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: When being smart can be a curse. - 8/8/2010 7:10:53 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

You have flaws? Get out! Would you mind telling us what that one flaw is?

If I tell you it will spoil the mystery of the discovery! I'm sure that Himself could list plenty of my flaws but no doubt it would take him far into next month to do so and we're leaving for the States on Saturday.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: When being smart can be a curse. - 8/8/2010 7:55:09 AM

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I think being smart most definitely can be a curse. I find it difficult to meet men who are into intelligent women. Oh, they SAY they want that, but most men I speak to are truly insecure and find it threatening to deal with a strong, smart woman.

One interesting facet to all this, is that many men less intelligent approach me and I have even been in relationships with some of them. They tend to be awed out of the gate but then get very angry when that intelligence is ever expressed at a time they do not want to hear it or it is expressed as a communication that they don't want to engage in. At first they like it, because it gives them a reason to try and conquer a woman they perceive as being smarter than them. But then that usually changes during the course of the relationship.

My ex used to say why do you have to use so many big words, are you trying to make me feel stupid? Of course I wasn't, it is just how I speak. His insecurity turned into anger and he in particular used the dominant stance to express his anger at our disparate intelligence levels. When he would top me, he would always say, ha, you are so smart, now look at you doing xxxxx....Instead of trying to be open and learning from me he would get very upset if I said, oh do you know that book or film or philosophy. He would say why are you asking, do you think I am a moron???

If I don't know something, I will try and find out about it and if someone I am with knows something I don't I am open to learning about it. I don't get angry.

I am actually shocked by how many men are scared by smart women; I have seen it over and over again with me and my circle of friends where the men turned on the women they claimed to respect for their brains. In the end, they seemed to want something less challenging.

And to take ownership of the above, I also made the wrong choices with some of these men; and that will never happen again. If someone does not love my mind along with the rest of me, it is not going to happen.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

RE: When being smart can be a curse. - 8/8/2010 8:05:06 AM

ranja

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~FR~
i just wish everybody was smart enough to count their blessings... to be happy i do not think you need much more intelligence than that, but it seems most people are not even clever enough to get that.

< Message edited by ranja -- 8/8/2010 8:06:55 AM >

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: When being smart can be a curse. - 8/8/2010 9:01:58 AM

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

~FR~
i just wish everybody was smart enough to count their blessings... to be happy i do not think you need much more intelligence than that, but it seems most people are not even clever enough to get that.

Do you believe that being intelligent means you have an incapacity to experience gratitude? I assure you that just isn't the case. I am grateful every day for the positives in my life.

Or perhaps you are like my mother, who thinks that people who are honest about their positive attributes are being arrogant and should show some humility...

Here is the thing, some people have big brains, some have beautiful faces, some have great bodies, others can sing like birds... we all have our special gifts, acknowledging that isn't a slam on those who do not possess those gifts.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to ranja)

RE: When being smart can be a curse. - 8/8/2010 9:03:40 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

Could it also not be a liability as a slave sees it as well? Does it always have to be a threat thing placed on a dominants side?

I'll tell you all what sparked the idea for the post after everything is said and done.

The liability aspect would typically be communicated to the submissive by a dominant party. Most people don't go around thinking being smart is a bad thing unless they've experienced something to corroborate that thought.

However, it's up to the individual to embrace that mentality. I'd be apt to refute it myself.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to Icarys)

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