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ORIGINAL: Icarys

Even if it's not a dynamic..I'm far less likely to want to hear your crap if you are flapping those jaws.

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ORIGINAL: porcelaine

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

Who's to say that you can't be intelligent and very passive which in turn might compliment someone of an aggressive nature.

No one said that and I've always recognized both aspects of strength and expressed this on many occasions.

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To add: I'm a very aggressive person..The right personality for me and the one I tend to "relax" more and at a faster rate around is someone who's passive(A sweet woman melts me a tad...I admit it). If someones in my face telling me how it's going to go..welllll that just isn't going to go over well...Especially since I'm the one in charge. Even if it's not a dynamic..I'm far less likely to want to hear your crap if you are flapping those jaws.

Aggression can play out in many ways. Mine leads to effective execution and financial spoils. I pay little attention to the sort that borders on posturing without something to show for. And that something is tangible not self derived inflation.

Passivity isn't part of my demeanor. If I'm laying back there's a reason. Or the situation simply doesn't require brute force to remedy.

~porcelaine

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ORIGINAL: porcelaine

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

Even if it's not a dynamic..I'm far less likely to want to hear your crap if you are flapping those jaws.

In terms of this, I don't know your lifestyle or the people you rub shoulders with. But I have been around supposed "jaw flappers" that were conveying information I needed that positively impacted my bottom line. It isn't a verbiage I've ever applied towards someone I considered a valuable part of my network or a partner for that matter. I want to hear what both have to say and I appreciate the different perspective. But then again, I'm all about using my assets rather than silencing them.

~porcelaine

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ORIGINAL: Icarys
Who says they shouldn't be connected. It may be just a coincidence that they were present or it may not be.

You meant to say optimum not right, right?

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

I mean "you" as in general. Speaking of though, I would bet your aggression doesn't play out "cool hand luke style" every second of the day, no?

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

Now I'll leave you to deliberate what that is and how that might or might not be a negative thing..For me it works pretty fine.

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ORIGINAL: leadership527

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ORIGINAL: Icarys
Who says they shouldn't be connected. It may be just a coincidence that they were present or it may not be.

You meant to say optimum not right, right?

Well, at least to me, "optimum" equates to "right" but yeah *laughs* I can go with that change. Insofar as the "connected thing", what I'm saying is that I know of no correlation between intelligence and the tendency to over/under think things. Being trained in/understanding decision making is a skill, not a function of intelligence.

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ORIGINAL: poise

Cool story, bro!

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Of course there are different approaches that are largely determined by the situation, the other party, and what I'm after. I'm very results oriented. There's always a method to my madness.

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Being trained in/understanding decision making is a skill, not a function of intelligence.

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

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ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

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When being smart can be a curse

I used to think this. I also used to be 22.

Then it occurred to me that if I was so fucking smart, I could figure out a way to deal with the matter successfully.

So I got creative instead of whining about my fate, and my career and life has been happy climbing ever since.

Nobody is saying anything about that as far as this discussion is concerned. Whether or not people have had encounters with it personally and what they thought on the subject based on experience with it.

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ORIGINAL: gungadin09

In a relationship, my tendency to overthink things can come across as a lack of trust; as if i'm constantly looking over someone's shoulder to check their work. Part of that is just me, my personality. If the Dom is insecure, He may take it as an implied criticism of His leadership. Not to be able to let go of the situation, having to be in control at all times, not to allow myself to make a mistake. i hate making mistakes. i have a deep seated love of precision.

i guess it's really a question of what works for the two people involved. In language acquisition, this need for precision is called, "tolerance for ambiguity", or something. To be so afraid to make a mistake, or not. To be able to go with the flow, to make errors and learn from the process, or to HAVE to get it right and be perfect all times. i confess, i feel like i have to be perfect and "in control" at all times. In certain areas, like my job, this is an asset. In a relationship, i can see how it would be a liability, this not being able to let go.

That's what i think of, when i hear the words "being smart is a curse". Not being "smart", per se. But not being able to let go. That is definitely a curse. Sometimes.

pam

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

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ORIGINAL: ranja

~FR~
i just wish everybody was smart enough to count their blessings...  to be happy i do not think you need much more intelligence than that, but it seems most people are not even clever enough to get that.

Do you believe that being intelligent means you have an incapacity to experience gratitude? No, i don't 
I assure you that just isn't the case. I am grateful every day for the positives in my life. Well, good for you

Or perhaps you are like my mother, who thinks that people who are honest about their positive attributes are being arrogant and should show some humility...
I don't know your mother, but perhaps i am... some people who think they are smart are arrogant and should show some humility... then again there are thick arrogant people too... and sometimes it is really difficult to tell the difference


Here is the thing, some people have big brains, some have beautiful faces, some have great bodies, others can sing like birds... we all have our special gifts, acknowledging that isn't a slam on those who do not possess those gifts.
i am smart, i have a beautiful face and a great body, and in the shower i sing pretty good too... that was 4 blessings i am pretty happy about... and i can count much much more than that
who is slamming who julia?

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

This will be short and sweet..Much like myself.

I'm looking for your views and experiences with or as "intelligent slaves". What are some of the pitfalls you've come across when facing life as a slave.

I enjoy being with and owning smart women for various reasons. They can be good conversationalists, easier at times to reason with and tend to be able to see the roads ahead that we'll both be facing. They usually have skills I can make use of and have in the past stood next to me in business with great success. They also tend to get me when others can't..At least this is true for the ones I've been with.

There are many more upsides than I'm going to list because what I want to discuss is the potential downsides.

Intelligence at times can be a hindrance..How is that possible right..How could anyone even think that...It's simple...sometimes a person can over think a thing..sometimes a person can second guess and or have trouble letting go of control because of this.

In an M/s relationship that can mean trouble.

One of my personal quotes "Use your intelligence for the good of the relationship. Use it and find a way to submit instead of using it to justify a way out of it"

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ORIGINAL: Icarys


As usual Des your reading into what isn't there because I think you have issues with it somehow.. Who said anything about someone being ready to go out a door?

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

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ORIGINAL: Icarys


As usual Des your reading into what isn't there because I think you have issues with it somehow.. Who said anything about someone being ready to go out a door?

I'm not reading anything into your situation because I don't know anything about you except that you've been here for years complaining that you can't get a girl.

I'm talking from my viewpoint because that's the one I know.

You come across not as aggressive, but as defensive. This is how posters who need to respond to everyone who posts on their thread usually come across. If you want to come across differently, then act differently. If you don't, then keep doing what you're doing.

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i think that quote is on the money. it is about using youre intelligence to under think in a way and by that i mean that in submission the voice goes quiet, the thoughts focus on Him, the chatter in my head stops and i lose myself in His power and control - conversational skills, being up to speed with you and all of that stuff is the stuff that builds a relationship from something more than just BDSM at the weekend. sharing and talking and understanding each other on a cerebral level is sexy too.

i have thought myself out of a relationship before now

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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

I can tend to overthink things but three factors have prevented it from being too detrimental to our relationship. First, I don't rely *just* on my intellect. I involve my gut and my heart as well. When those three things are all in sync, then I have the best opportunity to ensure the path I'm on is correct for me. Second, I don't think about ways to get out of submitting.. I think about ways to be more pro-active so I can submit better. Third.. if someone told me that I was overthinking, that would kick my brain into overdrive.. why is that person telling me I think too much? To me, it's a defense mechanism of an insecure dominant. If he reasoning is sound, it can withstand any thoughts I may have on it. If the reasoning is not sound, then my thinking is going to come in handy to get over obstacles. It's not just his job to maintain this relationship.. it's mine as well and if my intellect helps in that regard (and it does) then it's a good thing.