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ORIGINAL: Icarys
If you've submitted to him and have come to the point of trust do you not ever lay down your thoughts and just do without working out if his reasoning is good..or have you not worked out that as a whole to the man beforehand?

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ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

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ORIGINAL: Icarys
If you've submitted to him and have come to the point of trust do you not ever lay down your thoughts and just do without working out if his reasoning is good..or have you not worked out that as a whole to the man beforehand?

I would kick my boy's butt if he failed to use his logic and deductive reasoning to warn me if I make a misstep, because he was being intellectually lazy and assuming that being the dominant in our relationship also gives me uber-expertise in every known craft and technical field as well as super-senses and total infallibility.  It doesn't, and that is a remarkably stupid assumption.  If he has relevant experience or just sharper eyes that day, I need to know what he spotted that I might have missed. I own his brain as well as his body, and he is expected to use it in my service to make my life better, not to be lazy and fail to use it. 

There are areas of situational deference when he knows we are in my field of expertise, and that is when he will obey without thinking or questioning.  But everywhere else, he has a good brain and I expect him to be using it, and constantly alert for ways we can do things better.

In the end it still comes down to what I decide, but it is very much up to him to stay alert, gather all possible information and present his informed opinion so that I can make the best possible decision.  That's an important part of a smart slave's service to me.   

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ORIGINAL: leadership527

Yeah, pretty much what LnT said.

Honestly, Carol is not the kind of smart that does well on IQ tests. I personally see her as quite intelligent but coming out of a different door (damn those art types *laughs*). But here in our relationship, my relative IQ and hers are not what determine the amount of "second guessing" going on. Much as LnT said, there's a lot of factors that go into that... largely involved timing, the current emotional landscape, specific knowledge areas, etc. Carol's a bright woman and she's known me for a long time. She knows where I'm likely to be right and likely to have made mistakes or need help. If she thinks that I am wrong and I don't agree, that is easily solved.

There are LOTS of places where both Carol and I don't bother to think things through. I'd like to believe that judgement and past experience is what drives that rather than blind obedience.

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ORIGINAL: laurell3

Seven pages later...are you going to tell us the factual context of the question as you had said previously?

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ORIGINAL: laurell3

Yeah I probably did. I'll look again. I have been busy and my posting/reading time on CM is limited....sorry Icarys!

btw: cock size is always relevant! If someone says differently, they're only being nice.

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ORIGINAL: interlocutor


You are confused, intelligence does not cause one to over think, obsession does. Intelligence does not cause one to second guess, self doubt does. Intelligence does not cause one to fear letting go, insecurity does.

An intelligent person may be obsessive, insecure, and full of self doubt, but they do not do these things BECAUSE they are intelligent.

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ORIGINAL: Icarys
I like to figure out things for myself..I also like making my own mistakes. I don't see anything wrong with that.

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That kinda stuff works for some people no matter how many people have trouble understanding it.

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ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

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ORIGINAL: Icarys
I like to figure out things for myself..I also like making my own mistakes. I don't see anything wrong with that.

That's fine if it's your choice, but if I have a submissive who is skilled in building things, and I am at the hardware store preparing to buy the materials I need for a project, I am going to use his expertise and require him to tell me whether I have made a cost effective and performance effective choice of materials.  I could decide to attach my ego to being right and tell him to shut up, I'll make my own mistakes, but a) I'm not going to learn how to do it any better if I am too arrogant to accept instruction and b) it's going to cost me more money and could end poorly. 

It's about using the resources I have available to me, much like a skilled boss with her employees.  A good manager may not have the expertise herself to do the coding for a particular software project, but if she is smart and a good manager, she will tap the resources available and use the expertise of her underlings to get the job done.  Also, she will listen very carefully to what the coders who work for her say is feasible and cost effective before making management and marketing decisions.  That's the difference between a good manager and a lousy one who will waste money and resources. 

I am not delusional or egotistical enough to believe that my being the dominant in my poly family gives me more expertise than my submissive partners in every conceivable field of knowledge or ability.  They have their own fields of expertise, and not using them for what they do best strikes me as wasteful and silly. 

I don't like making mistakes.  Measure twice, cut once, use all the resources you have to make sure it comes out right.  That's pretty much my take on things.  Your mileage may vary, if independence and doing it your way is more important to you.  To me, results are more important, so personally I'd take instruction from a singing pig or a flying monkey if I thought the critter seriously knew what he was doing.  Gender and sexual/Ds orientation is not relevant to me when it comes to processing useful information.  If I happen to own a smart submissive with expertise, I will happily use it and learn from it.

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That kinda stuff works for some people no matter how many people have trouble understanding it.

Your mileage may vary.  Tis no big deal, just different styles of dominance and ownership. I see my role as head of household to manage our resources wisely, including our information and skill resources.  D/s tends to take a back seat to practical considerations, so if I think one of my collared submissives is better qualified to be responsible for something that needs doing, then the smartest thing I can do is to delegate that job to him and leave him in charge of it completely.  I make the decision as to what the end result needs to be, and it's entirely on him to decide on the specifics of how it gets done.  There may be very little useful input I can provide as a non-expert, except to give the "bigger picture" order of what must be accomplished and by what deadline. 

I wouldn't be with either of my partners if I did not seriously respect their intelligence and competence.  I also trust them to work hard to please me and to make choices that are best for the poly family as a whole.  So this system works for us.  It may work differently for you; there really is no one right way to run D/s relationships.

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ORIGINAL: Aynne88

Fast Reply~

My man is definitely not as formally educated as I am, nor is he as intellectual. And.....so what.... He is by far more successful in the terms that we use to define success (financially) and he is brilliant in business as well as dealing with people.

I would never be such an ass to presume that I could outsmart him nor would I find it amusing or cute to try to. Manipulation is a game for insecure people I think, and intellect? Well, define it as you will, much like an IQ score, it has way too many variables to discern an accurate definition. The only curse being smart gets you is thinking you are too smart for your own good. If I were so arrogant that I presumed he was not "smart enough" for me due to the differences in our education or IQ level, I would have missed out on the most fabulous man I have ever met.

Besides, I like that raw power sometimes that only comes with a gritty man that earned it the hard way and no amount of IQ or intellect can amass the thrill of being that guy. Of course, being the girl with "that guy" doesn't suck either, and if he needs me to read him some Rimbaud or Baudelaire, or explain my theories on Machiavelli some dark night, well..I will happily oblige. .

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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

First, I don't rely *just* on my intellect. I involve my gut and my heart as well.

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To me, it's a defense mechanism of an insecure dominant. If he reasoning is sound, it can withstand any thoughts I may have on it.

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ORIGINAL: Aynne88

Fast Reply~


I would never be such an ass to presume that I could outsmart him nor would I find it amusing or cute to try to. Manipulation is a game for insecure people I think,

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ORIGINAL: sexyred1
I used to think the same as you...until I met someone who was able to bring me to that place better than anyone else ever did. And he is not as smart as me. But that is part of the point. Someone can get into your submissive head without having the brilliance you think you need for the rest of the relationship.

At least that is what surprisingly happened with me. Sometimes someone is able to listen enough to understand what buttons to push...even though they might not be as quick thinking as you or be able to discuss literature.

So, I am more concerned these days with EMOTIONAL intelligence....for me that is much more important than a degree or education.

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ORIGINAL: Asub4fun

I don't generally share the above because when I state things like this I then receive tons of emails from Doms who want to prove to me they can break me.

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ORIGINAL: mstrjx

He wouldn't need to 'keep you in line' (so to speak) if you just didn't take it upon yourself to put YOURSELF in the proper headspace rather than someone taking you there.

If you say you can't, then the only reason why that would be is that you wouldn't allow it. If that were the case, then you are creating your own psychological barrier.