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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 8/14/2010 7:07:37 PM   
sirsholly


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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Wow QSM, you didn't get everyone here telling you how right your opinion is, so you take this girl's story and tell it from your perspective on another site?  Soooo not cool.

Cali

I read it as well. Waaay beyond not cool.


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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 8/14/2010 7:11:10 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


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Wait.... If the topic is good it should not be discussed elsewhere?

Really?

Sorry.

As you can see the same responses are being made there, and a few new ones.

Why is this an issue?

Why is the discussion of a good topic a bad thing, you people REALLY need to get over yourselves.

QSM

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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 8/14/2010 7:16:36 PM   
CalifChick


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

Wait.... If the topic is good it should not be discussed elsewhere?



Did you ask her permission to take her tale elsewhere?  Did you ask her permission to rewrite her story, making it instead about the fact that he did not give her aftercare, instead of about what he said to her the next day? 

Did you ask her if you could write this, when she has clearly stated over and over that this was not the case:  The bottom is thinking about leaving thinking that the Top is heartless and that she has no feeling for him thinking she has been betrayed and ignored when she was in need. The Top is feeling that the bottom went out and played to her hearts content and then expected him to pick up all the pieces.



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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 8/14/2010 7:19:47 PM   
juliaoceania


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That was not what she communicated here... it is a bit like that game "telephone", isn't it?

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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 8/14/2010 7:23:11 PM   
Lockit


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One reason I can think of is that it isn't your story to tell. I haven't read it, but depending on how you did it, on how I would view it. It isn't wrong or some pride thing people need to get over if they feel it is out of line to talk of someone else's story or situation any place other than where they told it. She isn't a public figure open to all media sources and you aren't the media.

Maybe the one who needs to get over themselves is you. Think about it. You like to reason things out whether they are reasonable or not. You are trying to prove your points here and had a bit of trouble with that. So you go to email and other sites to discuss (argue) it. One thread is not enough when you can't make your point with success and you need more? Who needs to get over themselves? I mean, really?


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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 8/14/2010 7:27:11 PM   
sirsholly


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At least he kept his misinformed medical advice to a minimum. 

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 8/14/2010 7:28:55 PM >


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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 8/14/2010 7:31:45 PM   
juliaoceania


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quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

Wait.... If the topic is good it should not be discussed elsewhere?

Really?

Sorry.

As you can see the same responses are being made there, and a few new ones.

Why is this an issue?

Why is the discussion of a good topic a bad thing, you people REALLY need to get over yourselves.

QSM


Generally speaking, and this is well meaning advice, it might be better to couch things in hypotheticals to debate something in the future... so as not to misrepresent someone else's story and they cannot even clarify what really happened....



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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 8/14/2010 7:33:19 PM   
Shadow-tiger


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The sad part of this is that the OP has not been back under alias in a couple of days. And I suspect by this point isn't going to be coming back. Yeah, I admit I'm curious how it may have turned out. The point being it's gone well beyond advice, and turned into a full fledged discussion with a bit of bitch fest on the side.

All this fun about the medical conditions, nice. Arguing the finer points back and forth, just to be the one who's the most correct. Yay. There have been quite a few acerbic comments from people I wouldn't have expected them from. As for QSM taking it to another forum.. um, yeah ok. Obsess much? That's just my opinion, but I gotta wonder why you felt the need to write yet another wall of text which will wind up being you and whoever comes across it over there.

They had an open relationship. She went out and played with permission, or an ok if you must. He was warned when she came back in the arms of friends, even had a chance to say 'no, please take care of her'. He didn't, he waved the friends b'bye, then well.. wasn't particularly helpful.

My take after all this is that they're still new at this play stuff. She hit subby land for the first time. He may or may not have actually known how to handle it. Either way he didn't. Words were traded the next day, when she wasn't really in the right frame of mind to have that conversation. So now hopefully she's had words with him with a clear head, and whatever happens for them happens.

Meanwhile we're over here bitching, moaning, arguing of semantics, medical conditions and responsibility. There are so many people who play in so many different ways, of course there's a ton of different opinions. But really, to keep bitching about the same points over and over? Yay internet!

Alright, someone elses turn to get up on the milk box for a while. I've had my bitch and moan fest.


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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 8/14/2010 7:37:36 PM   
juliaoceania


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quote:

milk box



You mean "soap box"

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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 8/14/2010 7:42:53 PM   
Shadow-tiger


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Nah, I mean big old plastic box for carrying milk. I don't use that much soap. 

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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 8/14/2010 7:43:56 PM   
Jeffff


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Bread box maybe?

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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 8/14/2010 7:46:21 PM   
Lockit


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Shadow-tiger

Nah, I mean big old plastic box for carrying milk. I don't use that much soap. 


ROFLMAO!


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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 8/14/2010 7:47:03 PM   
sirsholly


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Shadow-tiger

Nah, I mean big old plastic box for carrying milk. I don't use that much soap. 
Leave it to you to be a pain in the ass, Shad.
There is an icon for a soap box>>>>

And an icon for a milk carton>>>>


But NOOOOOooooooooo.......you want a combination of the two.


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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 8/14/2010 7:53:56 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


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If you read the post I made it is my own question it only references this one here and I give no information on where it can be found.

I give no personal information only that if you read this thread you would recognize that one.

Point is as far as I know, correct me if I am wrong, since I did not quote anyone, and spoke in generalizations and did not ask the same question that this Op did (And I really didn't) why is this an issue.

Seriously people are you just bored this Saturday and need something to do with your Picthforks and Torches?

And holly....... I BEG you to please use more sourses than Wikipedia when you decide what is misinformed. My Information came from practicing physicians, it is NOT misinformed, if your hypoglycemia is coming on quickly this is a sign that there is something else wrong, especially if you have not been diagnosed with Diabetes.

QSM

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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 8/14/2010 8:00:29 PM   
juliaoceania


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Bread box maybe?


It is bigger than that

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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 8/14/2010 8:01:45 PM   
sirsholly


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quote:

And holly....... I BEG you to please use more sourses than Wikipedia when you decide what is misinformed. My Information came from practicing physicians, it is NOT misinformed,
if they are telling you hypoglycemia and hypotension can not be dangerous, i BEG you to get new physicians.

Done. Bless yer heart. Bye.


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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 8/14/2010 8:04:40 PM   
Lockit


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I'm out... this could go on forever and ever. I just wanted to say those medical facts weren't facts and I'm done. I'm going to talk to someone interesting in my email... he's making me laugh and I'm making him blush... so much more productive than this! (And fun!)


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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 8/14/2010 8:06:17 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


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Insult me all you like Holly - I've seen the same comedian.

I never said that Hypoglycemia or Hypetension was not Dangerous, I said was infering that it was not immediatly deadly. It is deadly in very few cases, more over than that, in cases where it does happen it happens when they have beep taking very poor care of themselves.

And Mostly I was trying to point out that someone who looks like the symptoms of Hypoglycemia and Hypertension, who just got done with a heavy S&M scene is more probably suffering from Dopemine drop and Adrenaline Fatigue rather than Hypoglycemia or Hypertension.

To suggest that people should assume the opposite is taking the kid who sneezed to the Doctor.

QSM

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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 8/14/2010 8:18:55 PM   
marie2


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For this to go on for 14 pages, it's obviously a good topic of discussion bringing out a lot of differing viewpoints and various emotional responses. I personally see nothing dishonorable about taking it to another forum posed as a hypothetical in order to raise the same (or at least a similar) situation in another venue to further more discussion and get more viewpoints from other people.

On topic here....I think most if not all of us posting here, whether a bdsm situation or not would help out a loved one who was in need, then worry about straightening things out the next day. There is so much information missing here. Who knows why he reacted the way he did. Maybe he thinks she was being a drama queen, maybe he wasn't familiar with her symptoms, maybe he was groggy from his sleep, maybe he was resentful about her playing with others, maybe he was really mad at himself for giving her permission to play...maybe this and maybe that. Who knows.

I agree with where Laurell was coming from in this thread. It doesn't seem like enough to throw a relationship out the window for. They need to talk it out, and he needs to have a chance to explain how he felt, why he behaved the way he did, and reassure her that he does care about her. They need to figure out together if they are both comfortable with them playing with others, and she needs to take more care the next time she plays (with or without) him because now she knows that she might end up in this helpless state etc etc.

In short, they both need to put aside the 'blame game', and instead examine their actions, behaviors, reactions, and feelings, and talk it all out before making any rash decisions. Or at least that's how I see it.


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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 8/15/2010 1:32:09 AM   
WyldHrt


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quote:

I'd like to ask a few questions regarding this thread.  Perhaps there are some folks who would be interested in answering them.

Okies

I've noticed some comments that come down to "you've obviously not experienced sub space".  Am I correct in thinking that at least some folks do not believe that some of us who top do not hit the equivalent?  The can't move, can't articulate, literally walking into walls if we've gone deep type?  Do people not think that we become just as dehydrated, need the snack, and all of the other stuff that comes with post scene preferences if we have played hard?

I can only speak for myself, but I certainly know that this happens. That said, I think the comments were more directed at those who have 'pooh poohed' the whole idea of both subspace and topspace, and seem to expect that someone spacing will act in a logical manner.

I'm also wondering why folks are equating the boyfriend to the top?  The top who actually played with her was the one who had the first hand knowledge.  Not only of the events that got her that deep in space, but also had the experience to deal with.  It seems to Me that if she didn't know what she would be like, there's no way for him to know since he's not the one who plays that hard

True, but how do any of us know if the top in question really had that experience? It certainly took the OP by surprise. She even said that the scene wasn't any harder than what she had taken from the same friend when they played before. To me, it sounds like this was new territory for everyone involved.

Has it occurred to anyone else that at least part of what she wanted wasn't accessible to the boyfriend at all?  During this conversation, it's been mentioned about not just the water, but also the cookie.  Was he supposed to go downstairs from the hotel room back to the play area to get it for her?  Unless they had snacks in the room, there was no way for him to win this one.  Either go downstairs to get cookies or stay and cuddle with her.  Personally, I've been to a lot of multiple day events.  I bring junk food because I know what kind of top space I get into.  (Usually because I'm already hyped up because I'm at an event and that tends to make Me more excited and go further.)

It might be me, but when I stay in a hotel room, even overnight, there will be a junk food stash before I check in (have you seen the prices on the minibar in most hotels?? OMG!) That said, I don't really think the cookie was pivotal to the situation. Water is free, and blankets are provided. If she really needed food, most hotels have snack machines down the if not room service.

Would anybody have felt differently about the aftercare issue if she went to a play party across town and he stayed home?  Even in the same hotel, they really were in two different locations.  If she had been across town, would it have made a difference? 

Good question. For me, it might have made a difference, but maybe not. First of all, they weren't at 'home', they were at an event together and sharing a room, with the play party just downstairs. He knew before she went exactly where she would be and that she would be back at a given time. Had she gone to a club across town to play, it may well have been different.
One last one.  Lots of folks on this thread have said they would have provided the aftercare to someone they didn't scene with.  For those who have done this during a play party, how did you walk the tightrope of doing what has been called the "humane" thing, and those situations where a bottom that you didn't play with who may not want aftercare?  You just happened to see them post scene in deep space.
I haven't been in this situation as of yet, but if I saw someone (top or bottom) who seemed to be alone and in need of care, I would ask, from a distance, if there was anything I could get for them. I would offer a drink, snack, or blanket; or to go find the person they were asking for if that is what they wanted. Maybe I'm just weird that way


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