LadyPact
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quote:
ORIGINAL: newprofile2010
I hope that's the case here. Like I said in the original post, I'm not really all that upset about the actual evening. He didn't break out the rubber hose or make me sleep on the floor.
quote:
This is not the part I'm upset about.
The next afternoon we talk about the incident. HERE is what I am upset about.
In the jumbled and terribly long discussion, he revealed a few things I wasn't aware of the night before. MY impression had been that he was shockingly ignorant, but as we don't play very hard, none of his past partners have played very hard, and I've never had that intense of a reaction before. I figured that he simply needed to be told what it was and how to deal with it next time. He was woken up unexpectedly and didn't understand, that was my impression.
No.
It's the discussion the next day that made me question whether we're looking for the same style of relationship. We'll figure that out when we talk, probably tomorrow.
You keep repeating this as though I don't understand it. I do. Where we differ is that I'm still looking at it from his perception. That perception is what formed his opinions. If he was half asleep during the time that caused the problem, him not being all there effects the way he sees it. This is what I tried to explain to you earlier in the thread. If I'm half asleep, My brain isn't processing things the same way. My memory of the events and the way I interpret them is formed on the way I was thinking then. Literally, I've had conversations when woken up from a sound sleep that I don't remember at all the next day.
When you think about it, your perception of the events that you're basing all of this on probably isn't crystal clear either. If I'm in post scene deep space, one thing I'll lose is the concept of time. I think it's been twenty minutes and it's really been two hours. I also tend to say things that I won't remember or think I've said things that were really just going on in My brain. Asking Me about it the next day when (maybe) My head is clear doesn't allow Me to magically fix the way I remember it.
There's an old saying that goes 'an expectation of someone else is a resentment waiting to happen'. You based your expectation of his reaction on what happened before, which would be fine if it was the same situation. It wasn't. You had at least three different elements. Location, because he wasn't in the same place. (Same hotel, but different area.) State of consciousness, because the man was asleep when you returned. (I would have gone to sleep at that time of night, too.) Severity, because this was a deeper space than you usually experience.
In that situation, there have been a few of us tell you that, no, we wouldn't have expected to provide your aftercare. Had the person you played with refused to do so and you were a mess, it might sway My thoughts on the matter, but you've mentioned frequently how adamant you are about how the people you played with would have taken care of you. It really is reasonable that your boyfriend would have thought that was the way it was going to happen. The reason it didn't was your preference, which you didn't tell him was the way you felt about it until the next day.
I just can't see the man taking all of the blame in this situation.
_____________________________
The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT
Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD
Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.
Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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RE: Grudgingly given aftercare - long post - 
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