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BKSir -> RE: Defining Gender: No Wrong Answer (8/14/2010 5:39:49 PM)
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This is an interestingly personal question to me, and one which I shouldn't probably chime in on, but will anyway. ;)
I quite openly admit that I do love me some "girly boy". The more effeminate a male, the better. Androgyny is hot, in my mind. That should, however, NOT be confused with "flaming queen", they're just annoying as hell.
That being said, I recently ran across a friend who had fallen off the face of the earth for a couple years. Yes, I will admit also that I was very attracted to him at one point. Well, when I ran into him again, he was "Rachel". Well... my word... that's a bit of a change. Now, he isn't he, but rather she. Although she does still have male genitalia, she identifies as female, has a female chest (hormone therapy has been quite kind to her), and is working toward reassignment surgery. Now... is she attractive still? VERY! And she seems truly happy for the first time since I've known her. Am I attracted to her still? In a way, but, at the same time, I know that the physical attraction is diminishing and probably won't be there after her surgery.
Why? Because although I like my males to be extremely feminine, I still like males. Just how I'm wired. Don't know why, don't care why to be honest.
As far as, however, if there should be disclosure about something like that. Of course. If you love someone, you love them. Love and attraction are not the same thing. And if you no longer love someone because of a simple fact like that, then I would have to question how much "love" was there before, and not just physical attraction. Did I ever "love" my friend? Yes, as a friend. Nothing more. And that love will be there even if she decides to have goat genitals grafted to her forehead, no matter how strange that may be (don't worry, I sincerely doubt that will happen). If I had loved her in a romantic way, that wouldn't go away either, although the physical attraction would.
Another example, if I found a very attractive, "girly boy" who used to be female and we cliqued and blah blah blah, I would fully expect to be notified that "Oh, I used to be a she.". If I'm in a relationship with a person, there has to be trust. And if they don't trust that I would be able to accept that, thus must keep it secret, then I should think the relationship needs to end right then and there.
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