RE: How many times should one make a request.

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: How many times should one make a request.

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: How many times should one make a request.

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/28/2010 9:43:53 AM

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

As has been alluded to here as well, I think it largely depends on the nature of the request!

Because of her association with me, my Lady now attracts a large number of males who think that she would somehow like to see them dressed in woman's clothing and holding their cocks, or people who ask if it would be alright to masturbate to her pictures...where do these people come up with this shit and think that sort of request is in any way an appropriate manner to address a dominant, let alone another human being!?

Block and Delete are your two best friends on CM, IMO...

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/28/2010 10:10:35 AM

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I disagree. I have a profile on another site, to make new friends (and friends-plus) in the city I am about to move to. I got an email there last night from a woman who said, "I have to be honest, I am thinking of closing this profile because I decided to give my boyfriend another chance. I've been deleting all the emails, but I felt I had to respond to yours." I replied that I thought she was an impressive person, and I'd be glad to have coffee with her as friends when I moved. She responded by giving me her email address (which included her last name) and saying that if I passed the test of being cool over coffee, she'd put in a good word with some single friends of hers.

That's not quite the same, though-that's saying 'I want to have coffee with you in friend mode'-you're clarifying a status for a specific meeting rather than requesting a relationship-'as friends' is a euphemism for 'without hitting on you'.

'I want to do x with you as friends' is different from 'can I be friends with you?'-the way you'll now become friends with her is by being cool in email and over coffee, not by asking for it.

I've played with the wording of this post, but I'm not sure I've quite expressed this right. Have I made any sense?

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/28/2010 10:15:39 AM

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

Are you telling me that you hand write "no thank you" letters to every telemarketer or solicitor who puts a random query in your mailbox? If not, do you feel like you are "treating them like shit"?

I don't feel a social obligation to strangers who send me mail, especially when the mail is either selfish and shallow or crude and obscene. They're not even talking to me.

My bolds.

Strong Spirit,

LadyNTrainer recently reopened an old profile of hers so I could see what it was like. It was a revelation - her inbox looks nothing like mine.

What she says here is absolutely true: the vast bulk of people who write to her pen a quick line and make no attempt to connect. To me, at best, these messages are the written equivalent of the toot of a car horn that some drivers give when they zip by a woman walking along the street. I certainly wouldn't bother answering messages like that if I'd ever got one from a female (which I never have).

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/28/2010 10:25:31 AM

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
I've played with the wording of this post, but I'm not sure I've quite expressed this right. Have I made any sense?

Yes - the one is a request for a relationship-commitment, albeit only as a friend; the other is a request to meet just for a coffee with no commitment of any kind of relationship implied, though still an (entirely unpressured) possibility. It was for these reasons that I suggested that you and I had our first meeting at lunchtime, hon (though also, admittedly, it made sense for selfish reasons given that you could have turned out to have been mad, like a lot of women these days).

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/28/2010 10:45:30 AM

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
That's not quite the same, though-that's saying 'I want to have coffee with you in friend mode'-you're clarifying a status for a specific meeting rather than requesting a relationship-'as friends' is a euphemism for 'without hitting on you'.

Actually, I didn't leave it up to euphemism. One line of the second email I sent was, "I won't hit on you while you're in a relationship. I would consider it a dishonor to myself."

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/28/2010 12:08:08 PM

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys
If we could get to some of the other additions that were mentioned on the other thread, we might be getting somewhere..Those combined with the spam filter might cut down a bit of trouble.

The auto response buttons were added recently, but I'll be very honest here. I'm not inclined to use them. I don't need to have a message that says how nice a person sounds, but they aren't local to Me. I say in My profile that I'm only interested in corresponding with local people or folks from the forums. Anybody who writes Me anyway isn't being "nice". They are ignoring what I've already said.

I think I told you privately on the subject that I don't know how to work the other things that might be considered improvements. That's for someone who knows more about programs than Me.

No in a sense they aren't being nice but we could chock some of them up to being too eager, skipping over that particular part in some way( as in misinterpreting something).

More important part: They did add some things but I wouldn't be inclined to use them either. They aren't enough.

An option to customize the auto-responder would be better in my mind.
An option to block emails coming in with pictures and an exempt feature for those you'd wish to get pictures from..Maybe people you know or have corresponded with prior.

As I've said before I can definitely come up with ideas...I'm not the one who has the ability to implement them..That's up to the site managers.

I appreciate what they've tried to do though. It's just..If a feature isn't going to be used by the mass it's essentially inefficient.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/28/2010 12:34:36 PM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys
No in a sense they aren't being nice but we could chock some of them up to being too eager, skipping over that particular part in some way( as in misinterpreting something).

In that area, I think you are prone to accept the excuses for bad behavior than I am. I don't think anybody would find it acceptable for Me to send out emails to annoy people just because I was experiencing PMS or any other issue.

quote:

More important part: They did add some things but I wouldn't be inclined to use them either. They aren't enough.

An option to customize the auto-responder would be better in my mind.

Agreed. I was hoping one of the buttons would have that ability because of the number of emails that I report under the definitions of the site's spam policy. One that I wrote up after it was implemented and asked one of the Mods about. Now, I have to type it out again because I can't seem to copy/paste when constructing a response email. (Probably something I'm doing incorrectly, but I would still love the feature.)

quote:

An option to block emails coming in with pictures and an exempt feature for those you'd wish to get pictures from..Maybe people you know or have corresponded with prior.

I wonder how this would work. Might have to install a button specifically saying "accept photos from this user" for the recipient side. It's definitely a thought.

quote:

As I've said before I can definitely come up with ideas...I'm not the one who has the ability to implement them..That's up to the site managers.

It was your name that I passed on about these issues. Some of the ideas that you had during the experiment were pretty good, though it isn't Me who knows how to implement them.

quote:

I appreciate what they've tried to do though. It's just..If a feature isn't going to be used by the mass it's essentially inefficient.

I'm on the fence about this comment. In one way, I think they were trying to improve the overall situation of unanswered emails. At the same time, what they did was turn around and put the responsibility on the receiver. (In most cases, the woman.) In other words, men weren't happy with the way women were dealing with email here, so they made it more convenient for women to bend into replying. It completely skips the concept that if we don't want to reply, that is our choice. Next, we'll be hearing complaints of "well, it's just a click of a button". Either way, it still perpetuates the idea that men feel they have the right to dictate the way a woman spends her time online.

Edited to fix a quote.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 10/28/2010 12:35:20 PM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/29/2010 8:00:48 PM

Iholdthestrings

Posts: 172
Joined: 9/23/2010
From: Fort Wayne, IN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

In one way, I think they were trying to improve the overall situation of unanswered emails. At the same time, what they did was turn around and put the responsibility on the receiver. (In most cases, the woman.) In other words, men weren't happy with the way women were dealing with email here, so they made it more convenient for women to bend into replying. It completely skips the concept that if we don't want to reply, that is our choice. Next, we'll be hearing complaints of "well, it's just a click of a button". Either way, it still perpetuates the idea that men feel they have the right to dictate the way a woman spends her time online.

I don't like receiving form letters, and don't really have a desire to send them out in reply, whether CM wrote the form or not.

_____________________________

She tied you to Her kitchen chair... and from your lips She drew the Hallelujah.
---------------------------
If I had an orgasm-trigger phrase, it would be "No Strings Housework". ;)

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/30/2010 10:37:48 AM

Posts: 231
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lickenforyou

i've sent emails to a couple of Dommes and received no reply, which is fine. If someone is not interested they're not interested.

i don't want to harass or stalk anyone, but i also don't want to give up too easily. i assume that if someone read my message and didn't respond that they're not interested. So, i'm asking a Mistress, have You ever reconsidered after a second email?

Yes, I have. Sometimes I suspect the user is a sockpuppet, so I don't respond. Other times, I'm just not interested in what the user had to say. Sometimes the user didn't follow the protocol outlined in my profile. Lastly (and most of the time), I'm just not interested, for I've found nothing convincing in the message or profile that led me to belief the person on the other end really knows what he's getting into or really takes "it" seriously.

That said, if the person is persistent and follows protocol, answers my questions clearly and goes the extra mile to express himself, I will be more likely to listen. Men don't always get the full flavor I'm looking for in a message with the first contact, but by the third or forth attempt, if you're still shattering the test tubes, I'd suggest a tactful retreat and spending your energy elsewhere. There is a fine line between productive persistence and useless repetition compulsion. Find it relatively soon, or risk being ignored.

ETA: Always do a reality check on your profile and Hers. Does your interest in Her make sense, given your goals in a relationship? What many men fail to realize is that by ignoring you, the Woman on the other end is sometimes a better guardian of your misplaced interest than you are.

< Message edited by SaharahEve -- 10/30/2010 10:42:39 AM >

_____________________________

Saharah

S a h a r a h E v e . c o m

nanshakh.com

(in reply to lickenforyou)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/30/2010 11:00:14 AM

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

The thing is, the name 'lickenforyou' very much means that the first thing a woman will notice about your message is something that hints at what you want to do, rather than at what she wants to do. These Dommes run a mile from anything that smacks of what they call a 'do-me sub' - a sub who just wants a Domme to cater for his favourite kink. (If you run a search on 'do-me' - you'll quickly see what I mean.) I have the sense that you're not that sort so it'd be a shame if you got seen that way mistakenly.

I must agree with PeonForHer. I would read your message; I read all that are sent, but your screen name implies what YOU want. That does put me off a bit at first. If your message was polite and open-minded, I would give you a chance to redeem yourself of the poor name choice. A lot of us hadn't really given our screen names much thought (or the one we wanted was taken). If your name reflects exactly what you want to convey to a prospective domme, by all means keep it. There's someone out there for everyone!

(in reply to PeonForHer)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/30/2010 5:32:30 PM

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

A family member has been in town so I haven't had the time to respond till now.

quote:

In that area, I think you are prone to accept the excuses for bad behavior than I am. I don't think anybody would find it acceptable for Me to send out emails to annoy people just because I was experiencing PMS or any other issue.

It's not accepting excuses if they did in fact make a mistake..The only thing I'm prone to is being able to see numerous possibilities.

quote:

I'm on the fence about this comment. In one way, I think they were trying to improve the overall situation of unanswered emails. At the same time, what they did was turn around and put the responsibility on the receiver. (In most cases, the woman.) In other words, men weren't happy with the way women were dealing with email here, so they made it more convenient for women to bend into replying. It completely skips the concept that if we don't want to reply, that is our choice. Next, we'll be hearing complaints of "well, it's just a click of a button". Either way, it still perpetuates the idea that men feel they have the right to dictate the way a woman spends her time online.

See now I would have thought an idea that worked for all and was easily doable so much so that it didn't put anyone out more than a few minutes of their time would be a win win for all.

What it seems like your trying to do is get a large group of people to bend to your way of thinking. Why should anyone except that no answer is an answer over their no answer is rude way of thinking.

Really all of this was to help the women who are complaining about all the nasty emails they get...if it helps by indirect routes(As in an auto-responder that you that you can customize with a thoughtful let down of your own)..Why does it matter unless it's tied to an ego in some way?

trying to get a large group of people to accept being ignored as okay just isn't gonna fly...Your welcome to keep with that same thought path but why not take a "better route".

< Message edited by Icarys -- 10/30/2010 5:33:14 PM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/30/2010 10:39:11 PM

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

A family member has been in town so I haven't had the time to respond till now.

I hope it was a very pleasant visit.

quote:

See now I would have thought an idea that worked for all and was easily doable so much so that it didn't put anyone out more than a few minutes of their time would be a win win for all.

Calling it ego can be seen two different ways. My current method wastes none of My time, where your method, even if it's just a few minutes, still does.

quote:

What it seems like your trying to do is get a large group of people to bend to your way of thinking. Why should anyone except that no answer is an answer over their no answer is rude way of thinking.

I'm actually not trying to get anyone to change their way of thinking. What I'm saying is, they do have to accept that people will feel differently about it. Every time this topic comes up, there are some of us that give a familiar theme on this. There isn't anyone out there who is answering their junk mail at home. They throw it out. Even when it comes from that nice insurance agent down the street who is telling you how much money you can save a year by switching to their company or that pleasant fellow who wants to clean your carpets. They are people, too, and it would just take a few minutes of your time, but I'll bet you don't feel the need to answer them.

quote:

Really all of this was to help the women who are complaining about all the nasty emails they get...if it helps by indirect routes(As in an auto-responder that you that you can customize with a thoughtful let down of your own)..Why does it matter unless it's tied to an ego in some way?

I'm all for personalizing the auto responses. I think some would be more willing to use them if that option was available. Heck, I've got a great standard response that I send to folks when I report them for spam. It would save Me the typing time.

quote:

trying to get a large group of people to accept being ignored as okay just isn't gonna fly...Your welcome to keep with that same thought path but why not take a "better route".

Again, we're back to many of those cases ignoring the women they are contacting in the first place because profiles often go unread before contacting them. The last five people that sent Me email (remember, My profile specifically says I only want contact from people from the forums or in My area) had the following definitions of "local": Texas, New Jersey, New York, Florida, and Bulgaria. It's entirely possible that your battle on this matter, actually lies with the men.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/31/2010 8:23:49 AM

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

After reading this thread and finding the new quick reply buttons, I tried the 'No thanks' button.
The recipient responded with, 'Whyyyyyyyy?'
I experimented with replying for a change: 'Because you said twice that you have twelve years of service with a domme, and you say you're 24.'
his response: 'Yes, so?' followed by, once the wee hamster finished its cigarette break and got back in his brain wheel, 'you fuck old whore'.
Of course, expletives are just lazy, but not using the gerund form of 'fucking' is inexcusable ;-), so, guys, this is why we don't stir the big pot of crazy by risking replying.
I'll go back to screening, deleting, and answering only the lovely polite literate straight single subbies.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/31/2010 10:03:12 AM

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu
After reading this thread and finding the new quick reply buttons, I tried the 'No thanks' button.
The recipient responded with, 'Whyyyyyyyy?'
I experimented with replying for a change: 'Because you said twice that you have twelve years of service with a domme, and you say you're 24.'
his response: 'Yes, so?' followed by, once the wee hamster finished its cigarette break and got back in his brain wheel, 'you fuck old whore'.
Of course, expletives are just lazy, but not using the gerund form of 'fucking' is inexcusable ;-), so, guys, this is why we don't stir the big pot of crazy by risking replying.
I'll go back to screening, deleting, and answering only the lovely polite literate straight single subbies.

This is dead on to my experience as well. Making a polite "no thank you" reply quite often results in being called nasty names. I find that I can generally spot the folks who are likely to do that in advance, or at least spot the folks I'm fairly sure won't do that. The ones who have taken the time to actually read my profile (eg, participate in a real two way communication) almost never respond with insults to a polite "no thank you", so I'm much more likely to write them to those people. The guys who clearly haven't read my profile and proposition me anyway.....well, it's a pretty damn good bet that I'm going to be called nasty names in semi-illiterate text speak if I even reply with a "no thanks". So I'm not gonna, no matter how "rude" somebody who hasn't had to deal with this shit thinks it is.

If you don't agree, then I suggest that any dissidents who are telling us that we should continue setting ourselves up for abuse try setting up a female profile, dealing with people taking daily craps in your inbox and see how that changes your idea of what's "polite" versus what is actually reasonable for a woman on an adult site. Some kinds of behavior does not deserve and should not get *any* response, and sexually pursuing someone while socially ignoring them is definitely in that category.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to Tantriqu)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/31/2010 1:57:41 PM

Posts: 552
Joined: 11/9/2007
Status: offline

I am of the opinion, that if I write once and they do not respond, then it is not to be and it it their loss. I never write crude or rude messages, I am always polite and courteous. If they don't wish to respond to be so be it...there are too many women on this board that are nice.

(in reply to Wickad)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/31/2010 2:03:31 PM

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

I believe persistence pays.

Keeping in mind the good advice you've already received here about the context and content of your second attempt at an email, if you are truly interested in one individual, try, and try again.

TM

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to lickenforyou)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/31/2010 2:14:00 PM

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

With regard to your screen name, I would like to point out that while several men have aspired to please Me in that way, damned few had any clue how to go about it in an effective, much less talented manner.

While it is true that a man who enjoys cunnilingus is something of a rarity, a man who is GOOD at it is even more elusive....

"'cunning'lingus rarus" might catch someone's attention.

TM

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 10/31/2010 2:23:14 PM >

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to lickenforyou)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/31/2010 3:45:55 PM

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Really all of this was to help the women who are complaining about all the nasty emails they get...if it helps by indirect routes(As in an auto-responder that you that you can customize with a thoughtful let down of your own)..Why does it matter unless it's tied to an ego in some way?

Unless the auto responder also auto blocks the person being replied to, how does it help with the nasty emails, Icarys? As Tantriqu's post shows, it doesn't help at all. Even if it were customizable, and we were thoughtful as all get out, we would still get nastygrams in reply. As LP said, it was put there to encourage women to reply to men they are not interested in, because men keep complaining about how rude it is not to reply.

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to Icarys)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/31/2010 8:57:37 PM

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

Thing is, Wyld, I have a feeling that the ones who think it's rude not to reply are almost certainly not the ones who'd conceive of sending rude messages.

I keep coming back to the same hunch, here: that one sort of man doesn't get that another sort of man exists.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to WyldHrt)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/31/2010 9:13:45 PM

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

You know what is really such a kick ass joy about being an independent woman? I don't have to explain myself to anyone, I don't have to justify myself, I don't have to do anything I don't want to do and I don't have to talk to anyone I don't want to talk to. Some guy giving me a hard time in email or on the boards... lol... challenging me, calling it higher level thinking, respectful or anything else is closer to a

than an explanation he will just disrespect anyway and try to keep it going, thread after thread, email after email. lol

Man, some days around here, the real bitches are men. Whine, and complain and diss the evil women'z, you just have to prove wrong.

Bottom line... we can do anything we want and if you think that's rude or unreasonable...

Like it is some skin off our pretty little noses. lol

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: How many times should one make a request.

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.813