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RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/31/2010 9:18:33 PM

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quote:

The thing is, the name 'lickenforyou' very much means that the first thing a woman will notice about your message is something that hints at what you want to do, rather than at what she wants to do. These Dommes run a mile from anything that smacks of what they call a 'do-me sub' - a sub who just wants a Domme to cater for his favourite kink. (If you run a search on 'do-me' - you'll quickly see what I mean.) I have the sense that you're not that sort so it'd be a shame if you got seen that way mistakenly.

Oh no, damn. A man expressing what he wants out of the deal. What a horrible horrible crime. Just because he expresses it, it has to mean it's all he wants. How dare he even mentions what he wants. The submissive men are supposed to be mindless doormats. Not someone who actually has a mind which leads to having reasons for why he is in the BDSM scene to begin with. It has to be someone who comes in here with a blank mind and no path to follow.

Forget about it if he wants to find out if she is compatible in kinky terms from the word go before wasting everyone's time.

(in reply to Wickad)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/31/2010 9:22:35 PM

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Op, if they don't answer the first time, send another email within the first 5 seconds they don't respond and say something like "why are you ignoring my cock bitch!?". If they still don't answer back, time to send death threats.

(in reply to Wickad)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/31/2010 10:22:47 PM

MistressRosalyn

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OP, yes I agree with those who are suggestion the you change your name, I'm in the "Keep it simple" camp.

As for a second chance...if someone has sent a nice, thoughtfully worded e-mail, that addresses my profile, I will generally send a "thanks but no thanks" email, and so far I've had little problem with those.

Sometimes it has happened that someone realizes the error of his ways and writes again to correct his deficiency...mostly when they have forgotten to include a photo. In those cases, I will take a second look. But if someone didn't catch my imagination the first time, it's unlikely that they will catch it the second time

But there are some that take the cake for rudeness...and I've had some very memorable ones, which is why the men who haven't read what I written, or if they have, have decided to NOT do as requested do not warrant ANY of my time. If they can't obey a simple request, then they are not in it to obey me. I don't have to pick and choose, natural selection does it for me.

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RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/31/2010 10:48:38 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

You know what is really such a kick ass joy about being an independent woman? I don't have to explain myself to anyone, I don't have to justify myself, I don't have to do anything I don't want to do and I don't have to talk to anyone I don't want to talk to. Some guy giving me a hard time in email or on the boards... lol... challenging me, calling it higher level thinking, respectful or anything else is closer to a than an explanation he will just disrespect anyway and try to keep it going, thread after thread, email after email. lol

Man, some days around here, the real bitches are men. Whine, and complain and diss the evil women'z, you just have to prove wrong.

Bottom line... we can do anything we want and if you think that's rude or unreasonable... Like it is some skin off our pretty little noses. lol

I agree with you, Lockit. That's probably why I contribute to threads like this one. I'm not going to make excuses or apologies to everybody who writes an email. I don't mind adding My opinion on the forums, which is a lot less of a time investment.

Even at that, I'm aware of the fact that these discussions really don't get read by a number of people who could use to see the other side. Just thinking of My own email history here, the number of times that someone from the forums actually was rude, skipped reading My profile, or any of the other things that get brought up under the cause and effect of why women don't answer email, have been so amazingly few that it's barely even worth mentioning. I could remember five or six. On those extremely rare cases, they were generally the types that were assholes on the boards anyway or were just writing to stir up shit. I'd be shocked if I have even ten forum regulars on block.

When people start a thread that is a rant about people not reading profiles, there's a very common theme in the replies. The people who don't read profiles aren't the ones that are actually participating on the forums. That's why it's such a difficult issue to resolve. The offenders generally aren't on this side of the site.

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RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/31/2010 11:00:53 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtynick81
Oh no, damn. A man expressing what he wants out of the deal. What a horrible horrible crime. Just because he expresses it, it has to mean it's all he wants. How dare he even mentions what he wants. The submissive men are supposed to be mindless doormats. Not someone who actually has a mind which leads to having reasons for why he is in the BDSM scene to begin with. It has to be someone who comes in here with a blank mind and no path to follow.

Forget about it if he wants to find out if she is compatible in kinky terms from the word go before wasting everyone's time.

So you actually think that guys should lead with waggling tongues, cocks in hand, asking how a woman likes her oral sex, before he's even introduced himself by name? How reasonable is that in terms of considering the needs and comfort level of both parties in the relationship?

An intimate relationship is a two way street. It is very nearly as ill mannered for a guy to lead with a crudely waggling tongue as it is for a domme to kick some random guy in the balls or call him nasty names without negotiating that scene with him first, or bothering to find out if he is into either ball busting or humiliation. These things really need to be saved for later in a relationship, after consent is given. When someone goes too far and pushes past another person's comfort zones and limits without asking first, it's inconsiderate and disrespectful no matter which person does it. That's why "consensual" is such a big part of our lifestyle. This is not a "sub and domme" thing or even a male and female thing; it's a human thing.

You can establish compatibility for kink up front, but do it with some grace and class, or you won't be doing it at all except in your dreams.

< Message edited by LadyNTrainer -- 10/31/2010 11:01:19 PM >

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RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/31/2010 11:37:42 PM

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Now, LnT... stop that! There is no room for making sense in here. tut tut.

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RE: How many times should one make a request. - 10/31/2010 11:44:59 PM

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quote:

Thing is, Wyld, I have a feeling that the ones who think it's rude not to reply are almost certainly not the ones who'd conceive of sending rude messages.
I keep coming back to the same hunch, here: that one sort of man doesn't get that another sort of man exists.

I was replying to Icarys, luv, someone who I know has had at least a little taste of what it is like for women here.

That said, the men who complain here on the boards about women being 'rude' when we don't reply to cmails invariably get an earful of why some of us don't, and many of the latest have gotten a link to the previous trainwreck in all it's glory. They can choose to disbelieve what has been said, but can't claim ignorance in the face of so many posts and threads on this subject.

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RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/1/2010 12:24:09 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtynick81

quote:

The thing is, the name 'lickenforyou' very much means that the first thing a woman will notice about your message is something that hints at what you want to do, rather than at what she wants to do. These Dommes run a mile from anything that smacks of what they call a 'do-me sub' - a sub who just wants a Domme to cater for his favourite kink. (If you run a search on 'do-me' - you'll quickly see what I mean.) I have the sense that you're not that sort so it'd be a shame if you got seen that way mistakenly.

Oh no, damn. A man expressing what he wants out of the deal. What a horrible horrible crime. Just because he expresses it, it has to mean it's all he wants. How dare he even mentions what he wants. The submissive men are supposed to be mindless doormats. Not someone who actually has a mind which leads to having reasons for why he is in the BDSM scene to begin with. It has to be someone who comes in here with a blank mind and no path to follow.

Forget about it if he wants to find out if she is compatible in kinky terms from the word go before wasting everyone's time.

Hello Nick,
Nobody said he shouldn't do whatever the heck he wants to do on this here green earth. HOWEVER, he (the OP) did ask the ladies what they thought. Whether you like it or not, women have a different way of thinking than men do (generally speaking, ymmv). It reminds me of the episode on Sex and the City. The Mr. Pussy episode. Oh, who doesn't remember that fondly? Yeah... well, he was fun for one episode, but he didn't return. No no. Why not? Because women *generally speaking, ymmv* don't think with our pussies. We GS,YMMV like to have interactions prior to "can I X your Y?". GS,YMMV

Men come onto these websites with certain ideas in mind that don't really mesh with reality (GS, YMMV). He asked about reality. The Ladies responded. And did you miss the part where some of the ladies noted that they do not even read emails from people with names like the one the OP has. (I'm in that distinguished group myself).

If someone wants to use a sexual nom de plum de los boardes de mensajes, have at it. You can call yourself, Mr. "Tonguealicious-lasts for three hours without coming up for air" for all people care. The question, though is... how's that working for you?

best,
sunshine (GS, YMMV)

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(in reply to naughtynick81)

RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/1/2010 5:39:02 AM

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Didn't you just say there was no room for making sense?

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RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/1/2010 6:07:26 AM

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Oh bollocks, I've made a mess of that now haven't I?

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RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/1/2010 6:57:16 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Thing is, Wyld, I have a feeling that the ones who think it's rude not to reply are almost certainly not the ones who'd conceive of sending rude messages.

I keep coming back to the same hunch, here: that one sort of man doesn't get that another sort of man exists.

This is true enough.

The pattern typically goes where some men will write nastygrams to get a response - any response. A thorough bitching out is better than silence, for them; it's closure. This dame's done, time to move on.

The ones who never try tend to block out self-knowledge of what emotions are involved in the ones that do.

As an experiment, I've tried nastygrams. Different kinds of women are attracted to it. And sadly, I do get more overall responses, and I'm able to spin about 20% of those into "But I'm actually a cool guy."

Overall, I'd say the rate of final 'success', success being measured by a positive interaction, was lower than the rate of response on the nice letters. But not much lower.

Further, the interactions just felt solid. You knew what to expect. And if they didn't respond - hey, I was an ass, I gave them a reason not to. I could drop it, mentally, and move on.

Whereas if I write a nice letter, somewhere in the back of my mind I expect a response. Even if I know it's not true to the reality.

The women who responded weren't the ones I expected to, either. I honestly expected the women who had 'people SUCK' written all over their profile to respond more, since like calls to like; I was mistaken, and in hindsight it makes sense, since they likely draw more fire. I was getting the attention of the 'nicer' women more often.

---

To the op: go offline. But if you really must contact women online, here's the best way I've found.

Write a nice letter, but don't spend too much time on it. Expect to be ignored.

About 2 weeks later, write another nice letter, in a conversational tone, as if you'd gotten a nice response back.

1-2 weeks later, write another one. If she updates her blog, comment on it. Or just tell a random joke that pops in your head. Or tell a story that's interesting. Or point out a political or social cause you care about, like "I just wanted to point out that midterm elections are about to happen, and I'm plugging the vote to my friends! It counts!" or something less cornball, I'm typing fast, give me a break.

Use form email. Go ahead. Just keep each email to a single person distinct from other emails you've sent them.

After about 5 times, I've found that around 4 out of 10 women will write you back with a 'Stop Emailing me!' - do stop - or they'll bite at the bait. At that point start a conversation. Be up front - "looking at me, do you think I'd be a good catch?" You're subby, I'd be all like "Yo! Look at me! I rawk! ROAR" in not so many words, but you might want to take a different approach. I dunno, try it.

The women on here will probably get all over my case for increasing the email from unwanted suitors, but hey, they are not working for your best interests. They're working for theirs, and that's fair; just keep it in perspective. I'm telling you what worked for me.

One more thing. Be creative with your emails, but re-use. People do it in conversation all the time, they'll tell a friend a joke and tell other friends the same joke; don't feel that you're cheating by re-posting emails. Just be unique to you. I.e., don't repost other guy's emails. And take a second to customize to the receiver.

When you get a response, break out the tailor made stuff. Until then, be smart, don't waste your time re-inventing the hello.

< Message edited by DMFParadox -- 11/1/2010 7:04:47 AM >

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RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/1/2010 7:08:04 AM

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I think it is germane to point out that DMF's target audience is submissive women.

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RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/1/2010 7:18:48 AM

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Crap, I clicked on LH's name. :-/ Now I'll show on her looky-lou's.

Ugh. It really was a slip of the mouse. But that will be forever doubted.

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RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/1/2010 7:26:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DMFParadox

The women on here will probably get all over my case for increasing the email from unwanted suitors

Not me-if you weren't blocked after the first memo I can promise you that you would be after the second*-no skin off my back.

*unless you were extremely local and I was worried I'd have to run into you at events

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RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/1/2010 7:34:11 AM

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oh is that DMF with the wild boar shoat? At least that's what it looks like in thumbnail size on my phone. Why would I care who looks at my profile? Seriously, dude, you're just another guy on the internet.

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RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/1/2010 7:38:10 AM

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And, what VC said. I rarely block people, but sending me multiple emails when I am not interested is an easy way to get blocked. Why would I ask someone to leave me alone, and give them their jollies for "getting to me" ? Click, gone, closure.

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RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/1/2010 7:40:12 AM

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Why does it gotta be cut and paste, how droll is that? Do you know that clever fellows like me can find a multitude of ways to solicit a blowjob, and make it fresh and interesting every fuckin time?

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RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/1/2010 7:46:55 AM

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Tell it, Ron! Even I want your cock for my chew toy!

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RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/1/2010 7:49:31 AM

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LOL, its pretty raggedy already, looks like the dogs had it under the porch and played with it....

Makes John Bobbitt's look absolutely pristine.

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RE: How many times should one make a request. - 11/1/2010 7:49:39 AM

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I could never challenge your ability to solicit a blowjob, bossman. You are the mad master of such solicitations. You're like, if solicitations were Jehovah's witnesses, you'd be the guy selling them bibles. You're the BibleSurplus.com of that whole arrangement.

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(in reply to mnottertail)

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